Full Version: Marriage
Not that I have ever said (and I can guarantee I will never say) that I have determined 100% my vocation, but why is it that women and men who enter religious communities (or become priests) get to have completely decided on being a religious when they are still just looking into convents or monasteries or hermitages or whatever? Why is it that if we feel called to marriage that we are questioned so much more openly? Why do we not question those who feel called to religious life as much? Has married life become the 'norm' and so now we question whether or not those who feel called to serve as a wife and mother are really sure? Why is it like that?
I am not sure what you are asking. . .but I was incredibly questioned when I started mentioning what I felt called to.
LOL, ok, ok, here's the article:
QUOTE
The Sacrament of Waiting
by Fr. James Donelan, S.J.
The English poet John Milton once wrote that those who serve stand and wait. I think I would go further and say that those who wait render the highest form of service. Waiting requires more discipline, more self-control and emotional maturity, more unshakeable faith in our cause, more unwavering hope in the future, more sustaining love in our hearts than all the great deeds of derring-do that go by the name of action.
Waiting is a mystery—a natural sacrament of life. There is a meaning hidden in all the times we have to wait. It must be an important mystery because there is so much waiting in our lives.
Everyday is filled with those little moments of waiting—testing our patience and our nerves, schooling us in our self-control—pasensya na lang. We wait for meals to be served, for a letter to arrive, for a friend, concerts and circuses. Our airline terminals, railway stations, and bus depots are temples of waiting filled with men and women who wait in joy for the arrival of a loved one—or wait in sadness to say goodbye and to give that last wave of hand. We wait for birthdays and vacations; we wait for Christmas. We wait for spring to come or autumn—for the rains to begin or stop.
And we wait for ourselves to grow from childhood to maturity. We wait for those inner voices that tell us when we are ready for the next step. We wait for graduation, for our first job, our first promotion. We wait for success, and recognition. We wait to grow up—to reach the stage where we make our own decision.
We cannot remove this waiting from our lives. It is part of the tapestry of living—the fabric in which the threads are woven that tell the story of our lives.
Yet the current philosophies would have us forget the need to wait. “Grab all the gusto you can get.” So reads one of America’s great beer advertisements—Get it now. Instant pleasure—instant transcendence. Don’t wait for anything. Life is short—eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow you’ll die. And so they rationalize us into accepting unlicensed and irresponsible freedom—premarital sex and extramarital affairs—they warn against attachment and commitment, against expecting anything of anybody, or allowing them to expect anything of us, against vows and promises, against duty and responsibility, against dropping any anchors in the currents of our life that will cause us to hold and to wait.
This may be the correct prescription for pleasure—but even that is fleeting and doubtful. What was it Shakespeare said about the mad pursuit of pleasure? “Past reason hunted, and once had, past reason hated.” Now if we wish to be real human beings, spirit as well as flesh, souls as well as heart, we have to learn to love someone else other than ourselves.
For most of all waiting means waiting for someone else. It is a mystery brushing by our face everyday like stray wind or a leaf falling from a tree. Anyone who has ever loved knows how much waiting goes into it, how much waiting is important for love to grow, to flourish through a lifetime.
Why is this so? Why can’t we have love right now—two years, three years, five years—and seemingly waste so much time? You might as well ask why a tree should take so long to bear fruit, the seed to flower, carbon to change into a diamond.
There is no simple answer, no more than there is to life’s demands: having to say goodbye to someone you love because either you or they have already made other commitments, or because they have to grow and find the meaning of their own lives, having yourself to leave home and loved ones to find your path. Goodbyes, like waiting, are also sacraments of our lives.
All we know is that growth—the budding, the flowering of love needs patient waiting. We have to give each other time to grow. There is no way we can make someone else truly love us or we love them, except through time. So we give each other that mysterious gift of waiting—of being present without making demands or asking rewards. There is nothing harder to do than this. It tests the depth and sincerity of our love. But there is life in the gift we give.
So lovers wait for each other until they can see things the same way, or let each other freely see things in quite different ways. What do we lose when lovers hurt each other and cannot regain the balance and intimacy of the way they were? They have to wait—in silence—but still be present to each other until the pain subsides to an ache and then only a memory, and the threads of the tapestry can be woven together again in a single love story.
