+JMJ+

I have a question.


If someone has no romantic history, would this pose a problem in terms of enterance into the seminary?

I know of men who were turned away from seminary because they never dated. Is this some kind of unwritten policy?

To be frank, while I do have the desire to have a relationship, I don't feel I have the need for one.

I feel as though I would much rather give my life to Christ, and become a spouse of His Church.

Any thoughts?

I can't imagine that you should be required to have dated before entrance. Maybe they were looking to see that you could have healthy relationships/friendships with those of the opposite sex? Have you talked to any vocation directors? When I was looking into rel life (I know. . .I'm female, but still) no one even asked me how often I'd dated or anything like that.

Let us know what you find out, if you do wind up speaking with any priests! That's an interesting topic.

God bless you.

I've heard of that before... quite a bit actually. I really think it depends on the person.

me too, I think it depends on allot, mainly the person and the order, and allot of other details. Let us know when you recieve further information God Bless!

This depends greatly upon the Diocese (if you are considering a Diocese). Los Angeles - you can't win. If you dated, why didn't any of them work out? If you didn't, what was wrong with you? I guess our Seminary issues are obvious by the numbers alone. Most Orders tend to look for healthy, well adjusted men. Men who are independent and yet can flourish in community. Who can express themselves in a healthy way; with gentle kindness and also hold appropriate boundaries. Having a romantic past is a normal process many people experience, and I believe would only strengthen one's Vocation; knowing what they are saying NO to. Of course, that is much different than "running away," which in Los Angeles...well....don't get me started!

I think someone here ran into that problem..

I'm in the Los Angeles Archdiocese. Ive heard very similar things about the dating issue. How many are ordained here usually?

I can understand their concern about it. For one thing, they're really cracking down on homosexuals, and one symptom of that is no relationships with women.

I personally believe that Our Lord and Our Lady can lead someone to religious life without guiding them through relationships. Look at the Little Flower--or Bl. Elizabeth of the Trinity. The latter attended parties, but said something about "keeping watch over my heart."

What about the priest-saints who wanted nothing but God? Were they ever questioned?

Coming back to the woman's side of the issue, though, a mother superior once told me "Any nun could have a man," meaning the nuns were well-adjusted emotionally, and if they left the convent, could enter a permanent relationship with the opposite sex.

In a lot of ways, psychology has thrown up roadblocks that didn't used to exist.

Blessings,
Gemma

+JMJ+

Thanks that helps!

I will be meeting with by diocesan Vocation Director soon.

All of the orders I have looked into asked me right off the bat if I had been in any relationships and how serious they were. It kinda took me by surprise! I didnt know if they wanted to know if I had experienced both aspects of life to make me a more rounded person or if they wanted to know just how "invloved" I had been and what kind of history I had!

Good luck with your meeting!!!!

God Bless,

Allison

No community wants a cold heart who does not know how to love and be loved. Dating will not kill your desire for religioius life if you truly have a vocation, but that does not mean wanton sexual affairs. A normal teenager dates, or at least has some attaction to the opposite sex. It is important to understand a few things about the opposite sex, and you can't just read about it, you must experience it.

This is what a vocations director told me! That dating teaches us communication in tough times and it gives us a chance to learn how to love and be loved, which is very important considering religious life/priesthood (any vocation, at that) is motivated by pure love.
God Bless you!

I like that! That makes perfect sense to me. Without love, no one can live! So, if we don't learn how to love others, then we wont truely serve God!

AWESOME!!

God Love You,

Carolyn

Thanks. That is why I always love devotion to the Sacred Hearts of Jesus and Mary. I may not have become a nun, but I know that the most important thing we can do in our lives is to love others and allow ourselves to be loved back. A cold heart makes a very poor religious indeed, for you will live in community, not alone

I completely agree! For we are individually, uniquely called but we live out the calling through community living. This involves us sharing our lives with others, ups and downs.

How cool!

