It has been written many times (particularly in recent posts) that you know a community is right for you when you "feel at home." In one of DonnaMarie's recent posts she describes a "feeling of peace."

Last week, when speaking with my spiritual director, he made a comment of the effect that it's not just that "at home/at peace" feeling that'll be there. But also, a feeling that I add something to a specific community. That they will recognize the gifts I have to offer their community as well.

Thus I open the discussion up to those who are soon entering, those who already have entered, those who entered long ago, those whose children have entered, etc etc..... have you experienced that you have something to offer your community, as well as feeling that they have something to offer to you?

When I first visited the Monastery of St. Jude, the beauty, peace, and love overwhelmed me. It sounds sort of cheesy to use those words, but it's true. The whole atmosphere was so calm and quiet, from the sweet-smelling air and cushiony grass to the stillness and inscence of the chapel and the quiet containment of the guest rooms. The very simplicity and poverty of the building (painted concrete block walls inside) and the beauty and peace and presence of God and the heavely courts in the chapel (again concrete block--but with Jesus present within!) surrounded me. The loving welcome of the sisters sharing part of their recreation with me in the parlor, from behind the screen. The ancient tones of their Office, partly in Latin to boot. Beauty and Charity.

So what do they have to offer me? Family. (I mean, I have a family here at home, but in joining them I would be entering a family too!) Completely and in every way ordered and focused on God. Sooo beautiful, and so loving. (Or: A life of prayer, liturgy, community, study, for the glory of God, the salvation of my soul, the support of priests and the salvation of the world? There's a lot I could say here.)

Do I have anything to offer them? Myself. Two different aspects in particular. First, my personality has to complement their community--I have to fit in with their family and rejoice in being part of them and they have to rejoice to have me. Otherwise I suppose if I don't fit in then I don't belong there. We'll see--that's what the Aspirancy is for, in part, I think. Second, really really literally myself, since the pray every day for St. Joseph to send them "vocations to our monastery NOW." They are old, and need vocations. They were praying for vocations from my school. And the one sister, who had been the very first girl to enter and persevere in the community, said that their community was so wonderful she didn't want to see it end.

Of course there are other things I have to offer--my college education and willingness to study, my enthusiasm to learn how to be a religious, my craftiness and computer skills, my knowledge of sewing, my young body to do work outside and help the elderly sisters, my youth itself as a hope an inspiration to the aged, my hands to do cooking, my voice to do singing, my feet to do errands around the house--even now, my car and enthusiasm to bring other girls down to visit them and expose them to religious life and to the monastery!

So I don't know if that's the kind of input you were looking for, ShortNun. I'm sure that if I enter there God will use everything I've got in service of Him in that community. Or if I enter elsewhere (in His will) other talents might be emphasized, but again all of myself used for Him.

When I first read this post, I wasn't sure how or if I would respond. Have you ever felt sure of something but had difficulties articulating why or how? I felt at home, yes, at peace, when visiting the sisters. I'm not sure why. I just knew. It is sort of like the analogy that some children's books use. 'me' vs. 'not me'. I was at home. I felt accepted. I felt a belongingness that I didn't feel elsewhere.

With the community I am entering, while many call it an extension of OLAM, it is still a budding young community. I don't know what I will be assigned to do, but I thank our Lord for my various experiences over the years. I've managed a couple of retail stores and full service restaurants, so I know all about accounting/bookkeeping, ordering of foods and supplies, as well as various tips when cooking for large parties. I then became and am currently, a nurse. This will help me if I am ever assigned as infirmarian sister. I am quite domestic, having owned my own home, and so various cooking, cleaning, gardening and organizing are all things I've had to do. I bring those things with me, knowing that, especially as it's a newer community, I bring these things to help enrich whatever duty I am assigned.

As for what they offer me, I think it was the family spirit that hit me the most. A sense of belonging, and of charity to your fellow sister. There are many communities out there that are wonderful, but are more of an institutional mindset, that for me, wouldn't work as well. I really felt built up when visiting there, even for the short period I was there. Then, of course, there is the rich prayer life which just carries over into all else that is, especially the Adoration of our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. Prayer is important in any community, I believe, but in this monastery? It just. . .flowed into the rest of the day. Hope that all makes sense.

God bless you,

Denise

Thanks Denise...that's helpful!

Is it like when you know you're called to the religious life in general and you can't explain how you know, just that you do? Or is it something else?

I think it is a little like that. When people would talk to me about religious life, they'd always inevitably use the word 'choice'. Now, don't get me wrong. A vocation to the religious life is an invitation from God, but we still choose, we still give our 'yes'. But people would use the word sort of, as if we are choosing our occupation as a lay person.

It's so hard to explain to people how I feel called to be His bride, especially to people who aren't Catholic! But I think it's more like a nudge, something that won't go away. And then, as one ponders the vocation more, well, at least, for me, I looked at the single life, and knew it wasn't for me. Then, I looked at married life, and said, ehhh, well, yea, I could do that if our Lord sent me a good Catholic man, I supPOSE. . . .but then looking at religious life, it was more of. . .almost a physical feeling of ahhhh, yes, this makes more sense, this is more 'me', who I am, what I feel called to do with the time our Lord gave me. Gosh, am I making sense at all? LOL I don't feel like I am.

