Question

[Rebecca2009]

I will try to make this fairly brief and to the point.

I became Catholic a few years ago. My husband and I are both Christians, have been for about 30 years. He was raised Catholic but didn't believe really until his 20's, at which point he became a Protestant Christian.
Unfortunately he is not happy about my being Catholic. I do still go to church with him and my kids of course, and I go to Mass alone.
One of the reasons he is unhappy about this is the thing about 'Im not following my husband.' I don't see how I can deny what I believe though. And I did tell him I would continue to go to church with him. I don't know what else I can do. Something came up today too at our family church, basically the idea was put across that Catholics worship Mary, etc. So of course we were talking about that today.

We are just at an impasse about this and I am asking God what does He want from me. I know He is the one who gave me faith in the Eucharist.....I just don't want to be dividing our family. That's basically what I'm accused of.

Any thoughts, especially from those of you who are husbands or anyone who's in a similar situation would be appreciated. Thanks.

[Lil Red]

my first reaction is that if you are attending a church as a family that denigrates and disrespects Catholicism....you should impress upon your husband how detrimental and confusing that will be for your children.

[kafka]

Be gentle, meek and humble but I would basically continue to do what you are doing.

Pray for your husband and be a good example to your husband and children. His accusations seem unjust since you are also going to his Protestant church, striving to keep unity in the family and following him as much as you can. You are following your husband as much as you can, but above and beyond you are following God, Truth, Justice, etc. A husband is the head of the family, but the leadership role has its limits. He cannot encroach upon the consciences of family members. He cannot command you to do something which goes against your good conscience before God; and expect you to obey. That is an injustice. If you obeyed him you would be obeying sin since you would have to deny what you know is right, true, from God, etc. But obedience to God is always first. If you remain obedient to God, then God will be obedient to you and answer your prayers for a resolution.

So you have to obey your husband in everything while obeying God in everything above and beyond your husband. And if there is any true division which results, then it is the Cross. There is nothing to be done but hope and trust in God. The impasse should be bore with humility and patience on both sides until God resolves the difficult situation. Some problems, only God can solve and we should trust that He will, since He alone is Good, Love, Infinite, but we ourselves have limits.

Because of Jesus there will be divisions in families, society, and even in the midst of the Church, throughout the first world-age:

{12:49} I have come to cast a fire upon the earth. And what should I desire, except that it may be kindled?
{12:50} And I have a baptism, with which I am to be baptized. And how I am constrained, even until it may be accomplished!
{12:51} Do you think that I have come to give peace to the earth? No, I tell you, but division.
{12:52} For from this time on, there will be five in one house: divided as three against two, and as two against three.
{12:53} A father will be divided against a son, and a son against his father; a mother against a daughter and a daughter against a mother; a mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.”

So if true division results in a situation where a disciple is faithful to Jesus, the human person is not the cause, Jesus is and that is a mystery.

So that is my take . . . grace and peace to you.

Edited April 10, 2011 by kafka

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='Rebecca2009' timestamp='1302460558' post='2227275']
I will try to make this fairly brief and to the point.

I became Catholic a few years ago. My husband and I are both Christians, have been for about 30 years. He was raised Catholic but didn't believe really until his 20's, at which point he became a Protestant Christian.
Unfortunately he is not happy about my being Catholic. I do still go to church with him and my kids of course, and I go to Mass alone.
One of the reasons he is unhappy about this is the thing about 'Im not following my husband.' I don't see how I can deny what I believe though. And I did tell him I would continue to go to church with him. I don't know what else I can do. Something came up today too at our family church, basically the idea was put across that Catholics worship Mary, etc. So of course we were talking about that today.

We are just at an impasse about this and I am asking God what does He want from me. I know He is the one who gave me faith in the Eucharist.....I just don't want to be dividing our family. That's basically what I'm accused of.

Any thoughts, especially from those of you who are husbands or anyone who's in a similar situation would be appreciated. Thanks.
[/quote]
Invite him to phatmass

[Rebecca2009]

Thanks for your replies. I appreciate it.

I guess I have been questioning if I am indeed doing something wrong. I know what Jesus has shown me, and He would not have me do something that goes against Him.....so I've felt a little confused sometimes. I do realize that it's not all me causing division. I have asked if he'd go to Mass with me and he won't, and that is not my fault. I try to be gracious and I am frequently asking Mary to help me have the right attitude.