What do we lose when we refuse to wait? When we try to find short cuts through life, when we try to incubate love and rush blindly and foolishly into a commitment we are neither mature nor responsible enough to assume? We lose the hope of ever truly loving or being loved. Think of all the great love stories of history and literature. Isn’t it of their very essence that they are filled with the strange but common mystery—that waiting is part of the substance, the basic fabric—against which the story of that true love is written?
How can we ever find either life of love if we are too impatient to wait for it?
by Fr. James Donelan, S.J.
The English poet John Milton once wrote that those who serve stand and wait. I think I would go further and say that those who wait render the highest form of service. Waiting requires more discipline, more self-control and emotional maturity, more unshakeable faith in our cause, more unwavering hope in the future, more sustaining love in our hearts than all the great deeds of derring-do that go by the name of action.
Waiting is a mystery—a natural sacrament of life. There is a meaning hidden in all the times we have to wait. It must be an important mystery because there is so much waiting in our lives.
Everyday is filled with those little moments of waiting—testing our patience and our nerves, schooling us in our self-control—pasensya na lang. We wait for meals to be served, for a letter to arrive, for a friend, concerts and circuses. Our airline terminals, railway stations, and bus depots are temples of waiting filled with men and women who wait in joy for the arrival of a loved one—or wait in sadness to say goodbye and to give that last wave of hand. We wait for birthdays and vacations; we wait for Christmas. We wait for spring to come or autumn—for the rains to begin or stop.
And we wait for ourselves to grow from childhood to maturity. We wait for those inner voices that tell us when we are ready for the next step. We wait for graduation, for our first job, our first promotion. We wait for success, and recognition. We wait to grow up—to reach the stage where we make our own decision.
We cannot remove this waiting from our lives. It is part of the tapestry of living—the fabric in which the threads are woven that tell the story of our lives.
Yet the current philosophies would have us forget the need to wait. “Grab all the gusto you can get.” So reads one of America’s great beer advertisements—Get it now. Instant pleasure—instant transcendence. Don’t wait for anything. Life is short—eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow you’ll die. And so they rationalize us into accepting unlicensed and irresponsible freedom—premarital sex and extramarital affairs—they warn against attachment and commitment, against expecting anything of anybody, or allowing them to expect anything of us, against vows and promises, against duty and responsibility, against dropping any anchors in the currents of our life that will cause us to hold and to wait.
This may be the correct prescription for pleasure—but even that is fleeting and doubtful. What was it Shakespeare said about the mad pursuit of pleasure? “Past reason hunted, and once had, past reason hated.” Now if we wish to be real human beings, spirit as well as flesh, souls as well as heart, we have to learn to love someone else other than ourselves.
For most of all waiting means waiting for someone else. It is a mystery brushing by our face everyday like stray wind or a leaf falling from a tree. Anyone who has ever loved knows how much waiting goes into it, how much waiting is important for love to grow, to flourish through a lifetime.
Why is this so? Why can’t we have love right now—two years, three years, five years—and seemingly waste so much time? You might as well ask why a tree should take so long to bear fruit, the seed to flower, carbon to change into a diamond.
There is no simple answer, no more than there is to life’s demands: having to say goodbye to someone you love because either you or they have already made other commitments, or because they have to grow and find the meaning of their own lives, having yourself to leave home and loved ones to find your path. Goodbyes, like waiting, are also sacraments of our lives.
All we know is that growth—the budding, the flowering of love needs patient waiting. We have to give each other time to grow. There is no way we can make someone else truly love us or we love them, except through time. So we give each other that mysterious gift of waiting—of being present without making demands or asking rewards. There is nothing harder to do than this. It tests the depth and sincerity of our love. But there is life in the gift we give.
So lovers wait for each other until they can see things the same way, or let each other freely see things in quite different ways. What do we lose when lovers hurt each other and cannot regain the balance and intimacy of the way they were? They have to wait—in silence—but still be present to each other until the pain subsides to an ache and then only a memory, and the threads of the tapestry can be woven together again in a single love story.