God Love You,

Carolyn

From what I've heard, it's a normal question because they also want to know if you have explored if God might be calling you to the married life. One of my friends who is now a priest was actually within a month of getting married before he called off the wedding and entered the seminary.

God bless-
LGLG

When I was becoming pretty serious about pursuing a vocation to the priesthood, including prayer and just trying to figure out what would make me happy in life, I wondered about this because I've only had one relationship in my life and it was less than six months and somewhat on-and-off-again. Seems until age 22 I had one of the symptons of homosexuality ;-) Put simply, I wanted to figure out if my lack of success in a career and dating life were part of God's calling or if I was using religious life as a convenient solution to both problems. However, I'm not about to go out and start dating someone just so I can check off that box. I don't have the motivation to go through with stuff that doesn't come from the heart.

So I've been praying it about all that and God must be answering (surprised? . Almost three months ago I met a girl at a friend's wedding and we've been dating for about two months now. Religious life is now on the back burner, but it's not out of the question. And concerning my career, almost by divine providence I got a call back from an online job application. A week later I was interviewed and offered a full-time, salaried position (a first for me). Maybe I'm called to marriage... or maybe not... for now the most important thing is pursuing holiness as a lay Catholic.

Of course, God doesn't answer everybody's prayers like he has for me, but you can look into your own heart and examine your motivation for seeking the religious life. If there are doubts, give them up to God. If that's where God is calling you, no earthly obstacles (even from within the Church) won't be allowed to stand in the way!

This is a complicated issue, and one hotly debated among my fellow seminarians. While I would agree that it is normal for any teen to date, I also do not think dating should be a requirement for entrance into the seminary. For example I have some brother seminarians who did not discern a calll till they were 20 or older and they dated, and often had serious relationships. (I for example dated and had one serious relationship) I also have brother seminarians who were discerning a call since they were very young, some of these men never dated. They were in high school and planned on entering the seminary as soon as they graduated, so they did not think it was necessary or even prudent to date. Getting invovled in a relationship with the expectation that it would not go anyway seem illogical to them. In my opinion it is not important for a seminarian to have dated, for some it can be helpful for others is completely unnecessary. In short if you feel called to the seminary or religious life, do not let the fact they you have not dated hold you back.

On a secondary note, the idea that to know if you are called to one vocation you must have "tried" in some way other vocations, is just plan incorrect.
God Bless

Unfortunately, a cold heart often comes from suppressing one's feelings after being "shot down" once too often and told it's a mortal sin to date or told by others what God wants and doesn't want from you personally (above and beyond what the Bible and Cathechism teach).

You just can't win these days...

I think that it all depends on the person. Because to say that a person who doesn't date has a cold heart is a bit harsh. I am 17 years old ,a senior in HS, and i have never dated. I have never actually had a crush on a guy. You might say that God has saved me completely for Himself. But there are others for whom i can see that they would need to date in order to see God's will on their lives......it all depends on the person because we are all different. None of us are the same.

-Yours in Christ
Lauren

I agree with Lauren. Although I am 22, I too have never dated, although I have had crushes on guys. During college I didn't know any guys very well, but over this past year teaching I've become friends with some really great Catholic guys. Besides the fact that they are awesome people and fun to talk with, I am happy because it reassures me that I can get along with the opposite sex in a normal way.

So I'd say it's most important to have healthy friendships with people of both sexes. This way you are involved in wholesome human relationships, you don't have a "cold heart," and you learn skills of getting along with people that are essential in any vocation. If you also date and are involved in pure romantic relationships, that's great. But I personally wouldn't advise someone who thought they had a religious/priestly vocation to date just for the experience.

So I'd say it's most important to have healthy friendships with people of both sexes. This way you are involved in wholesome human relationships, you don't have a "cold heart," and you learn skills of getting along with people that are essential in any vocation. If you also date and are involved in pure romantic relationships, that's great. But I personally wouldn't advise someone who thought they had a religious/priestly vocation to date just for the experience.
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Well said, Theresa!!