Getting Side Tracked ...

[melporcristo]

JMJT
Feast of the Faithful Departed


Do any of you discerning get sidetracked? Tempted? Because I'm going through that right now. I feel as if the evil one is really trying again to attack in such a way that seems harmless.

Basically, I met a young man through a friend. I don't know what happened because the first time we met I wasn't flirtatious at all, in fact I didn't even talk to him a great deal. I was just my usual friendly self and towards everyone. Basically, now, he's trying to get to know me & I don't know what to do. Each time someone is interested in me, I end up hiding like a coward.

Any advice? Certain prayers, sacrifices?

[the_rev]

Well I don't know if I can give you advice; but I'll share with you my experience. 20 days before I entered seminary, I was working for the corporate office of a department store as a regional representative. As I was preparing to leave, I was training my replacement. Well, she was a beautiful young woman. I nearly did not go to seminary because of her. I wanted to pursue this relationship with her, even though she was not Catholic, but a devout Lutheran. Now after the "temptation" has passed, now that I have entered seminary, I'm glad I came. If I hadn't, I definitely would have regretted that decision. I consider the little debacle I experienced, as a way of God testing me to see if I would stay true to what he was calling me to do... it was my fears that was propelling me away and I had found a pseudo consolation in that girl, but I have only been happy since being back in seminary.

Edited November 3, 2009 by the_rev

[brightsadness]

[quote name='melporcristo' date='02 November 2009 - 10:59 PM' timestamp='1257227986' post='1995612']
JMJT
Feast of the Faithful Departed


Do any of you discerning get sidetracked? Tempted? Because I'm going through that right now. I feel as if the evil one is really trying again to attack in such a way that seems harmless.

Basically, I met a young man through a friend. I don't know what happened because the first time we met I wasn't flirtatious at all, in fact I didn't even talk to him a great deal. I was just my usual friendly self and towards everyone. Basically, now, he's trying to get to know me & I don't know what to do. Each time someone is interested in me, I end up hiding like a coward.

Any advice? Certain prayers, sacrifices?
[/quote]

I'm not clear that I understand you so please forgive me if I've missed the point. The presence of a caring, appropriate possible future spouse is part of my discernment for what state of life God is calling me to. So is a yearning towards service and devotion which may be fulfilled in monastic life or Christian family life. And your usual friendly self sounds wonderful to me. I encourage you to talk with your Priest or Spiritual Father or Mother. And I am praying for you. English is not my first language so forgive me for the nuances I'm certain to have missed.


your sister in the journey,
Anya

[AccountDeleted]

[quote name='melporcristo' date='03 November 2009 - 04:59 PM' timestamp='1257227986' post='1995612']
JMJT
Feast of the Faithful Departed


Do any of you discerning get sidetracked? Tempted? Because I'm going through that right now. I feel as if the evil one is really trying again to attack in such a way that seems harmless.

Basically, I met a young man through a friend. I don't know what happened because the first time we met I wasn't flirtatious at all, in fact I didn't even talk to him a great deal. I was just my usual friendly self and towards everyone. Basically, now, he's trying to get to know me & I don't know what to do. Each time someone is interested in me, I end up hiding like a coward.

Any advice? Certain prayers, sacrifices?
[/quote]



Why do you hide from people? Are you afraid that your vocation is not strong enough? Do you really want married life but feel you "should" be a religious? I am just not sure what the problem is here. St Ignatius said to imagine yourself in one situation for a few days and see if that path gives you a feeling of peace. Then try the same thing for the other situation and see if that causes you distress or peace. The one that gives you the greatest feeling of peace is the one that you have an affinity for.

Anyway, if you were in the same situation as the_rev -- that is, on the brink of entering the convent in a week or so, and the man was not Catholic, then perhaps it would be a temptation. As it is, there is nothing wrong with being friendly to someone who wants to get to know you better. It is not as if this young man were proposing to you, he just wants to get to know you better. It is part of the discernment process to try to see if God is calling you to religious life or to married life. I don't know how far along the path towards religious life you are, so maybe I am missing something here? Isn't this a little like visiting different communities to see if you feel called to one?

