Hi all,

I'd like to ask a question of the people here who are currently in the process of deciding on vocations, or those who have already taken vows (or..well, anyone in between).

How did you know? What made you feel that you were being called to a religious life? Where did you begin in terms of determining that you were indeed called, and where you were to go?

The reason I'm asking is that I've recently returned to the Church and find myself pulled towards the idea of devoting myself to God in religious life. I don't know if I have a calling, or if I'm just "overeager" at feeling the love and acceptance in my return.

I'm an anullee, 34 years of age, and have some debt to pay off from my divorce -- I suspect that these would be strikes against me if I did want to become a nun, but I still feel that I'm being drawn towards it. I'd really appreciate some advice if anyone is willing to chat with me.

Also, how did you determine what order to join, or where to go? I'll admit, I haven't done a lot of research yet or contacted my diocesan Vocations Director because I'm just not sure how to start the process of discerning whether this is the path in life that God wants me to travel.

So...anyone want to share some thoughts with me?

Christine in FL (Tampa Bay Area)

First of all, Welcome Home to the Catholic Church! It's awesome that you are back.

Don't fret- if you pursue the religious life at this time, the communities will probably be welcoming, but encourage a healthy period of time "back" in the Church before any serious decisions can be made.

Your age, being an anullee, and having dept aren't strikes against you; however, they will narrow your discernment a bit (which may turn out to be something you are very grateful for! With the abundance of good communities these days, it is probably nice to have a few communities knocked off the list beforehand ) There are certain Orders which do not take anullees, but not many. As for your age, that could be a consideration for many communities, but exceptions are often made if the woman truly has a religious vocation. A side note on age, which you may hear from a number of communities, is that it is very difficult, generally, for women who have been in the world for a long time to adjust to the religious life and have the docility to transition since they are set in their ways (naturally!). This is, from what I have been told by several superiors, the reason many Orders do not take women past the age of 30 or 35. But, exceptions can definitely be made; cases are usually examined on an individual basis. And as for dept, your "probation period" of time back in the Church (if there will indeed be one, as there is for converts), will probably give you time to take care of that. There are programs, if it is a large sum, which can help with those types of things as well.

As for discerning this call: Reception of Holy Communion and frequent visits to Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament (in Eucharistic adoration or just making visits to Jesus in the tabernacle at church), is the best way to discern. Probably everyone on Phatmass would tell you that. Lectio Divina can also be a helpful tool (and it is often recommended by our Holy Father, Pope Benedict XVI).

Look around online and see if any communities draw your attention. There are two types of religious life for women: active and cloistered (contemplative). There are also some Orders which do both, active and contemplative. There's something called Vocations Placement which may be very beneficial for you: http://www.vocationsplacement.org/

Be assured of our prayers. You can send me a message if you'd like to talk further, and I'm sure there will be lots of other PM'ers with good advice to share! God bless!

In Jesus,
Lauren

Lauren has given you some wonderful advice and links.

You might also want to read about the different types of spirituality: Franciscan, Dominican, Carmelite, Benedictine etc... as each of these orders has a slightly different perspective on spiritual practice. I really wanted to be a Franciscan because I love St Francis and animals and so on, but my spirituality is Carmelite - I just know it, so there was no fighting God after I figured that one out.

And the obstacles you mention will reduce the number of communities who will accept you, but as Lauren pointed out, that could be a good thing. I wrote to about 66 Carmelite communities alone, trying to find my home. And yet, the first one I contacted was the one I ended up choosing, because they chose me as well! And I have felt as if I belong to their community since I first started writing to them.

Give yourself time to reflect and pray, get rid of your debts, and read a lot to decide what attracts you. Don't despair about any obstacle. They can all be overcome by God's grace. Your age is not that bad, I am 54! So, check it out, and listen very intently----- if God is calling, you will hear Him.

You are in my prayers...
Annie

As Lauren said WELCOME HOME!!! As far as being an anullee, with debt and newly returned to the Church, don't think of those as strikes against you. There are a few of us here dealing with debt and communities nowadays totally understand. About being a revert to the Faith, I think the rule of thumb is two years since you entered the Church before entering a community. However this may vary from community to community. Also being an anullee I don't think should be a huge issue. I think most communities today are okay with that. You would probably have more problems if you were divorced without an anullment.

