i'm so confused...

Its that time of year when communities take the step into the new year with the profession of vows, and reception of new novices... and every time i look at new pictures the desire and longing to be one just grows and grows...

I've been looking at the websites and their pictures.... and the yearning keeps growing. I just looked at the one of the Martyrs of St. George and it felt like my heart was ripping out of my chest.... I have such a desire to enter... to devote my life entirely to Our Lord Jesus Christ... I dont know if I can wait even through my senior year, let alone 4+ years of college...

God will give me the patience and fortitude necessary, i know... but i just needed to share this with someone, anyone... to know i'm not alone.....

why would you have to wait through 4 years of college to enter religious life?

While it is good to have additional education most of the time before you enter religious life, it's not absolutely necessary everywhere--you could certainly enter in a number of places once you are 18.

I know that, but my parents want me to go to college... "How can you give up what you've never experienced"

they have preconceived notions of the religious life, and i'm going to spend my college years trying to convince them otherwise. They are non-practicing catholics.

They also have the ability to send me through college debt free, I also have the possibility of getting a half-to full ride wherever i want to go... I think God wants me to go to college because of this

I would seek God's will, if you think he decides for you to go to college, you should

yet I would not worry about what your parents think or desire or will since God transcends their thoughts, desires, and wills.

i know....

you've never met my mother though... every time the suggestion is brought up in a roundabout way she tells me what a waste of time and life it is... how unhappy they are... she says i need to experience life first, but to her, that means dating, and i'm not willing to do that... she expects me to be a docter or engineer or lawyer or something... something that makes lots of money, is challenging, and that i wouldnt "be bored" doing.....

i know i'm called to the religious life,... i just have to somehow convince my mother of this... we aren't close, and talking to her has always been a struggle... our discussions end in lectures

you dont need to convince her of anything.

the only reason is God

God is the reason.

yes i know... but i still must obey the 4th commandment as i'm a minor, i cant send myself halfway across the country to tour convents without their permission, they'd send the police after me.... I desire to do only God's will, and right now, i see that as going to college..... somehow, someway, my mom will understand..... and His will will be done

DP

good point yet after 18 you wont be a minor anymore

i know...

this has gotten a mite bit off topic... thank you Kafka, i know i must talk to my mother soon about this..... i jst hope i can. she is trying to make sure i dont make the mistake she did... in a way, trying to live her life through mine. She just wants me to be happy, and thinks this God thing is just a phase....

i'm trying.

DtA, you have been in my prayers for some time now. I too have had to wait several years. For much different reasons, mind you, but I have had to wait too. I understand.

I can relate. The same thing happened with me. I would slowly attempt to become as independent from your mother as possible while still honoring her.

I did that, I told my mother that i was meeting friends when i was interviewing for the seminary. I told her when I had to go and visit a community, I was going with thte diocese for a while, but decided to go to an order. SO when I had to vosot the order, I told them

No, it's not absolutely necessary in most places. In fact, the places that DO require college or work experience almost always require 1-2 years, not four. And I would not say that it is "good" to have additional education before you enter religious life most of the time. The community normally provides for that if it is necessary.

No, it's not absolutely necessary in most places. In fact, the places that DO require college or work experience almost always require 1-2 years, not four. And I would not say that it is "good" to have additional education before you enter religious life most of the time. The community normally provides for that if it is necessary.

My heart goes out to you! I'm in much of the same position! Lets pray for each other.

i would love to pray for you! thank you so much for your prayers...

Lauren is correct here about the college/work requirements when communities make that stipulation.
While we could debate the pros and cons of the effect of college on a vocation, maybe we could agree that for some, it is a necessary time to continue maturing, while for others, they may be more than ready to leap into their vocation. Once again, having a good SD can help a lot here.
Speaking strictly as a mother, I would hope you could keep a civil relationship with your parents while you continue to discern. Eventually they will have to come to terms with your aspirations though it may take time. Most parents want their kids to be fulfilled in their vocations even if they don't think in those terms.

