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The Secret Pasts Of Phatmassers


Nihil Obstat

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Nihil Obstat

So I had some downtime today in the tactical command center, and I was a bit bored and looked through some of our archived files on various Phatmassers. As usual, I came across some pretty solid material.

As most of you have probably concluded by now, Homeschoolmom was not always a homeschooling mother. In fact there was a time in her life at which point she did not have kids, and perhaps even more shocking, was not homeschooling anybody. Well don't think for a second that all she did was sit at home eating bon-bons and cursing her lack of homeschooling and children.
You see, she was extremely busy with her first career: that of an Italian pop star who pretended to sing in English. The idea for Prisencolinensinainciusol came to her in a dream. In fact by the time she woke up, it was not only fully composed, but also fully choreographed, filmed, marketed, and distributed. The scientists at CERN have been studying for twelve centuries how this happened, and preliminary conclusions indicate that somehow her dreaming opened a small tear in space-time continuity through which Prisencolin[...] emerged fully formed. (Seriously, you didn't actually think they were looking for Higgs bosons down there, did you? Honestly.)
Anyway, as you all know Prisencolin[...] was a monstrous smash hit across Jamaica, Gabon, and Yakutsk. Marcel Lefebvre, at the time Archbishop of Dakar, was said to be a particular fan of the song, ordering it to be played on a loop in all seminaries and religious houses at all times except for during Mass at which point it would be played backwards (because if you play it backwards, you will notice that it is in fact the most pristine, traditional Gregorian chant you have ever heard or ever will hear in your life).
Anyhow, I won't keep this hidden gem from you any longer:

[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcUi6UEQh00[/media]

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Nihil Obstat

So I had some downtime today in the tactical command center, and I was a bit bored and looked through some of our archived files on various Phatmassers. As usual, I came across some pretty solid material.

As most of you have probably concluded by now, Homeschoolmom was not always a homeschooling mother. In fact there was a time in her life at which point she did not have kids, and perhaps even more shocking, was not homeschooling anybody. Well don't think for a second that all she did was sit at home eating bon-bons and cursing her lack of homeschooling and children.
You see, she was extremely busy with her first career: that of an Italian pop star who pretended to sing in English. The idea for Prisencolinensinainciusol came to her in a dream. In fact by the time she woke up, it was not only fully composed, but also fully choreographed, filmed, marketed, and distributed. The scientists at CERN have been studying for twelve centuries how this happened, and preliminary conclusions indicate that somehow her dreaming opened a small tear in space-time continuity through which Prisencolin[...] emerged fully formed. (Seriously, you didn't actually think they were looking for Higgs bosons down there, did you? Honestly.)
Anyway, as you all know Prisencolin[...] was a monstrous smash hit across Jamaica, Gabon, and Yakutsk. Marcel Lefebvre, at the time Archbishop of Dakar, was said to be a particular fan of the song, ordering it to be played on a loop in all seminaries and religious houses at all times except for during Mass at which point it would be played backwards (because if you play it backwards, you will notice that it is in fact the most pristine, traditional Gregorian chant you have ever heard or ever will hear in your life).
Anyhow, I won't keep this hidden gem from you any longer:

[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcUi6UEQh00[/media]

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Nihil Obstat

Further secrets will be revealed sometime tomorrow, assuming our operation goes as planned.
Things are very hush-hush, as I'm sure you understand. Without revealing too much, I can tell you that we are simultaneously targeting several points of covert terrorist infrastructure in central Europe, including a bean bag chair factory, a hunting decoy distribution warehouse, an economy priced guitar plectrum marketing firm, and a printing/publishing house that manufactures for sale copies of Holy Blood Holy Grail, and the Kama Sutra.
All these points of infrastructure are linked by the common thread of the Priory of Siphon, which is a deep cover secret terrorist society with agents in all major governments and central banks. Their actions so far have been very careful and subtle, but our hard work in tracking them over the last millennium is finally beginning to pay off. We have managed to expose and eliminate several of their high ranking officers and field agents, as well as disrupt one particularly dastardly plot to replace all the windows of the New York, Tokyo, London, and Toronto stock exchanges with theatrical 'candy glass', then take embarrassing pictures, laugh, and point fingers at the confused day traders when the fake glass began to melt in the sun the next day (or dissolve in the rain, as the case may well be in London).

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Nihil Obstat

All right, I know I said no more for tonight, but this one is simply too juicy to leave alone.

