34 replies to this topic

[jruss]

My daughter, now junior professed with ND's, has what seems to be a ready-made nun personality. Looking back, it seems that her vocation was in place since birth in that she just needed slow steady growth through the years. It was all very uncomplicated.

But my question is: have any of you really had to struggle with personal qualities in order to prepare yourself for religious life? Perhaps you are really strong willed, couldn't keep your opinions to yourself, were overly attracted to sex etc.? I am wondering also, did God call you before you undertook all the struggles or only after you had progressed further along the road of virtue. Could a very ingrained personality issue ever indicate a lack of a vocation?

I ask with a couple of discerning young women in mind.

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

My daughter, now junior professed with ND's, has what seems to be a ready-made nun personality. Looking back, it seems that her vocation was in place since birth in that she just needed slow steady growth through the years. It was all very uncomplicated.

But my question is: have any of you really had to struggle with personal qualities in order to prepare yourself for religious life? Perhaps you are really strong willed, couldn't keep your opinions to yourself, were overly attracted to sex etc.? I am wondering also, did God call you before you undertook all the struggles or only after you had progressed further along the road of virtue. Could a very ingrained personality issue ever indicate a lack of a vocation?

I ask with a couple of discerning young women in mind.

Yes, actually. But everything just came as the feel for my vocation came. I talk a lot but am also painfully shy. My friends all told me that I could NEVER be a cloistered nun because I talked too much. As my feelings and what I felt God had planned for me changed and developed into the want for contemplative life, I began to treasure the silence, I began to constantly want to pray, I was soon able to sit for 3+ hours in adoration, and it all came as God wanted it to. I was always an introvert, but I just accepted it more gradually, and hence, the religious life came to be a more doable option for me.

Everything will happen in God's time.

Edited by FutureCarmeliteClaire, 12 January 2012 - 06:34 PM.

[Totus Tuus]

But my question is: have any of you really had to struggle with personal qualities in order to prepare yourself for religious life? Perhaps you are really strong willed, couldn't keep your opinions to yourself,

The whole reason I had to leave religious life is because there was ONE nun who wasn't willing to work with me through working on these personality traits of mine. God gives us the temperament we have for a reason, and as I was told by many religious after that time (when I was trying to figure out "what I did wrong") that any community in their right mind will recognize what needs to be tamed in an aspiring religious and what needs to be fostered, and there was a failure to do that where I was.

[Deus_te_Amat]

When I was recently at a certain location with certain other discerning girls, they described to us that the formation received in the novitiate wasn't entirely from the formators, rather one's postulant class, along with the other classes still in formation, work together to obtain those coveted "sisterly personalities". They used the image of a rock polishing machine, where all the rocks grate against each other to slowly smooth down the rough edges.

I don't think that everyone is born with "convent personalities." Paul, for example. Or Francis or many other saints before their respective conversions. We are all saints in the making. Some that God calls to the religious life are given the grace to respond to His call early on, and others, later. But if God is calling someone to the religious life, he will provide them with the grace necessary to live it. Even if that grace is to hone the dominant aspects of one's personality into something beautiful.

Edited by Deus_te_Amat, 12 January 2012 - 06:53 PM.

[EmilyAnn]

I am always very ashamed to admit it but my problem was always with sex. I equated love and being desired romantically with being desired sexually. For a long time for me that was a cross to bear, both in my relationships and in my own emotional life. But it is something I have worked through and though painful it was I came out better on the other side and with a better understanding now of the value of chastity and celibacy in religious life (and indeed in other forms of life). I was not always inherently inclined towards celibacy but that part of me has grown as I have grown. Was I ready for that aspect of religious life at 18? No. Am I ready for it now, at almost 21? Absolutely.

Even now as I discern, I can recognise aspects of myself that need some reconciliation within myself before I am truly ready to enter. Some of that growth is done within the community after entrance. I am not perfect, far from it. But if this is truly the path God wants me to follow, He will guide me.

[Deus_te_Amat]

Also, I would recommend them talking about these perceived issues with a spiritual director. For myself, I am blessed with a very clear understanding of the reasons behind some of my actions, which means that I am able to address the more problematic ones head on -- especially with the help of someone who knows the best way to direct those energies. My SD is a monk, and he fully understands the difficulties of community life. He is able to help me figure out what to strengthen and what to work on changing.

[MaterMisericordiae]

My daughter, now junior professed with ND's, has what seems to be a ready-made nun personality. Looking back, it seems that her vocation was in place since birth in that she just needed slow steady growth through the years. It was all very uncomplicated.

