Each community, when writing up their Rules and Constitutions, set age limits. Some set them at age 28, 30, 32, 35, 40. . .some as their number are getting smaller have even extended that number to inlcude older vocations. As my friend says, it is what it is. There's nothing 'wrong' with those limits. It's just a number they've decided. I'm not sure why you think formation is geared to those younger, and how that would affect someone older. It's not as if there will be age related classes Because in all reality, the formation classes include things like catetchism, information about the order, etc. Some people, regardless of their age, know these things, and some, have to start from square one.

I took have been rejected for my age, at age 35. I haven't been leery or stuck on that. At first, it annoyed me, but it literally was just a 'What? Because I'm 35? Lovely.' And then I moved on, because there's nothing I can or could do about it. You know? Save the stress and the worry for something I can do something about.

There have been a couple of communities that have said that they would look at me as an individual case (which is, IMO, a lot better than being told straight out that they won't consider me because I'm too old, which a few have done as well).

However. . .I continued to discern with those communities, among others, and it just so happened that, for other reasons, those communities were not for me.

I would try to stop being stuck on the age thing. Sounds easier said than done, since as long as I've known you, this has been an issue. But, I would, when praying, just pray that you can give that up into our Lord's hands . Because that may be preventing you from looking at that community objectively and if He is calling you there, you won't be able to hear or see that.

Like AliceMary said, try looking at more than one community. In that way, you can see how He may be calling you to one and not the other. Even after I knew I was called to the PCPA, I still was a little hung up on the idea that I'd thought I was called to Carmel, so for me, I stil used those plane tickets and visited them, just to confirm my vocation, one way or the other. It was one of the wisest moves I'd made.

I will keep you in my prayers.
God bless you!

(BTW, I am at my parents in Payson. I can't go home because I'm snowed in! It hasn't snowed ALL winter and finally, it's snowing. Unbelievable.)

What did you mean by this one part exactly? Like try not to let my age bother me? I am cornfused. I don;t know if I am looking at them objectively at this point. I keep getting mixed messages ....

Thanks Denise.

I was in Payson in Novemeber for a pit stop on the way up to Flagstaff. LOL.

Thanks again.

Sometimes when we focus on one aspect, we tend to forget the bigger picture. So, let's take me for example. For so long I truly believed that I was called to be a Carmelite. Here I was in the chapel in Ohio TELLING God that I couldn't be called here because it was Poor Clare not Carmel! When I finally allowed Him to talk and ME to listen, I saw that this was indeed where I would glorify Him the best. That's all I'm saying. If you are called to the Daughters (IF) and you are so busy being leery about your being on the upper end of their age limit for entrance, you may not hear His voice. . . then again, it COULD be His way of telling you to Go West, young Nun (sorry, PCPA of AZ humor) and look some where else.

Just a thought

No I totally agree. But you put it rather blunty which is what I like about you Alice. However, I would like to say that I am not being too serious at this point and I AM (and have been) looking at other communities.

That part about Jesus doing work at 33 is cute and sooo true!

Also that is true if they are looking for women who are a lot younger I may not need to be a part of that (that worries me a wee bit). I love younger people and can pretty much adapt to being around them, people in their later teens, early twenties (heck I am ONLY 30) and like Denise said about formation.. it's about catechism, the rule, the life..etc. No one said formation would be an easy thing either, it's almost like a rebirthing of sorts.

What I am struggling with is presenting myself "as is".

I am who I am and do not want to deviate from who I am.

If a community wants me to change the core of who I am, then it's not worth it. Wanting to devote and consecrate my entire life to Christ is my focus. If they cannot accept me for who I am, then God must not be calling me there.

I have been very much myself around Sr. H. She is an awesome VD, very open and very HONEST with me. Their apostolate is the frustration. I love it.

That's just the thing though. When they said they will look at you as an exception, they're merely going outside their box insofar as a number goes. That's all. If it was really a huge issue, they'd wind up saying no altogether.

There's nothing about them looking at your age that means that you'd have to change who you are. Make sense?

