Hi, I'm Thomas, I don't post on the Vocations Board very often.

I'm 23, I've been Catholic two years, I'm starting my last year of college this fall. I will graduate in the spring with a degree in history and linguistics. I've been dating a nice Catholic girl for 19 months, we're in love, we often talk about maybe getting married in a few years.

I also drawn to seminary and the diocesan priesthood. It's a recurring desire, it keeps coming back. The great need of the Church for priests really touches my heart. Also, the opportunity to make great sacrifices for the Lord is very appealing. I think I would absolutely love seminary.

This past Sunday my diocese, the Diocese of Lansing, Michigan, had a "Dinner with the Bishop" for current and potential seminarians. There was also an overnight retreat that some of us stayed for afterwards.

The event was amazing. I already knew a couple of the seminarians, because they are amongst my very best friends. I also met many others, and they were all so wonderful. They were all very nice and eager to get to know us "potentials" and to help guide us in our discernement. One really cool thing was that my home parish had the most seminarians, it's so awesome that the Lord has blessed us to be such a vocational powerhouse! The number of vocations has picked up here in recent years, and the quality of our seminarians is even more encouraging.

Lots of priest came for dinner too, in fact almost every priest I personally knew was there! My pastor came up not just for the dinner, but was the only parish priest to remain there overnight. Our Director of Seminarians and our Bishop, Carl Mengeling, also really impressed me, they are so wonderful and so holy.

Our Bishop, our seminarians, and many of our priests have become so much more dear to my heart. I love our diocese! I so very much want to be part of what the Lord is doing here!

Over and over again, it was said, by the Bishop, by priests, and by seminarians, that the place to discern is in the seminary. I'm really starting to wonder how I could possibly allow myself not to go.

There is however a few things in my way. The little things include my family and my finances. My family is not Catholic, and not religious, and while I know they wouldn't stop me, I don't think they will be very supportive. I also know that I can expect absolutely zero help from them, both financially, and in other things, like I'm pretty sure they wouldn't drive to the seminary to come and get me even to visit them, and in everything in between, I'll be on my own. I've been on my own for college, and getting through has taken everything I've been able to scrape together, and I will have nothing when I graduate.

The thing that concerns me more is that I have long had a strong desire to marry and have children. There is also the girl I am with now (who, btw, is casually beginning to discern sisterhood). I love her, I don't want to break her heart - I don't want my heart to be broken either.

I don't know what else to say.

Any thoughts?

Don't get rejected.

God's will will be done. The problem is knowing what it is. You'll be in my prayers, my friend. If you are ment to discern in the seminary, then finances will not be an issue, someway. Do you have a spiritual director? I suggest talking to them. It seems to me that you already know in your heart what you must do, and are slowly eroding the arguments... coming to us for further pursuasion.

Pray about it in front of the Blessed Sacrament. Talk seriously with your girlfriend. if you are both starting to discern, even if you are in love, is it the best thing to be dating?

Again, i'll be praying for you... God bless!

I dated a guy for 3 years... and discerned sisterhood through the whole relationship. I knew I needed to try religious life. I didn't know when, but I knew I needed to try. Well, this past January, I felt God calling me to break up with my boyfriend. Everything had been going wonderfully with our relationship, but I felt, even months before, that it was going to end at some point. I loved him, and I still do, but in a different way. Anyway, a couple of months after breaking up, God called me to religious life ASAP. I am entering in 17 days. God does amazing things with sticky situations.
I would say, talk seriously with your girlfriend about discernment. Even what you posted here is really good to start a conversation. God will not forsake you. He made your heart... it might hurt for a while, but He will draw you and your girlfriend back together again if you decided to break up, if you are called to be married to her. But you may find fulfillment in seminary. You just need to try, or else you will always wonder.
And ask St. Joseph to help you with those finances.
Hope some of this helps.
Feel free to pm me if you want to talk about this more.

I'm with DeusteAmat and be_thou_my_vision. It sounds like you already know that you should check this out (seminary sounds great to you, you went on an overnight retreat for friends of the seminary, etc.) but the problem is the logistics, your girlfriend, the money, your family. It's really good to know that she is discerning sisterhood too, she will probably understand then your feeling that you should seriously consider seminary.

On the feeling attracted to marriage: great! That means you are a normal human being! One shouldn't embrace celibacy because one is disgusted by the idea of marriage.

It's great that you see that the world needs priests. So True!

You do say "I feel attracted to seminary" and not "priesthood." Do remember that after seminary it's the rest of your life. One is a seminarian, then a thirty-year-old priest, then a forty-year old priest, and so on, then a REALLY OLD priest like the one who still says Masses nearby then dying, as a priest. I am looking at sisterhood also and had just been seeing pictures of young, glowing Sisters... then I saw a photo of a convent graveyard. *forehead slap* Oh, yeah! You're in the convent all your life! Hm!