But my question is: have any of you really had to struggle with personal qualities in order to prepare yourself for religious life? Perhaps you are really strong willed, couldn't keep your opinions to yourself, were overly attracted to sex etc.? I am wondering also, did God call you before you undertook all the struggles or only after you had progressed further along the road of virtue. Could a very ingrained personality issue ever indicate a lack of a vocation?

I ask with a couple of discerning young women in mind.

I'm no longer discerning religious life, but, when I was, there were some personality traits I wondered about should I enter. I have a hard time sometimes with authority figures. I do not respond very well to criticism at all. At my last job, I clashed with my boss on almost every single issue because I did not like her style of management and could not see past it even though, if I wanted to stay there, I would have to. I slowly realized that it was not right for me (the job). But there was that nagging thought in my head that said 'if I can't make it in a regular job, how can I be expected to live up to religious life standards?' I have also fought problems with impure thoughts of a sexual nature. THAT was the biggest issue I had -- could I really live the vow of chastity without having severe temptations that caused me to doubt my vocation in the convent? St. Paul said that those who can live a celibate life should, but those who struggled with sexual issues should marry. I know he was not proclaiming dogma, but it got me thinking.

The reason I am no longer discerning is clear -- God is not calling me in that direction because I have health problems that no community can afford to care for. I honestly believe that God is calling me to the vocation of marriage -- not only because of my health problems, but because of my issues regarding celibacy. I do not feel called to consecrated single life or virginity. God is calling me to be a good wife and mother.

For those that feel called to religious life, it's good to know and understand your limitations BEFORE you enter the convent. Many religious in the RSMs advocate seeking therapy before entering so that a woman doesn't become surprised during the course of formation about things she didn't know about her own personality. I think this is very wise.

[Sister Marie]

My daughter, now junior professed with ND's, has what seems to be a ready-made nun personality. Looking back, it seems that her vocation was in place since birth in that she just needed slow steady growth through the years. It was all very uncomplicated.

But my question is: have any of you really had to struggle with personal qualities in order to prepare yourself for religious life? Perhaps you are really strong willed, couldn't keep your opinions to yourself, were overly attracted to sex etc.? I am wondering also, did God call you before you undertook all the struggles or only after you had progressed further along the road of virtue. Could a very ingrained personality issue ever indicate a lack of a vocation?

I ask with a couple of discerning young women in mind.

Hi Jruss... I'm a sister... if you couldn't tell from my name, haha . I think you are right to bring up different natural struggles that people run into in religious life but I just wanted to add in that God calls many different personalities to religious life. It is our expression of those personalities that can add difficulty. Being strong willed is a personality trait whereas not being able to keep your opinions to yourself is an action or a habit and over attraction to sex is still different from both of those. I think you bring up a really good question but I just wanted to clarify that there is no perfect sister personality - all of us are extremely different.

Personality traits (within healthy psychology) are never wrong or incompatible with religious life - it's their expression that can be problematic. Being strong willed can be a great gift in religious life when you apply it both to yourself and your growth in holiness with due regard to your superiors and when it is used appropriately to do God's work in the world. It would be wrong to disagree with the superior about the type of cereal at breakfast or the hymn you don't like at mass... but it would be appropriate, and necessary, to stand up to an injustice being done to a child even if your superiors don't agree.

All our personality traits require the virtues of humility, moderation, and temperance so that we can be who God has truly called us to be. Sometimes I think young women forget that there is no perfect sister - we are all sinners on our way to God and we are all going to have some struggle - whether it be personality, prayer, sin, community, ministry... God does not desire our persons to be cookie cutter images of one another - He wants us, in the words of Francis de Sales, to be ourselves well.

I apologize if this is what you meant but I just wanted to clarify so that others didn't think that there is ONE or a few personalities that are the right ones to have to be a sister.

God bless.
SM

[cmariadiaz]

But my question is: have any of you really had to struggle with personal qualities in order to prepare yourself for religious life? Perhaps you are really strong willed, couldn't keep your opinions to yourself, were overly attracted to sex etc.? I am wondering also, did God call you before you undertook all the struggles or only after you had progressed further along the road of virtue. Could a very ingrained personality issue ever indicate a lack of a vocation?

I ask with a couple of discerning young women in mind.

I'm not sure if I count as a "young women" (I'm not that young anymore), but I know what my personal struggles have been. I'm very strong willed, very independent, I speak my mind, etc.

My "call" came when I was completely and utterly immature and hadn't even looked at any of these struggles. It took me by surprize. And it took *years* before I would enter. I committed to searching for a religious community in 97, and I first entered in 2003. I entered a 2nd time in 2008.

Personality issues do play a role, however what I have found out is that a good, solid, mature religious community is capable of handling it. Others however are not.

