As far as I know, I am the only young girl/woman discerning religious life at my parish and as such, I get a lot of questions and... extra commentary. It's amazing what people will say! Sometimes I don't know how I should respond and I'm not always sure I said the right thing. (I trust that the Holy Spirit guides me though.)

So.. I thought I would post some of the questions and commentary here and see what y'all would say in response. I also thought it'd be fun to hear some of the 'funny' or interesting things you've been asked... or hear about your extra commentary.




Okay, so the latest remark was something along these lines:
[After finding out that I would be visiting a convent in New York soon, a woman (married with a daughter) very suredly said the following:] I want to establish a convent where women can wear whatever they want and wear expensive jewelry and eat like queens. I want an order for women like the Jesuits! I always thought it was so unfair that they got everything! Why can't women do that? I don't know of a single convent in the world that let's women live like that and that's a shame. I wish someone would make one of those. I'd join! When I was in school [the Jesuits] lived in this huge Mansion on *insert some uppity street I can't remember* and they had everything. They ate five course meals five days a week. They had their own chef! Can you believe it?



To which I remarked: ... .oO( ) ... oh really? (Then proceeded to smile pleasantly for an appropriate amount of time before changing the conversation.)


People say crazy things to me about convents and nuns all the time. A lot of the times I'm so blown away by what I'm hearing that I stare for a while before responding. Sometimes I jump in right away and talk about the beauty of sacrifice and the awesomeness of poverty... that's when they stare.


So... let's have it. What would you say? What have you heard? Share! Share!

I would ask her if she had made a habit of dropping in every night on the Jesuits at suppertime to have such details....

I would probably speak to her about each religious community having it's own particular mission and spirit... (talk to her about charisms)... and ask her what good would come of such a life style and how it would serve to build up the Christian community.


But then, I myself don't know that much about all of it...

One of my best friends started yelling at me really badly a couple weeks ago. It was kind of bizarre. She was telling me I was being a masochist because I was looking for a community that observed poverty more strictly than most. I had no time to say anything other than "Um, no" before she went on another rant about how I need to consider the way in which I was raised when I make "these decisions." I had no idea what that was supposed mean either. It's not because my family is rich.

There was a lot more. It lasted about a half hour.

So yeah, I didn't really have a response for really anything she said either. It was just so off the mark I didn't know how to fix it. Hopefully we will have a productive conversation about this stuff the next time I see her.

On an unrelated note, someone once tried to convince me that nuns should be able to get married. I was in middle school and this person was an adult so I didn't respond b/c I thought that would count as talking back, but I remember giving her one of these

I started attending classes at Light of Christ Institute about 1.5 yrs ago. In the beginning sessions, we had a rather liberal catholic in the group . In one particular exercise in the CCC, my group was to do a small summary of the sources regarded as inspired by the Church. I also included some writings considered sacred or holy by some faith traditions as examples that are NOT regarded as inspired by the Church.

She blew a gasket and publicly went off on me about editorializing and how I should keep my opinions to myself. She ranted about how it is so hurtful to say such things and disrespectful to out non-Catholic sisters and brothers. The class thought is rather amusing that I would not back down and she ended up leaving in a huff.

My crime? I said the Koran and the Book of Morman are not regarded as inspired and as such are not Sacred Scripture.

Methinks she must have a really weird edition of the Bible if it contains those as well..... Oops. Sorry. Not about nuns and convents, but I am discerning for lay ministries...does that count a little?

St. Francis De Sales in "Introduction to The Devout Life"
When speaking on desires:
"If a married woman wants to be a nun, to what purpose is it?"
and
"I can in no way approve the idea that a person obligated to a certain duty or vocation should distract himself by longing for any kind of life but one in keeping with his duties or by engaging in exercises incompatible withhis present state."

In other words, tell her she already has a beautiful vocation of marriage and motherhood and what a wonderful blessing that must be! [talking about the child is a great way to avoid someone who is having a Twilight Zone moment]

I have seen Sisters who wear make-up, expensive jewelry, very nice clothing and so on. Except I've never seen a chef. You can find them in all the convents that are dying out.