Back in the heady days of 1871, when rap metal was enjoying its heyday, Vee8 was a pretty well-known name in those circles. Well during a rainy spell that summer, she threw together a light-hearted little ditty called "Rodney and Albert Eat a Turkey", or "Rondo Alla Turca" for short.
Well it quickly became apparent that not everything was on the up-and-up. Listeners will notice without any trouble that there are more than a few startling similarities between Rodney and Albert, and The Beatles' chart topper of the previous year, Come Together. Here are both of them together:

[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=se_Swf7-68M[/media]
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axb2sHpGwHQ[/media]

As you can plainly tell, they are essentially identical. In fact it's nearly impossible to tell them apart by the music alone. Well of course the Beatles sued, and the courts responded quickly, as you'd expect, and ruled in the Beatles' favour. Vee8 was ordered to pay seventeen trillion dollars in damages, was forbidden to release any more music commercially, and was forever prohibited from eating Klondike Bars in the cities of Amarillo, Charlotte, Beirut, and Gdansk (also Sydney and Belgrade on Tuesdays of months ending in -ary).

Legend has it that to this day if you walk out on the streets of Laredo, or if you walk the streets of Baltimore, you might just hear the faint notes in the air of Vee8 singing Rondo Alla Turca, or as it's better known, Come Together.

Edited by Nihil Obstat
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[quote name='Winchester' timestamp='1331946845' post='2402079']
Hasan's psychotic episode regarding Greenspan being free market is causing me to question the purpose of life.
[/quote]

Greenspan is a proponent of capitalism. You are not because your notion of capitalism is an incoherence based on a fictitious account of markets which is entirely divorced from reality and is only achievable in an atomistic epistemology where the market is presented as a decontextualized and idealized model. Boom! Anarcholeftism!!!!


[img]http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/250x250/24938847.jpg[/img]

Edited by Hasan
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[url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9c7C-nrJnX0&feature=related"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9c7C-nrJnX0&feature=related[/url]

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Nihil Obstat

[quote name='Hasan' timestamp='1345277680' post='2469628']
Greenspan is a proponent of capitalism. You are not because your notion of capitalism is an incoherence based on a fictitious account of markets which is entirely divorced from reality and is only achievable in an atomistic epistemology where the market is presented as a decontextualized and idealized model. Boom! Anarcholeftism!!!!


[img]http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/250x250/24938847.jpg[/img]
[/quote]

Incoherent rambling isn't welcome on this thread, thanks. Let's stick to the facts.

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[quote name='Nihil Obstat' timestamp='1345299807' post='2469688']
Incoherent rambling isn't welcome on this thread, thanks. Let's stick to the facts.
[/quote]
Hasan and facts! rotfl

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Nihil Obstat

[quote name='Papist' timestamp='1345299907' post='2469690']
Hasan and facts! rotfl
[/quote]
He can't handle such truth as is being expressed on this thread, amirite?

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[quote name='Hasan' timestamp='1345277680' post='2469628']
Greenspan is a proponent of capitalism. You are not because your notion of capitalism is an incoherence based on a fictitious account of markets which is entirely divorced from reality and is only achievable in an atomistic epistemology where the market is presented as a decontextualized and idealized model. Boom! Anarcholeftism!!!!


[img]http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/250x250/24938847.jpg[/img]
[/quote]

Julia, you've really let yourself go.

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[quote name='Nihil Obstat' timestamp='1345299984' post='2469692']
He can't handle such truth as is being expressed on this thread, amirite?
[/quote]
That's a fact!

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[quote name='Nihil Obstat' timestamp='1345273530' post='2469618']
I was a bit bored
[/quote]

I think this about sums it all up.

Edited by curiousing
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Nihil Obstat

[quote name='curiousing' timestamp='1345312992' post='2469746']


I think this about sums it all up.
[/quote]

Oh, now you've done it. You're next.

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[quote name='Nihil Obstat' timestamp='1345319276' post='2469778']
Oh, now you've done it. You're next.
[/quote]

Hey, man, if you can access the "Content" from my profile page, do me a favor and copy-paste it out into a message to me, cuz all I get is an error message.

Good luck.

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Nihil Obstat

[quote name='curiousing' timestamp='1345319440' post='2469781']


Hey, man, if you can access the "Content" from my profile page, do me a favor and copy-paste it out into a message to me, cuz all I get is an error message.

Good luck.
[/quote]

Please. My resources are for more advanced than that.
Btw, try this in google:
[code]curiousing site:phatmass.com/phorum[/code]

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