[WarriorForJesus]

[quote name='Rebecca2009' timestamp='1302460558' post='2227275']
I will try to make this fairly brief and to the point.

I became Catholic a few years ago. My husband and I are both Christians, have been for about 30 years. He was raised Catholic but didn't believe really until his 20's, at which point he became a Protestant Christian.
Unfortunately he is not happy about my being Catholic. I do still go to church with him and my kids of course, and I go to Mass alone.
One of the reasons he is unhappy about this is the thing about 'Im not following my husband.' I don't see how I can deny what I believe though. And I did tell him I would continue to go to church with him. I don't know what else I can do. Something came up today too at our family church, basically the idea was put across that Catholics worship Mary, etc. So of course we were talking about that today.

We are just at an impasse about this and I am asking God what does He want from me. I know He is the one who gave me faith in the Eucharist.....I just don't want to be dividing our family. That's basically what I'm accused of.

Any thoughts, especially from those of you who are husbands or anyone who's in a similar situation would be appreciated. Thanks.
[/quote]

[color="#800080"]Why not show your husband what Catholics REALLY believe about Mary?

Why is it that we are to bless our enemies but those who are not Catholic, the pastors of non-Catholic churches, think it is okay to tell their congregates something that is terrible about someone else?

One of the 10 commandments says Thou shalt not bear false witness against your neighbor. Jesus explains who is one's neighbor.

I have been Catholic all of my life. Not always practicing. However, when I was in college I went with friends to non Catholic churches. I went to 2 Baptist churches, one Pentecostal, and one Church of Christ. Invariably, the sermon spoke against the Catholic Church or mentioned the sins of a person who happened to be Catholic.

I realized that God was making these men say these things while I was in the audience BECAUSE I was in the audience. God did not want me to go anywhere but the Catholic Church. For I knew what the people were saying about the Catholic Church was not true.

This was back in the late 70's, early 80's. Perhaps times have changed things, but apparently not too much. The churches I went to were in Western Kentucky and Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

Janice
[/color]

Edited April 11, 2011 by WarriorForJesus

[LuigiZolli]

Step 1 Pray
Step 2 When you go to Mass add your own intention(s) to the Priests intention
Step 3 Ask him to show you where you "went wrong"
Step 4 Hand him Catholicism and Fundamentalism by Karl Keating
Step 5 Pray some more

Peace

[Luigi]

Warrior for Jesus said: "... when I was in college I went with friends to non Catholic churches. I went to 2 Baptist churches, one Pentecostal, and one Church of Christ. Invariably, the sermon spoke against the Catholic Church or mentioned the sins of a person who happened to be Catholic.

I realized that God was making these men say these things while I was in the audience BECAUSE I was in the audience. God did not want me to go anywhere but the Catholic Church. For I knew what the people were saying about the Catholic Church was not true.

This was back in the late 70's, early 80's. Perhaps times have changed things, but apparently not too much. The churches I went to were in Western Kentucky and Baton Rouge, Louisiana."

I've had the same experience, but I interpret it differently. I think an awful lot (not every one, mind you) of non-Catholic Christians define themselves and/or their theology in contradistinction to Catholic theology - some of them are more sure of what they DON'T believe than what they DO believe. I always found it odd that their theology is negative first, and positive second. I worked in a Lutheran seminary one summer, in the classroom, with the student. He knew I was Catholic. The prof in one class really went off on the Catholics - not just a little bit, but big time bad time for most of the class. The Lutheran seminarian was mortified - he apologized profusely, claimed "we never do that in our church," and apologized some more. But I saw other examples of the same approach in other classes on the campus.

I dunno... I think a lot of Protestants spend a lot of time (not just when you're attending) downing the Catholic Church. Which is especially weird because CAtholics spend little time - in church, at least - even noticing the Baptists, Pentecostals, Methodists, etc - we're there to worship God and receive Communion.

[Skinzo]

[quote name='Rebecca2009' timestamp='1302460558' post='2227275']
I will try to make this fairly brief and to the point.

I became Catholic a few years ago. My husband and I are both Christians, have been for about 30 years. He was raised Catholic but didn't believe really until his 20's, at which point he became a Protestant Christian.
Unfortunately he is not happy about my being Catholic. I do still go to church with him and my kids of course, and I go to Mass alone.
One of the reasons he is unhappy about this is the thing about 'Im not following my husband.' I don't see how I can deny what I believe though. And I did tell him I would continue to go to church with him. I don't know what else I can do. Something came up today too at our family church, basically the idea was put across that Catholics worship Mary, etc. So of course we were talking about that today.

