For some time my personal journey has been rocky. As has been the case for many. I have my uphill moments and many c&b (crash and burn) moments. I recently read the following quote from St. Josemaria Escriva, the Founder of Opus Dei and have found myself asking the questions that will follow the quote...

Taken from The Forge 755:

" If you really want your heart to respond in a genuine way, I would recommend you enter one of the Wounds of Our Lord. In this way you will get to know him closely, you will cleave to him, you will feel his Heart beating...and you will follow him in everything he asks of you."

My questions: I have tried to "cleave" to him and find myself to weak to hold on. Now having gone from wholeheartedly discerning a religious vocation to dating a protestant I ask why I no longer seem to posess the grace to fall (or perhaps Rise) in Love with Christ? Why is it that I do not posess the fortitude to Love him to the point that I sit up and worry at night how he feels, or drop to my knees in sorrow when I fall, or go to him when triumph comes a knocking in thanksgiving because it is only he with which I wish to share it? How many times must I be knocked off of my horse? How many times must the pickle crow in my own life? How many times must I cross the Tiber?

I'm clearly no expert, but it seems to me that perhaps the answer to how many times we must keep rising after falling is the same as the number of times Christ told us to forgive our brothers...7 times 70.

God bless

-the answer to this DannyBoy is not easy.
-there are two possible answers:
1. you are not called to the religious life, hence you have not been given the grace that you need to hold on.
2. true love requires complete faithfulness, so maybe you have not been faithful to the vocation long enough so that you can truly fall in love. love takes time.
-of course, there are a number of variations on the above, but i do not have enough information to draw any conclusions with any certainity.

I cannot offer quick answers to your questions DannyBoy but what I can do is to offer guidance as you discern the situation. You seem to be going through, in the words of one great mystic saint, "a dark night of the soul" . It is a phase, a moment where one experiences an emptiness from within that yearns for the Spirit from above. This experience so common to all men and women of faith, is actually grace in action --- a spiritual paradox. You probably would say "how can this be grace in action since I do not even think God's grace is within me?" Exactly. The seeming absence of grace is our human point of view. Human tendency sometimes conclude that if bad things happen to you, or when you do things OUTSIDE of the expected behaviour or actions you do not have grace. I don't think so. Such conclusions or assumptions are contrary to grace itself which cannot be interpreted simply based on human actions. I would like to think that what you are going through is what I would refer to as "intensying grace," where your heart had already experienced an outpouring of grace (viz., initial excitement about God, priesthood, etc.) and now it's in the process of being realized (i.e., being confronted by your human limitation). The Grace of God is already with you, and it's presence is what prompting these events to happen to you making you become "fully and totally" aware what lies out there for you. To some degree you have become more aware of the temptation, sinfulness, distractions, options you have out there, which explains the events you are experiencing. When one is filled with grace, the person is prone to all kinds of things in order to distract him/her from the Divine.

What can you do. First, experience the moment, allow them to happen but be very cautious with your responses and reactions. Secondly, bring these events to prayer, allow God to lead and guide you, always honestly and openly exposing your feelings to God about these things that affect you. Thirdly, ask, "What does God want me to do?" Stay on this, reflect, listen. Fourth, trust God. He will answer your question and lead you to the right answer. Fifth, face the situation/s but now with an openness to every possibility. God will take care of the rest.

Moments like what you had and will have does not last. Will the experience strengthen your "vocation"? Yes. Will it confirm that God is calling you to His service? You will know, trust your heart and listen to God speaking through others. Always remember: God empowers all He calls.

Good luck and God bless. Peace be with you.

I would just like to add that I really found your comment "rising in love with Christ" to be so beautiful. It will be something I will take with me in prayer this evening, thank you for the reflection.

No matter which vocation God is calling you to, the mere fact that you are aware of your deep desire to love Christ is a great thing! How wonderful!

In the post above, it was suggested you may be going through a dark night of the soul. In my personal experience, I have had a couple dark nights of the soul and they have always led be back to a deeper faith and a deeper love of Christ.

Try reading Dark Night of the Soul by St. John of the Cross. Perhaps this will help you remain ever rooted in Christ.

It's important to love Christ, but also important to trust God. That sometimes is the hardest.

You are in my prayers in a special way. May God continue to bestow his blessings upon you!