What do we lose when we refuse to wait? When we try to find short cuts through life, when we try to incubate love and rush blindly and foolishly into a commitment we are neither mature nor responsible enough to assume? We lose the hope of ever truly loving or being loved. Think of all the great love stories of history and literature. Isn’t it of their very essence that they are filled with the strange but common mystery—that waiting is part of the substance, the basic fabric—against which the story of that true love is written?
How can we ever find either life of love if we are too impatient to wait for it?
QUOTE(PCPA2Be @ Feb 20 2006, 10:58 PM)
I am not sure what you are asking. . .but I was incredibly questioned when I started mentioning what I felt called to.
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I guess we are questioned more by those who feel called to religious life or who are committed to religious life... like everyone should be like them. I don't know. No hard feelings... just something I've noticed.
I think the single most annoying thing about being a girl who feels called to marriage, going to a Catholic college, is that all the best guys are discerning vocations to the priesthood (there are some that aren't, but there inevitably already taken). Like, I know we need priests, and I think it's great that they want to give themselves to God, but is it too much to ask for just one of them? :P
QUOTE(hugheyforlife @ Feb 20 2006, 11:10 PM)
I guess we are questioned more by those who feel called to religious life or who are committed to religious life... like everyone should be like them. I don't know. No hard feelings... just something I've noticed.
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OH! I just wasn't sure what you were saying. And yea, I'm sure that has happen. there was a time that I was discerning married life, but I knew so few people who were discerning religious life at the time, that didn't happen to me. Sorry, I just didn't know what you were asking LOL
It's all good. 
Hey all, sorry, I come and go, I want to stay, but schoolwork calls me away. I have exciting news though, I am engaged now. Thought I would let everyone know!
Congrats!
Congratulations!
Thanks!
God bless-
LGLG
God bless-
LGLG
YAY! Congrats LGLG! 
God bless you and congrats! 
Congratulations LGLG! So exciting! 
Gunna make a countdown thread for your entrance into marriage?
Gunna make a countdown thread for your entrance into marriage?
She should. I know her fairly well, and would apologize in advance for the fact that it would fall into utter disrepair because she's never on!!!!!!
I personally can't wait to be married. I know myself enough to know that my kidds will be holy terrors, but hey, you can't have the rose of love without accepting the thorns as well.
I personally can't wait to be married. I know myself enough to know that my kidds will be holy terrors, but hey, you can't have the rose of love without accepting the thorns as well.
QUOTE(Catholictothecore @ Feb 23 2006, 10:09 AM)
She should. I know her fairly well, and would apologize in advance for the fact that it would fall into utter disrepair because she's never on!!!!!!
I personally can't wait to be married. I know myself enough to know that my kidds will be holy terrors, but hey, you can't have the rose of love without accepting the thorns as well.
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I personally can't wait to be married. I know myself enough to know that my kidds will be holy terrors, but hey, you can't have the rose of love without accepting the thorns as well.
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QUOTE(Catholictothecore @ Feb 23 2006, 09:09 AM)
She should. I know her fairly well, and would apologize in advance for the fact that it would fall into utter disrepair because she's never on!!!!!!
I personally can't wait to be married. I know myself enough to know that my kidds will be holy terrors, but hey, you can't have the rose of love without accepting the thorns as well.
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I personally can't wait to be married. I know myself enough to know that my kidds will be holy terrors, but hey, you can't have the rose of love without accepting the thorns as well.
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I try to come on, it's just that my school work has become a ministry unto itself. Also, there is the fact that I won't be getting married for at least two years, hoowever, a countdown to a betrothal ceremony would probably be more likely. I would just have to do more research as to what one is.
What did (those of you who are married or engaged) do one you became engaged? i.e. what were the next few steps you took.
Thanks again and God bless-
LGLG
P.S. Oh yeah and CTTC your kids will be holy terrors if they are anything like you.
from my blog... felt it was appropriate and better than a regular old "bump" -- climing in posts i need meaning now!
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Lately I have been struggling with patience in Christ's plan for my life, aka: my vocation. I become easily discouraged in this area and I think He is finally giving me the kick in the butt that I so need. Instead of allowing Christ to fill me with His love and joy I have been seeking something elsewhere. If I can stop and allow my focus to be solely on Christ, then He will reward me with my companion for life. It will not be until I am able to set all things aside for Him, my True Groom, that I will be able to see clearly the man He has waiting for me.
