How you find a good spiritual director? I definitely need one to guide me during my discernment to the religious life. Even after you find a possible director how do you know that they're the right one for you?

I was blessed because I met mine unexpectedly at someone's house. One suggestion is to ask around... ask the people you know if they have a spiritual director and if he is available to meet with you. The first one I had was a sister, and that was great for me. But then we lost touch and I got a priest, who was not the right fit. Now I have a priest and it's a perfect match. I had to wait a very long time to find him, though, so hang in there and I will pray for you! You can always ask a priest you trust for help on a specific issue, whether in the confessional or just passing by, and he doesn't have to be your official spiritual director. Also, don't be afraid to ask for a blessing just to help you along the way of your spiritual journey whenever you see a priest!

i've had really really bad luck. so bad that i dont have one and never have. . i've asked three different priests if they would either do it themselves or help me find someone to be my spiritual director and they all told me they would get back to me later and never did....even when i reminded them two or three times. *Sigh*. the priests in my area are too 'busy'. but isnt that one of the main duties of a priest? or shouldnt it be?

I second the comment to ask around... pray to the Holy Spirit to guide you on your journey.

Also, this website might be helpful also. There's a link where you can search for directors by region of the world (and if in the US- by state).

I was lucky because my spiritual director is a priest that I have known for years and who practically watched me grow up. Your spiritual director should be someone that you can trust, above all else, and who you can share your thoughts, feelings, etc. with comfortably. You'll know when they're the right one for you if they listen patiently and offer good advice/guidance. They should never push or force you into anything, but gently guide you and challenge you, sometimes in ways that may be difficult.

I agree with the suggestion to ask around. Also, if there is a priest that knows you that you would be comfortable talking to, that works too. And don't be afraid to tell them if it's not working out. My SD tells me all the time that if I feel like his advice isn't benefiting me anymore, it's ok to want to switch.

Just wondering about spiritual directors, if one is discerning a vocation to religous life would you look for a priest that is open to vocations or a lay person? I know that there are loads of lay people who now do spiritual direction and Iam not sure if it would be the best idea.

My SD is getting sent back to college.... my options would then be one of two supposedly amazing priests that i've never met/dont know hardly at all.... or the wife of our diocese' vocational director (deacon) .... this lady is the mother of a religious sister, and SD to several other girls... but i dont know her that well either...

for a young woman discerning to the religious life, would the priest be better in this case? or this lady, who is extremely nice and knowledgable as well...?

sorry to jump in the thread, i was just wondering :P

Hmm, this is just an opinion. I think different people can be suitable for the job but personally I don't think I'd go to a lay person. I don't know that it would be a good fit since they have not been there first-hand, like a religious or a priest. I think it's different from the argument that priests can't give marriage counseling because they've never been married; they have the grace from God to do that. I'm not sure if it's the same with a lay person directing a young person in discernment. But that's just my opinion... I could be off.

A good resource would be to ask the vocation director of the community you are interested in. They might have a sister available or posibly know a good priest for you to talk with. As to lay people, I had one once, and she was wonderful. Mind you, she was an ex nun, but she guided me through some difficult times.
It is not always easy to find a priest locally from the parishes, they are generally just too busy. Our parish priest serves 3 parishes, and has no time for 1 on 1 help which is very sad for our area.

Monasteries are a good source of spiritual direction. I would try to locate an order of monks near you and contact the superior, asking if they could appoint a spiritual director for you. My first spiritual director was a Cistercian monk who had previously been a Christian Brother priest. He had a wealth of experience as a priest, monk and Novice Master before I met him. Also, check out a retreat center, where there are often priests available. In Singapore, I went to the Ignatian Retreat Center, and they assigned a priest to me as a spiritual director. He was much younger than my first SD, but he was still good, a Jesuit who gave frequent retreats. God bless you in your search.

I met mine at my home parish he and another priest were filling in when we didn't have a priest(our church was on the chopping block) Luckly he is a SD at Holy Apostles College and Seminary while he couldn't at the time take me, he said he would be happy to direct me till I found one, well I never found one, so I just meet him after he says Mass at St.Joe's, thou he isn't there all the time like before, because of the new priests at that church. So I am happy to have this gifted soul to guide me, even thou it's hard to see him sometimes.

Jessica
http://www.xanga.com/adiscerningsoul

I had Sister from a diocesan discernment program that I participated in, and while God definitely worked through it it wasn't a fit. I had started going regularly to confession to a monk, and would sometimes ask him about stuff, so eventually I checked with them both and he became my spiritual accompanier. It is a great blessing.

