Alright so I'd like to seek spiritual direction from the parish priest at the only catholic parish in the town of my college. It could really helpful since I'm discerning my vocation and I'm also going through a dark night of the soul. I've gone to confession to him before and I really like him as a confessor. I also assist him with teaching at RCIA, so I've been exposed to his character. He seems to be just the right one for the job. I don't know if he'll have time to do it but if he did and agreed to it, I'm concerned about some things.

He's a relatively young priest, assigned to the parish a few months ago. He looks like he's fresh from the seminary but is apparentally about to turn 30. (I still regard that as a young priest.) I'm a female who turned 20 a short time ago and I'm concerned about me seeking spiritual direction from him. That whole situation with the former Fr. Francis, now Dave Stone comes to mind. Priests really do have to be careful about how they give spiritual direction to ladies. What with seeing me for confession, RCIA, and then spiritual direction it could become a challenge for him to see me that much. (Not that I would want to have spiritual direction anymore than once a week at the maximum.) I would never accept any possible come ons from anyone in holy orders, but I don't want to put him in a tempting situation. Priests can feel attraction too.

I may get tempted myself, since I know that even for those in therapy sessions get so caught up in the fact that they feel comfortable opening up to their therapist of the opposite sex since they listen to them, don't judge them, often showing compassion for them, and even encourage them that they feel attracted to them. I wouldn't pursue him but I would feel really awkward about it which would be a detriment to spiritual direction and to my own soul.

But my biggest concern, even if neither of the above occur is people seeing us alone together or hearing of me receiving personal spiritual direction from him. We certainly wouldn't want anyone speculating about our relationship or rumors going around. Talk about a nasty situation to be in!

Perhaps I'm just thinking catastrophically but I don't know how to go about this.

In my opinion (which is of little value), i think you've already pointed to the main problem. There should be no barriers - absolutely none - between you and your spiritual director. If you already recognize this as a potential threat, then perhaps you may be on to something.

Also, if he is only 29, nothing against young priests, believe me, but perhaps you may wish to find someone a little more, seasoned? i don't know - the Holy Spirit can work wonders, but two friends of mine who've been priests for probably 15 years or so have both talked about how much more they've learned in the years since seminary than during, thanks to both prayer and the experience of living out their priesthood. In the early years of that vocation, there is a LOT that they are going through.

Just my initial thoughts. i hope you find an excellent spiritual director - it may be worth driving to another town once a month.

Thank you for your input. Any other opinions?

Personally I wouldn't ask my parish priest for direction: I'd prefer to have some "distance" from my daily life when I take time out to speak to him. So insofar as my experience holds for everyone else I'd suggest finding another possibility.

Firstly, since he is newly ordained, he may not feel capable to be a spiritual director yet. It's not a task anyone should take lightly.
Now, some points from my own experience. I've been having spiritual direction from my parish priest for a couple of years. It has worked but it has been difficult at times. I knew him through choir and then we became friends. After that a few things happened, and we sort of fell into the spiritual direction. It's difficult because we have to relate to each other in a number of different capacities. Firstly, he's my priest, then he's a friend and spiritual director. It can be difficult to keep things 'professional' when we are dealing with parish matters. Also, it can make things difficult when we are in the company of others as we have to be careful not to be too familiar with each other. The only reason this has worked for us is because we have both been committed to making it work.

If you are having doubts about attraction etc. I would advise against it. Anything that could cause tension, or result in you being less than totally honest with this priest, will ruin the spiritual direction. I don't think you need to be too worried about people seeing you with him, though. Spiritual direction would only be maybe once a fortnight, and many people go to see priests as often as that.

Thanks everyone. This makes finding a spiritual director more difficult though since this is in the bible belt area where there are not so many catholics. I don't have a car and I'm several hours from home where I know of an orthodox and more experienced priest. Hmm, perhaps I could meet with him during breaks and correspond through telephone when I'm not home. Is correspondence that way recommended?

It wouldn't be ideal. Honestly, I think the best thing for you to do now is speak to the priest himself. It's good to hear the opinions of others but I'd go and speak to him about it because we could end up planting more thoughts in your mind. I hope that it turns out for the best. Prayers!

