well, i guess i won't be of much help. i met my future hubby at 19 - got married at 23 (or was it 24? ). but pray, pray, pray, every day for God to help you find your future spouse. get your spiritual life in order (sacraments, sacraments, sacraments!), and then worry about your future spouse

Praying/spiritual life is the easy part... the rest is what I find difficult!

I know exactly what you mean. It's always seemed to be like that for me, for the most part, and now I've got the friends who are getting married. All we can really do is pray hard and keep our eyes (and hearts) open.

no hurt feelings as for being poor, yea... definitely have those months and with summer coming and no paychecks approaching (catholic school teacher), my trust in God is going to increase in leaps and bounds simply by default!

the thing with NFP, i think anyways, is that it really does allow you to trust God because you are relying on the way in which He created us. i agree that in general more trust of GOd is required and personally, as a couple, we have been growing in that. but at the same time, God helps those who help themselves and He made our bodies a way for a reason and learning how that works etc is very valuable.

that being said, those who choose to chuck NFP to the wind, i think it is still valuable for them to take the lessons of communication and of God's creation of our bodies that are gained from NFP and find a way to apply them to their own marriaeg, just because they are so infinitely valuable

Er um...

Good to see this back on page one.

Sorry I haven't been around, the summer job search hasn't been the greatest. However I have a question for the married (as usual)

My parents are finally getting used to the idea that I am engaged. To refresh, I am 20 years old and have two years of college left. My fiancee is finishing school this summer and because I have some school left we agreed that we would wait to get married until I am finished with school. When people ask if we have a date picked out yet, I tell them in two years and my mother tells them three.

Question and concern:
From what my priest friends and those who know church teachings better than I say that two years should be the max time for engagement, and I agree with them. Did any of you have difficultly with this and how did you work it out?

God bless-
LGLG

While I hadn't ever heard of the 2 year limit for engagement time, I have heard that 2 years is about enough time to figure out if the person with whom you contemplate a possible marriage is indeed the appropriate marriage partner. (i.e., 2 years of dating the same person with an eye towards marriage.)
My husband and I were engaged for 2 years and it didn't seem difficult compared to finishing school and starting careers, which we were doing while engaged. It would have been too much stress on everyone had we married sooner. Once school was finished and we both started working, we could move on to the next step.
Three years does seem a bit long for an engagement, but sometimes circumstances have an impact on timing marriage.

I've been in a long engagement, and it fizzled. Functionally, I do know that it's very stressful to be engaged without an established date to get married. The tension of engagement is like Tantalus. You're almost there, but not yet. I do think, though, that if you're right for each other and you work at it, particularly in terms of purity, it'll wind up being ok.

I know, right now, this is just causing some tensions between my mom and I. I guess my mom and I have been so close that finally not seeing eye to eye on this is kinda bothering me. Thanks for the advice.

God bless-
LGLG

Celebrating 28 years of marriage this weekend

Congratulations!! That is so awesome!

Congratulations on your anniversary stlmom!

Love and prayers,

PP

Congratulations!!!

Congratulations!

I have a friend who is from an extremely devout Catholic family. If marriage turns out to be God's will for me, I would take her family for my model in bringing up children and running a Catholic household. Her dad is a Catholic priest - something that caused my eyebrows to shoot up when I learned of this. (He was originally a 'high' Anglican, but converted to Roman Catholicism over the ordination of women. The Church agreed to let him stay a clergyman - and obviously he couldn't abandon the family.) There are six children in the house, ranging in age from five to eighteen. I got quite sentimental, imagining them having family prayers each day, when my friend callously corrected me. "We can't do that very often because Peace and Seth [the two youngest] start fidgeting in the middle of the rosary and saying, 'We're missing Spongebob Squarepants!' "

All the same, they are a lovely family.

Thanks for your kind wishes, folks. I have a wonderful husband, I thank God we are together....
(nobody else could have put up with either of us!

Congrats STLMom (and Dad!)!

My husband and I feel the same way about each other!

Congrats STLMom!

God bless-
LGLG

Sounds like we're kinda in the same boat, although I feel almost equally called to both marriage and the priesthood. During college as I was growing in my relationship with God (before becoming Catholic), when it came to God's will for my life the only thing I felt certain about was marriage and raising a family. However, during RCIA last year, the calling to priesthood seemed to grow ever stronger to the point that I felt almost as certain about that calling as I used to feel about marriage. That was until April, when I met a girl and we started dating. Since she wasn't Catholic, I knew that in the long run there could be some big impediments to marriage, but for the time being I was willing to see where things went and just pray about it. Long story short, we are now just good friends.

It could be that I needed a healthy dating relationship to be a better, more confident priest, since that was lacking in my past and I often wondered if my attraction to religious life was partly just a way to "solve" my failures in dating. Of course, having gained that experience, the desire for marriage is now much stronger. Yet, like you, I look at my experience with dating and the fact that the vast majority of girls don't interest me enough to even consider dating, and marriage seems about as likely as a Cubs pennant.