We are just at an impasse about this and I am asking God what does He want from me. I know He is the one who gave me faith in the Eucharist.....I just don't want to be dividing our family. That's basically what I'm accused of.

Any thoughts, especially from those of you who are husbands or anyone who's in a similar situation would be appreciated. Thanks.
[/quote]

Rebecca,
I really feel bad for your problem, that is a true dilemma to be stuck in. The best I can say is to fortify yourself with the most diplomatic apologetics that you can, and more importantly STORM heaven with your prayers. Maybe if your husband sees you praying more it will have a beneficial impact on him; at the very least he should be able to see you take your faith and this problem very seriously. At the same time it can deepen your faith. No, I'm not saying to make a big show of what you are doing but no need to hide either.
When I studied apologetics as an undergrad we were told that "you don't attract flies with vinegar", meaning of course one should avoid being obnoxious in defense of one's position. Hunt for some prayers that are specific to your situation. As a former Catholic he must wonder himself if he is not the one who is straying. I would also suggest you find a good priest to talk about this with. I'll put you on my pray list too.
Best always,

S.

[Archaeology cat]

Rebecca, I'll pray for you. If you aren't already, you could ask [url="http://st-monicas-kneeler.blogspot.com/2009/08/novena-prayer-to-st-monica.html"]St Monica[/url] to pray, too.

[quote name='WarriorForJesus' timestamp='1302487732' post='2227361']
[color="#800080"]Why not show your husband what Catholics REALLY believe about Mary?

The churches I went to were in Western Kentucky and Baton Rouge, Louisiana.
[/color]
[/quote]
Yay Kentucky (not so good about the sermons, but I understand, considering I'm from western KY).

[Rebecca2009]

Thanks very much for everyone's input!

I have been trying to share with him what the Church truly teaches for a long time. So far he just won't believe it, but on the other hand he won't investigate it for himself either. I have asked him once if he would listen to some of the CDs I have, teaching CDs, etc. but he won't, at least not yet. And yes I do ask St. Monica's help, and especially Mary and St. Joseph's help.

I was thinking of that exact phrase last night, ' you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.' It definitely applies to a situation like this! I honestly don't try to shove my faith down anyone's throat. I am thinking of maybe sending the pastor a book I have, Hail Holy Queen by Scott Hahn. This pastor generally is not anti-Catholic, but the statements he made yesterday implied that Catholics worship Mary and think that the Pope is God on earth. I am sure he honestly thinks this is true. I am going to write a kind letter just to let him know that is not what we believe. He is a very good man and I think he'd honestly appreciate my bothering to tell him this.

Dealing with this so frequently makes me have to really fight for what I believe, in my own heart. I have times when I am just constantly plagued with doubt and the fear that I am doing something wrong. Yet whenever I go to pray, most of the time Jesus gives me such consolations. And I KNOW what He has shown me, and He does not lie or mislead. So I have to learn to trust in Him more and not allow myself to worry.

One real blessing is that recently Jesus led me to begin homeschooling one of my children. She was having a very hard time in middle school and actually asked if I would please homeschool her. She is the only one in my family right now that is interested in the Catholic faith. Jesus led me to a really good Catholic curriculum and my daughter and I both love it. So far my husband hasn't complained about that which I am thankful for.

Thanks again and please feel free to share more if anyone would like to, it really helps.

Edited April 11, 2011 by Rebecca2009

[WarriorForJesus]

[quote name='Rebecca2009' timestamp='1302532034' post='2227467']
Thanks very much for everyone's input!

I have been trying to share with him what the Church truly teaches for a long time. So far he just won't believe it, but on the other hand he won't investigate it for himself either. I have asked him once if he would listen to some of the CDs I have, teaching CDs, etc. but he won't, at least not yet. And yes I do ask St. Monica's help, and especially Mary and St. Joseph's help.

I was thinking of that exact phrase last night, ' you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.' It definitely applies to a situation like this! I honestly don't try to shove my faith down anyone's throat. I am thinking of maybe sending the pastor a book I have, Hail Holy Queen by Scott Hahn. This pastor generally is not anti-Catholic, but the statements he made yesterday implied that Catholics worship Mary and think that the Pope is God on earth. I am sure he honestly thinks this is true. I am going to write a kind letter just to let him know that is not what we believe. He is a very good man and I think he'd honestly appreciate my bothering to tell him this.

