At a baby shower for a girl in the young adults' group, the girls were chatting about shallow girly things. The topic of weddings came up, naturally, and we were comparing experiences. One of the girls asked me what weddings were like in my family. Now, I'm the oldest at 22, so there haven't really been any weddings in my family. I began telling them about my seamstress sister's plans to make skirts for her bridesmaids, and to sew her own dream wedding dress. "Oh, that's awesome!" one girl responds. " Won't you have her make your wedding dress too?"

"Yeah--but I'm not getting married." Of course, this is such an obvious fact! What a silly question!

Stunned silence for a second, then in chorus: "YOU'RE NOT GETTING MARRIED?!?! Theresa! What haven't you told us?! What's going on!?! What do you mean!?!?"

I guess I forget how ingrained that is in the rest of feminine humanity. Many of the girls I knew in college lived for the day when they would meet "the one" and settle down to raise a good Catholic family. Now I've had various crushes on and friendships with guys throughout my life, but never that kind of driving interest in marriage (even back in highschool when I spend a year or so obsessed with researching dating vs. courtship). The girls' reaction caught me by surprise and I couldn't give a very good explanation of myself (although I have in the past)--I think I felt out of place in their midst anyway, so that may have been part of it. This was a reaction from nice Catholic girls who were very supportive after they got over the initial surprise--What? Not getting married? Woah!!

It could be worse! Here I get the impression that marriage is treated simply as a nice formality, a pretty ceremony and party opportunity to throw for your friends and family once you've saved enough money to pay for it. It doesn't seem to be a goal as it is for your friends: people look for "Mr. Right" all right, but once they've met him, slept with him a few times, they move in together...and that's about it!

This mindset makes it difficult to talk about religious life - how can you talk about your Eternal Bridegroom when people have a skewed idea of marriage and sacramental commitment in the first place? Their idea, their concept of "marriage", or even of "long-term relationship" just doesn't translate meaningfully.

If I talk to someone about my discernment - even Catholics in my age group - then the concept they have of Religious Life is "Something weird and Churchy that PP's choosing to do because she's weird and Churchy." There's an enormous gap, partly catechetical, here.

It serves to remind me of the difference between this world and the Kingdom which we have to build here, and of how it's not easy! Religious are such a powerful sign of the life to come ("eschatolgical portent" or something), whether active or contemplative...like a strong light in the darkness. Combine this with other lights lit by the lives of other Christians - bishops and priests, deacons, husbands and wives, lay people - and it must form a beacon that's not only impressive but also irresistable to everyone, leading them to God.

Love and prayers,

PP

Thats beautiful It's one of the amazing things about religious life - it is totally aiming at the beatific vision that we'll all experince in heaven, and some of us are preparing early!!

I know this is a chick thread but I'm butting in.

So, Theresa, where did the conversation with them end? What did you tell them and what was their response.

I know what you mean about not feeling comfortable. I'm never comfortable at baby showers either.

A co worker just called me, told me that one of the surgeons who I worked with (who was out of the country for the past month, in Egypt) came back and asked where I was. They told him I was leaving to enter a monastery. All day long, he kept on telling them that they were playing a joke on him! People just don't think it will 'happen' to anyone they know. I find it a bit funny.