Christ died on the cross for my sins. He shares Himself so very intimately in the Eucharist with me. Still I turn my back on His love and seek the companionship of sinners and fools. I pray I have not caused scandal with that statement but it is truly what I feel and believe. Companionship with His children is not a shameful thing in any form, however, allowing myself to put Christ after all of these which are not Him - this is truly shameful.
I pray that Christ grants me an increase in faith and in love for Him. I pray He helps me to allow Him into my heart. I want to allow Him to fill me up and make me whole. He alone is my joy. In Him alone will my weary soul find rest.
Lord, pray for us sinners that we may see and find in ourselves what we see and find in you. Help us to love you and to serve you first and to put ourselves last. Guide our hearts to you, Jesus, and lead us to your Father. Jesus, meek and humble of heart, make our hearts like unto thine! St. Thomas Aquinas, pray for us! Amen!
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Lately I have been struggling with patience in Christ's plan for my life, aka: my vocation. I become easily discouraged in this area and I think He is finally giving me the kick in the butt that I so need. Instead of allowing Christ to fill me with His love and joy I have been seeking something elsewhere. If I can stop and allow my focus to be solely on Christ, then He will reward me with my companion for life. It will not be until I am able to set all things aside for Him, my True Groom, that I will be able to see clearly the man He has waiting for me.
Christ died on the cross for my sins. He shares Himself so very intimately in the Eucharist with me. Still I turn my back on His love and seek the companionship of sinners and fools. I pray I have not caused scandal with that statement but it is truly what I feel and believe. Companionship with His children is not a shameful thing in any form, however, allowing myself to put Christ after all of these which are not Him - this is truly shameful.
I pray that Christ grants me an increase in faith and in love for Him. I pray He helps me to allow Him into my heart. I want to allow Him to fill me up and make me whole. He alone is my joy. In Him alone will my weary soul find rest.
Lord, pray for us sinners that we may see and find in ourselves what we see and find in you. Help us to love you and to serve you first and to put ourselves last. Guide our hearts to you, Jesus, and lead us to your Father. Jesus, meek and humble of heart, make our hearts like unto thine! St. Thomas Aquinas, pray for us! Amen!
Well written hughey
God bless-
LGLG
God bless-
LGLG
thanks LGLG!
QUOTE(hugheyforlife @ Feb 24 2006, 10:18 PM)
from my blog... felt it was appropriate and better than a regular old "bump" -- climing in posts i need meaning now!
----------------------------------
Lately I have been struggling with patience in Christ's plan for my life, aka: my vocation. I become easily discouraged in this area and I think He is finally giving me the kick in the butt that I so need. Instead of allowing Christ to fill me with His love and joy I have been seeking something elsewhere. If I can stop and allow my focus to be solely on Christ, then He will reward me with my companion for life. It will not be until I am able to set all things aside for Him, my True Groom, that I will be able to see clearly the man He has waiting for me.
Christ died on the cross for my sins. He shares Himself so very intimately in the Eucharist with me. Still I turn my back on His love and seek the companionship of sinners and fools. I pray I have not caused scandal with that statement but it is truly what I feel and believe. Companionship with His children is not a shameful thing in any form, however, allowing myself to put Christ after all of these which are not Him - this is truly shameful.
I pray that Christ grants me an increase in faith and in love for Him. I pray He helps me to allow Him into my heart. I want to allow Him to fill me up and make me whole. He alone is my joy. In Him alone will my weary soul find rest.
Lord, pray for us sinners that we may see and find in ourselves what we see and find in you. Help us to love you and to serve you first and to put ourselves last. Guide our hearts to you, Jesus, and lead us to your Father. Jesus, meek and humble of heart, make our hearts like unto thine! St. Thomas Aquinas, pray for us! Amen!
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Lately I have been struggling with patience in Christ's plan for my life, aka: my vocation. I become easily discouraged in this area and I think He is finally giving me the kick in the butt that I so need. Instead of allowing Christ to fill me with His love and joy I have been seeking something elsewhere. If I can stop and allow my focus to be solely on Christ, then He will reward me with my companion for life. It will not be until I am able to set all things aside for Him, my True Groom, that I will be able to see clearly the man He has waiting for me.