I talked with my director about this (who finished Conservatory and had an international singing contract waiting for her signature when she entered) because I'm the first grandchild of my dad's parents to go to university. I'm also the youngest (of 26 grandchildren). As you can imagine, my family would most love to see me with a doctorate someday!

Her advice was that unless God drags you into the cloister by the hair (and He does that to some people), to go and experience it, while paying close attention to your spiritual growth. It doesn't have to be for four years (actually, in my case I hope I'll be graduated in another year), but if the convent is the place for you, you might get even more convinced in college, while growing emotionally and spiritually and having a great time

Praying that everything will work out for you.
Put your trust in Him. God Bless.

I'll be praying for you, Eda, and remember that God will take care of you, no matter what happens.

May God bless and protect you always in all of your endeavors, especially your discernment!

Your Brother in Christ,

Joe

I could forsee some educaton being a VERY good thing! Education prepares the mind and the heart which are both gifts from God. The more we have, the more we can give back to Him.

Deus_te_Amat (since I don't know your real name...and that's what handles are all about!) I'd like to share a little story from my own life with you, since I see a bit of me in what you're saying.

Here goes...

My folks have, for the most part, opposed just about every career path I've wanted to take in life. I play violin, and when I was finishing high school, I proudly announced that I wanted to go professional. My parents outright told me no, saying they would only help with school if I picked a path that paid good money, such as economics or buisness. We got into arguments over this, to the point that I dropped my dreams of violin superstardom and pursued criminal justice with the intent to go to law school. Boy oh boy, were my parents happy! Finally, someone to support us in our old age! Except when I started taking philosophy courses as electives (ah, philosophers have always been trouble makers) and found that philosophy was my real joy while at the same time, deepening in my faith and discovering my vocation. When I broke the news to my parents that I had switched my major to philosophy they seemed a little disheartened, but seeing how (even after not persuing music) I have funded my entire education, they really couldn't say much.

Now when my vocation discernment turned serious, I knew my parents weren't going to like that either. If they didn't like me pursuing a low-paying career, they would definately hate a no-paying career (by worldly standards, of course). I made up my mind, much like yourself, that I just HAD to finish college before answering my call. So the first community I made contact with was the Nashville Dominicans, whose vocation directress really challenged me to prayer over why I wanted my degree so badly. Consider this...depending on what order you enter, they will fund your ENTIRE education. So risking a large college debt which would delay my vocation seemed silly....through much prayer I realised I was using college to give my parents "time". However, God allots time as he wills and the joys of following religious life overshadow the temporal happiness any degree could offer.

When I visited the SMME back in May, I got an earful from my mother saying the same thing you are hearing from yours: "Go out and experience life!" To put it bluntly, you don't have to step out in front of an oncoming car to know it will hurt. Often times what people mean by "experience life" is "experience the world". Of course, parents always have our best intentions in mind and are truly concerned about our well being...as frustrating as it may sometimes be. I have been told that instead of sitting my parents down and trying to explain a vocation to them, to simply drop hints along the way, thus when the time comes it will be one of those "Well, we saw it coming" reactions.

You are right to wait until you are 18 though....what it means to honor your parents is differant for a minor and an adult...however, once you turn 18, if you still feel God is calling you to the religious life, then you should whole heartedly pursue that call. We can't control how our parents will feel about the decision, nor should we deny them the growing opportunity that comes from feeling those emotions.

Sorry for the lengthy post...I just felt like a lot of what you've said hit home with my own experience. God bless you on your journey.

wow

thank you....

i sent you a PM... but this really does mean alot, the thread kind of went the wrong direction then what i intended, but your words have helped immensly... thanks

Eda, know you will be in my prayers.

Love in Christ,
dory

First, Find a director to guide you, someone that is close so you don't have to travel to him/her. This will help tremendously in your ability to wait, and maybe even clear up how long you are supposed to wait.
Second, God calls different people to different things. I thought for awhile that I would be called to the convent and not go to college, while my cousin expected to go to college and eventually enter the convent. God had other plans though, and she entered the convent right out of highschool, while I am beginning my final year of university. While at some times I wondered whether or not I had taken the right path, now I know that it was God's will for me to grow outside of the convent first. For now, I am still called to be in the world, serving Him there. He'll let you know what's best, and you'll be happier for it when/if you enter.

