Ok, this isn't really a call for help, I'm just generally rotten at thinking up good thread titles. A couple of things I need to share, that's all

Point The First: after a trip to Buckfast today (hurray, Buckfast!) and a great chat with one of the brethren, I think I need to shift my discernment emphasis onto life with an active apostolate. Well, I hope we all know what I mean by "active", not ruling out the contemplative grounding to any decent life...I'm trying to cover my back here so that I don't annoy Sr. Mary Catherine, to be honest

Please pray for me; this is a shock to my system. Not many here know about my "discernment history" - I have purposely kept it that way - but I have pretty much always thought I belonged in an enclosed space. Until a few years ago I eschewed the active life as somehow inferior to the entirely contemplative (please don't hit me, Sr. Mary Catherine, I know I'm not being precise enough in the way I use my words!), but even after I reached a somewhat more balanced viewpoint of that I still always just wanted to be embraced and enveloped by the monastery. To almost be forced to consider that that mayn't be where God wants me is startling and quite painful.

It also brings up new challenges: which order? There are lots of factors involved, too many and too personal to mention here, but it does feel in some way as though I have to start over again. Although my intellect knows that's not entirely true: I am a rather different (I'd like to say mellower and more mature) person than I was a while back.

Point The Second: I have Buckfast news. Well, Buckfast novitiate news, at any rate. They currently have - wait for it - a novice and three postulants. Which is probably the largest nov there that I can remember (mind you, that's not saying much).

Please, if you will, pray especially for the community there. They're in the middle of turbulent times and need all the prayer and support we can give them.

Ok, I think that was me done. Advice and support would be appreciated, prayers all the more so. May God give you all a blessed 2008 and may He work wonders through all of us during this coming year.

PP

I'm dancing.

I bet you are.

My dear Puellaluv:

I am glad to hear this news. I think you would make a fine teacher. I will continue to pray for your vocational clarity, along with your emotional, physical, and spiritual health. I'd love to see you again before I make my own entrance, but that isnt going to happen. I will be as supportive of you as I can in my last days on the "outside".

It would be hard to think of you as anything other than Benedictine. It may well be all this time meditating on the Rule that has given you some of this mellowness and maturity too.

:hug:

Dear PP,
It is great to hear from you again in this forum. Don't stress over this change in your thoughts, just take each day as it comes with an open heart, and have someone in your life you can trust for sound advice.

When one gives over ones heart to Jesus, you just never know where you will wind up. I think that is the hardest part of discernment, just stopping and listening to His whisper. If only He get our attention like He did to St. Paul, but no such luck.
Prayers that you continue to open yourself up to His wishes, and that you find your path. How exciting for you!
AliceMary

Thanks, stlmom, especially for your advice on not letting things rattle me (this evening I'm swinging between calm and tears as adeptly as a chimp).

You know, PP, it is always interesting to see where it is that God calls us to in our lives. Something we need to keep in mind all the time, though, is that we are not the ones who determine our Call: that's God's job. Just remember that wherever it is that God is calling you, whether it be the contemplative life or a more active lifestyle, God is calling you there for a specific purpose, and you will be happiest there because you will be fulfilling God's Will for you in the best way you possibly can (with His help, of course). I will be praying for you in your continued discernment, and I hope that God clears your mind a bit to let you know where it is He wants you. But if that doesn't happen soon, PP, just remember that God is still with you and is holding you in His Arms: there is nothing to fear.

May God bless and protect you always in all of your endeavors, especially your discernment!

Your Brother in Christ,

Joe

Thank you for your prayers.
On the one hand I would agree with what you say in the snippet of your post I quoted; on the other I cannot help but think of something Cardinal Hume (God rest his soul) once said. It was about (I'm paraphrasing wildly) how a Sister of Mercy should "mourn" that she is not a Carmelite, a Carmelite should "mourn" that she is not a Cistercian, and a Cistercian should "mourn" that she is not a Carthusian. The point was that there is this "better part" business between Martha and Mary - and all of a sudden I quite understand what Fr. Basil meant.

While I can see that's an attractive, and in some ways logical, line of thought, I think that in the end it always boils down to your soul and God, and only that. If you're determined to do that and only that which He has in store for you, all those other orders and options might as well not exist!

Well, my two Eurocents

Double post! How did THAT happen?

Well, whatever the "veracity" of it, this is probably not the time to be dwelling on it too much. At least, not for me at any rate.

Here's a suggestion -- look into orders that make an honest attempt to combine contemplative with active ... (i.e. a contemplative in action). I know it does sound like an oxymoron (i.e. almost an imposibility) but the order that I was with had been contemplative/active balanced more on the contemplative side, and the sisters in Argentina are contemplative/active more on the active side (although I really can see their attempt to integrate contemplation into their life).

There's another order that I met that was contemplative/active (wears reddish-burgandy habits, are in the Diocese of Worcester). If I can remember their name I will let you know.

I'm happy for your journey thus far -- its better to find out what will be best for you now vs. once you enter. Keep listening to your heart and His will (and praying that your heart and His will becomes one).

-- Carmen

Well, you got me! I wouldn't even know what sort of advice to give as how this came to be isn't very clear. A lot of Benedictine communities also teach and have some sort of active life, at least in this country. There is Queen of Peace monastery in FL that is monastic yet the sisters will be doing some teaching.

I'm glad you are afraid of me!

Seriously, it's not a matter of which is better but the WHERE God is truly calling you.

I was in an active community for 2 years and it was the biggest surprise that God was calling me to the contemplative life.

Of course Dominicans try to have the best of both worlds but if you are attracted and callled to the OSB life than you wouldn't be able to make yourself into an OP.

My post is making as little sense as yours!

Seriously. Botton line. Spend A LOT of time with Jesus in the Bl. Sacrament and ask Him to purify your desires. than you will know what is truly His desire and what is YOUR desire. They'll match. They won't be 2 different things!

You simply need to wait on the Lord right now.

I can see how you would be disappointed.
But regardless of which state in life might be the highest, your highest state in life is the one to which God calls you.
If you have never read about St. Anthony of Padua's life, you might want to look into it. He had a real life of "turn arounds".

I second reading St. Anthony's life. Hang in there and know that you have our support. It's so difficult to be living on turbulent waters so to speak, but just hang on and know that the Lord will care for you! Just pray for the gift to trust, even when the road seems unclear.