On "the place to discern is the seminary"--do be careful here and try to be PRETTY certain before entering seminary. I do know of a young man from my school who is taking a break from seminary, and I have a few classmates whose fathers used to be in seminary, and my roommate's brother also was in seminary but left and later married, so perhaps it does work; but I've also heard that the cause of some of the problems with the priesthood now is pressure to stay the course from family, seminary directors, and public opinion, even when one is not sure one ought to be ordained. Something to bear in mind! Just, if you do enter the seminary not totally sure, be very sure that you will have the strength of mind to leave, if you find later that you must. (Hope that doesn't sound too harsh. I was just surprised when I first read that last thing, about pressure to be ordained, so thought I'd pass it on.)

God bless!

This is what I tell all of my Catholic friends: discern religious life BEFORE you even think you're ready to discern marriage.

It is good that you are in love with this girl, and it is good that you have the desire to marry and raise a family. This means that you're a healthy Catholic man. Think of the many great Catholic saints that would have done well in marriage.... St. Therese would have been a wonderful mother... I'm sure St. Francis would have made a great husband, but God called him to a higher purpose. It's important to discern this call early in life so that you don't get married and then wonder, "what if?"

Marriage is a wonderful vocation, and it has brought many souls to sainthood. I know that God's plan for me is to get married because this is the vocation that will call me to die to myself every day, and that is what we need to do to become saints. However, if you have not yet discerned the higher calling of priesthood & religious life, I don't think you're ready to marry.

No, I don't. It isn't exactly easy to get one. I have no car, so I can't seem to get to good ones, and the ones closest to me don't really fit. I will be talking with the diocesan director of seminarians though.



Oh, I have been - she is well aware, and about as supportive as I could realistically hope for.



It is a concern of mine that I just really love the idea of seminary, however, the reason I looked into it in the first place was a desire to pour out my life as a sacrifice to God by serving His Church and administering His Sacraments to His people.

Also, 2/3 seminarians discern out. Some are even asked to leave. I know discerned out seminarians, at least in my area, I don't think there is a huge stigma or anything, but you have a good point. I am a convert though, I am used to making big decisions that aren't supported by my community (think former Protestant church).



Yeah, I agree.


Thanks for your thoughts everyone.

Another possibility is a silent, guided retreat. do you live in an area that has a retreat center? Yes, not having a car can be a problem but it can be gotten around. for the sake of a retreat. theres always bus or cab.

+

God bless.

p.s. your avatar is awesome!

The best thing to do, Thomas, is to pray. Your head and your heart have to agree. Do it all for Jesus. When you feel that peace in your heart, you know you are following God's will for you.

I'm afraid I can't give you any advice of substance, but I'm going to mass tomorrow morning, and I'll pray for you before the Blessed Sacrament.

I can't give you any advice, only to say that I know what you are feeling. It may be that you always imagine you love her, or loved her, or that your relationship was broken by the Church. It may also be that you always desire the priesthood, even after marriage. Both of these things seem to me to be things which can be turned to good, even if they are somewhat painful.

If celibacy was not a sacrifice, I cannot see how it would bring grace and further your cooperation with redemption.

However, it seems that either way you can still have your loves. You can change the somewhat selfish love which always threatens marriage into a true desire for her spiritual growth, and share a friendship like Christ to his disciples, or you can be a non-sacramental source of paternal grace for your family, and so love the Church indirectly by your governance of them. Either way, and I say this as someone who is currently experiencing much the same thing, it seems we have a lot of deprivation and self-abnegation to accomplish before the end of this war on carnality.

First off thank you for considering seminary! It is truly extraordinary that you should do so, and this coming from someone who is actually in seminary. I want to share a bit of my own story in order to perhaps help a bit, hopefully it will.

I went to a small Catholic college in KS (Benedictine College) for two years. I had many girls whom I knew, and some that I considered dating throughout that time. Toward the middle/end of my second year I did end up dating a girl, an extraordinary one at that. She had it all so to speak. She was, and still is, a model young Catholic woman. She goes to daily Mass frequently, to confession frequently, loves our Lord and wants to improve herself and grow in virtue. Adding to that she was an attractive girl, and I enjoyed her company a lot. All things which red blooded Catholic men look for in a significant other. But something was tugging at me, something which had nothing to do with her, except that it called for me to leave her. I truly could feel Christ tugging at my heart to leave her, and leave Benedictine and all of my friends behind and go to seminary. I knew that our Lord was calling me away from the school I had come to love, my girlfriend and numerous friends with whom I had grown very close. But I knew that He was calling me toward something which would be infinitely more rewarding (quite literally).

