The history lesson: Last year, I broke up with my then boyfriend because, during Lent, I found out that there wasn't enough space in either my head or my heart for him and God at the same time. I decided to stay single until I'd discerned whether religious life was for me or not.

More than a year later I found out that although one of my class mates at uni was actually quite wonderful, I wasn't going to date him, because of the above reason (and because everybody was expecting it, some quite vocally, and I wasn't about to make it -that- easy for them ). Long story short, next week we'll be dating for six months. My family loves him. His family loves me. His mother and sister are teasing us by picking wedding invitation-appropriate pics from among the holiday photographs, well, you can kind of see the situation

He's not Catholic (few people are over here), but he does go to Church every single Sunday, and because of me lives without complaint by Catholic "marital relations" standards and not those more common in our culture, so I'm plainly incredibly lucky.

He knew that I was discerning when we started dating, and I've occasionally talked to him about it (describing the differences between Orders, active/contemplative, and the like), but I wanted him to know exactly where I stand right now. Which isn't very easy, since I don't know it myself! But I had the feeling he thought I was weaning off the silly religious ideas, and wanted to provide him with some warning, just in case...

I told him about a mutual friend of ours, who quotes himself saying "I know I have a vocation to marriage, I just don't have the right person yet." Then I added that I know I have the right person, I just don't know the vocation yet. I hadn't really thought about how he'd react, but I expected some mental recoil at least - after all, I'd just told him our future is kind of iffy, right?

Instead I got a great big hug, he said he was very glad about the "right person"-part, and would I please keep him updated on the discernment part and tell him when and how he could be of any help.

Argh! My boyfriend is too plain wonderful. What on earth am I to do if I do turn out to have a vocation to the consecrated life? (Apart from putting him up for sale here, of course. )

Hehe!

Awww! He sounds so sweet!

What a wonderful guy!


But I have to say that it is VERY hard to discern religious life when you are dating. I lean strongly towards your first resolution and sticking to it!


But in any case, I am not your spiritual director and I will definitely pray for you.

Hmm. I think I can detect what the outcome of this is going to be. I have finely-tuned vocations radar, which complements my near-supernatural ability to tell whether or not someone is Catholic within five seconds of meeting them...

**sigh** Been there, wrecked that.

My first big call to the religious life came in the middle of being engaged to fiance #2 and in the middle of college. I didn't do anything, and I missed a wonderful opportunity. In fact, I mentioned the possibility of investigating this particular monastery, and I like to never made amends with him.

My second big call to the religious life came at the end of college, while engaged to fiance #3. He did something stupid which got him expelled, and after he left school, I kept supporting him through the tough emotional times that followed. I prayed for Jesus and Mary to give him the grace to let go of me, and I finally received the letter I had been praying for. Then I went back to discernment because the call was so strong.

The nuns will tell you that if you're seriously discerning religious life, having a boyfriend is big no-no. Discernment takes a lot of time, energy, and prayer. You need the solitude.

I can't tell you what to do--only your spiritual director can. IMHO, though, by mentioning "right guy," I'm almost certain he (your boyfriend) took that to mean him. He's being really sweet, and I would almost take that as a hint from God, but, you've not discerned religious life the way you need to. If this guy truly loves you, he will wait. It might kill him, but he'll wait. Expect tears and fireworks when you explain this to him, and be pleasantly surprised if it doesn't happen.

Which one is more fulfilling? You won't know that until you've done nun runs, etc. You can leave the religious life, but it's much harder to leave a marriage. And it won't be fair to him if you're still ambivalent because you haven't discerned religious life.

HTH.

Blessings,
Gemma

I agree, and would point out that you cannot leave a valid marriage...

If you don't break up with him, at least take some time away and visit convents. It can be very helpful to take a month, a week, or even just a weekend away and see convent life for yourself. If you are called to religious life, you will be even happier in the convent than you are with your boyfriend.

All I can say about this dear is that is sounds AWFULLY FAMILIAR.
My suggestion would be to commit to a serious discernment retreat, at least a weekend, preferable a week. Pray persistantly to know your next step, even if you don't figure out which order right away. But really commit yourself to finding the answer, because you really shouldn't leave someone who loves you hanging.
I'll be praying for you.

Thank you, Sister! Thank you all!

I'm not the first one in this situation, and I won't be the last, which is somewhat comforting to know

I will go on a retreat for at least a week, maybe two or three, with the community of my spiritual director (I snivelled on her scapular before, and I don't think I'm alone in that, either - she's seen it all ). I don't know when yet, but I will.

In the meantime - I really appreciate VS.

Having had the time to re-read all of your posts:

Gemma, thanks so much for posting your story, since it's so personal - those things are a great help.

CA: You've made me curious I've come to respect your opinion a lot, feel free to PM me if you have the urge

Totus Tuus: you might turn out to be the voice of my conscience, but at this time I don't think I dare... but your prayers are very much appreciated.