hi all,
I just want to ask you all for lots of prayers please. My mother said on Wednesday that she wont let me go for my apirancy that i have been planning on all year unless i get better. If you dont know i have been getting dizzy during mass or i start coughing and cant stop and i have chest pains and head aches and other stuff. Anyways I collapsed 3 times on Wednesday and so my mom said she set a fleece (you know in the Bible like gideon?) before God and told Him that if i dont get better then I cant go visit LA. I am so upset because I have been waiting for this for 6 months but then i get angry with myself for being upset because it feels like i dont have faith in God . You know what I mean? Anyway my apirancy is set to start on August 11 2005 so i need to get better by then or my mom will call the whole thing off. Lately she has been very upset with me going at all so it is all very confusing and scary that i might not be able to go even though i know that if i dont go it would be God's will for my life. I have been to the doctor actually a couple different ones and no one has any idea what so ever what it could be so it is very frusterating. i dont even nessacarily want it to go away because i like the suffering. The only reason i want it to go away is so that I can leave in August. I almost want to not tell my mother when i have felt bad that way she will think i am better. Because usually when i feel bad you cant tell unless it is the coughing or i get so dizzy i have to sit down. But whatever I am rambling now I just want y'all to pray I really feel this is where I am called to be but how am I ever to know for sure if I dont visit so i can find out. God Bless and Mary keep you all, dear sisters in Christ

Karin

If you aren't able to go this August, maybe God is just testing your patience. To see how much you'll "take" in order to be with Him. I wouldn't think of this as the "end" if you aren't able to go in August. There will be other times I am sure. Just continue to trust in God and go along with His will. He'll lead you to where He wants you to be!!

I'll pray that you get better and are able to go. And I'll pray that you're able to deal with the suffering if you aren't able to go at this time!!! I'll just pray that you accept God's will in all this!!!

~Jen

i know if i dont go in Agust it isnt like its the end of the world. But still I really want to go...

I know and I can imagine what a huge disappointment it may be! Just remember....if this is REALLY what God wants, NOTHING will stand in the way! It just make time a little longer then origionally planned/thought!

~Jen

thank you

Karin, make sure you keep us updated on your condition and your aspirancy. If you have to wait, remember that St. Therese had to, too! If you haven't read Story of a Soul, she talks a lot about having to wait for her entrance, Profession, etc. God bless you, Karin! I'm praying for you.

I'm still workng on my application, I do have a question though: What would be considered an allergic disease?

.....no idea.


woOO!! go nuns and future nuns!!

Thanks so much Emily! This is awesome!
I'm excited about looking around, haha, and i'm def. going to pray about fitting an order to my personality i never thought about that too much, it seems so simple though haha.


hmm...and i'm still deciding wheter or not to discuss any of this with my parents, i'm scared they'll either just like think i'm crazy weird and like treat me soo differently (and i already have some troubles with my dad and brother) or they'll just flat out mock me.
but that's ok, i think when the time is right I'll discuss it w/ them; or causually bring it up haha

lots of love!
Kathleen

Hmmmmmmmm. Well, not to fit it so much with your personality as your sense of spirituality. I know I gave you the websites, but really think and pray about what sorts of things you are really looking or at first, feel attracted to. Like, whether you want a strong Marian devotion, or emphasis on His Divine Mercy, or a desire to save souls through prayer and sacrifice, or an apostolate that works as teachers or nurses or in the media....etc.

Also, try to (prayerfully) figure out a particular thing which becomes more and more important to you as you discern. For me, I have a particular attachment to the Dinie Mercy chaplet, and also to His Most Precious Blood. Also, reading about the saints and blessed is always good, sometimes, through you find yourself drawn to a particular Order. Hehehe, for me, I really admire St Clare, St Thomas Aquinas, St Cecilia, St Dominic.....and a couple more...I began to realise the majority were Dominican!!!!!

Yeah...sorry if thats jumbled, I really need to run to work, I should be there in like 3 minutes.

Well, God bless and Mary protect and keep you.

yes i have read Story of a Soul... twice. I relate to Saint Therese very well she is the patron of my vocation teehee. I will keep yall updated. So far i havent felt bad for like a week which is longer than i have gone with not feeling bad since April 9th. thank you for your prayers. God Blesss and Mary keep
Karin

Maybe they mean like an allergic reaction? Or perhaps, like allergy-triggered athsma?

Man, I had a "fun" conversation with my mother last night... she is dead set on me going to 4 years and anything less is NOT acceptable EVER! She said I was immature and not aggresive and I do not take any initative... It was bad... I started crying I was so hurt by what she had said. I did bring up the point that I am 19 and can make my own decisions but she countered with my immaturity and lack of initative... I'm really hurt... my mother has never hurt me like this before... Please, pray for her! Any help of any kind is appreciated...

I'm so sorry. I haven't got any words of wisdom or comfort really All I can offer is my prayers. And you've got them!!

~Jen

I think there are probably two possiblities here. They probably both apply.

1. Your Mom really loves you. She thinks you're making a huge, life-altering mistake, and she's willing to do or say anything in order to save you from youreself, and get you to put on the brakes.