Spiritual Direction...
I have numerous spiritual directors, i have switched them a few times, only because I moved. Right now i have one formal/official spiritual director i meet with for scheduled appointments, and my formation director has that role as well. Before I entered religious life i had a couple spiritual directors as well, one official, and a few others (not necessarily priests), who give good direction.
Sometimes it helps if we do not put all our absolute faith and hope in one person. Therese, I think you are well aware in your own heart of the importance of barriers, as well how the spiritual relationship you already have can be a benefit.
I would say go ahead if you keep these things in mind.
HE IS NOT A MAGICIAN, he does not have the power to solve all of your problems. HE IS ONLY MORTAL, he cannot fill the depths of your soul that can only be filled by JESUS who is immortal.
On the other hand, it could be a blessing to have another spiritual director formally, and slip questions and by this one occasionally.
JESUS LOVES YOU
SHALOM
bro mark

Thank you. I'll keep this all in mind.

You could ask him about direction and if he might be able to "recommend" someone. I live a good distance away from mine (granted, this is the Netherlands, where a distance of more than about 20km is "considerable") and we meet about once a month/every six weeks. It's a hassle to get out there but it's worth it.

I think it's only wrong to go to him if you think that you cannot trust yourself to resist attachment to him. Otherwise, I don't think that this situation in general is a breeding ground for infidelity to Holy Orders or anything. Great spiritual friendships have existed between man and woman. (i.e-Francis and Clare)

I think it is ideal for a young woman to receive spiritual direction from a consecrated woman if she wants no barriers and a distinctly feminine spiritual perspective, though.

Hi TinyTherese........A few things in your post gave me concern to pause and ponder and perhaps this summarizes it all "I may get tempted myself". I think it is of great importance for sound spiritual direction that we do feel quite comfortable with one's director without any cause to hold things back - at least immediate and obvious cause to have that concern. And if a concern should develop, then we feel quite free to discuss it with our director until it is no longer a concern.

The other point is, I think we need always act and make decisions with the greatest of concern for our priests and the priesthood, as well as ourselves and others "How can you say you love God whom you cannot see, if you do not love your neighbour whom you can". Our concerns may not prove to be valid, but if they are concerns, then I would be listening to them and making my decision taking them into account.

If you wish and feel comfortable about it, you could address your concerns to Father himself and be open and honest about all your concerns as in this forum. Father may be a young priest, but he has been through years of intensive training and 30yrs of age is certainly an age with a level of maturity. He also has the Graces of his ordination.

I see my director and confessor usually once monthly and we are both of approximately the same age - he perahaps older. I am 64 years old. I find no conflict nor uncomfortableness because he is also my confessor. I certainly feel absolutely comfortable with him in all things and he has the highest and most respected of reputations in our diocese and is a monsignor. I am under private vows to poverty, chastity and obedience to a specific lifestyle. To see one's director once weekly is for sure very frequently indeed.

The other thing that has occured to me, would you feel more comfortable and relaxed if you looked for a religious sister or nun (female) as your director. Here in Australia quite a few active orders and even some contemplative orders are taking up this ministry.

Finally pray about it and this really should be first and foremost and always and everywhere. And dont make a decision until you feel right about it and comfortable. Ask The Lord to help you and guide you.

God's richest blessings on your journey.............Barb

Thank you Barb. I'll pray for guidance regarding this matter. I'm actually thinking that it probably won't work for me to receive spiritual direction. He's got two parishes to tend to and it would be nice to go to someone with more experience. I'd like to see a religious sister or nun for spiritual direction but there aren't any in my area.

Well, God will provide an answer to this.

.................You are most ..........
......Laus Dei..........



..Precisely!......Work as if everything depended on work and pray as if everything depended on prayer and always trust with absolute confidence as if all depended on that, because it does!............Matthew Chapter 7:


I am not sure of course what may apply in the States, but here in Sth Aust our diocese has a list of spiritual directors which one can ring up and ask for. They send you out a copy with names and telephone numbers. Here anyway some of our lay men and women are trained in spiritual direction, although I have no experience of them. My previous director was a religious sister and ex novice mistress in her Order until Monsgr. J became available. I did contact her through our Sprituality Office as our diocese calls it - and most intimidating and formidable it sounded to me ............. but entirely different when I contacted them.


God's Blessings and my regards..............Barb

A spiritual director does not have to be a priest, or even a religious. I know there are several men and women laypeople in my diocese who serve as spiritual directors. Check with your diocesan vocations office and the vocations offices of religious orders to see that might be in your area to see what referrals they can provide. Ask your priest too. If he can't connect you with a spiritual director, he almost certainly knows women in your parish who could advise you outside of a director-directee relationship. It's best to find a spiritual director to gain the benefits that come with it, but first you need a trusting, open, and honest relationship.

If you think a male director may cause some distress via distraction, I encourage you to find a female director. I mean, I would want to look forward to my meetings instead of have that worry in the back of my mind regarding attraction.