Christ died on the cross for my sins. He shares Himself so very intimately in the Eucharist with me. Still I turn my back on His love and seek the companionship of sinners and fools. I pray I have not caused scandal with that statement but it is truly what I feel and believe. Companionship with His children is not a shameful thing in any form, however, allowing myself to put Christ after all of these which are not Him - this is truly shameful.
I pray that Christ grants me an increase in faith and in love for Him. I pray He helps me to allow Him into my heart. I want to allow Him to fill me up and make me whole. He alone is my joy. In Him alone will my weary soul find rest.
Lord, pray for us sinners that we may see and find in ourselves what we see and find in you. Help us to love you and to serve you first and to put ourselves last. Guide our hearts to you, Jesus, and lead us to your Father. Jesus, meek and humble of heart, make our hearts like unto thine! St. Thomas Aquinas, pray for us! Amen!
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Right on sistah.
QUOTE(Era Might @ Feb 18 2006, 02:38 PM)
Marry an illegal immigrant. That way you can please your mother, and he get become a citizen.
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You almost owed me a new keyboard!
QUOTE(photosynthesis @ Feb 18 2006, 12:52 AM)
My mom says that in 21 days I'd better either:
A) have a job
OR
B) get married.
She says she doesn't care which.
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A) have a job
OR
B) get married.
She says she doesn't care which.
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You're the one who makes homemade pierogi, right?
QUOTE(Norseman82 @ Feb 27 2006, 08:30 PM)
You're the one who makes homemade pierogi, right?
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Norseman are you still looking for a good Catholic GF?
Sheesh if I was called to married life, I would so love to have such a Catholic spouse!
By the way, I make homemade pierogi too, you'll have to come by whatever convent I enter to try them though, unless next Christmas (of I am around) I can bring you some to St. Williams (isn't that your parish)?
Anywhoo....come to the YAM stuff, we'd love to have you!
I am sure there are many wonderful Catholic women there!
It was good t see you the other week, by the way.
QUOTE(photosynthesis @ Feb 18 2006, 10:32 PM)
LOL... I should!
well, nowhere yet. I apply and apply and apply and people haven't been calling me back. I have an interview in about 2 weeks at the same place I interviewed last time, only for a different position.
that's a good idea! well... maybe not.
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well, nowhere yet. I apply and apply and apply and people haven't been calling me back. I have an interview in about 2 weeks at the same place I interviewed last time, only for a different position.
that's a good idea! well... maybe not.
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Oh, you mean you're interviewing for jobs!!
QUOTE(Norseman82 @ Feb 27 2006, 08:36 PM)
Oh, you mean you're interviewing for jobs!!
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It's ok Norseman....we like it when you stop by and visit vocation station...teee hee
QUOTE(hugheyforlife @ Jan 12 2006, 08:21 AM)
how important are the wedding bands?
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I think as long as they can play a few polkas, some of my relatives will be happy....
Oh, band as in ring!
QUOTE(Laurentina1975 @ Feb 27 2006, 07:53 PM)
It's ok Norseman....we like it when you stop by and visit vocation station...teee hee
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Anything to lighten things up a bit!
QUOTE(Laurentina1975 @ Feb 27 2006, 07:35 PM)
It was good t see you the other week, by the way.
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Same here.....hope the sister got her van unloaded OK.
QUOTE(Norseman82 @ Feb 27 2006, 10:08 PM)
Same here.....hope the sister got her van unloaded OK.
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Sister said it was Divine Providence that you were there!
Thanks for helping us!
I have a question to the married pham who are reading this, how did your families react when you told them that you were engaged?
God bless-
LGLG
God bless-
LGLG
my mom was happy we would be married & living together instead of not married & living together. 
back in my stupid days.
the rest of my family was pretty supportive, they all really like my hubby.
back in my stupid days.the rest of my family was pretty supportive, they all really like my hubby.
QUOTE(let_go_let_God @ Mar 4 2006, 02:08 PM)
I have a question to the married pham who are reading this, how did your families react when you told them that you were engaged?
God bless-
LGLG
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God bless-
LGLG
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My fiance asked by father if I could marry him and my father said no [remember I was 26
], but if we were going to anyway would we please elope because he hated wearing suits.