2. Your Mom really loves you. She sees these strangers in your life who (she thinks) want to take you away from her. She's scared stiff of losing you, and she's willing to do or say anything in order to save you from yourself, and get you to put on the brakes.

Think of it this way: have you ever heard of there being a wedding day, and the Ma or Pa (or both) of the Bride are missing? And not because they're dead, but because they disapprove of the person their daughter is marrying ... or maybe they don't like that she's getting married RIGHT NOW ...

The Bride often says "they said so many hurtful things to me: I'm immature, I'm not being clear-headed, I'm selfish and I have no gratitude ... they've never hurt me this way before. And then not showing up to support me on my wedding day!"

But the Mother and Father of the Bride didn't quit loving their daughter. They loved her too much. Whatever mean things they said or did to her, it was only a misguided by-product of what St. Caterina of Siena calls "selfish love," which is when parents love their children, not as images of God, (with God-given vocations,) not as HIS children, but primarily as THEIR children.

You can't make your parents give up their "selfish love." But when your Mom says something mean to you, you might try praying "Lord, help me to see love where there is hatefulness" and then tell your Mom (in a very sincere tone of voice ) "I'll love you forever, no matter what, and I know you'll love me forever, no matter what."

P.S. I'm in the same situation

Wow. Karin and FutureNun, many prayers for you dears. I wish I had some words of wisdom, but I'm lacking...may Mary our Mother keep you under the protection and guide you to her Son, your Beloved.

Wow... thanks for your insight... that is what is seems... I remmeber for most of the conversation I wa smiling and quite content on argueing for 2 years, but then she went on and the smile disappeared and my eyes started tearing... But thank you very much, that is pretty much how things are about now... Thanks

I have a book that has pictures of the Monastery I hope to join It has pictures of both the Cloistered and public chapel They are black and white, but hopefully I will get them scanned and I can show them to you! The public chapel is gorgeous...

oh that is exciteing about the pictures Angela. i am sorry to hear about your mother. Dont let her discourage you but I am praying for you of course.

this is mostly just a venting post and i give you permission to skip over it if you wish.

blah today my mother told me she wants to cut my aspirancy nearly a month shorter than it was before. When she told me I didnt say anything at all but my eyes started to tear up ( i couldnt help it). Then my grandmother and her were sayingthings making it sound like i was just upset because i am not getting my way. but that really isnt it. I mean i am upset about not getting to stay as long. But the main thing is I feel like i am losing all my support that i had. Like i was sitting on a chair and it was pulled out from under me. First she said I cant go unless i get better. So now it looks like i might be better so she set another limit another to keep me away from there. It makes me very upset. She is so against me wanting to go there. I dont understand because its not like I am making the descision now. i am trying to discern like she wants me to and I am checking out other places. Just because I have a favorite I dont see that as a major problem. Everyone is going to find a place that they like more than the rest. She said the reason i would have to cut it short was because she wouldnt have another chance to come and get me but I know I could get someone else to come and get me there are lots of people that woudlnt mind in the least. I didnt say anything to her because i new if i objected she would just say fine then you dont have to go at all. She doesnt want me to go she has told me this. I went and I was like God why is this happening? But then it hit me. It will be ok God's will will conquer God will get His way. That is probably the most comforting part of it all. Because my life long goal is to do God's will and i know if i am open to Him and do everything He asks me then it will be ok. it just will. BUt sometimes though it is so very confusing. Its like wait I thought this is what you wanted why is this happening. i just need to trust and keep living every moment to represent Christ. OK lol sorry guys i needed to vent horribly so i used y'all tee hee. God Bless and Mary Keep

Karin

Hey Karin I wouldn't worry about a month shorter of your aspirancy because if you think about it it's a gift from God in the first place to even be able to enter into the cloister for a little while to discern. Also remember you need to be obedient to your mother even if it's not what you think God wants you to do. Remember there is freedom in obedience.
May Good Bless You,
Sara

Okay, I got a chance to scan some of the pictures I'll share some of them here!

This is a picture from overhead:


These are pictures are the cloistered chapel & the public chapel:


Here are the Sisters in prayer:


Here is a picture of a cell and the library:


Here is an investiture and a novice:


Here is a Sister in prayer (read the bottom!!!!):

How old is that book?

Just curious because they look old, but the nuns look timeless!

I just read a little bit of this thread (sorry, I was curious). All I can say is that I love you girls and I'll keep you in my prayers.

Cheers! :-)

Here is a website with great pics of them:
Poor Clares

There is another website but the photos are tiny....

yup that's them! I think the book was published in the 80s...

Those pictures are so beautiful! Do they still use the altar rail?

It is still there but they don't use it unless I would assume a Priest celebrates a Tridentine Mass for them...

i LOVE the pictures

Those pictures are so great!! What a beautiful habit and what a beautiful chapel.