When I entered the first time, I was a character. I really didn't temper much of my words/opinions (over bigger things, with a lack of prudence). There was at least one occasion that I was outright disobedient (I then obeyed). I look back, and that community really should have simply tossed me out. They didn't. They were quite loving, and accepted who I was. I was able to make a careful discernment that this particular community wasn't the right fit -- not because of my personality flaws, but because of other things. I still have a wonderful relationship with them and will carry them in my heart forever.

The second time, I had done a lot of growing. I was (and still am) not perfect, but I was much more tempered than the 1st time. Yet this time around it was a complete disaster. After returning home (without giving all of the details) it has taken almost 3 years for me to process things (and I'm not done yet). I realized that it wasn't me.

I am still trying to grow in those areas where I need to. There will be things in me, particularly in my personality, that will be the "thorn" that the Lord allows for humility. That being said, I do wish that I had gotten to this point in my life years ago when I was say in my early 20s. Then again, it took a few hard life lessons to get to this point, so maybe it happened when it did for a reason.

What I can say is that if a person has personality issues that are not being actively worked, and the person is not open to "having their eyes opened to the reality of themselves" then honestly it will be a big hinderance to religious life. This is my two cents.

Hope this helps, blessings.

Edited by cmariadiaz, 12 January 2012 - 07:58 PM.

[jruss]

When I was recently at a certain location with certain other discerning girls,

I heard that you had a good retreat at this "certain location" but no slumber parties

[Deus_te_Amat]

I heard that you had a good retreat at this "certain location" but no slumber parties

Well, we did have a giant blanket fort... but it wasn't quite as much fun as it would have been had SAM (hah!) been able to join us.

Also:

[hermanita]

I am as hard headed and strong willed as they come. I expect obedience to be hard and I work on giving up my opinions and being a team player in everyday life.

[InPersonaChriste]

Threads like this always make me question myself even more than before. But it is very good to know your personality, and your struggles. Most specifically your tempatations/crosses.

I deal with huge pride issues daily, and impure thoughts as well. No person is perfect, but I am trying to change for Jesus, to better myself in order to recieve him every week in the Holy Eucharist. I have been told that I would make a good nun, but sometimes I am not so sure.

I pray that God will shed some light on the subject for me, I am a very Melancholic Phlegmatic, almost to the point of entertainment to my family. When I am in dissagreement. I state my opinion and then I am done. But about ten minutes after (usually less now) I have to go up to the person and apologise (you know.. Just in case it was a bad thing to oppose them) and I am usually crying... I, to this day still cannot seem to stop caring about other people's feelings. I am quick, curt, and more often then not very ill-tempered when responding. ahh... Things to work on!

A strong headed caring person? hahaha

[i<3LSOP]

I feel that if God wants you to be a religious, then he will help you to overcome your personality problems.

A Sister that I know who is always smiling and cheerful said that she was “born smiling” but she’s told me that she’s had to work on being happy all of the time and becoming un-attached to certain people and places. Not all Sisters are perfect for sure. I have seen them bicker, exhausted, and I’ve seen some of them cry. It is not easy all of the time for sure!

As for me, when I realized that God wanted me to be a religious I automatically tried to be happier, not as strong willed, and patient.

Prayers for all of you!

Edited by i<3LSOP, 13 January 2012 - 08:28 AM.

[marigold]

I feel that if God wants you to be a religious, then he will help you to overcome your personality problems.

A Sister that I know who is always smiling and cheerful said that she was “born smiling” but she’s told me that she’s had to work on being happy all of the time and becoming un-attached to certain people and places. Not all Sisters are perfect for sure. I have seen them bicker, exhausted, and I’ve seen some of them cry. It is not easy all of the time for sure!

As for me, when I realized that God wanted me to be a religious I automatically tried to be happier, not as strong willed, and patient.

Prayers for all of you!

That's not the point, honey. At least I hope it's not the point of what you're hoping to do. Happiness is a gift, it comes and goes, and we can't manufacture it ourselves.

The Lord is more than capable of dealing with our temper tantrums and sadness. He's been there and done that, and doesn't mind. And a strong community - not even necessarily a large one or a pro-psychological help one - will also be able to handle the natural differences we have.

I have to say I don't understand this strand of thought running through Roman Catholicism which assumes that those entering monastic/religious life are generally more sorted, happier, or 'further along in the virtues' than others. 'The perfect nun' syndrome (remember The Nun's Story? Sr. Luke struggles and struggles, convinced that she's never going to be a good nun, and then one day the young novice tells her, 'But you're the perfect nun!' I think it's a big perception thing). This is a limitation on my part, and I'm sorry if I come across chilly. I do want to understand, but I also can't help pointing things out.