If you are feeling an attraction to this person, and this causes a conflict in you, then perhaps you need to discuss this with your spiritual director to discern what your calling really is? Prayers for you

[Sister Rose Therese]

You know, when I was discerning and had finally made up my mind that I was called to be a religious and started moving in that direction, it seemed like men came out of the woodwork. It was really strange. People had not seemed to find my particularly attractive before. I don't think I was necessarily unattractive but I certainly didn't attract a lot of attention.

Perhaps it was the devil trying to tempt me. Perhaps it was that I was no longer worrying about how others perceived me and was more confident in myself. I don't know, but it was really strange.

Any other priests or religious experience this?

[melporcristo]

JMJT

Thank you all for the advice.

Rev hit the nail on the head. The young man isn't Catholic. In fact, his friends & my friend (who I met him through) said he's very much the opposite of Catholicism. I saw him again and we had a good conversation ... I just wish in my heart he wasn't pursuing me.

Honestly, the thought of pursing a vocation in marriage is what makes me anxious and restless. But I will keep going to the Lord about it ... thank you for the prayers! As for talking to my spiritual director about this - I tried calling the head of the vocations in the order I am applying to, but she's out of town for a week or so.

[AccountDeleted]

[quote name='melporcristo' date='04 November 2009 - 12:42 PM' timestamp='1257298943' post='1995900']
JMJT

Thank you all for the advice.

Rev hit the nail on the head. The young man isn't Catholic. In fact, his friends & my friend (who I met him through) said he's very much the opposite of Catholicism. I saw him again and we had a good conversation ... I just wish in my heart he wasn't pursuing me.

Honestly, the thought of pursing a vocation in marriage is what makes me anxious and restless. But I will keep going to the Lord about it ... thank you for the prayers! As for talking to my spiritual director about this - I tried calling the head of the vocations in the order I am applying to, but she's out of town for a week or so.
[/quote]


Ok, this is a whole different kettle of fish - that's why information is so important. Run, do not walk, to the nearest exit!

You are already discerning with a community - stay on track with that for now. If you decide at a later time that religious life is for you then look for a suitable CATHOLIC man. I don't have to go into all the reasons why this man would be a very bad move for you right now.

And since you have no emotional investment in this young man right now, it is merely a physical attraction and/or a temptation (fear, insecurity etc) and he is not even Catholic, in fact he is "very much the opposite"
-- warning, danger Will Robinson!

Spend time in front of the Blessed Sacrament and also pray to St Michael to protect you. I am praying for you too....

[melporcristo]

JMJT+

Thank you!!

I have been going to visit Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament every time I get stressed about the whole situation.

[babygirl]

Its only normal you get attracted to the opposite sex or they are attracted to you,but do not run or hide. Face it head on,talk to them and tell them you desire to be part of the religious life and watch their reaction.
Many will appreciate who you are and what you want to be ,even encourage you,some we will laugh in your face/even go ahead and tempt you even more(they think its a game).
I don't run or hide but i make sure i pray to our LORD to deliver me from temption.

[melporcristo]

[quote name='babygirl' date='04 November 2009 - 08:50 AM' timestamp='1257349837' post='1996092']
Its only normal you get attracted to the opposite sex or they are attracted to you,but do not run or hide. Face it head on,talk to them and tell them you desire to be part of the religious life and watch their reaction.
Many will appreciate who you are and what you want to be ,even encourage you,some we will laugh in your face/even go ahead and tempt you even more(they think its a game).
I don't run or hide but i make sure i pray to our LORD to deliver me from temption.
[/quote]

JMJT+
St. Charles Borromeo+

How true this is. I have a little update ...

So the guy came to see me at work today. I had to get going so I told him bye and he asked me when we would see each other again. I knew telling him, "Well actually, never because I want to be a nun." would be the wrong thing to say in the middle of a retail store. I told him I was going to be busy (which is very true) in the next few weeks. I am hoping to talk to him about the religious life & what I would like to pursue.

Later, after work, I gave everything to Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. Then when I thought about the person again I verbally had to say, "Jesus, take this person away from me." I even felt like I had to verbally have Jesus take a hold of the religious order I am discerning.