Wanna know something funny? I think that the novice in this picture is now the novice mistress...

futurenun =

Christ is both the way and the door. Christ is the staircase and the vehicle, like the "throne of mercy over the Ark of the Covenant," and "the mystery hidden from the ages." A man should turn his full attention to this throne of mercy, and should gaze at him hanging on the cross, full of faith, hope, and charity, devoted, full of wonder and joy, marked by gratitude, and open to praise and jubilation. Then such a man will make with Christ a "pasch," that is, a passing-over. Through the branches of the cross he will pass over the Red Sea, leaving Egypt and entering the desert. There he will taste the hidden manna, and rest with Christ in the sepulcher, as if he were dead to things outside. He will experience, as much as is possible for one who is still living, what was promised to the thief who hung beside Christ: "Today you will be with me in paradise."

from Journey of the Mind to God by Saint Bonaventure

TOTALLY out of the blue, mum handed me this book: "the Springs of silence"

It is about a young woman and her life as a nun....in the 40s and 50s....has anyone else read it? or heard of it?

Anyway...I'm about to start it and I'll see how it goes....

Its so unusual though....I haven't told my parents yet...

By Madeline De Frees? I guess I shouldn't be responding since I'm not hoping to be a nun, and this is a future nun thread.. .. I am a nerd though and I know lots about Catholic books.

the pictures! how beautiful!

I just got back from spending 5 reallllllyyyy WONDERFUL days with the Passionist nuns in Pittsburgh. If you are the slightest bit inclined towards contemplative life, please get in contact with them! Their spirituality is simply awing.

Passionists sound really cool too... but I think I'm meant to be Poor Clare, but God will direct me to where I am supposed to be

its ok if you post on here cause it is a support group as long as you just say supportive things...

Oh... that's disappointing.

Well, for the record I posted this quote to help support FutureNun, I thought she might like it. It makes me think of someone becoming a Carmelite nun for some reason.

Sorry gals, it's been a while since I've been on PhatMass, so I'm a little behind on the topics.
So my question is, when you think, "a desire to save souls through prayer and sacrifice," what's the first order that comes to mind? That's exactly what I've always wanted to do, but I can't decide what order focuses on that the most. I have a particularly strong devotion to the Sacred Heart (which I think sounds like Visitandines); I love the Carmelite saints like St. Therese, St. Teresa, St. John of the Cross, St. Edith Stein; and I love the PCPA Shrine in AL. I'm so confused!

I'd say keep on praying to the Holy Spirit for guidance!!! I'm EXTREMELY partial to the Carmelites though so I'm afraid I can't be much help here!

~Jen

The first thing that came to my mind based on, "a desire to save souls through prayer and sacrifice", was the Carmelites.

I would have to agree- Carmelites all the way- of course I too am partial- being that is my spiritual family as a Daughter of St. Joseph

Hmmmmmm.....do you like the idea of study as important as well? And the deep contemplaton of the Word of God? (probably in common with all orders...) I'm just biased but I love the Dominican nuns myself.

And I really love the Dominican nuns at the Monastery of the Heart of Jesus!!! (in Lockport LA.) I really recommend them....they need strong young women to help revive the Monastery....thats where Sr Marjorie entered.....

All the orders I visited were Franciscan (well, there was a brief Benedictine flirtation). It is a beautiful charism.
You might want to read the letters of St. Clare, they are incredible.
There is also one of my favourite spiritual books of all time:
"The Instructions" of Blessed Angela of Foligno, a Franciscan mystic.

"In beautiful things Saint Francis saw Beauty itself, and through His vestiges imprinted on creation he followed his Beloved everywhere, making from all things a ladder by which he could climb up and embrace Him who is utterly desirable." --Bonaventure

I got a package from the Lockport Dominicans in the mail today. (!!!!!!!!!!)
I read the lovely little book "A life for the world." and I think its beautiful! I'm starting to really think that they might be IT.

However, at the same time, I am plagued by doubts....what if this is all in my head? What if I'm just following along a crazy idea? I mean, I am SERIOUSLY considering moving halfway across the world to this Monastery. Its hot there, and its cloistered! I get so anxious when I think about the practical side of things......its great when I'm praying etc...but still!!!!! I'm only in my last year of high school.....

Ugh.........life can be so confusing....I wish God would just "zap" me where I'm supposed to be (I know thats not taking into account our free will etc......) but still......

I know what you mean. Sometimes I just want to give me free will to Him. I sure don't make proper use of it! I try it, but I don't think it's worked yet....

Thanks for the help, all you guys and gals! Sounds like what I'm looking for is the Carmelite lifestyle, I guess. (Now I just have to figure out which specific Carmel!!!) Although I do love study and contemplation of the Word of God, I just can't fancy myself in with the Domincans. However, I am sort of kind of considering attending Aquinas College in Nashville, TN. Have you heard of it? It's owned and operated by the Dominican Sisters of St. Cecilia. I'm drawn to it partly because of the fact that it's called "Aquinas" College. St. Thomas Aquinas = my hero!!

It's really good you've got it narrowed down to those three as what you're interested in. I would strongly suggest that if possible, you visit those convents and see where you feel most at home. The reason I knew I was called to the PCPA's is because I felt so at home when I visited the Shrine. Have you done that already?