[i<3LSOP]

That's not the point, honey. At least I hope it's not the point of what you're hoping to do. Happiness is a gift, it comes and goes, and we can't manufacture it ourselves.

The Lord is more than capable of dealing with our temper tantrums and sadness. He's been there and done that, and doesn't mind. And a strong community - not even necessarily a large one or a pro-psychological help one - will also be able to handle the natural differences we have.

I have to say I don't understand this strand of thought running through Roman Catholicism which assumes that those entering monastic/religious life are generally more sorted, happier, or 'further along in the virtues' than others. 'The perfect nun' syndrome (remember The Nun's Story? Sr. Luke struggles and struggles, convinced that she's never going to be a good nun, and then one day the young novice tells her, 'But you're the perfect nun!' I think it's a big perception thing). This is a limitation on my part, and I'm sorry if I come across chilly. I do want to understand, but I also can't help pointing things out.

It is okay! You did not come across as chilly at all!

Thank you so much for explaining.

What I meant by “being happy all of the time” was not meant that I want happiness; Happiness is just a feeling. I want to be joyful so that the residents the order takes care of will be joyful and because to properly live out your vocation you must be joyful! A Priest on a retreat pushed that you must be joyful to fulfill your vocation. The little residents are coming to the ends of their lives and many of them do not feel loved because it is as if their family has dumped them off at a nursing home to die. However, if I have the joy of the Lord and am loving and patient with them, they will feel loved because the Sisters love them.

Please anybody of vs if you don’t agree with this tell me! Okay?

Edited by i<3LSOP, 13 January 2012 - 11:15 AM.

[andibc]

What I meant by “being happy all of the time” was not meant that I want happiness....

I understood you to mean being cheerful, and you are right! Cheerfulness goes hand in hand with kindness and both are acts of charity, sometimes heroic acts of charity, especially when they go against one's basic tendencies or in caring for difficult people. I'm proud of you for taking that step and God will surely increase your grace making it easier for you to know his joy and share it with others. I don't have it in my hands at the moment, but I remember Fr. Lovasik's book on kindness addresses this point. It's a fabulous book that has been reprinted under the title "The Hidden Power of Kindness: A Practical Handbook for Souls Who Dare to Transform the World, One Deed at a Time."

[Francis Clare]

If you've never taken the Meyers-Briggs personalaity inventory, I stronly suggest you do so. When I was working in a large mega-church some years back, we all took it. It really helped us understand our personalities, why we did (or didn't) do things, how to work with others whose personality type/s didn't mesh with our own, etc. It has helped my spiritual directees as well (and me working with them, too). I'm an ENTJ for those of you who know or will take the inventory. It's even helped me raise our children and with issues with my husband. I think it's useful for those of you who are discerning religious life as well. Try it --- you might be surprised at the results. I'm pretty sure you can find it on line.

[MaterMisericordiae]

If you've never taken the Meyers-Briggs personalaity inventory, I stronly suggest you do so. When I was working in a large mega-church some years back, we all took it. It really helped us understand our personalities, why we did (or didn't) do things, how to work with others whose personality type/s didn't mesh with our own, etc. It has helped my spiritual directees as well (and me working with them, too). I'm an ENTJ for those of you who know or will take the inventory. It's even helped me raise our children and with issues with my husband. I think it's useful for those of you who are discerning religious life as well. Try it --- you might be surprised at the results. I'm pretty sure you can find it on line.

I am really intrigued by the Myers-Briggs Personality Assessment. I took it when I started going to college and, at the time, I was an INFP (in or around 2002). Most recently, however, I register as an ISFJ. I think it's very interesting because I was going through major anxiety issues around 2002 so it changed my perception of things. I think ISFJ is more along the lines of where I am personality-wise. I am the "guardian" personality. Guardians seek to be in the caregiving field more often than not.

[marigold]

It is okay! You did not come across as chilly at all!

Thank you so much for explaining.

What I meant by “being happy all of the time” was not meant that I want happiness; Happiness is just a feeling. I want to be joyful so that the residents the order takes care of will be joyful and because to properly live out your vocation you must be joyful! A Priest on a retreat pushed that you must be joyful to fulfill your vocation. The little residents are coming to the ends of their lives and many of them do not feel loved because it is as if their family has dumped them off at a nursing home to die. However, if I have the joy of the Lord and am loving and patient with them, they will feel loved because the Sisters love them.

Please anybody of vs if you don’t agree with this tell me! Okay?

Thanks for clarifying this for me! I suspected that was what you meant but I'm just very sensitive to any suggestion that monastic/religious/priestly life has to do with an outward behaviour or appearances. To go back to jruss's original question, yes I do think some people take to it better than others, but wouldn't say there's a particular personality.