It is a deep inner knowing, and sometimes there is no 'aha' moment where we can tell others 'this particular thing or instance is what made me know I should be a sister'. Sometimes it's just a knowing. . .a knowing that out of all the men in the world that our Lord can place in our paths, out of all the wonderful lives we could live in the world, we renounce those things, those men, those wonderful relationships, those worldly possessions, because nothing and no one can compare with dedicating our lives in their entirety to our Divine Lover, our Lord, Jesus Christ.

I hate to say it...

But i am the youngest guy in the order. I know i add a dynamic dimension.

But i feel, as a person, what i have been through, God has blessed me with a tremendous amount of hope. I feel called to in turn give hope to those who have none.

SHALOM

I thought about your question for a little bit. It's been a concern to me that I don't have much to offer my prospective religious family. I certainly am a complete charity case where money is concerned. Many of the things they do are domestic related, but I've only been taking care of my own home for a year or so now. When I think of all the little things my Ma knows about keeping house ... oh, I have so much to learn!

I don't have a college degree, but I do have a little experience teaching. And I can write well enough. Those things might be useful for something!

To answer your question: the first time and only time I visited the Sister Servants, it occurred to me that I might not have much to offer them, that I am not a super-attractive candidate in terms of, well, skills. But that same thought ended with the idea that, the offering of my life would be enough.

Which was kind of a peaceful feeling.

So your answer is: yes and no, lol.

And truly, in the end, that's all that matters, that you are able to offer yourself. When I first read this, I too thought about it and thought about it, and went about it, the way one would say, a job interview. What DO I have to offer? Then I realized, after reading your post, well, yea, there's me! Thank you for humbling me. I needed that.

God bless you.

You know what?

I think finding the right Religious Order (or Diocese for Diocesan priests) -- it's kinda like when you find the right person to marry -- you just know!

First, a thank you to everyone who shared their own experiences here in this thread.

Second, please know that it was never my intent to make this a "job interview" type of a question. The question I posed in my first post was an honest one that came out of a spiritual direction meaning. I was attempting to put language into that "at home feeling." Furthermore, it was a little bit of me "thinking out loud" and wondering if the emphasis in religious life--particularly with religious communities--(though I think you could substitute marriage in here as well) only on what the community has to offer us. When in reality, especially when you are livining in community, the "giving" is a two way street. (But really is all centered on HIM.)

I guess I didn't really know what sort of answer I was looking for... I guess I just wanted to hear about other people's experiences! As I journey through my own vocation discernment, I'm reminded by those who are wiser than I that the goal of religious/married life is not to fit yourself into what other people want/ expect you to be. But rather, the goal is to be the truest form of yourself--the truest form of Christ--you are capable of being. And that is a tremendous gift to be given to others, whether in religious life, marriage, ministry, etc. And praise be to God for the gift of grace and our Incarnate Word who speaks to others through us!

Shortnun's comment triggered another thought in my mind. Christ, by definition, is eternally encompassing and THE good. I know it's been mentioned on other threads on this board, and I know I struggle with it myself, about how we feel so inadequate to be a religious. But God has graced us with a little part of Christ that we are called to imitate.

While we can (and should) try to imitate him in every respect, I think we are called to reflect Christ in a specific & unique way. This is reflected in our inner draw to a particular charism, apostolate, life style.

And, perhaps, where we are called to equips us with the grace to best reflect that part of Christ to the world. By finding this place, perhaps, it also grants us the additional grace to confront our tendancies that are more difficult to make Christ-like.

The combination of being in a community that lets one shine the light of Christ within them the brightest, so to speak, and one that is filled with people who are in a similar state is what happiness is, because we are most fulfilled.

Disclaimer: I'm still trying to discern the community I'm being called to, so I'm no where close to an expert, but for now, this is where my mind and heart have led me to believe. Anyone who has found their community, feel free to tell me I'm totally bonkers...no offense will be taken.

I LOVE that! That's what I have been trying to get across to others . .friends, family and co workers. I've said that I 'could' enter an active order where I could come home and visit, where I could use my nursing degree, etc. But I feel that the community I am called to allows me to worship my Lord the best, and allows me to be, if I allow it, the best 'me' I can be, reflecting Jesus the best to others, even if it is a cloistered community. It is where I feel I'll be fulfilled and thus, able to reflect that to those around me. Thank you for saying it so eloquently.

When I visit different parishes, monasteries and seminaries. I do feel very much at home. As my list boiled down, I became feeling home at my diocese and surrounding seminaries/formation houses. I wish all the discerners on here clarity of mind.

