Well once again i am unsure on what i am being called to do(deja-vu....times two?). Previously i thought that i had a vocation to the religious life and all of a sudden i have a boyfriend (who i would say i love), but yet i have no idea whether that means i have ignored my calling that i was so sure about. I have no idea what to do and i am supposed to be arranging a gap-year so that i can pursue my 'vocation'. I dunno whether i have convinced myself that i can have best of both worlds and trying to kid myself that everthing will be okie dokie, but now i feel as if i'm torn...and am scared that my morality will come under threat and that i won't have the strength or .. sorta..sight to realise that i'm making excuses for my actions.

And what's more is...i have no idea why i have posted this ranting at all of youuuu lol
I think i am in serious need of prayers...

Thankyou in advance

You are certainly being tested but you are young and have plenty of time to decide where your future lies. Our Lord will guide you and you will definitely know whether you are being called to religious life. Meanwhile ,just enjoy yourself with your boyfriend. You will be in my prayers. God Bless.

Not an easy situation in the slightest. Seek wisdom and counsel from those whom you trust that the Holy Spirit will speak through! And know of our prayers for you.

I agree totally with JenniRom

You're young. you have LOTS of time. It's too soon to get seriously involved with either a man or religious life.

You can have a boyfriend, go to school and discern religious life--all of it. Many have entered RL after boyfriends, as a matter of fact, I think that it's better that way, (tho' some would disagree).

Have you seen Vocation.com 's vocation page at http://www.vocation.com/guidance.asp where you can ask questions to the vocation priest and get them answered? Also you can subscribe to their free newsletter type thing on vocations and read other questions by other discerners who often ask the same as you do.

Just about every other day there is some asking the same thing - confusion between vocation or boy/girlfriend - and almost each time the priest counsels that if you really felt you had a vocation at first, go and try it out - visit and write orders and do a live-in if the order has it and if you can. I have heard this same advice before from many other priests and not just this one. They all say that many vocations were lost from not following them and "going to live life" or "going off with a boy/girlfriend". The world has it's ways of dragging you away from your vocation.

Make God your first choice and find out if you DO have a vocation. Myself and many others I know felt called in our younger years and let the world interfere or boys and the regret is terrible (at least for me) and not it is harder due to age, etc.

Truly, follow your vocation now and see if you have one and if not, fine, you can pursue relationships and marriage, etc. Don't put God off or a possible vocation that He may be calling you too.

At this link on Vocation.com - http://www.vocation.com/content-n97.htm - there is a list of past questions and answers and as you can see, there are many like yours if not similar. In one of the answers, the priest quotes something St. Teresa of Avila said, "If you have a holy man and a holy woman, you better build a wall between them!" This was in answer to a girl who was discerning a vocation and was dating a "holy" man!

Please check out your vocation first and look at these links and questions/answers, speak to a good spiritual director who hopefully will tell you the same. God must be number one in your life no matter what.

God bless.

I know what you are going through. I have waited so often for Our Lord to call me up on the phone and tell me, "do this". Well, the phone call never came, but instead He taught me how to trust Him. So, do you follow your head or your heart? There must be peace between the two before you can be truly free to follow whatever your vocation may be. Confusion and fear are not from God, and not the voice of reason. Try to see what your heart is telling you, and don't fear to follow it because that is where God dwells in us. Sin is always possible no matter what state of life we are called to; don't let it cripple you. I agree with Jennirom, you have time, so enjoy the gifts God is giving to you now, He leads us down certain paths for a reason, and He is all-powerful. He knows how to get you where He wants you. Be at peace, and stay in touch with Him and our Lady through prayer and the sacraments no matter what you do. You may also seek out a faithful priest or religious sister and talk to them about it. I will pray for you. Lisa

Thankyou all so much for all your thoughts, time and prayers; just reading these made me feel less worried and feel a sense of relief. I know I do trust in Our Lord so much, and again thankyouuuuuuuuuu!!!


imogen

i'm in the confused/learning patience club, too. no fun, eh?

defo not....i might actually be one of the most impatient people i know, which makes matters worse lol

A gentle word of warning here. If you have a boyfriend 'all of a sudden' then it is unlikely that you love him. I am not doubting the strength of your friendship or your mutual affection, but love is not something that leaps into being during such a short space of time. It is very easy to look at a good friendship that is charged with emotional and physical attraction and call that 'love', but this isn't necessarily the case.