So... basically I just wanted to say that I feel some of what you're going through. I was somewhat passionate about the priesthood a few months ago, so maybe God will restore that zeal. Having just ended this last relationship, it's a difficult place to clearly discern God's will. But the last thing I want is to endlessly debate this question for 5 or 10 years, so hopefully God intends to answer quickly!

I thought this thread was dead, but I just though of a question. I know that there had been a thread (either here or Open Mic) about a betrothal cerimony. Do any of you know anything else about it?

God bless-
LGLG

I would recommend the book If You Really Loved Me for all young people who think they are being called to marriage. (I would start giving this book to children in middle school...)

I'm glad to see this thread, i've never noticed it before. For those of you who do not know I'm 24. The struggling part of my Vocation discernment is that I am drawn strongly in opposing directions. A HUGE part of me wants to go to the Seminary and be a Priest. then the other HUGE part of me wants me to date, get married and be a father. It is a tough choice to pursue becoming a father or a father. Anyway I just thought I'd share. I am glad to see people who do realize that married life is a real vocation, not a lack of vocation.

I also relate to the feelings of being torn between marriage and the priesthood. My cousin says I look good in black, but I'm not sure if that's a solid basis for choosing the latter While my mind was all but made up for the priesthood about six months ago, I then met a girl and we dated for a few months. That experience changed my thoughts about marriage, partly because I was indeed a lot happier while dating someone. However, I actually hope I'm not called to marriage, which makes me think I'll end up married because God tends to send us in the direction we don't want to go

I'm meeting with one of my diocese's vocation directors this Friday and with a priest next week. It feels good to be taking the next step towards clearing up the fog.

Why do you hope you are not called to marriage if you were happier there?

A priest-friend of mine once helped me a lot by saying "Oh, so you like a boy, do you? Good. I prefer my nuns human."

Unfortunately, this -did- take away one more clue to what I'm supposed to be doing with my life.

marriage is hard sometimes. but funny at other times.

my hubby calls me up yesterday and says in a worried voice,"is the baby okay?" to which i respond warily with,"uh, yeah". he tells me he had this dream where the baby came early and we went to the hospital and delivered the baby. and the baby had problems and such, and the baby looked like a kitten, but my hubby (in his dream) thought it was just him because me and the doctors and nurses were acting like nothing was wrong.

so when i got home last night, he asked me, "we're not having a kitten, are we?"

just had to share

There's something about taking the road less travelled that makes the priesthood more appealing to me. Plus, I think I would find more fulfillment in leading people to a closer relationship with God than anything else career-wise.

I've never been anywhere close to married, so I hestiate to say I was happier "there." I was happy sharing my life with someone in a dating relationship, but at the same time the first few months of most relationships are more infatuation than anything substantial. I had grown quite bored with the whole idea of dating and marriage over the last few years, so I think part of it was being surprised to find that a relationship could actually hold my interest for more than a few weeks. Maybe that attitude was a hangover effect from reading too much Christian courting advice back a few years ago... those authors made watching the Weather Channel sound exhilerating compared to finding the woman you would share the rest of your life with (in my eyes anyway... I doubt anybody agrees with me, but that's fine ).

Bottom line is I'm just praying about it for now and we'll see where God leads.

Sounds like a good move...

And remember: in marriage you are called to move your spouse closer to our Lord. You are called to lift your spouse up to Him, further them on the road to sainthood. Also, together you and your spouse would be responsible for bringing up your children in a way that would be pleasing in the eyes of God. You are called to bring your children to Christ and to raise saints! So no matter which road you take you are being called to further the holiness of those you are responsible for.

Besides, I believe very strongly that we are called to increase the holiness in each person that we meet. We are challenged to challenge others - to know Christ and to serve Him in all things!

what's great is i was thinking the same thing...

Actually I found it shortly after I posted that response. I just stopped posting here because it seemed like I was the only one keeping it going. I'm glad to see that others have found it and are using it now.

God bless-
LGLG

all the posts that debated whether marriage is a calling or not have been moved. the new thread in the debate table can be found here. if you want to continue the debate go there please.

for married people who are parents:

when you had your first child, what was it like? how did you prepare for your child (spiritually, physically, etc.)?

i get kinda scared a little bit about what kind of parent i will be and how i will handle having a child. help!

Wow, that was a lot to read...

Lil Red I have to jump in and say that I was so excited to read that you don't use NFP! I don't have a problem with NFP (well, not entirely) but it seems like so many parish programs push NFP as the "catholic contraception" to avoid children-- rather than space children when necessary. But my strong aversion to starting out a marriage using NFP or even using NFP at all in a marriage (except for grave reasons) is always an issue of tension with any guy I meet remotely interested in considering a dating relationship.

i'm just not entirely comfortable with the way NFP is presented by parishes. you are correct, in many places it is used as 'catholic contraception'. why don't parishes teach what a joy and wonderful thing children are? not to say 'have a bunch of kids' but seriously! instead, even in our own parishes children are shunned and avoided. what kind of message is that?

in my opinion, people should trust God more. God knows better than I do. (And thank goodness He does!)

oh boy, i have a feeling i just created another monster debate.