Unlike you I am not a convert and have had the opportunity to think of the priesthood for my entire life, or at least half of it (which is true... I began thinking about it in the second grade). This has given me more surety in my decision to leave, I left because I have a desire to become a priest, to go to seminary yes, but ultimately to become a priest and to serve our Lord by leading His people to Him through the Sacraments and genuine growth in holiness. I think that, as many others have said, there needs to be a surety, or at very least a desire for that which the priesthood calls for. It seems that you have some desire for it, because you desire to leave all behind and serve Him. In my own discernment I asked my spiritual director, a wise old Benedictine priest, when one should go to seminary, or leave for a religious order. He said two things: you must have peace about your decision and you must go with the intention to stay (this doesn't assume you will). If you can, I would suggest you go to visit a seminary. To my knowledge the nearest one to you would be mine (the Pontifical College Josephinum)... but it would be best to visit the one your diocese uses the most. See how you feel when you go there... see if our Lord gives you an interior peace, and see where He seems to be leading you.

As for your other issues, family, money and the like. God will take care of those... He always takes care of those who desire truly to do His will. The majority of the seminarians from my diocese at the particular seminary that I'm at are converts... only one of whom has a family of converts. The others don't have very much, if any support from home (one of the men's fathers is a Southern Baptist minister). But our Lord has provided for all of them. The only further advice I can give is to pray. Any formation director/spiritual director I've ever talked to has said that our Lady is intregal in discerning vocations. I know she was in mine, and my Rosary became my constant comfort in times of confusion and weakness. Our Lady will help you if you seek her help. She will lead you to the will of her Son.

Anyhow, that is my input. You will be in my prayers! May you find God's will in your life! Ut in omnibus glorificetur Deus!

As someone else has said, you must feel called to the priesthood, not seminary. My archbishop and I talk about this distinction frequently. He gets many applicants to our seminary who seem to want the escape and "security" of seminarian life without fully realizing the immense responsibility entrusted to priests of the third millennium. Also, one shouldn't feel called to the priesthood simply because they are needed or because it seems like a higher purpose. Marriage, the single life, orders, and consecrated religious life are all equally valid and important in the life of God's Church.

All that said, explore the priesthood, but remember the Savior of the world has come already and you're not it!

Thomas,

I have to say, for the most part, I agree with what everyone else is saying here. One thing I share their concern with is this idea of seminary and being seminarian, many bishops and priests told me one thing: you are not called to be a seminarian but a priest. The allure, the attraction, the beauty of it all, seems to be what you are drawn to, but think about this for a moment. When you leave the seminary, you are on your own, formation comes from the monthly meetings from your spiritual director, mentor, and pastor, otherwise, formation depends on you.

When you become a priest it is a lot different than when you were seminarian (more and more I am wondering what seminary truly trains us for) because right out of the gate, you are living a baptism by fire, experiencing new things, finding more time but realizing that it is no longer your own, in other words, when the hospital calls at 1:00AM having to get dressed, get your oils or to get ready to pray with the family over their recently deceased family member.

Also, getting up everyday not to go to Mass but to celebrate it, afterwards, to have multiple appointments, a few confessions, and the like.

I am not trying to deter you by any means, God knows we do need priests, but I don't necessarily think you realize what the priesthood truly is. I am a recently ordained priest (no longer newly ordained) and life from the seminary is different from life as a priest. You need to ask yourself if you are truly making that distinction, and that it is indeed priesthood that you are being called to.

I know you said a lot of people through discernment discern out, and that is true, and some of the time it is because of their own discernment, and yet, some of the time, it is because they were asked to leave. In fact, I have seen more fall from being asked to leave than anything else. Some of them should have been kicked out, but some of them, were victims of the humnanness of the priesthood, jealousy, greed, and pettiness on the part of one or all of the formators.

I could candy coat for you, if you like, but I think the reality is something you might benefit from hearing.

I am not trying to paint a bleak picture, by any means, but to prepare you for what the priesthood is and has become in this day and age.

And, I am by no means saying that it is bad, far from it, some of the most beautiful moments I have ever experienced have been as a priest, especially in the confessional, when a prodigal child returns, after countless years, or when spending time with the family as they watch their father or mother die, or when someone is moved to tears by a homily you know the Holy Spirit was definitely behind, but just like marriage, and any other vocation, there are good and bad moments as well.

I only offer this because you seem more infatuated and more attracted to the ideal rather than the reality. If, however, you know this, and you feel it is where God is calling you, far be it from me to impede with His Will, I wish you the very best and will keep you in my prayers.

God Bless

Fr. Brian

May I recommend "Priests for the Third Millennium" by Archbishop Timothy Dolan? It is, I think, a good book that enumerates the virtues germane to a healthy priestly vocation. It gives, as Fr. Brian has offered, a clearer picture of what life in the trenches is like. It isn't lovely, sung communal lauds and study groups. Its sitting through lousy finance meetings, dealing with personnel issues, and mediating arguments between God's children. This on top of sacramental duties! Priesthood is not for the faint of heart, nor is it the idyllic picture portrayed in movies. Its challenging, especially in the US. Many priests say they used to be trusted because they are priests. Now they are distrusted because they are priests. Is that a cross you are ready to bear for the Lord? Is it a cross he is calling you to bear?

Remember, once ordained, you will die a priest. Even if you leave active ministry and marry - you are a priest forever. Does that ontological change seem something you are ready to make?