I just have some questions. Why is it so important in having a spiritual director while you discern a vocation? How do you go about finding a good one? How do you even begin to distinguish between good and bad spiritual directors?

Why a director? Because it's easy to muddle things up through pride, a false idea of what religious life means, a false idea of what is best for oneself. At least I think this is why. But actually I've been making do with a good confessor, a friendly and impartial Sister-correspondent, and a lot of spiritual reading for about a year... just found a priest who agreed to do spiritual direction regularly (thanks to St Anthony and Our Lady ). Looking back on the past several years, I can see several turns where a director would have helped me to 1. persevere instead of being discouraged by parents, desire to date, fear. 2. sort out what kinds of communities I really needed to be looking at. 3. keep a regular schedule of prayer and not fluctuate between phases going and not going to Daily Mass.

The Sister I know did tell me that it's worse to have a bad director than none at all, so do be careful.

Well, here is some bad spiritual advice I received, for starters:

Me: "A few days ago I remembered that God might want me to be a Sister. But a good friend of mine just asked me out! What should I do?"

Father: "Well, it sounds like you are called to the religious AND married life."

(I guess he meant Third Order. But this is an example of Bad Advice.)

As to how to find one there are some old threads on this, maybe someone will dig them up. Basically I would use a two pronged approach:

PRAY!

Be PROACTIVE!

Pray... all graces come through prayer. Especially ask Our Lady, and maybe St. Anthony, and whoever your patron saints are.

Be proactive... I have spent a long time sitting around saying to myself "It's too bad I don't have a spiritual director!" That is the wrong approach. Make a list, in your head or written down if that's easier, of all the priests you know whom you respect (local is best). Pick the best one who might be available, and call him and ask! Don't think "He is probably busy," even if you do know that he is fairly busy. Call and ask. At least give him the chance to make time for you. (I read somewhere that many good priests enjoy giving spiritual direction... it's a chance to talk to someone who wants to do the right thing, and help them get there!) If he says no, call the next best one!

Some people say you can also have a religious, or a well-trained lay person. You'd have to use your judgment there.

Spiritual directors are not just for one that is discerning a vocation. Spiritual direction, as Tanquerey writes, while not absolutely necessary for the sanctification of souls, is one of the normal means of spiritual progress. He says authority, reason, and expereicnce demonstrate this.

A person discerning the religious life is called to a very special vocation, the vocation of perfection. One is going to give one's entire being to God. One's entire life is to be consumed by Him. When one believes one has this call from our Lord we shouldn't dawdle around. That vocation doesn't just start with postulancy. When we hear the call or believe we might be hearing the call, we should start from that moment a steady, serious ascent toward sanctity. One of the ordinary means for the sanctification of the soul is spiritual direction, and since the religious or the person believing themselves called to that life have a very special call to sancitity, they should not waist time. They should seek a director to guide them and they should begin their climb toward holiness.

When Saul (later Paul) was converted, Our Lord, instead of directly manifesting to him His designs, sent him to Ananias to learn from this man's lips what he was to do. Cassian, St. Francis de Sales, and Leo XIII, have argued that from this fact we are shown the necessity of direction. In a special way, like Saul, we have been converted and are wishing to know God's will and how we are to serve him. Like Saul, we should seek the counsel and aid of learned men to help us discern God's will. Cassian who spent long years with the monks of Palestine, wrote in his Book of Institutions, exhorting the young cenobites to open their heart to the elder charged with the direction of their life, to disclose to him without false shame their most secret thoughts, and to submit themselves entirely to his decision as to what is good and what is evil. He repeated the same thing in Conferences, showing the dangers to which those who do not seek counsel from their elders expose themselves, he affirms that the best means to overcome temptations is to disclose them to a wise counsellor. He says this on the authority of St. Anthony and the Abbot Serapion.

St. Bernard wanted his novices to have a guide, a foster-father to englighten them, direct them, console them, and encourage them. He said whoever constitutes oneself one's own guide becomes a disciple of a fool. St. Vincent Ferrer, the great Dominican preacher, said that spiritual direction had ever been the practice of souls that wished to make progress and he gave the following reason: "He who has an advisor whom he absolutely obeys in all things, will succeed much more easily and quickly than he could if left to himself, even if endowed with quick intellect and possessed of learned spiritual books."

