Well, I have been discerning the religious life for a while (and it has flown by). I told my parents when I was discerning to the Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist, and looking at other communities like the Nashvilles or the Carmelites of the Most Sacred Heart of Los Angeles, and my parents were fine with that. But now that I am looking more and more seriously into the cloistered life, I have run into a problem. My mom says that during a time when vocations are at a low, it is rather selfish to be a nun. She thinks that I should be a sister with an actice apostlet. It's not that she is scared of the cloister, it is that she seems to think I would be able to do more good in the world if I was a teacher or a nurse or someone who works with the poor. I really just dont know how to respond, and I am starting to think that maybe she has a point, please advise me and keep me in your prayers.
Thanks,
Lily

While he was in Bethany, reclining at the table in the home of a man known as Simon the Leper, a woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure nard. She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his head.

Some of those present were saying indignantly to one another, "Why this waste of perfume? It could have been sold for more than a year's wages and the money given to the poor." And they rebuked her harshly.

"Leave her alone," said Jesus. "Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. The poor you will always have with you, and you can help them any time you want. But you will not always have me. She did what she could. She poured perfume on my body beforehand to prepare for my burial. I tell you the truth, wherever the gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her." (Mark 4:3-9.)

The cloistered life is not selfish. To say that being a nun is not as good as becoming an active sister is to doubt the value of prayer. The sisters in the cloister have their own apostolate - they are a host of guardian angels in human shape, praying in the stead of all the people who refuse to pray, who don't understand prayer, who have never really thought about prayer, who are too sick or despairing to pray. They are pouring out nard on the entire world. You must go where you are called. God bless you.

Dear Lily,
Your mom's understanding of cloistered life is rather common. It's a pity that this is so among Catholics since the Church is essentially contemplative by her very nature.
I'm a cloistered nun. On the 21st I celebrate 13 years of profession.
The cloistered life is NOT selfish but in fact is one of radical, self-giving. Ultimately, it's about living a response in love to the One who made us in love.
The contemplative stands before the Face of God for the needs of all people. Her heart is as wide as eternity because it has been captivated by Christ. She is like Esther who stands before the king for her people. Even active sisters know that their work is "limited" and only God can bring good out of it. They know that without prayer and God's grace they can do nothing!
The cloistered life proclaims the truth that in the end we are made for Him, for eternal communion with the Persons of the Trinity. My constitutions say that we Dominican nuns were founded to "be free for God alone". If there was not a single soul to save, or a person to help in need, my vocation would still have relevance because it is the beginning of what our lives will be in Heaven:a life of praise, adoration and love.
We Americans like to be practical and useful and most of all to see the result of our hard work and effort. The cloistered life is a life of Faith. Sometimes people come to us and tell us that our prayers helped them but most of the time we simple trust in Him who is worthy of our trust that He is using our the offering of our lives.
A cloistered vocation is a mystery, often to even the person called and especially to her family and friends. If God is calling you to the cloister you will be satisfied with nothing else. Even the active life will not be enough for you.
Your mom might find this page from our website helpful and also the page on the sidebar "For me to live is Christ."
I will be praying for you and for your mom. Don't hesitate to PM me if that would be helpful!

In Christ who is our life,
Sr. Mary Catharine, OP

So many people look at vocations as a career move. One does not choose a community the same as one chooses what to wear.

My own grandmother wanted to know why I would waste my life in a monastery. She said I could do so much better being active. I asked her why she didn't become a doctor, instead of a housewife. She said 'Why would I want to be a doctor? I never felt called to do so?' I said the same thing. . .I never felt called to be active in the way you're suggesting.

It is a calling. If you aren't meant to be active. . .and you wind up entering an active community. . .you'll never be peaceful. I've been told this by spiritual directors, and vocation directors. I can only imagine so many religious can't be wrong.

Lily,

What Sr. Mary Catherine wrote sums up the joy of the cloister life. Yes the contemplative life is a life of joy. Never in my life did I think I would be entering the cloister. I thought about the cloister when I was younger but I dismissed this idea because I thought I was harbouring a romantic idea of what a nun should be.

So after offering to God my "big mouth" because that is all I thought I had to offer, I became very active in the church and I looked at active religious orders. However, no orders accepted me so I gave up the idea that I may have a religious vocation. Despite the protests from my friends saying I had a vocation.

However, at the advice of SJA I looked at the cloistered and it was home. I was afraid that I wouldn't fit in because as I said all really have is my big mouth and you need to be quiet in the cloister. Well, I can open my big mouth in prayer and praise now.

As an extern, I was on the telephone with people and believe me you are still ministering. The lonely people who knows you won't turn them away. The touching faith of the people who believe and really want your prayers and for others just being near nuns in the cloister brings them a little closer to God. I realized it isn't what I can do for people but who I am. People will be drawn to God through you because they SEE God's love and light in you. So you are bringing the kingdom of God to others and other disciple of our King.

Many of the active orders come to the nuns and ask them for their prayers. Not to mention some will come to rest and be with nuns so God renew His strength in them thus helping live their call to whatever work of mercy they are called to be in.

Nope, if God wants you by Him then run to Him and join the choirs of angels to praise Him day and night. Just as Sr. Mary Catherine said if this is your vocation, then nothing else will satisfy you.