And by the way - I am officially DONE with my application packet!!! I am so excited to send it off finally!!

In Christ,
Mel

[brightsadness]

[quote name='melporcristo' date='04 November 2009 - 10:34 PM' timestamp='1257399260' post='1996442']
JMJT+
St. Charles Borromeo+

How true this is. I have a little update ...

So the guy came to see me at work today. I had to get going so I told him bye and he asked me when we would see each other again. I knew telling him, "Well actually, never because I want to be a nun." would be the wrong thing to say in the middle of a retail store. I told him I was going to be busy (which is very true) in the next few weeks. I am hoping to talk to him about the religious life & what I would like to pursue.

Later, after work, I gave everything to Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. Then when I thought about the person again I verbally had to say, "Jesus, take this person away from me." I even felt like I had to verbally have Jesus take a hold of the religious order I am discerning.

And by the way - I am officially DONE with my application packet!!! I am so excited to send it off finally!!

In Christ,
Mel
[/quote]


excited for you

prayers

[organwerke]

[quote name='melporcristo' date='05 November 2009 - 07:34 AM' timestamp='1257399260' post='1996442']
JMJT+
St. Charles Borromeo+

How true this is. I have a little update ...

I knew telling him, "Well actually, never because I want to be a nun." would be the wrong thing to say in the middle of a retail store.
[/quote]

I don't think you have to say a similar thing...after all, he hasn't done an official proposal to you yet, is it right?
So, you are only friends, and you needn't to be so "drastic" saying "never", and similar things, as if he had declared to you!
But I think that you could simply say the truth, and so, that in this period you are very busy because you have to work, and, moreover, you are applying a religious order, so you have to attend meetings etc.
I mean...if I were you, I would speak to him in a very, natural way, as if I were talking to a friend!
I also think that this kind of things happens not only to persons in vocational discernment, but also to engaged or married people! It is a quite normal thing! So, the simplest thing in these cases, if you aren't interested in a relationship, of course, is to talk about your boyfriend or your husband as if you were normally chatting to every other friend...the person generally understands the message without embarassment for both of you!
I mean: in my opinion, if you talk with simplicity about your life, and your state of life, as if you were chatting to a friend, the ambiguous and embarassing situation is soon clarified.

[Thomist-in-Training]

Ouf! You know, just when I was starting to discern for the second time (second part of freshman year of college), someone asked me out... and thanks to some very bad spiritual advice, I ended up agreeing.... it sidetracked me for months and months! My dad actually got me out of dating him, not by any religious arguments but just by pointing out "You don't actually seem particularly happy about this." A year later after I had made a firm resolution to pursue religion, a friend sent me an email "I always enjoyed our conversations last semester" which I had a feeling meant more--I told my spiritual director it made me feel wistful, and he helped me out by referring to it as a temptation--I sent back a subtle/non-subtle email about how excited I was about our silent women's discernment retreat, and the case was closed.

A young postulant I know actually got THREE proposals of marriage within a week after deciding to enter the convent! She wised up pretty quickly--"I mean, I had never been proposed to before. Three times? In a week? That is not normal!" and entered as fast as she could!

A REALLY good prayer, for any state of life, is this one:

[size="2"][font="Palatino Linotype"][size="3"][color="#4B0082"]O my Jesus, most pure Savior of Mankind, in fulfillment of my baptismal promises, I pledge to uphold the virtue of chastity in accordance with my state in life. Grant me the grace to keep me pure in all my thoughts, words and actions. Give me the strength of the virgin martyrs of old that I may avoid the persons, places, and things that would cause temptation to me. May I always respect my body as a temple of God and have a holy fear of falling from Your grace. O Mary, ever Virgin, Mother of God, help me to uphold this my resolution. Amen. [/color][/size] [/font][/size]

[melporcristo]

JMJT+

Thank you all SO much with this advice!! Very well needed!! Organwerke - YES!! I will take your advice about talking naturally about it to him. May the Holy Spirit guide me!

And thank you, thomist-in-training, for the prayer. I will definitely use this prayer.

In Christ,
Melissa