You can't prepare emotionally for your first child (or any other for that matter). It's... you just can't believe it. That they let you leave the hospital (or wherever) with this little person and merely check to make sure you have a carseat is pretty freaky. It's wonderful though.

Here's something that someone told me once (but never really happened to me)... something to be aware of. Not all mothers fall madly in love with their babies at birth. It's nothing to be ashamed of, just be aware that if you don't want to hold your baby instantly after birth that eventually YOU WILL. Don't feel guilty about it. People react in all sorts of ways.

that's okay. we'll move that too. or... i will. since you did the last part.

lol
My aunt and uncle teach NFP, and when they come in, the people start wondering if it works, because she's either pregnant or carrying a baby. so then they have to explain that it's not about avoiding babies...

Someone I know wrote on his blog that
I remember once saying to my Dad "the thing I like about being single is that I can do a great work of love anytime I want to!" You know, I was thinking go to africa and be a missionary or take someones place in a concentration camp like Maximillian Kolbe. My Dad said "Yeah, but when you're married, you have to do great acts of love when you don't want to."

He's engaged now, but before that he did go to Ottawa to discern with the Companions of the Cross whether he had a vocation to the priesthood.

I considered being a pastor, but now I cant cause i am catholic. and I cant be a priest cause i am married..oh billy

I've been married for 6 years. I wouldnt trade it for the world. I think Holy Matrimony is a beautiful thing. Many of you have heard my "Holy Matrimony" song on Ultramontane. I will be married until the day I die.

thanks i know it's probably normal to feel scared, but sometimes i just get thoughts like "What if I do something wrong?" "What if I hurt the baby?", what if, what if, what if! and it kinda freaks me out! so what do you do?

I have been married for 5 years and my wife is three months pregnant for our fifth child, she is awesome. My kids are just the most wonderful gift: Luke James (4), Grace Nicole (3), Samantha Claire (almost 2), Kathryn Michelle (6 months), and Martin Joseph or Allison Marie (due Apr. 23).

People love to ask if we have a TV (like that is more entertaining than a wife and kids) . I just respond yes we do, its just my wife gets turned on more than it does.

You can be a deacon.

Congrats on the fifth on the way. I hope someday my fiance and I can have a large family. I'm an only child so I want at least two so they can have a play mate and best friend and someone to confide in that's safe and the list goes on and on.











God bless-
LGLG

I think the first is the scariest-- it's certainly the biggest life-changer. I feel down flat on my belly at eight months and nothing happened, but I worried like crazy. Those little guys are pretty safe in there. (God knew what He was doing. ) Sadly, though the "what if" doesn't ever really go away... just ebbs and flows at different stages. You always worry that the decisions you make will mess them up somehow. That's just the way parenting is. You will come to appreciate your own parents in a way you never thought you would.

Married life is great, I really have the best wife. Ignore my whinning, Im having some heavy issues with my revertion right now.

I have one year 8 month and two days till that blessed day, (if all the booking and other stuff goes well). *in a Ben Stine voice* Can't you tell I'm excited?

God bless-
LGLG

thanks! i really needed to hear that right now.

My oldest "child" is now 25...when he came along, he was an easy baby, ate, slept, and did everything with gusto. Made us feel like we were experts from the start. Not that I wasn't terrified that I would do something to screw him up. My mother came from out of town and helped me for a couple of weeks after he was born. When I took her to the airport after her visit, I stood there at the gate and just bawled with him in my arms watching the plane take off.
Our second child came along two years later, and she was colicky for 4 months. Every so often, she would break out in a rash from something she touched or ate. So a little more challenging, but we were more experienced by then, and didn't freak out over every little thing, but we tended to be overly strict. We were going for that respectable family image.
Child number 3 was our biggest challenge--he inherited some ADHD and learning disabilities and threw our whole nicely crafted image of our family down the tubes.
Instead of being complimented by teachers and other church friends on our well behaved children, we were getting nasty looks and comments on our younger son's misbehavior and poor academics. We learned the meaning of things like school suspensions and F's on report cards. And we were doing everything we could day after day to keep this youngest one in school and on the right side of the law. One learns a thing or two about feeling helpless and depressed when you have a kid like that, because those issues stay with a kid all the way through adolescence.

What we learned ultimately from all our children is what unconditional love really looks like on a daily basis, and I particularly learned that I couldn't take all the credit for my kids who were good students and easy to raise ---as their inborn God given temperaments were more the reason for that good behavior. I learned that I am not as much in control as I would wish. I also learned the hard way not to sit in judgment of the parents of kids with behavior and learning problems.
Before I married, I gave some thought to religious life, but I have to tell you I learned more about love and faith from being married and raising my family than I ever would have in the convent.

God bless!

thank you!