It's wonderful that you are so determined to find and follow God's will, but remember that this search doesn't involve lots of agonising and theorising over what you are supposed to do. Focus on what you have in this moment, put your whole heart and mind and energy into that, and you will find that your vocational direction becomes clearer. I have felt the call to be a sister since I was nine, but it was only ten years later that the knowledge of exactly where I was going descended on me with perfect clarity. I was washing my clothes on the roof of a school in rural Nepal - concentrating 100% on getting those clothes clean with only a bucket of cold water and a bar of soap to help me - and I was oblivious to everything else. If you do all your work well and thoroughly, trusting to God in every moment of the day, He will lead you on the right path and you won't have to fret about what that path is.

At the very least, tell your boyfriend that you are thinking about becoming a nun or a sister. If he is not supportive, be a little wary about getting any closer to him. He may be confused or startled when you tell him - that's only natural - but if he is downright hostile to the idea then it probably wouldn't be a wise idea to stay with him even if you realise that you aren't called to the religious life.

I would advise against dating at all during the period of discernment. You could take your gap year and see where that leads you. If it is God's will for you to remain with this boy then he won't go away - you could stay friends. Don't try to clutch on to everything you have out of fear that it will vanish if you so much as look in the direction of a convent. I know that temptation well. It signifies lack of trust. Sometimes, like Peter, we have to make a choice to get out of the boat and keep our eyes fixed on Jesus when the soles of our feet hit the water. There's nothing to hold on to then.

Make sure that your gap year is well-structured, as you don't want to be wandering aimlessly about the country and not discovering anything. You could get involved with a Catholic organisation or lay community for one half of the year and visit a few convents or monasteries in the second half. I see that you live in England, like me. Here are a few links that might help you:

Free to Become - a vocational discernment group run by the Community of Our Lady of Walsingham. The sisters' mission is to assist young people in discernment. They have retreats throughout the year at their House of Prayer in Brentwood and they travel about the country to give conferences. Their website has lots of useful articles and links.

Compass - a discernment programme, run by the Benedictine monks of Downside Abbey, that enables Catholics of both sexes to meet regularly and discern their vocations through prayer, discussion, and fellowship. I know people who have been on the Compass programme and found it a big help. You have to be aged twenty or over to take part.

Assumption Lay Volunteers - a year-long volunteering scheme, co-ordinated by the Sister of the Assumption, that is not explicitly geared towards discernment but that is very enriching in its own right. It is "for those who wish to share in the lives of the poor, the young and the marginalized, both in the UK, and with Assumption communities around the world...The programme is for individuals with a sense of personal search and openness to unfamiliar ways of working - ways that value people for who they are, not what they do." Once again, you need to be twenty or over to participate.

Castlerigg Manor - a Catholic youth retreat centre in the Lake District. They are always looking for Catholic gap year volunteers to help with the running of the centre. Once again, this is not explicitly geared towards vocational discernment, but you would be living and working in a faith-filled environment that might help you to see where you are going a bit more clearly.

L'Arche - a lay community founded by Jean Vanier that cares for people with learning disabilities who are not be able to live independently. L'Arche welcomes lay volunteers to live and work with the learning disabled residents. Equality and friendship are the core principles of l'Arche. The communal style of living would be good for anyone discerning, I think. It is also very humbling work.

Finally, here are some UK-based religious communities that I know and have visited. I can give you more information on all of them if you like:

Quidenham Carmel

Langham Carmel

Corpus Christi Carmelites

Little Sisters of Jesus

Dominican Sisters of St Catherine of Siena

Dominican Sisters of St Joseph

Daughters of Charity

God bless and good luck.

Excellent advice CA - all of it!