Yeah...I may have to go west...hahhaha

I am sure I will figure it out in His time.
I'll try and not look at it from an age perspective.
There is always Panhandle...I like those Sisters too.
My only concern there is the apostolate and that is a whole nother LOOONG story... *Sigh*

Don't the Panhandle sisters have a couple of different apostolates? So there is always something there to 'fit' the talents of each sister. But in the end, you are to be consecrated to Jesus. . .not to an apostolate. I know that sounds trite, but if you wind up visiting the Panhandle Franciscans, if they and you both feel that you are called there, the rest will work out, Our Lord will see to it.

So I have had 2 spiritual directors.

One said that I need to think about if I I want to work in the same apostolate all my life (nursing home). Now, she prolly said this because a woman who was in her community (which is a teaching order) was a nurse and eventually left because she didn't want to work in the nursing home....

The other one said that God can have me doing things I would never imagine.......

So I try to take some aspects of the apostolate into consideration.

With the Daughters, their apostolate is what attracts me, along with the hour of adoration and Jesus as way, truth and life....

Yeah...there actually is a lot I like about the Daughters.

Clearly you're attracted to the Daughters and God is calling you to be in their presence (perhaps on your discernment journey, or perhaps on a life-long journey as a Sister).

I second what those above me had said. But I'm here to offer the "20-something" advice (as, believe it or not, I wonder if I'm too old sometimes!!!!!)..... you mentioned that you are close with Sr. M. Helena, the VD. Would she be able to put you in contact with some sisters who entered later in life?

As an example (a specific, not the norm, but one that could give you hope nonetheless), I was visiting a community this past weekend, and their current Mother Superior entered at the age of 38!!! She's only been in the convent for 20 years.... drastically less than some of the other sisters around!!!

Bottom line, you're in a tough place (I gather this from your posts), and you're seeking advice/consolation/prayers/etc... so talk to the women who've been in your shoes. Ask them about their experience in formation and in community. Most, I would imagine, would be just tickled that you asked them to walk with you on this journey.

Well, that's my two cents... PRAYERS!!!

HUGS!!!!!

hahhaha

WOW what an excellent idea! I wonder if anyone of them have entered "later" most of the ones I know entered from the age of 14 to 19. I will have to ask. I see Sr. H for lunch tomorrow. So, any more advice would help. Also, I can let ya'll kow what all happens tomorrow.

She asked me this one question..."What if they (formation superiors) ask you to do something in formation and you think..."No way", how would you deal with that?" "Or what if you didn't agree with it?" She was just asking me these things as a hypothetical, which is totally valid.

Part of formation entails learning about the vows, like the vow of Obedience. As my idol Sr. Faustina said, Obedience forms and animates the monastic body.

With that vow, I promise to be obedient to God's will, whatever that may be (even now in my discernment). This vow makes me dependent on my superior in all of my affairs (St. Faustina).

According to St. Ignatius, he suggests to facilitate obedience three means:

1. ALWAYS see God in your Superior.
2. Whomever she might be: to justify in itself the order or advice of the Superior.
3. To accept each order as an Order from GOD, without examining it or reflecting on it (HUMILITY).

The courage and strength that are in me are not of me... but of HIM who lives in me - it is the Eucharist (St. Faustina). This is enough to sustain me, I am giving God my life and surrendering my will. Shouldn't that suffice as an answer? No one said it would be a bowl of cherries.

So in essence, that question she asked me is null and void. I am giving my life over to God to do with it what He Wills. I understand my formation will entail learning the vows and the most difficult could very well be Obedience. However, just because I am older doesn't mean I will be unable to submit to the will of God through obedience.

And I know tomorrow, I need to bring this up....however, I needed to reflect on it when she brought it up. It was one of those loaded questions...

Maybe it was a test.

Who knows. Thanks shortnun.

Some thing, perhaps, for you to think about. Of the various communities that I've corresponded with, etc. most have said that one of the reasons that they don't accept later vocations is that many women, by then, are independent, on their own for a while, and, as a generality, have more difficulties with the vow of obedience. . .especially when it seems to be something done in a way that we wouldn't consider doing. (and esepcially if your superior, novice mistress, etc. was younger than you!) I saw some validity in that, but I also knew and believed as you do, that we are giving our lives over to Jesus, so it's a moot point, right? Of course, it will be difficult at times, but I don't believe it will be any more difficult than anyone else. . .. I don't know. . .just a thought.