God's peace to you!
Lauren

I do have a spiritual director, i just couldnt get a hold of them tody when i was having this vocational meltdown...

My soul is finally at peace. I sent an email to Sr. Mary Emily of the Nashville Dominicans. I've been meaning to do so for awhile now, and i think that today was my final prompting to do so.

Thank you everyone,.. your prayers mean the world. I'm praying for you.

fairly sure i'm going to be like this until i get a reply

My parents told me I HAD to finish college before I entered, but God had different plans and now I am entering after my sophomore year, and my parents couldn't be more excited for me. If God is calling you soon, He will change your parent's hearts. I had to talk with my parents about why they wanted my to get my degree so badly, and we all discovered that it was because my parents were scared that I wouldn't have a plan B if the convent didn't work out. But we assured each other that God will take care of everything. So now they're all for it! Just discern, and pray for your parents. Keep moving in your discernment... Like emailing, visiting, and when it's time to make a decision... decide! Everything will be fine. And keep a close relationship with your parents. They may end up helping you discern.

I couldn't agree with you more. My father keeps giving me these lectures, on how I should have a plan B. It as if they are gearing me up for failure, but have no fear when God is at the Helm!

A college education would be such an asset to any community you might enter. why not get that education under your belt. It seems you are drawn to the active apostolate, well you need to do some type of work, and will need an education before you can do this.
I know that 4 or 5 years seems like an eternity, but it will go by so quickly. And it will give you time to mature. I know you feel you are ready, but you need time. If this is a true vocation, it will grow as long as your nurture it. Seek out opportunities to develop a good relationship with Jesus. Your parents are very wise, and they truly know you. Respect them always.
The Lord gave you wonderful parents who care so much about you, what a gift you have been given. I am sure there are many people on this Phorum who wish they had this.
Take time to visit different communities. It will take time to find your niche and explore it. Find a good vocation director to help you along the way.
these words are written by someone much, much older then you. So you might not want to hear them. But I say them with genuine caring.
My prayers

Saaaaaaaaad!!!

i got a delivery notification failure saying that my email couldnt be sent!! and then i tried resend it using another account and i got the same thing!!

i'm confused... i talked to my SD about it and read them the email and the said that the vocation directress would be pleased... they know her well. Anyone know what is going on?

This is an automatically generated Delivery Status Notification

Delivery to the following recipient failed permanently:

vocation@op-tn.org

Technical details of permanent failure:
PERM_FAILURE: SMTP Error (state 16): 521 Server does not accept mail

Oh bummer! I have to see if I have Sr. Cecilia Joseph's email.... she's in the Vocation Office w/ Sr. Mary Emily.

Waiting 4 years and going to college might sound like the sensible thing to do. The world teaches us that we need to think things through and not to make such major decisions so quickly.

But if it feels like God is pounding on the door to your heart, don't be afraid to answer that call right away. My betrothed and I knew that we were called to marry each other two days after we started dating. A lot of our family members didn't know about that, but I'm sure if they found out, they would surely question our sanity. Even so, when God calls you so strongly, do not hesitate to lay everything down and follow Him.

I know how you feel, Deus_te_Amat. I had resigned myself to going at least to CEGEP (2 years) before entering at all, but after having spent a week with them over the summer I wasn't sure if I could bear it. The week after I got back was probably the hardest week in my whole life - and it's not even as if it wasn't hard while I was with them! Just thinking about it makes me feel like, to quote you, "my heart is being ripped out of my chest".
God bless, give you the grace to discern His will, and ever grow closer to Him!

Wow! Congratualtions Photosynthesis! I'm so happy for you!

I seriously considered entering religious life right after high school. However I am now entering my second year at a great Catholic University; it's one of the really Catholic ones.

Now that I look back I can see that I was definitely not close to mature enough to enter at 18. I think that for me being able to grow both in maturity and in my faith has better prepared me to enter, God willing. Although that's just my experience, others are ready to enter much earlier.

