Hello everyone,

My name is Megan and I am discerning my vocation to the religious life at the moment. The only convent I have stayed with as an aspirant is Tyburn Convent in London and I came from the U.S. to do that, though am now living in the UK. They were wonderful and I met some really genuine sisters there. I also have the feeling that I may be called to live the Carmelite vocation and I see from this forum that someone has already entrered the Carmel at Wolverhampton. I was advised to contact them about two years ago but havent done it as yet. So, Benedictine or Carmelite, that is the question?? I am sure I am not alone in this kind of discerning. I love the sisters at Tyburn and feel that it is there that God led me first but feel I should follow up the other avenue too?? Can anyone offer any advice for a poor discerning would be nun?

I knew a friend who had the exact same question as you. I don't know you, or how well you enjoyed your time at the convent you visited, but I do know that, as my vocation unfolds, it is often useful to just think about the elements. Which saints do I consider my patrons? Are there any particular authors that speak to me on issues of spirituality?

But, from you, I wonder if you would tell us more about your time with the sisters? Was there anything missing from their life that you would like to see in wherever you spend your religious life? Was there anything you particularly enjoyed? Maybe then people could really share their insight, or at least enjoy your company a bit more.

Thank you for your reply, and so quick ... I am very grateful. I enjoyed my time at Tyburn very much, which was about one month. I love the fact that they have Perpetual Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament, keep all the Divine Offices including the Little Hours, their Charism and their Foundress, Marie Adele Garnier who was a truly spiritual woman. Maybe I never saw myself as a Benedictine as I am so drawn to the Carmelites, but maybe this is because I must learn to see my vocation with the eyes of God. During my stay there I had regular talks with the Novice Mistress who was from Slovakia and she was extremely discerning. I also had chance to gain good solid advice from a Postulant who was there; she was an oblate before she entered and knew the community well. It was she who advised me to contact the Carmelite Convent if I felt so strongly about it but as I said, this, as yet has not come to pass as I remember the good advice which came from her about Tyburn and she was truly genuine in what she said. She has a great love of Elizabeth of the Trinity as she said that this saint had many of the qualities in regard to Recollection as their Foundress had. Tyburn has a wonderful history and it is a very sacred spot. I think maybe deep down it is a question of commitment on my part. They have an excellent novitiate schema for the formation of the novitiate. Nothing comes before the Praise of God, if they have extra Masses because of visitors or something special is going on, then they combine all the Little Hours together and do not miss them out. This is important to me, especially if I would be a Benedictine since St Benedict himself quotes 'seven times a day I praise you'. I saw some of the posts on the forum in regard to the habit and yes they only change the habit in Summer and Winter but that is only the top of the habit. The veils, guimpes are washed every week and the underskirt is washed when needed. There are certainly no odours that I could see otherwise I would not even think about going there, thats for sure

I am earnestly praying to the Foundress of Tyburn Convent at the moment and I am sure if I do become a Carmelite it will be because she too led me there. We will see what the Lord will do with me?

Meg

Hello Megan. I will be entering Christ in the Desert right after Easter.

What attracts you to the Benedictines?
What attracts you to the cArmelites?

Answering those two questions will help in your discernment. At least I think so.

I understand your situation quite a bit. My discernment (through the advisement of my SD) has taken a very unexpected turn, and it was very hard for me to let go of all of my notions of "But I've done so much to discern with these Sisters... I love these Sisters!"
There is nothing wrong at all with visiting a carmel or even completing an aspirancy there. You may go and find that is where the Lord wants you, or you may go and find that you are completely confirmed in a new way that you are supposed to be at Tyburn.

My advice? Talk with both the formators at Tyburn and with a Carmelite monastery near you, and see what each has to say. After that, follow your heart. My SD always tells me "the Lord hasn't brought you this far to make a fool of you. He'll lead you to whatever is going to most fulfill your heart." And with Christ, he says "fear is useless, what is needed is trust" (Mark 5:36).

May God be with you as you continue to discern

Welcome Megan!
It is good that you like this community, but just because you like them doesn't necessarily mean they're the one for you. You sound uncertain about whether this is the right one. I think you should keep looking at other communities. See if you can visit the other monastery but keep in contact with Tyburn. I don't think you'll hurt anyone's feelings. If you have doubts now, you'll have even more doubts and regrets when tough times hit. If you look around now so that you know how the other community is, you'll probably have fewer questions and doubts later.
God bless.

Hi Megan, welcome to the phorum and thanks for the pm
i wondered if you had read either Rule as they are both very different, if you do
you might then get a sense of which one draws you more because it is this that you
will have to live. There are lots of wonderful sisters in different communities and meeting them can help us on the way but i don't think it's a think to base entering or not
on. Perhaps if you spend time with each Rule you will feel where you are naturally - praying beforehand about it of course, i love the ideal of the Carmelites but i just knew
the way of the desert (the way it is lived in Carmel) was not for me, whereas the
Rule of St Benedict just drew me in like a magnet,
hope this helps, Sr Marie-Therese.