what is your take on dating while trying to discern what your vocation is?
maybe one of the Sisters would like to talk a bit about it!
it's been a consistent thing that i have heard from sisters: "go to college, date, live life a little bit before becoming a sister."

what do you all think of this? agree? disagree? any stories?


(ps: i know there used to be a thread somewhere about this. but i'm not very computer savvy when it comes to finding things on here )

I dont think I could do both at the same time, discerning seems to take all the energy I am not putting into school! The people who can do both are wonders of multitasking!

I think most of the time it is a bad idea.

First off, I know God is so big and infinite he can work in any way he chooses. The discernment of a religious vocation involves our calling and our decision.

Anyways, in my own personal discernment, i will be honest, the opposite sex has been an impediment to my discerning in many ways. They can be more concerned with their own desires than God's big plan in things.

In order to really understand the vocation to religious life, i do believe you have to look at yourself and your vocation as it is. If you want to seriously discern marriage, than you must be seriously courting or dating. If you are seriously discerning a religious vocation, you have to do the same thing with religious orders.

You have to get to know yourself on a deep personal level, and see who God has made you, and who God is making you to be.

Discerning is not about what you will get out of the process, if you are trying to discern and date at the same time you are only decieving yourself, and the person who you are dating. You are playing games with somebody's heart, and that is wrong. Discerning comes with many difficult decisions, and if you are not ready to make difficult decisions that require difficult sacrifices, you may not be ready to seriously discern.

I am finding, in my own experience, as well as talking with many priests and religious is that once you have discerned God's call in your life, and have made the decision, and even vowed, or been ordained, that does not mean that you will not once again fall in love.

One sister i heard gave a talk and she said, when her little niece was born, she looked into her eyes, and was just in love, and realized that that was something that she would never get herself. She had to make the decision once again to stick with the vocation she believed God was calling her to. Sometimes in our discernment process we will meet wonderful, beautiful, and lovely people. Those can be a real strength to our decision.

BTW, i just want to mention, that sometimes members of the opposite sex, who are truly open to God's will have, and I believe will continue to help me to better be open to God's will. If we weren't so narrow minded in our concepts of love, vocation, and all that, we would be amazed at the wonderful things God could do.

SHALOM

I don't think discerning women should date (or discerning men for that matter either!) The way I think about it is like this, discerning means being open to what God has for you and your life. Dating is kind of like actively pursuing a vocation to marriage. Dating while discerning is like looking at three doors, and telling God that you are open to any of them, but at the same time you have your foot in one of the doors. For me personally, my discernment didn't really 'take off' until after I got out of a relationship of three years. At first I tried to be open, and discern while continuing the relationship, but it just didn't work. It was very hard to end the relationship, but I wasn't able to be truly open until I did. Now that I know I am called to religious life I wish I had never dated! No good came from it, all it left was a lot of hurt feelings and sinful mistakes. Even if you are careful, you give away part of your heart in a dating relationship...and that just doesn't seem fair to God if you are discerning.

Well that's my two cents

I would say in general, no, it's not a good idea. However, it also depends on the person and what exactly you mean by 'discerning.' For example, I'm pretty sure that I'm called to married life, but until I'm engaged to be married I also remain open to the possibility of a calling to religious life. So in a way, I'm still discerning. But I'm not actively discerning. If you're actively discerning a call to religious life, it just doesn't make sense to date as well. It's almost like you'd be dating two people at the same time. In courtship in general it's acceptable to go on dates with more than one person, but if things start to get serious with one of them then it's best to break it off with the others. I'd say it's kind of the same with discerning a religious vocation. If you're serious about it, you shouldn't be dating.

Father Anthony Bannon wrote this to a girl who asked the same question: "If you experience no specific attraction towards, or at least curiosity about a vocation I dont think you need to question further. Start dating and see if this is the man God has in mind for you. However, if the thought of a vocation is on your mind, even though it is facing some stiff competition, you have to at least consider that it just may be from God. In this case you would need to test it, and for that you will find a spiritual director to be of great help. As long as it is possible that God might be calling you, I think it would be wise for you to put off dating while you dedicate some more time to God, and do all you can to favor the growth of a vocation in case you have one. Don't wait for passively. Find a spiritual director, offer yourself to God in prayer and look into any specific order that attracts you."

Hope this helps!

In Christ,
Rachel

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"As long as it is possible that God might be calling you, I think it would be wise for you to put off dating while you dedicate some more time to God, and do all you can to favor the growth of a vocation in case you have one. Don't wait for passively. Find a spiritual director, offer yourself to God"
AMEN!...and dont accumulate debts!

i just think it's an interesting topic cos there are always so many different takes on it! thanks for your input!