I know you're interested in some of our stories so I'll give you the info on my discernement so far. I'm a 22 year old college grad who is preparing to enter the Apostles of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. I felt "the call" at around 16, ran away from it, took college to discern my vocation and eventually found the Apostles. During my discernment I visited the

~ Nashville Dominicans

~ Sisters of Life

~Dominican Nuns of Summit, NJ

~Visitation Sisters of Brooklyn, NY

and of course the Apostles of the Sacred Heart. If you want to know anything about these communties, just ask me!

As far as discernment, I visited these communities, but something stood out about the Apostles to me. I really loved their Sacred Heart devotion, prayer life, diverse ministries and sense of family. I made three retreats and one live-in with them before deciding to enter. Very simply, when I thought about entering and becoming an Apostle sister, my heart was at ease and I didn't want to look at any more orders.

I would say to really examine your heart and try not to get overwhelmed. I know it's hard sometimes! Would you like to be a cloistered, contemplative sisters or an active sister? If active, what type(s) of ministry attract you? Would you want a missionary order? Just some questions to think about.....


Good luck and feel free to email or private message (PM) me!

-Emily

If you live in an area where there may be mother houses of active orders, check and see if any have lay associates. This is a way to get to know a community and participate in aspects of their work and prayer while working off your debts.

With everyone else I rejoice in welcoming you home. All the pholks have given you good advice. My experience is that after searching for communities and visiting a few, when I accidentally came across the community I am entering I just Knew that the Lord was saying HERE. That hadn't happened before, although I was blessed by my contacts with other communities. Further inquiry and contact reaffirmed that "Here" for the community and me and so I am entering.

hello! i was discerning for a long time, and when i thought i had a definite vocation to the religious life (now i'm not sure) i would stress sooo badly because i didn't know which order i belonged in. even before that, i remember myself crying almost every night in bed for a certain period of time because i wasn't sure about my vocation, wither i was supposed to be married or become a nun. it was a stressful and altogether depressing time. but i found out it was all worry for nothing! i realized suddenly one day that when god wants me to figure it out, i will! it was hard to accept especially since i'm the kind of person who wants to know about my life before hand, lol. but i have heard from so many good people, that if one is open to anything god puts in their life and accepts in when it comes with joy, there's no reason to fret. your experience has been VERY different from mine considering you have already been married, but i hope this helps at least a little. prayers for your vocation!

Kristina's right... one of the best days of my life was when someone finally told me that God wasn't going to hit me with a lightning bolt and tell me my vocation, but in time I would know in my heart what God wanted from me Patience is key!

Welcome home! How does it feel to know that all the hosts of Heaven threw a party over your return to the Church?

My discernment began in earnest when I was sixteen years old, although the idea of becoming a nun some day took firm root in my mind about five years before that. At first I thought I would be called to the apostolic life, no questions asked. There are two things that the Holy Spirit allows me to do very well: youth evangelism and caring for people with mental health difficulties. Naturally I thought that God would give me an apostolate that involves these things. The thought of the cloistered religious life revolted me, although it exercised a strange fascination over my mind that wouldn't go away.

Quite by chance, I ended up going on retreat to a Carmelite monastery in south-eastern England. That was in January 2006. Although I vehemently declared that that life and that place were beautiful, but 'not for me', I found myself going back for a second helping last weekend. And in the summer I am going to spend a whole month living in the enclosure with the nuns. I suppose this makes me an official aspirant.

It could be that my initial inkling was right and I am called to the apostolic religious life. At the moment this doesn't really bother me. I know that God is going to take care of everything. I will trust in Him and go where He leads me.

that's so awesome catholic anonymous!! i was an aspirant for about a week at OLAM, and i simply LOVED it! cleaning the church, mopping the floors, and spending hours in prayer were never so joyful. are you nervous to live in the enclosure for a whole month?! i don't know if i could do that...

C A it is little wonder that you are on .......You are right to put your trust in the
Lord, HE will lead you to your rightful home.God Bless as you continue your discernment.

that big laughing smiley scares me.

Sorry about that.....I would hate to scare anyone !! Here's a smaller "smiley " for you !!!

Catholics Anonymous - if you decide that Quidenham isn't for you, pop on over to Wolverhampton. I would love to have someone enter with me for a security blanket - lol! I am praying for vocations for Wolverhampton because it would be so great to have another postulant there when I am. There is only one novice, and she is sweet, but she will be taking vows soon. But I am not really trying to "steal" you from Quid... I am so happy for you. Your community will be in my prayers just as mine is...

I just wanted to thank everyone who responded, both in this thread and in PM's. Y'all are a nice group of people, and I appreciate the advice and "welcome home"s!