How did this poll get started? One of my friends at another college has a crush on a guy who might be a seminarian at the University of St. Thomas. She's too embarassed to ask him if he is one or not. They're not that involved with each other. She hasn't talked to him much. She said that at her school the seminarians can date during their first year. I was suprised to hear this.

It just seems that doing that would put quite a bit of strain on the relationship. Yet I've heard of some couples where the now husband was a seminarian when they met and started courting, which really makes you wonder. Any thoughts on this?

I voted "never." This is very inappropriate.

I used to dance at official functions in college with someone who later became a priest. I think we were safe for each other. He wasn't a seminarian at the time. Maybe they want them to really be sure, experience some life, relationships, before committing to the priesthood.

I voted never, because I am one, and I wouldnt date another guy. But on the same token, I would not date anyone who was in formation to become a sister, or nun.

um, only if he stopped being a seminarian. I would date a former seminarian, but never someone who was still in seminary.

I dated a guy right after he left formation... but that wasn't really an option on the poll. And while he didn't leave "because" of me, we did wait until he received dispensation from his vows before dating. It was a grace-filled time to date, but I wouldn't recommend dating someone right after they've left seminary/formation to any rational person (but then again how many people begin dating rationally ). Thankfully we broke up-- and I'm in the application process with a community and he's engaged to be married! God truly does work miracles every day!!

+

I've known plenty of girls who have had fleeting crushes on seminarians and subsequently "wanted" to date a seminarian, but the question isn't who "wants" to but, who "should" and the answer is no one. Of course, after men discern they are not called, then there is no problem. I know a lot of these men -and they make great husbands to their wives! Including one of my best friends. But, leave the men to discern.

Maybe they thought such crushes were super romantic? Like a skewed storyline from a classic romance novel (no, not one of those erotic ones).

We should all just think of seminarians as unavailable, just like the good Catholic guy who already has a girlfriend.

Yes, the seminarian is 'unavailable' to dating. However, please people, do not hesitate to make friends with a seminarian. The seminarian is a human being just as the rest of you, and he needs good healthy relationships with men, and with women. So do not, not talk to them. If you feel that you being around them makes you have deeper feelings than are permitted, then kindly remove yourself from constant contact with that seminarian.

I know that such relationships do work, those of a seminarian and a woman being good friends. Erin, HisChildForever and I are good friends. I think that it is very good for the seminarian to have relationships with females and other males alike because it improves their formation, pastoral, and emotional growth will come with these friendships. These relationships prepare them for the life of ministry to the Church where they will minister to both sexes. It is a healthy relationship to have and please do not shy from being a friend to a seminarian.

Going to school with seminarians and befriending them, I couldn't agree with you more Irishsalesian. I've appreciated my friendships with seminarians greatly. And I think that the Church will reap the benefits of priests who have holy, healthy relationships with men and women!

Sure, seminary friends can lead lay people to holiness and vice versa. Maybe by becoming friends with a seminarian could lead others to begin the start of discerning their own vocations to the preisthood and religious life.

I would never try to date a seminarian, because I would much rather leave him to be a possible future priest for the Church than just a possible boyfriend for myself! I understand the attraction (the attraction aLONe) good Catholic girls have to them--they're guys who are willing to give up their life to serve God and who want to be holy! It's completly understandable. BUT, if they really were a good Catholic girl, yes, they would take their emotions out of the picture and realize the necessity of letting him discern.... the guy is obviously a seminarian for a reason.

Just so everyone knows, my friend isn't pursuing the possible seminarian.

never

I as well would never date a seminarian. I think that is extremely inappropriate. It would be like you would be trying to lure him away from his vocation or from serving the Church.

I would never date a seminarian either. However, as was mentioned I might date someone who had been in seminary if they had been out for a while. It is not fair to their discernment or your own if you were to date a seminarian.

JM + JT

My Theology teacher this year was a seminarian. I guess the girls find him cute 'cause they're always flirting with their comments...

Until he mentioned the "g" word.

I second this notion and call upon the Moderators to consign forcefully this thread into the Erebus of Oblivion!

-KJS

I have a friend who dated a guy who later became a seminarian. He was a senior and she was a junior in HS. She new from the beginning that he was planning to enter the seminary. What do you guys think of that?

It depends on his state of discernment. I dated after I had more or less found out I had a vocation to the religious life, but hadn't found my community yet. And I was in denial... I thought that if I only found Mr. Perfect, that horrible inclination would go away! Then I found Mr. Perfect (the only thing wrong with him is that he's unbaptised agnostic, but he went to church with me EVERY Sunday), and we both found out it didn't work. He's my best friend, and even though the breakup was rather painful for both of us and I'd rather skipped all the confusion altogether, I don't think we would have had this relationship now if we hadn't dated... and then he might not have put me on the train when I wanted to chicken out of visiting the Dominican Sisters of St. Joseph, and I wouldn't be applying now!

If you're absolutely sure you have a vocation, dating will mostly lead to pain and frustration (especially for the other person, which is really unfair). But it can also be part of the discernment process. It really depends very much on the people involved. I would, as a rule, rather err on the side of caution, though.

Oh, and actual seminarians are a no-go. For almost all seminarians there will be times of doubt and confusion... don't use that. Seminarian-friends are excellent, though. Mine are starting to turn into deacon-friends and priest-friends! And there is nothing, nothing, NOTHING as wonderful as the ordination of a very good friend.

I'm male, so this question is a little irrelevant. But, on the other side of the coin ...

I would never date someone currently discerning whether or not she wanted to be a nun. However, I hope and pray that when I do date, she's already been through that discernment, and decided that God was not calling her to religious life. This tells me that she has been trying very hard to figure out God's will for her, and so I would consider it a marker of a good Catholic woman.

So true. I've begun to say that the ordinations I've attended have better after-parties than the wedding receptions I go to!!!

I've never received a First Blessing on a wedding reception, so...

One of my friends called "all married couples and those planning to get married to come together". If there ever was a cheap way of getting gossip! Pff.

But, as mommas_boy said, if I were called to marriage I would love to find a guy who has discerned the priesthood. Discernment should be part of every Catholic young adult's life. For many reasons. (The better relationship with God... the contentment flowing from the knowledge that you're on the "right track"... I could go on and on!)

Fr. Groeschel says this is practically necessary in his book, Spiritual Passages. bad things can happen if they don't. he wrote this book a few decades ago. now think about what "bad things" have happened recently. he already knew it was just waiting to happen..

I have no idea what you intend to imply by this, but I think that you are implying "bad things" in the sense of the priestly sex abuse scandals. I know that others could read this and come to the same conclusion, as well. So, I want to correct this:

There is this sentiment among Catholics and non-Catholics alike that the Church drives priests to commit sexual sins because of the policy of celibacy in the priesthood. This is patently false, according to all of the best research. Studies tell us that the single greatest factor that drives someone to sexually abuse a child is that they themselves were abused as children ... up to ~95% of all pedophiles. The hypothesis is that the remaining 5% simply have no recollection of their abuse, having driven it from their memory out of self-protection.

I do not mean to diminish the importance of priests having real relationships, however. This is critical if the priest is to maintain sanity. My only concern with this post was to clarify your point in case someone read into it this conclusion.

I may be totally wrong, but maybe what jd was referring to was the recent "scandal" at EWTN itself with a priest/brother from Life on the Rock.

That might be right. It was pretty shocking to hear about. I wonder what's going on with Fr. Francis these days. He's been gone an awfully long time on a sabbatical regarding this matter.