Prayers for you!

I guess that is exactly what I was trying to say in my last post.
But it's like when you are dating, you shouldn't have to proove yourself to anyone. Either they take you as you are or move on. Right? So in essence, am I cheating myself by trying to make my point? Is it worth it? It's all about God and maybe I can serve Him better somewhere else? Like Panhandle...

Again, I would say, just be open to them. If you feel any inkling of attraction still to them and feel called to at least 'come and see' in Boston, then I think you should visit there, just to confirm, in your heart, and through prayer and experience there, one way or the other. If you feel that the 'age thing' is too much of an obstacle for you, then move on, without making a point, because it's only stressful to yourself in the end. You know?

(and if you feel called to Panhandle? By all means, check 'em out!

I am thinking about going on their Discernment retreat @ their Motherhouse in Boston for Holy Week. Anyone else going?

I think you are putting the horse before the cart. You don't really have that much information on any orders at this point. You need time to explore their congregations. You may feel a slight attraction to an order, but unless you spend months investigating them, living with them, then you will not know. You have only met the sisters in Chicago, you need to spend some time at the motherhouse. You need to spend a weekend here and there with them. You desperately need NOT to make any kind of decisions at this point. If you feel that you must make a quick decision because of your age, then you are making a very sad mistake indeed. And if a community would accept you without a proper, lengthy discernment, then you may regret that also in time, as may they.
Its the same as with dating, it takes time. You need that time now to SERIOUSLY discern. That does not mean apply to a place, it means look them over, look over several congregations, find out what makes them tick.
Good luck Lauren!!
blunt as ever,
AM

Yes, it is really important to spend time, in prayer, discerning these communities, reading their vocation brochures, corresponding via written and spoken forms with their superiors/vocation directors, and of course, visiting.

While I agree that you should visit the motherhouse, Lauren, I dont believe that one has to spend months investigating the community/living with them. Granted, you never 'really' know if the community is right for you unless you live with them, but there are some communities that don't allow a live-in at all(although most of those communities are contemplative). Not only that, but sometimes even a live-in doesn't provide for you the same amount of exposure that actual entrance would. I did a live-in with a community for over a month, returned, was absolutely sure this was the place for me, but it wasn't until I entered that I realized it wasn't for me. It took all of under two weeks, although I stayed for 3 months, to see that I wasn't called there.

I wouldn't say that unless you have a lengthy discernment, your community or you might regret the action of your entrance later. There are many sisters, just for an example, who entered the PCPA after a brief visit, some who never even went home but went for a visit and stayed for life, having their parents send the various required dcuments, a favorite book/Bible, etc. It might be an exception to how things are normally done in other communities, but as you can see by their full monastery in AL, it works for them, and they're all terribly happy.

I believe I know the point you are trying to make, Alicemary, and I don't mean to argue semantics, but I just wanted to point out that some of the things you've mentioned as 'musts' aren't necessarily the only way to do things in order to guarantee a successful discernment and/or to know God's will for you.

God bless you Lauren on your discernment. I of course keep you in my prayers and look forward to seeing you at the end of the month!

Denise

The Sisters in Chicago taught me in high school. I've been in touch with them for 14 years. I spent lots of time there in high school on a retreat and have been attending monthly Days of Recollection for over a year. I also have a very close friend in that community who has been not only a friend of mine, but my family for over 16 years! I visit her monthly and pray with the Sisters everytime I go for a visit or Day of Recollection. So in essence, I REALLY know them quite well, whether I am called to that community is another story.

Secondly, I am not in any way shape or form ready to make any kind of decision. Thirdly, I don't want to plant myself all over tarnation looking at umteen communities. A few is enough and overwhelming as it is.

Lastly, my meeting today was cancelled.

Awww I'm sorry your meeting was cancelled! Are you going to reschedule?

NO.
NO.
NO.

Let's just leave it at that. I cannot talk about this anymore (at least not on the this board). Please do not take offense.

it's OK, Lauren... we will pray for you.

It must be working....
Denise talked some sense into me too..
It's all good. Anywhoo...on to bigger & better things...like Spring is coming and I'll be playing traveling soccer again..