(However, I may not be the best person to give advice, as I am still as confused as ever as to what God wants me to do. )

thanks guys... means loads!! you are in my prayers as well...

That would be greatly appreciated!! i've tried again today with the same result... using a different email provider as well. I talked to my assistant vocation director about it (he is my friend's dad) and apparently an email he sent yesterday went though.. but he may just not have gotten the email... He sent my email using his account, but i havent heard back from him yet... if you have another address though taht would be amazing!



that is so beautiful!! thank you for your encouragement... i'll be praying for you!



Whats CEGEP? what order did you stay with for a week? thank you... all i really needed was to not feel alone... you're in my prayers!



lol i definately have loads of maturing to do... i consider myself socially immature, which is true, and there is always room for growth! one of my issues is that my parents dont want to let me go to a really Catholic college... but i know i'll manage wherever i go, i just really want to take orthodox theology classes

thanks everyone! prayers!

I went to a state university and although I wanted theology classes and hoards of other discerners, being so "out in the world" helped in my discernment. For some reason it was as if I could seperate God's voice from the hubbub around me... that taught me what God's voice sounded like. It was a lot different from everything else going on! God will use every situation no matter what for Him if you let it! Don't fear!

Deus... have you heard back from Sr. Mary Emily? If not, try the Voc Asst... Sr. Cecilia Joseph: vocassist (AT) op-tn.org

No i havent. I did email Sr. Joseph Andrew though of the SMME's and she replied... i was thinking about waiting a few more days and trying again. Thank you!!! I shall email Sr. Cecilia Joseph instead

God bless and Mary protect!

I feel like I can relate, even though I'm not really far in my discernment process. The desire to begin doing what He wants me to do is what's consuming me.

I know there's no way I can not go to college - I want to - but finding the right college is a whole other dilema...

ah yes, the college dilemma... soooo much fun. Lol its hard enough figuring out what to do with my life without the added stress of what college... hehe

why is there no way that you cant go to college?

The parents of course. And actually, the grams is a part of it too. I get the "you need to have a back-up plan" speech almost everytime we get together.

I want to go to college, but I know they expect something like Law or Medicine, but I really only love Theology. I can only see myself getting into Theology.

Being the only real practicing Catholic in my immediate family is really tough, especially when my mom has her problems concerning the religious life. I have a feeling that they expect the minimum, like becoming a priest in our diocese, in my decision for my future. I dread the day when I have to explain that I have a vocation to the religious life (or even the monastic life) if that does happen...

oh wow... your family sounds exactly like mine! except i'm female of course. I shall keep you in my prayers

Yeah. When I was reading your first posts in this thread it sounded as if I had made 'em.

You're in my prayers as well.

I talked with one of the Carmelite sisters today to whom I am really close to, and she advised me to just concentrate on finding the right college for now. God will make sure I discover my vocation.

So instead of worrying about my vocation... I now have to worry about college... At least it isn't both at the same time.

I think it's important to remember that vocation begins now, not next week or next month or next year. It begins at every second. I used to spend ages looking at communities and pining over them, wondering when I would finally be able to enter. Then I realised that I was being unfaithful to God's love in the present. Worrying about how you are going to enter the convent without your parents getting upset is natural, but it is not your responsibility. Providing you live God's grace all the time you will find that obstacles and difficulties like that are overcome before you have even noticed them going.

Not long ago I realised that my vocation is to pray more, to give more, and to live humbly. Generosity, prayer, and humility are all interlinked, and they all come from trust. So long as I'm following this compass, I know that I'm on the right road. I hope that the compass will eventually take me to a religious community, but for now I'm content to enjoy the journey.

I am listening to music as I type - 'Wherever You Will Go' by The Calling. Interestingly, as I was typing the last paragraph, they sang this:

I know now, just quite how
My life and love might still go on
In your heart, in your mind
I'll stay with you for all of time

If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high, or down low
I'll go wherever you will go.

It's not a religious song, but...appropriate.