Dealing with this so frequently makes me have to really fight for what I believe, in my own heart. I have times when I am just constantly plagued with doubt and the fear that I am doing something wrong. Yet whenever I go to pray, most of the time Jesus gives me such consolations. And I KNOW what He has shown me, and He does not lie or mislead. So I have to learn to trust in Him more and not allow myself to worry.

One real blessing is that recently Jesus led me to begin homeschooling one of my children. She was having a very hard time in middle school and actually asked if I would please homeschool her. She is the only one in my family right now that is interested in the Catholic faith. Jesus led me to a really good Catholic curriculum and my daughter and I both love it. So far my husband hasn't complained about that which I am thankful for.

Thanks again and please feel free to share more if anyone would like to, it really helps.
[/quote]


[color="#800080"]I'm praying for you and your whole family.

Janice[/color]

[LuigiZolli]

Here is a link to podcasts of Search and Rescue, a series that Patrick Madrid did on EWTN. You can listen online or download them, by doing a right click and save as. I usually download and put them on my mp3 player and listen at work on my lunch break while going for a walk.
http://www.ewtn.com/vondemand/audio/seriessearchprog.asp?seriesID=7046&T1=search

Peace
Fear is useless, trust is what is needed

[Papist]

[color="black"][font="Arial"][size=4]Lovingly tell your husband that you love him and will follow him anywhere, but you believe that the Catholic Church is the church founded by Christ. That you have no choice but to stay in the Catholic Church and to do otherwise would be disobedient to our Lord Jesus Christ. I love you very much honey, but that is something I cannot do. I suggest you both read[or listen on CD/Tape] the book Rome Sweet Home by Scott & Kimberly Hahn.[/size][/font][/color][size=4]

[/size][font="Arial"][size=4]Ask him what his issues/objections are and how he came to them. You go find the Catholic answer to them[e.g. [/size][url="http://www.catholic.com/"][size=4]www.catholic.com[/size][/url][size=4] & [/size][url="http://www.scborromeo.org/ccc/ccc_toc.htm"][size=4]www.scborromeo.org/ccc/ccc_toc.htm[/size][/url][size=4]] Sit down with him and show/explain the Catholic answer. Do no more that one a day. You don't want to ambush him with tons of answers debunking his thinking.[/size][/font][size=4]

[/size][font="Arial"][size=4]Ask him what he loves about being whatever his faith is[Baptist, Luther, ???]. Be genuinely interested in what he has to say. And agree with anything you can[e.g. if he says he loves how they revere the bible, you can say that is good thing] Share with him your reasons for your love of the Catholic Church. Hopefully, he will ask questions, I suggest you become a keen apologist[ [/size][url="http://www.catholic.com/"][size=4]www.catholic.com[/size][/url][size=4]] . He might have those typical Protestant[anti-Catholic] questions[e.g.worship Mary]. Remember, do not try to answer a question that you don't fully know. Just say, I don't know, but I will find out and get back to you…We here at Phatmass are always willing to help.[/size][/font][size=4]

[/size][font="Arial"][size=4]Invite him to pray with you or suggest that y'all pray together. Don't be Catholic 'in his face'. What I mean is don't say the rosary sitting next to him.[/size][/font][size=4]

[/size][font="Arial"][size=4]Invite him to go with you to Adoration and then for some ice cream or something. If he says nah, just simply say all you have to do is just sit there. We'll only be there about 10-15 minutes. If he still says no, let it go and don't push him…but you still go anyway.[/size][/font][size=4]

[/size][font="Arial"][size=4]And of course, pray for his conversion.[/size][/font][size=4]

[/size][color="black"][font="Arial"][size=4]G[/size][/font][/color][font="Arial"][size=4]od bless you both![/size][/font]

Edited April 12, 2011 by Papist

[Rebecca2009]

Thank you Luigi and Janice and Papist. Thanks for your prayers and your good advice.

I have the book Rome Sweet Home and my husband has heard bits and pieces of one of Scott Hahn's CDs. From what I remember the Hahns were divided on Catholicism for about 7 years. So I just have to be patient I guess. It's been about that long for us too.

A few years ago when my husband was working in the city, he happened to be across the street from a Catholic book store. He bought me Fr. Groschel's book about Adoration. I was so surprised! I mentioned it once recently and he had totally forgotten about that.

I recently got the book of Search and Rescue and I definitely need to start reading it!

Thanks again very much to all of you.

Edited April 13, 2011 by Rebecca2009