Thanks for the advice everybody! I now have a spiritual director by correspondence. She's a third order Carmelite.

Thanks for the advice everybody! I now have a spiritual director by correspondence. She's a third order Carmelite.


www.childofourlady.blogspot.com

I started praying for a spiritual director just over a year ago, as I knew that I needed one. However, I didn't have any idea about what a 'good' spiritual director would be like. It was almost as if I expected a habit-wearing alien to walk into the chaplaincy one day and approach me. Then one of my good friends, a Dominican sister who helps with the running of the chaplaincy, invited me up to the convent for lunch. It was while we were laughing and joking together on the walk up the hill that I thought, "Hang on! The perfect spiritual director is walking right next to me."

I asked Sister if she would agree to direct me. She was doubtful at first ("Oh, but spiritual directors go on all these fancy courses and classes these days...") but eventually she agreed. Our friendship hasn't really changed much. We just have one more 'formal' meeting per month to discuss vocational and spiritual matters.

I agree, i typically would not go to a layperson. the only thing i would recommend is if perhaps there is a layperson with a degree in psychology or something, only if you need that sort of thing. But in the long run, i think monks make the best directors.

I had a spiritual director for about a year and we met on and off for our meetings. He wasn't very helpful I thought and he confused me a lot. I think it was because he was stressed out due to having a parish to run alone with a school too. Maybe it was because he wasn't trained to be a spiritual director.

I still don't have a spiritual director as of now. I mostly ask a priest for advice either in the confessional or via email (my pastor).

If I decide to apply to the seminary, I would need to have one due to the lengthy and confusing application process my Diocese has.

Topic is a little old, but thought I'd add my history.

Really, having a spiritual director that matches your spirituality is important. Partially becuase from my experience, my spiritual directors kinda rub off on me . From what I've heard, normal diocesan priests usually don't have the formation, or time to do one on one spiritual direction (some do though). I have a diocesan priest as my spiritual director, but he was a Carmelite brother and left before final vows for Diocesan priesthood. So he is a diocesan priest with a religious formation! Woohoo! Sadly I'm going back to Steubenville and will have to find a new one .

I would say for men and women, priests make the best spiritual directors, even over nuns. Mostly because a priest can be your regular confessor too. For those discerning religious life I would definitely choose a religious over laity (pref a priest, but a brother, deacon, or sister/nun would be good too).

As for how to find one... I don't quite know . I was actually one of if not the first spiritual directee my director had, now he has like 5 though!

Sometimes when it comes to discernment I will ask our diocesan vocations director questions and he is always great

I had one in the early days of my discernment. It was good. Aside from asking some good probing questions he ws very logical and methodical in his approach. Not surprising really. He was a late vocation and was an engineer in his previous vocation!

I pretty much agree with everything Slappo said.

As for finding one, that can just take a long time. I think the diocese might be able to put people in touch with priests who do spiritual direction. It might be a good idea to ask them if you're in a solid (by that I mean theologically solid) diocese.



I have a friend who's an engineer and could totally see him taking that approach if he were a priest!

btw, what does your screen name mean?

My parish Pastor is my main spiritual director. However, sometimes I go to confession at the cathedral in my diocese, and one certain priest there is the best confessor I've ever had. If I lived closer, I'd definitely want him as my spiritual director.

God will give you the director you need. Just pray for one, and ask one of the great spiritual directors like St. John Vianney, St. Francis de Sales or St. Ignatius of Loyola to pray for you.

I've had a few directors in my day. The one I had in Baltimore was very good, but I needed to find a different one after I moved out of state. I immediately decided to go to the pastor of my parish, and we met a few times but eventually I decided to find another priest who was a better fit. On a practical level, it's important to find a director that you trust. It is good to trust the advice you get from good priests in confession, however, I certainly won't put my soul in the hands of just anyone. I knew that my current spiritual director was right for me because he seems to 'get' me. I trust him to guide me in important spiritual matters because I really think the Holy Spirit has given him the right understanding necessary to know my spiritual needs. I can't say that about just anyone.

Most lay people are not equipped to be spiritual directors. The only decent ones I've met are in Opus Dei and they've been in the Work for a long time. Opus Dei really likes the idea of men guiding men and women guiding women. If you're discerning religious life, a Sister might be a good spiritual director for you.