[InHisLove726]

I really think God is opening my eyes and my heart to all the possibilities and my free will. I was really thinking yesterday, in a very new way, how beautiful marriage is and that it's a sacred commitment--a sacrament--between two people that God has brought together. And I was overwhelmed with peace and joy.

Lately, I haven't really thought about marriage at all because I have been discerning, but I used to think about it a lot, but not in the same sense as yesterday. I used to want to get married because that's the only thing I knew, and the only person who I knew that was single was always termed the "old maid." I just thought that was a very lonely life. A person never having a close relationship with a spouse...and I got to thinking, I didn't ever want to end up like that. I wanted to get married and have a family. Slowly, things started to change in my early adulthood.

A few years ago, I began to think how single people have more freedom to do more things like traveling and stuff. I thought it wasn't so bad, and I would be open to it, in fact, more than marriage. This was before I had my reversion. I had strayed from the Church by not attending Mass or utilizing the Sacraments. Afterwards, though, I began to see how single life is a vocation for some in the sense of consecrated virgins. And what a beautiful commitment they make! I really became enlightened after a while of talking and just absorbing my faith.

Now, I really appreciate marriage. I do not think I am called to it. I can't imagine giving my heart to anyone but Jesus in religious life. But I understand the intense commitment it takes--both giving and taking--and what love comes from it. There are times when I have wanted that physical, tangible presence of a spouse who I could show my affection through hugs and simple acts of love. Yesterday, I was almost tempted to leave my vocation and pursue dating. But I prayed about it at that very moment. I said to God, "I will not make my mind up on this feeling. I know I am called to religious life. I love you, my Jesus." And just as quick as it came, the temptation left me. And what was left but such sweetness and grace in seeing the beauty of the sacrament of marriage.

I understand why Jesus had to give me this lesson. I've been so against getting married, myself, that He wanted me to be more open to it. He wanted to dispel all my prejudice that someone who was married couldn't be committed in the Church. I've been blessed to witness the opposite in a couple that was recently married in my Young Adult group. They remind me so much of Mary and Joseph. The husband actually proposed to his new wife in the Adoration Chapel after he prayed about it! It is possible to have a committed relationship with Jesus at the center, binding the two persons together. It's something that has to be worked towards constantly. But I understand that it is a life filled with joys and hardships, and you get to share it with another person.

So, my vocation to the religious life has been renewed. I feel stronger than ever that this is my calling. I understand the commitment it takes to be spiritually espoused to Jesus Christ and how much of a grace it is to be able to understand that commitment when it's not so easy not to have Him there as a physical person. I greatly respect and admire all those in any given vocation, whether it's the priesthood, religious life, or marriage. If you are single, I admire you too. You will all be in my prayers! God bless!

[VeniteAdoremus]

That's beautiful! Thank you for sharing!

I had the same experience, but I came from the "other side". My parents were never married, which didn't stop them from pursuing the full scope of divorce drama when they separated, so I grew up thinking marriage was something We Don't Do Anymore (I still remember how shocked I was when I saw the wedding picture of my best friend's parents: "They're MARRIED? But they're so normal!")

But a few years ago, after I'd become active in the Church, I met couples with a full sacramental marriage, and started to recognise how beautiful that is. And part of me grieves a little that I will never have that connection with a physical someone. (My novice mistress says that's very healthy, which is a comfort.) But that doesn't change that I want to be a sister.

[tinytherese]

I'll have to get a spiritual director in the fall at my college. I've been discerning so very long, yet now in my heart more loosely for a time. I've broken up with Jesus five times, taken two breaks, and now as it is stated on facebook we're complicated. It just seems that I have this constant desire for marriage and yet I somehow keep getting back into discerning the religious life again. A spiritual dark night of the soul for almost a full three years doesn't help. :wacko:

[InHisLove726]

VeniteAdoremus, on Jun 23 2009, 03:55 AM, said:

That's beautiful! Thank you for sharing!

I had the same experience, but I came from the "other side". My parents were never married, which didn't stop them from pursuing the full scope of divorce drama when they separated, so I grew up thinking marriage was something We Don't Do Anymore (I still remember how shocked I was when I saw the wedding picture of my best friend's parents: "They're MARRIED? But they're so normal!")

But a few years ago, after I'd become active in the Church, I met couples with a full sacramental marriage, and started to recognise how beautiful that is. And part of me grieves a little that I will never have that connection with a physical someone. (My novice mistress says that's very healthy, which is a comfort.) But that doesn't change that I want to be a sister.

Sacramental marriage is entirely beautiful! I just look at the couple I referred to in my original post and I see that they are filled with love. I know it's entirely possible for someone in a different faith to have the same love, but I think a marriage in the Church where the couple is joined together in Holy Communion and is one body in the Church...there's a certain joy to it that other faiths don't have. I, too, think it's crucial to want to be married when you are discerning because, even though we won't be married in the same way as those who are called to marriage, spiritual marriage is often times much more difficult because, as I said, you don't have the comfort of having a physical relationship. It relies much more on a much higher bond.

tinytherese, on Jun 23 2009, 03:47 PM, said:

I'll have to get a spiritual director in the fall at my college. I've been discerning so very long, yet now in my heart more loosely for a time. I've broken up with Jesus five times, taken two breaks, and now as it is stated on facebook we're complicated. It just seems that I have this constant desire for marriage and yet I somehow keep getting back into discerning the religious life again. A spiritual dark night of the soul for almost a full three years doesn't help. :wacko:

I'm so sorry that you are having difficulty, but I know a bit about what you are experiencing. Discerning religious life has some very dicey bumps in the road (Will I be able to do this? Am I really called to this life? What am I giving up? etc), but it's a great joy to those who are called to religious life because you learn to count on a spiritual bond instead of constant physical bond to your Spouse. If you desire to be married, just try to understand that you will be spiritually espoused to Christ! Could you ask for a better partner? ;) I've read vocation stories several times where the woman wanted to be married so bad, but discovered that religious life fulfilled that desire in ways she never thought possible! In fact, here is a story I read recently that I think will help you:

http://torsisters.com/sarah.shtml

I cried reading it because Jesus really does want us to be happy and He wants to take care of us. His love encompasses everything--physical, emotional, spiritual!!!