Hi Lily,

I'm new to Phatmass also but have been looking for a community for about 2 years. I thought I was called to the cloister for a number of reasons which don't matter here, but when I discovered the Sisters of Reparation, I knew it was where the Lord wanted me. If the cloister is where He wants you, your mom will have to deal with it. It's not a career choice, it's your way of discipleship, your faithful response to His call.

Praying for you and your mom,

Piamaria

P.S. I'm telling my folks after I come back from Steubenville. Mother Wendy said to wait until then.

Lily... You will know when you are called and I am sure that your Mom will respect your decision when the time comes. I will pray for you both. God Bless.

Thank you all for your prayers and advise!
My mom has no problem with a vocation (I think it helps that we have a big family, 6 kids) but that is where we cease to agree. My dad is good about it, he stays out of all the arguements and is supportive, but my mom and I are often at odd, cloistered or active, habit or no habit, college or work experiance, please keep praying that I have the strength to seek God!

Even active sisters know that their work is "limited" and only God can bring good out of it. They know that without prayer and God's grace they can do nothing! ~ Sister Mary Catherine~



Sister Mary Catherine had many good points in her advice to you, Lily, and so did the others. As an active religious sister, I am growing most appreciative of my total dependence on God and that, indeed, I am truly "limited" even in my giving of self. I think as a culture we are all about "doing" rather than "being." Our lives are so often based on what we do rather than who we are. However, we know that it is through the pillar of prayer [u]that all of us function and are renewed and strengthened in God's grace. Even Christ Himself connected Himself most intimately through the Father in prayer. I would never underestimate the "mystery" of the contemplative life! For they, too, are a part of that pillar of grace very intimately! Prayer would not be effective without works, and works without prayer. They go hand in hand....such is religious life!

As for you mother...I will pray! But the more you pray and are at peace, so will she be. God's grace will lead you for sure and there you peace will lie! "This too shall pass!" Trust God is leading you! God bless you for your faith in Him!

Lily,

Check out the Church document, Verbi Sponsa . It has a few lines here and there that explain the Church's teaching on the apostolic part of the wholly contemplative life.

You can say to your mom that they are doing a great deal of work for all the people in the world. It is in a hidden way. They are drawing down graces for the whole world in ways we will only find out in heaven. Many a soul that was in mortal sin on his death bed was given the grace of repentance by the prayers of a cloistered nun.

But absolutely of course, the active religious are doing a great deal too in both contemplation and apostolic works. It is not that one is better than the other, no. Like Mother Teresa; she was totally contemplative and Jesus spoke to her and wanted her to serve the poorest of the poor in the world. But, if God is calling you to the wholly contemplative life, than that is His will for you. In the cloister you can serve the poorest of the poor in a spiritual way. Mother Teresa actually said there is more poverty in the Western world than in India, because it is the spiritual poverty that is the worst. But through the prayers of contemplatives, graces are poured down onto this spiritually suffering world.

Fr. Corapi said it well in his Catechism series. He said that one of the greatest heresies in the Church today is activism. He said the contemplative life is actually the most active form of life. He said this in the last parts of the 50 tape series, in his talks on prayer, the last part of the Catechism of the Catholic Church. He said the contemplatives are like dynamite in the Church through their lives of hidden prayer, drawing down graces for the whole world.

I think once your mother understands this, with the help of the Holy Spirit, she will be happy to see you follow this radical call of Christ. I'm sure none of us would have understood this without the enlightenment of God.

Another thing I sometimes give people that ask me about the contemplative life is this Divine Mercy pamphlet. It has a few lines from St. Faustina's diary of Jesus asking her to pray for certain souls, to pray the Divine Mercy chaplet for souls on their death beds, and how effective it is. It shows well how we can be doing a great deal for a person far away whom we do not even know.

Personally, I was inspired to follow Christ in the contemplative life by reading the book, The Way of Divine Love, by Sr. Josefa Menendez. This book shows so well the apostolic mission of contemplative nuns.

God bless you in your discernment, Lily!

But, Lily, if your vocation is to the active/contemplative life, than follow it. But it has to come from your heart - not the desire of others - but from Christ's heart to your's.

Here is also a quote from Edith Stein / St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross, OCD:

"The world is in flames. Are you impelled to put them out? Look at the cross. From the open heart gushes the blood of the Savior. This extinguishes the flames of hell. Make your heart free by the faithful fulfillment of your vows; then the flood of divine love will be poured into your heart until it overflows and becomes fruitful to all the ends of the earth. Do you hear the groans of the wounded on the battlefields in the west and the east? You are not a physician and not a nurse and cannot bind up the wounds. You are enclosed in a cell and cannot get to them. Do you hear the anguish of the dying? You would like to be a priest and comfort them. Does the lament of the widows and orphans distress you? You would like to be an angel of mercy and help them. Look at the Crucified. If you are nuptially bound to him by the faithful observance of your holy vows, your being is precious blood. Bound to him, you are omnipresent as he is. You cannot help here or there like the physician, the nurse, the priest. You can be at all fronts, wherever there is grief, in the power of the cross. Your compassionate love takes you everywhere, this love from the divine heart. Its precious blood is poured everywhere soothing, healing, saving."