My campus minister incessantly criticizes me for so-called "lack of concern" for social justices, even though I am avidly pro-life. He doesn't see any point so much in the Eucharist or other sacraments...when placed above issues "more important" to a "real Catholic".

He also said I am too concerned with the intellectual side and not enough with the service side.

Whats the point of this thread? To rant on liberal Catholics? What?

When my mom was in college she had a nun-professor who was like that, wore suits instead of a habit, etc. She thought it was weird. The nun thought it made her more approachable.



No, its for those discerning religious life to relate their experiences in the off the wall things people have said to them and how they dealt with it. If you said you were entering the religious life and someone said "Why they heck would you do something stupid like THAT???" and looked at you like you belonged in a nuthouse how would you respond?

Before we're tended to turn this into a "rant against liberal Catholics" I'd like to share something I wrote in Hughey's thread about parents....

When people ask us about our discerning (of religious life, priesthood, married life, single life), it's a great opportunity to witness and imitate Christ. It's not always a great opportunity to convert them or show them the error of their ways. But like Christ showed us, it's always a good time to listen with open ears, hearts, and minds--meeting them where they are.

Comments that people make don't just come out of thin air (usually). They (consciously or otherwise) come out of experience. This is the example that has my parents as the instigators, but it just as easily could have been someone else:



When I heard their "NO" I closed my ears. I put up a wall and wouldn't let them in to the rest of my life. Thankfully we've been able to heal our wounds and bridge the gaps and communicate freely once again.

So I'll get down off my soapbox now. My only "advice" is to listen for the conversation that's not being said, and to be a witness to Christ's listening presence.

My comments came from thinking "How in the world does one respond to a MARRIED woman with a child, rambling on about wanting to start a convent in this day and time...?"

So... I gave out some quotes from the book I am currently reading. Also suggested diverting conversation to the child. Parents looovvve talking about their children. The other comments were just mine. Not meant to de-rail the thread or "rant on liberal Catholics" I'm just a convert who sees what I see. Case closed, mum's the word. No more hijacking thread.

Now to the question at hand. What are you [hughey or anyone else discerning] going to do if you get similar questions like what this woman said in post #1? You know "You are going to be so deprived and that's so unfair blah blah blah..."

Precisely.


I've had to explain on a number of occasions the beauty of poverty by choice. It is a beautiful thing to give up all that you have and follow Christ, serving His children and loving all those whom the world rejects. It is much easier to do good things without the burden of worldly life. It can be challenging to be set aside without any real modern conviences but it is rewarding beyond our power to understand.

Usually when they hear me talk about it, they understand. They may think I'm nuts but they know it will make me happy and that I truly feel I am following the will of God - so they smile and say, "That's great."

I've not yet faced those who get angry about it.

------

Another question I've received at least 20 times now from a friend of mine is this:

"They (sisters/nuns) aren't allowed to DO anything, are they? Don't they just have to stay there and not do anything?"

Then I explain to her (again) the difference between a nun and a sister. Then I tell her about the beauty of cloistered life and that those who choose it ARE doing something - and they're doing something so profound that they do not wish to DO other things. I also explain that they don't just sit all day. They have chores and such. After that, I explain the life of the sisters I am discerning with. I tell her about all of the cool things they do for God and how enriching their life is. She doesn't get it (she still thinks I'm nuts - I blame it on her attachment to worldly things) but I do my best to explain.

My grandmother has ALWAYS said really crazy things to me about my choosing to respond to God's call to the religious life! One time, on the phone, she said to me, "Don't you miss wearing high heels and having the guys whistle at you?" How do you respond to that??? I just kind of blinked and stammered...."Well....ummmm....no Nana. I really don't." I figured the whole theology and beauty of giving oneself in a response of love to Christ wasn't really going to work at that point!