Oh and just for like an FYI, when I said "The Sisters in Chicago" in my last post, I didn't mean to get them mixed up with the DSP's and my high school Sisters, here in Chicago. I meant the SSFCR's, that is the community I have known all my life (The Franciscans) from my high school. Sorry for any corn-fusion I may have caused.

Hope everyone is having a super duper blessed day. I AM!
Whoooo hooooo, life is good and God is great!

Awwww God bless you. I am so glad that you are doing well. Me? I'm packing. Wanna come help?

Actually I will be there after the 22nd silly, in Mesa! Visiting my mom!

I know. I meant, want to come help me pack NOW?



I can't wait to finish all this.

I have a family friend who joined the DSP when she was 14. They do tend to prefer the youngins, that's for sure.

14??? That's. . .wow. I thought you were required to be at least 16.

I will not comment on this.
They are a great community.

Even if I am too old and ancient and all fossil-like.

In case you are feeling too poorly when you come visit, I have some equipment from work that I think will help you.

~ticking off on fingers~ hospital bed, bedpan, 'grabber', depends, cane, even a wheelchair for when things get really bad.

Yep, got it all



Here honey. .. have a glass of



If YOU'RE a fossil, what does that make me?

Lauren, I love you, but you are and next time you say you're old. . .

Yes, Sr. Rebecca. I can't find her profile online but if you go to their home page, she is the one on the banner just to the left of the monstrance (with her mouth open).

She's probably about 30 now and recently left Boston to be a superior at one of their facilities.

She's very nice and very humble.

We see Sr. Rebecca less now that we don't live in the same parish as her parents. A couple of years ago she, Sr. Michael, and Sr. Carmen came to our house for dinner. They were in town for a youth conference and Sr. Lauren was discerning a vocation with them.

Their home page is www.pauline.org

How very nice.

My friend, you aren't too old, ancient and all fossil-like. After all I am 43 according to your defination I am ready to meet today Jesus

You are thirty years old and there are other communities who will accept you if it is God's desire for you to be there. I was just accepted into a community that doesn't take women over 40. However, God worked out the situation for me because believe me I had nothing to do with the series of event that brought me to the Dominicans in Buffalo

Please don't think of self in the way you mentioned above. Even if you are joking, sometimes those thoughts stick.

Peace,

DM

DonnaMarie, what are you doing? We spent a lot of time convincing Lauren that she was old and crotechety and you come along with your soothing and comforting words. Sheesh, what a clod!

LOL

Mea Culpa!!!

Hey DM....
Well, I am a litttttttttle older you know? But God has a strange way of reminding us that perpetual discernment isn't cool. Sometimes we need to take that leap of faith.

Actually as of tonight, things are a little clearer.

How is Sr. Lauren BTW? And how are you OLAM pops?

My prayers have been answered!

Thanks for asking, we're both fine.

One of our phamily saw and talked to her last week and PMed me that she is well.

Oh???? Which prayers exactly?

Well.....clarity prayers to be exact.
I think that I can go ahead (again) and discern with them.
I was at the bookcenter for bible study and talked to Sr. H. until pretty late after it ended last night. I just need to get to Boston. I am awaiting the "OK" from work to get the time off for Holy Week, so please, please, please keep me in your prayers. I really feel an attraction to their apostolate and charism. I am hoping that God will help put the pieces together for me to get there. If perhaps it is God's will and I do get down there for Holy Week, then I think there will be even more clarity.
However, I may have put the horse before the cart by freaking out about my age and all, so I apologize for that. It is a very valid concern though. Trying to understand that concept has been hard for me. They are such an awesome community and I don't want to give up hope just yet. God led me to them for a reason and I can't seem to stay away. Nonetheless, whatever happens, I am so grateful that I have met them and have become aquainted with them here in Chicago.

I'M GOING TO BOSTON!!!!!!!!!!!
HOLY WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wowsers, that's SOOO Awesome!

I will be praying for you, to be sure. May our Lord bless you abundantly while you are there, giving you clarity of heart to hear His call, whether it be there, or whether He shows you that it is not there but somewhere else.

Awesome! I am sure it will be a most blessed time!

Awesome, Awesome, Awesome!

So, when you get back from Boston, we'll be anxiously awaiting YOUR clothing list. LOL