Okay.....As of this morning, I think I've come to realize exactly why I was feeling as if I had to choose between Christ and Mary.

I has to do with the protestant view of the Atonement. When I was considering returning to Lutheranism, one of the things I was reminded of, was, "Universal Justification". For those of you who don't know what that is, it's basically the belief that Christ appeased God's wrath by imputing our sins to Himself and being condemned for those sins in our place, so that now, there is no wrath and no condemnation. Since He did this for the world, the world is not condemned for it's sins. It a very jurisdictional view of the Atonement, but at the time it gave me a wonderful sense of freedom. I finally felt from from my sins and the condemnation I feared, because Christ had taken them away. And since he did this for the world, and I am a part of the world, I could be sure that He did this for me. Being free from condemnation, in turn freed me from sin, as if even the desire to sin had dissipated. It increased my love for Christ and it had freed me from continually accusing others of sin as well. Everyone's sin was taken away.

When I first came here, I had thought, "I need to believe this and yet I wanted to be catholic." And so I asked the question twice, in two different forums, "What is the catholic view of Christ's universal atonement"? And I received fairly satisfactory replies. I'm less enthusiastic about them now, not because I doubt what was told to me, but because holding onto this doctrine quickly began to spiral into a sort of lifeless theological point.

I thought I had to choose between two different "rests" as it were. The rest I had when Mary became a fixed part of my relationship with/to Jesus, and the rest I had acquired through this doctrine of "universal justification". The choice was very real, as they were incompatible for me. They propose two different views of the Atonement.

Let me explain.

When Mary became a fixed part of my relationship with/to Jesus. I came to not only believe in the apparitions, but I came to believe in her role as Mediatrix and Co-redemptrix. Her role as Mediatrix was the flipside of her Immaculate Conception. Meaning, I couldn't understand one without the other. In effect, the idea of satisfaction and atonement became a way we relate to Christ, Mary and each other, as opposed to any sort of judicial payout as it were (not to be disrespectful of protestantism). Mary because of her Immaculate Conception, became the satisfaction I offered to Christ in light of my own sinfulness. I had thought, "christians talk about Christ making satisfaction to the Father, who makes satisfaction to Christ?" Now like I said, satisfaction had cease to be some sort of judicial payment. Rather it became a way to assuage the wounds of Christ and to bring him some comfort. It became synonymous with the idea of reparation, but reparation in the sense of repairing hurt and wiping away tears. My theology, if you want to call it that, be it salvic, mary-related, christ-related, was almost entirely informed by the apparitions. I had struggled with these concepts for a very long time. Thousands of dollars worth of books and time spent debating online had very little fruit to show, except a great deal of personal damage. But when my heart was open to receive the apparitions, everything fell into place and it was like I understood everything for the first time and what I didn't understand, I didn't worry over, but would simply ask God about it, as if I were asking him, "What color are angel's wings?"

In this way and in the way provided for me via Universal Justification, I was free from worry and I loved Christ, but the latter (Universal Justification) came with a price. There is so much I could still say on this issue. But I hope this will suffice. I need to go back to where I was before. Although Universal Justification had enabled me to love Christ freely, it's come with so much theological baggage. I would essentially have to replace my former outlook that which had been informed by the apparitions with a different one....a more judicial one and one in which I do not know how to live. And that is essentially what I did. Christ forgive me, if I am going down the wrong path. But I feel at peace with this decision. I feel almost like someone is waiting for me. I don't know what to make of the peace which I felt via Universal Justification, except that I believe it to have been given to me by the Holy Spirit. Beyond that, I don't know. I thank Him for it and now I must move on...Christ still has many wounds that need to be bandaged.

lol...moved again! one of these days I'm going get it right! Poor Mods. They're probably thinking, "oh, no....it's cheryl again!"

........How do you solve a problem like Maria..........