The hands down worst reaction and comments I received was from a family member who herself was a religious sister and left right before her final vows. She told me the convent was a hiding place for homosexuals and that I better watch my back because they will try to take advantage of me and that the powers that be will try to brainwash me but not to worry because she will come and get me if I need to escape After I picked myself up off the floor and said a prayer for her I told her how much that hurt and how disappointed I was and that if she wanted to talk rationally we could do so later...then left. I had no idea how to even tackle that one without becoming hostile and so I have since learned to keep my own counsel!

I know that one must have been awkward at the time, but I have to confess, I got a good chuckle out of it!

One of the obvious things I get asked about a lot from friends living a very worldly life is sex. "Sex and alcohol aren't allowed?! What?!?! I could never do it!" How many times have I heard THAT?!

I honestly think she was just joking. I would've laughed hysterically.

Blessings,
Gemma

this one's always my favorite:

person: wait, you want to be a nun? you know you'll never have sex, right!?
me: WHAT!? i won't!?

this was an actual conversation with me and someone last year. this person was a Catholic, but... clearly didn't understand.

person: so you want to be a nun?
me: yeah! i'm feeling called.
person: but... you'd never get married.
me: yes i would!
person: what? to whom?
me: a sister takes Jesus as her spouse!!
person: so you'd marry Jesus?
me: yeah, essentially!
person: man, i'd need something better than that.
me: ............................................... it can't GET better than Him.

Most of the reactions I've had have been either disappointed or confused. The latest remark came last summer:

UNIVERSITY CLASSMATE: It seems strange to put so much time and effort into your studying if you're just going to throw away all your freedom at the end of it.

I don't talk about my vocation much now, unless I'm with Catholics. I have a close friend (atheist) who desperately wants to understand why I want this, but she can't get away from the idea that being a nun is a career choice. For obvious reasons, the thought that nuns are called to be who they are is beyond her understanding.

I was told by someone on the staff of my parish that "pretty girls don't stay."

Maybe they should check out some community web-sites.

It's always bothered me that we ugly girls are the ones who stand out like those who would be nuns/sisters.

One of the most. ..obnoxious things that was ever said to me (other than the obvious, 'you're not going to have sex' phrases when I was discerning), after I returned from the monastery, was 'Well, that's ok that you're back, you're too pretty to be a nun.' I burst into tears and walked away.

I just can't fathom people's . . ..lack of . . .something.

People seem to have a fixation with sex. Two of my non-Catholic friends (an atheist and an Anglican) have tried to psychoanalyse me in the past. Their diagnosis? "You just want to be a nun because you're afraid of sex."

So I got another strange comment today. Someone asked me if I was going to have a hysterectomy when I entered the convent because there was no point in me going through monthly pain if I wasn't going to take advantage of the benefits.

Oh my gosh!! I'm sorry...I laughed right outloud when I read that!! Haha!! (and yes, the Sisters around me in our work room looked at me funny when I laughed out loud!!!)

No, it's ok. I had to hold in my laughter too. (The person who suggested it was serious). Crazy people.

I understand what you mean.

I have been told that you are good looking so why would you enter the convent?

My response: So what you are saying is that only "ugly" women should enter the convent. Yes, God does this them prevent from having children, right?!!

What are seeing these days is that everything revolves around the carnal. To be chaste isn't even on the page for most people. This to me is the REAL tragedy.

We have lost our sense of dignity of being God's children, that is His beloved creation.

We have to gain that dignity back. Thats the d working to try and degrade us, even though Good isnt always reward here on earth there is much more everlasting heavenly eternal reward and that is heaven, God wants us to be with Him.

It is amazing what friends say when I tell them of my discernment. That I am running away from the world ,I lack ambition, and of course the "sex thing" is always mentioned. I have never been told that I am too pretty to be a nun, but if I eventually enter ,I will be quite happy to be the first ugly one.!!!

Maybe if you nodded your head sagely and sid "I like to think of it as an alternate lifestyle"?

The first time I said that I might be thinking about a vocation, the Newman Chaplain who was leading the discussion group laughed and said that "God obviously made you to make some man happy," and everyone in the group laughed. It was a long time before I told anyone else.

Why does appearance matter so much in our culture? I feel that the religious habit is a great witness to our shallow culture.