I have no idea what I'm called to...

I am getting very involved in apologetics and I want this to be a huge part of my life, evangelizing through apologetics. I want to be able to devote much of my life to studying Scripture and what the Church teaches. I don't want this to be an afterthought, a thing that comes after my regular duties in the workplace.

More issues though. I am becoming pretty discouraged by what has gone on in (I'd venture to say most) American churches today. Just all of the problems that the American Churches have created with the Novus Ordo. Now I completely agree that it is a valid and(as far as I can tell) licit Mass. But I do believe that people have taken it too far and that this has become the norm(extreme liberties taken with this Mass).

So, then I considered being a priest that does the Latin Mass. But from what I've heard most Bishops one would talk to in America will either not allow this, or will not ordain you. I considered the Fraternity of St. Peter, but I just don't know...

So I considered orders. But I don't know any orders that either say the Latin Mass or say the Novus Ordo as it was meant to(whatever that means...)

I would love to be in an order, but since I am very involved in apologetics I don't want to end up in an order(or diocese if I went that route) that would censure my writing for being too Catholic, or too hard-hitting.

Finally to top it all off I have Spina Bifida which means I am in a wheelchair basically forever. This really creates a problem for me. Especially with the orders. Many orders take a vow of poverty and I would love to do this as well, but I don't see how it's possible because I would need to be with an organization that has some sort of medical insurance or something like that. Speaking of the vow of poverty I'm not sure how this will affect my ability to study any book or tape series by apologists or other Catholic authors that I could want to. This needs to be a part of my life somehow.

I would love to be able to start an organization, non-profit, for something I believe in(whether pro-life, poor, adoption, physically/mentally handicapped etc.) but I'm not sure what I can do in the priestly capacity(whether order or diocese)....

So maybe you see a bit of my dilemma, but I really need to get this figured out.

I was posting the week's readings on my own message board and came across this:

"Some are incapable of marriage because they were born so;
some, because they were made so by others;
some, because they have renounced marriage
for the sake of the Kingdom of heaven.
Whoever can accept this ought to accept it."

I'm starting to get the feeling God is really trying to give me signs(no this isn't the only thing that's happened). But so many different little things happen that seem insignificant till I think about it.

I just don't know how to work it all out, because of the concerns listed above.

Good to hear from you and know what's up. Count on our prayers. God bless.

-Lauren (2ManArmy)

From what I read, it is more of what YOU want, then what God may want. You talked about how YOU want to do Apologetics, how YOU want to celebrate the Latin rite; etc.

Now I may have taken it the wrong way, but go to an adoration Chapel or something and ask JESUS and his Momma want they want for you. Heck your will and their will may be different.

:

Consider the Jesuits. They are both a religious order, and devoted to intellectual study. Father Mitch Pacwa does apologetics.

I wouldn't worry about the wheelchair. A lot of priests have had one difficulty or another. For example, St. Ignatius of Loyola couldn't even read and write when he wanted to become a priest. He had to go to school with all the little kids and learn.

Jesuits are awesome! Then you could teach at Creighton Prep or Creighton University!!!!!!!

some jesuits are great. Others have problems with the traditional aspect of the RCC.

Not the ones at Creighton, they are all awesome there

I hear ya and it's something I definitely need to work on. But I have done lots of prayer and maybe I worded it wrong but it seems that apologetics and everything I mentioned above IS what God wants me to do. The Latin thing is less high on the list, that one might be more of what I want and would be more than willing to let it go if God wants otherwise. But I feel God is calling me to apologetics and evangelization in some way.

I have and am considering them. But I do have some issues with the liberalism I have seen in much of the order. But that won't affect my decision to join them if that's what God wants....

Also I should mention that I have been discerning for like 3 years now and still haven't figured it out. So I don't know if I would say that I'm doing what I want. When I say "I" I mean what I think God wants me to do. Because "I" want to do what God wants me to do.

Maybe there is a priest here that would talk to me through private message or through email?

It sounds to me like you're on the right path. You're right to know that God's not going to give you a lightning bolt and tell you what to do. I waited for that for three very long years before finally realizing that just following my desire did help me get to where He wanted me. It seems like He programs us with our desire precisely for the purpose of finding and living our vocations. That's not to say that there are never crosses or sacrifices, there should be plenty, but really I can't see God calling you to a life without apologetics. I hope your discernment continues to go well If you don't know what precisely He's calling you to, it suffices to simply want what He wants, which is what you do want.

I hope you find what you're looking for!!

Maybe look at this: http://www.institute-christ-king.org/index.html

goldenchild17,

You might also want to take a look at the Society of St. John Cantius.

Click Here

Good suggestions guys!

Those are both interesting, I like this one.

they both seem pretty good to me