God Bless

Yes. Though I am 16, I know thousands of communities, ALL of them except for one in particular have fullfilled me with joy like it would be - talking to a best friend, but the one particular one has this emptiness feeling to the point when I go and visit I know I will be fullfilled with that awesome God eternal joy and peace, of the feeling of finally "being right at home."

Nicely put.

So, asking the converse of shortun's question--has anyone ever visited a community and known right away that it wasn't for them? If so, what was the feeling you got?

Yes, I have felt like the order was not for me a couple of hours after I had arrived. I just felt really anxious to leave. When I was talking to the sisters, I just didn't feel like myself.

Yes, that's happened to me more than once.

There was one place that I really felt, before I visited, that it was 'it'. I visited several years before, just going to Sunday Mass when I was on vacation. Later when I started thinking about religious life, I immediately thought of this monastery. We corresponded and I had a real preconceived notion that I was called there. Nothing all that abnormal, right ? Because many of us have thought they were called to a particular order or community even before a visit. Well, after I visited the PCPA in Ohio, (and grappled with our Lord LOL) I felt fairly positive that I was called there but also had an equal desire for this other community. So, I prayed that if our Lord was NOT calling me to this second community, then He should make it very obvious to me while I was there on my visit.

On my visit, LOL It was just a comedy of errors. Anything that could go wrong did. Even my time in the chapel, while it was a beautiful place. .. it was just. . .so obvious that this wonderful place was not for me.

After my visit there, I prayed about it. I had a ton of doubts, about everything. My vocation, my life, anything and everything. However, I called Reverend Mother and told her I didn't feel called to the other place (She already knew about my visit), they had a Chapter about me, and I was accepted that week. I prayed about my acceptance and as soon as I called to say 'yes', all my doubts instantly disappeared.

Hmm..interesting stories. Do you think it's a bad thing if you do have that feeling of being called to a particular community before visiting?

Absolutely not! As long as you are open to hearing our Lord once you DO visit. Just in case it's not where you are called.. . you know, wow what a beautiful community, what a wonderful VD, how can you not be called? LOL

Ave + Maria

I visited several communities during highschool and college, although I never felt called to up and join one of them. It can be hard for me to distinguish my own likes and dislikes from what God might be saying. You know, "I don't like or don't feel comfortable with this aspect of this community or retreat, but is that my human weakness that needs to be overcome, or an indication that God doesn't intend me to enter here?"

I could tell rationally that a nursing order is not God's plan for me, or another order that prays in a way unattractive to me. Did this strike me immediately as I walked through the door? No. Both communities are beautiful in different ways, and I see and admire that. Now I see mainly by contrast--the calm, peace, charity, etcetc at the Monastery of St. Jude made a strong impression on me, the goals of their life fulfilled my core aspirations and promise more than I had dreamt, and most essentially I felt an unconditional desire to give myself completely to my Lord Jesus Christ by entering this particular community. I had never felt that in visiting any other community, no matter how beautiful, orthodox, or Dominican. That is the main difference for me.

So: something was missing from my experience of the other communities, but I didn't know what it was until I experienced it at the monastery!

Well with one community I visited, I JUST KNEW.

I was uncomfortable. I can't explain it.

Then on another instance it took me almost a year to figure out I wasn't called to this one particular community. Sometimes after you see things in a bigger picture, you figure it out. Like when I stayed for a longer period of time, the VD kind of left me to my own devices and when it came time for prayer, she was too busy with duties (whatever) to go. Even with mass, I'd see her coming in at the tail end for communion, then she's sit all the way at the other end of the chapel by the choir and stare at me. It kind of freaked me out. Then I started wondering how important prayer was to this community....and even community itself...and I felt kind of like an unwelcomed guest. Then there was a lot of unsettledness and no peace and I just knew the place wasn't for me.

I knew, pretty much the first day, that the Nashville Dominicans weren't for me. The Sisters were super-nice and their Motherhouse was super-beautiful, and I was not in a hurry to leave or anything.

But I couldn't imagine myself living there and going about their daily routine. Let me rephrase that. I couldn't imagine myself doing it with a tranquil heart. All religious are busy, but there are different kinds of busy. The lovely Nashville D's are devoted to community prayer, but they are busy as in "on the go" a lot. I couldn't see myself at peace being busy that particular way.

A priest once told me that, if I enter the religious life, there's going to come an "oh my gosh" moment when I realise that this daily rhythm is what I'm going to be doing, as far as I know, for the rest of my natural life. And I should discern now so that when that "oh my gosh" moment comes, I'll be able to say: "that's not so bad at all."

That's what I felt like, at that exact place. For me, it was a strange feeling of being really uncomfortable.

Thanks so much for sharing your experiences everyone!

I was just listening to Matt Maher's "Lead Me Home" and I realize how much it is really my prayer to the Lord as I'm looking at communities. You can listen to it here:Lead Me Home

Here's the part of the lyrics:


It's definatly important to remember, I think, that even if the path to our vocation seems crooked and with weird twists and turns, that God is with us and guiding us...all we need to do is be open and trusting.

Sometimes He is trying to teach us something...