My mom was surprised (though I don't know why-- we'd dated over a year)... I don't think she was happy. I was only 20 at the time. My dad gave us his permission to live together before we were married... needless to say, I don't really respect my dad... and, of course, we didn't. So, he probably wasn't too happy either....
Meh...
Meh...
QUOTE(let_go_let_God @ Mar 4 2006, 02:08 PM)
I have a question to the married pham who are reading this, how did your families react when you told them that you were engaged?
God bless-
LGLG
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God bless-
LGLG
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My mom was a little upset at first, after I showed her the ring that I was going to use to ask Teresa to marry me. After a half hour she came and gave me a big hug and said she was happy.
QUOTE(homeschoolmom @ Mar 5 2006, 04:36 PM)
My mom was surprised (though I don't know why-- we'd dated over a year)... I don't think she was happy. I was only 20 at the time. My dad gave us his permission to live together before we were married... needless to say, I don't really respect my dad... and, of course, we didn't. So, he probably wasn't too happy either....
Meh...
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Meh...
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HSM, that makes me feel better. I turned 20 the day her asked me, and my fiance had tried to ask my parents for their persmission, but they were in Canada. So he asked me without asking them.
God bless-
LGLG
Ok, new question since the board seems to be dying down. What about children? Do/did you want a small family or a larger family? How has God worked through your family? Et cetera et cetera et cetera.
God bless-
LGLG
God bless-
LGLG
i want any God wants to send me.
im nowhere close to marriage (i have a lot of growing to do) but i too would say any God wants to send me would be what i want.
I want 18 children.
Teresa disagrees.....something about labor or something.
Teresa disagrees.....something about labor or something.
*Chuckles*
Well, there's always adoption.
God bless-
LGLG
Well, there's always adoption.
God bless-
LGLG
married people....how do you deal with convincing your spouse to give up a bad habit?
Depends on the habit. You can change the conditions surrounding the habit, and make them more or less likely to engage in it, but the only person you can change is yourself.
one thing about him going to the dentist...he's almost stopped drinking pepsi entirely. which is great because that is literally all he would drink.
now i need to work on the smoking
which is great because that is literally all he would drink.now i need to work on the smoking
how are all of our marrieds or soon to be marrieds?
Doing well, on this end. I am just finishing up spring break. I went to visit my fiance for the first bit of it and we went to the opera.
God bless-
LGLG
God bless-
LGLG
QUOTE(homeschoolmom @ Mar 5 2006, 04:36 PM)
My mom was surprised (though I don't know why-- we'd dated over a year)... I don't think she was happy. I was only 20 at the time. My dad gave us his permission to live together before we were married... needless to say, I don't really respect my dad... and, of course, we didn't. So, he probably wasn't too happy either....
Meh...
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Meh...
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Would anyone here advise against getting engaged at 20 or 21? Is that too young? People nowadays seem to be so against people getting engaged and married before they're 25 years old. While I can see it being a good thing to get married at that age, wonder if you met the one you're supposed to be with before that? I'm all about taking your time during courting to discern, but wonder if you've been together for a while anyway? Ah, Im rambling...
QUOTE(let_go_let_God @ Mar 19 2006, 07:05 PM)
Doing well, on this end. I am just finishing up spring break. I went to visit my fiance for the first bit of it and we went to the opera.
God bless-
LGLG
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God bless-
LGLG
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Ooo... the opera! How fun!
I watched a rock opera at least three times but that's just not the same.
QUOTE(Luthien @ Mar 19 2006, 08:36 PM)
Would anyone here advise against getting engaged at 20 or 21? Is that too young? People nowadays seem to be so against people getting engaged and married before they're 25 years old. While I can see it being a good thing to get married at that age, wonder if you met the one you're supposed to be with before that? I'm all about taking your time during courting to discern, but wonder if you've been together for a while anyway? Ah, Im rambling...
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Several of my friends are getting married this summer and they are only 18/19 I think...
QUOTE(FutureNunJMJ @ Mar 20 2006, 07:05 AM)
Several of my friends are getting married this summer and they are only 18/19 I think...
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I guess a lot of people disapprove of younger people getting married these days. I wouldn't mind being at least 21 years old though.
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