A person discerning religious life is called in a unique way to progress in holiness, which is a long and painful ascent over a steep path bordered by precipices. Tanquerey writes that to venture thereon without an experienced guide is highly imprudent. It is extemely easy to deceive ourselves in regards to our condition. St. Francis de Sales wrote that we are unable to gaze eye to eye upon ourselves without being impartial judges in our own case, by reason of a certain complacency: "so veiled, so unsuspected that the keenest insight alone can discover its existence; those who suffer from it are not aware of it unless someone points it out to them." He concluded we needed a spiritual physican to make a sound diagnosis of our state of soul and to prescribe the most effective remedies: "Why should we wish to constitute ourselves directors of our own souls when we do not undertake the management of our bodies. Have we not noticed that physicians, when ill, call other physicians to determine what remedies they require?"

Many people who begin to discern religious life are beginners, and there are many risks in being a beginner (as their are in the illuminative way and the unitive way) that need the check of a spiritual director. We are unknowledgeable about the spiritual life. We do not know about it. We are uneducated. We need "learned men" as St. Teresa said, to show us the way and guide us on our way to holiness. Through all of this we also discerning a life we know little about and we do not properly know how to discern it. How are we to know if our intentions and desires are sincere and mature? We say they are, but ... how do we know? We need a guide. We need a learned guide in the spiritual life.

"Hardly ten in a thousand called by God to perfection heed the call; of a hundred called to contemplation, ninety-nine fail to respond. It must be acknowledged that one of the principal causes is the lack of spiritual directors. Under God, they are the pilots that conduct souls through this unknown ocean of the spiritual life. If no science, no art, how simple soever, can be learned well without a master, much less can any one learn this high wisdom of evangelical perfection, wherein such great mysteries are found. This is the reason why I hold it morally impossible that a soul could without a miracle or without a master, go through what is highest and most arduous in the spiritual life, without running the risk of perishing." - Fr. Godinez

St Francis de Sales writes that a spiritual director must have three principal qualities: "He must be full of charity, of knowledge, and of prudence: if he lacks one of these, there is danger."

I suggest looking at those holy men around you, priests and religious, who possess these qualities. Ask God to send you to the director He wishes to use to guide you to perfection and union with Him.

Be prayerful. Be proactive, as the above poster said. That is all I know to do. To pray and to seek. I prayed for a long while and really had two priests in mind. I went on pilgrimage with the first one and I realized that while he was good and holy, he was not who God wanted for me. Our personalities were both very reserved and quiet. And I had been to him before and it was just very awkward and not productive. After praying about this, I looked at this other priest. I was guided to him also by some people I consider very holy and good. He is a very, very busy priest and he counsels a lot of the other priests in our diocese. I had to overcome the thought of him being far too busy for me. I really think he may still be, but he accepted me and has been directing me for some time. And I know, I just know after meeting with him, that this is good and what God wants. Just pray about it and seek. God will reveal it all to you. It has been the case with many of the saints. He provided for St. Faustina. He provided for St. Teresa of Avila. He provides. Be very prayerful about it. Sorry that I can't be more of a help in this last part. It just kind of is taken care of by God, I think.

Wonderful posts TTM.

What I found most enlightening, is when Jesus told Saint Faustina that spiritual directors in religious communities have been given so much power, that even God Himself bends His will to them.

When her director denied her request for certain penances (even though Jesus Himself asked her to perform them), Our Lord "adapted" His will to that of the priest. There are numerous instances of this, and Jesus emphasized many times the importance of the vow of obedience , which He Himself demonstrates by "modifying" His will to that of the priests, thus elevating spiritual direction above the natural into a supernatural state.

-Davide

Bad advice or options presenting themselves?

Many people have contributed excellent advice on why spiritual directors are so helpful! I wondered if you saw some previous postings about spiritual directors. VS Phorum Search Results

For those interested in finding spiritual directors in their area, this is the most comprehensive (and ecumenically inclusive) list I've found: http://www.sdiworld.org/

Hope that's helpful.