Dealing With Stuff Before Entering The Convent...

[SoonerCatholic]

Right now I am in limbo waiting to hear back about my acceptance into Carmel. Mainly we are waiting for my last letters of recommendation to come in so the chapter to vote. In the meantime I'm helping out at home and volunteering at my old high school. Anyways...

Once I do have an entrance date and know just what I need to take, what do I do with all the clothes and things I've accumulated from 5 1/2 years of college and apartment living. What should I save just in case I might end up leaving (which I hope doesn't happen, but you never know...)? Of course it would be nice to chuck it all, but aside from a few key items which my siblings might want, I have a bunch of clothes, books, knicknacks etc. Any suggestions?

[Lisa]

I'm in a similar boat right now. My plan for clothing (not that it's the right one, but it's a plan, nonetheless) is to get rid of all but a few of each of the essential clothes. It's a good practice for me, because even if I were to discern that I'm not called to my community, I really don't need this much stuff. Same with knicknacks. I'm only keeping the most important. Books, I'm giving them to friends and donating to the campus ministry. My apartment furniture is being donated to our St. Vincent de Paul group that helps those in need. I don't want to leave my parents with boxes and boxes of stuff, but it will make my mom feel better if I leave some stuff at the house.

What I'm currently not sure about is my computer. If I wait till vows (3 yrs) to tell my parents to give it to someone, it will be on the older side and may not be of much use as windows continues to update. But if I give it to my campus ministry, who would get a lot of use out of it, I can't really get it back if something happens. I think this is one of those "tests" of detachment, but I'm failing a little bit right now.

Btw, congrats and prayers!

Edited April 24, 2012 by Lisa

[Lisa]

I'm hoping to have a more-or-less empty room left at my parent's house. I haven't really lived there for 4 years now, but I've left a ton of stuff there. Working on that this summer!

[IamMyBeloveds]

As someone who has left the convent and is now re-entering, I might be able to give you a little bit of advice, hopefully!
When I entered the first time, I had no idea that my formation would be interrupted for various reasons. When I entered, I had some pretty romantic ideas about religious life floating around in my head, which is normal! Indeed, it is a beautiful life, but it's not always easy! I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, though! Bascially, when I left home on Sept. 8, 2009, I thought I would never return except on Home Visits. God had some other ideas, apparently!
In the convent, I had some issues arise with my health, unexpectedly, that took some time to resolve outside the convent. It's been a hard road. When I left the convent, I didn't think I would even return. By God's grace, however, my vocation and recovering health issues have proven otherwise. In addition, other circumstances have greatly improved, which I will not discuss on a public phorum.

Anyway...when I came home from the convent, I cannot tell you how nice it was to have a few clothes in my closet and some items that became necessary for my job I have had this year (Theology books and resources from college, etc.) It was nice to also have my car that my parents kept for me and took care of. I kept my computer in my parents' care, and this is another thing I was glad to have for work/entertainment...(one of my hobbies is video editing). My mom even had kept my cell phone but cancled the subscription. When I came home, we just reactivated it. It made for a much smoother transition at a time when things felt upside-down enough already!!
One thing I did cancel were my credit cards, naturally, but due to a gap in time or no use of any cards, it was nearly impossible to get one, though I had made all payments faithfully. Mom had to co-sign for me to get one! In terms of material possessions, it was nice to give things to people such as my parents, who I know would lovingly give them back when I would need them!

Formation is all about discernment! That's important to remember and look at things realistically. Don't lose the peace, joy, or excitement, but remember that we are still young and learning, like little children, what Our Lord is asking of us. Time in the convent reveals much. It helped me to see that I still feel greatly called there, even after being in the world for over a year. In addition, I have always been welcomed to come back to re-enter with open arms, which has been a great blessing.

It's actually a breath of fresh air to see you all considering your entrance with the prospect that it really IS a discernment process. Keeping certain items around at home is not a "safety net" because you're scared. It is, rather, a realistic way of looking at discernment. When I entered the first time, my superior told me not to get rid of everything for just this reason ...And I'm so glad she did!

Edited April 24, 2012 by IamMyBeloveds

[AccountDeleted]

Speaking as someone who has been 'in and out' a number of times, if you can store your things with someone, do so until first vows at least. You can give your parents or trusted relative or friends your 'power of attorney' to take care of credit cards, bank accounts and other legal matters until you are sure that you will no longer need them (once again, at least first vows). This time I have given my sister power of attorney and still have my Australian bank accounts and driver's licence etc if something should happen again that necessitated my return. I learned my lesson from starting over from scratch a number of times and wondering why I didn't hang on to some of those things I loved. For example, I used to have a great denim skirt that would be wonderful where I am now on the farm, but last time I went into Carmel, I gave it away when I got the postulant outfit!


It is just common sense to hope for the best, but to plan for unforeseen circumstances or situations arising. God willing, you will be able to donate useful items at a later date, but even if the computer is out of date, there are always places that can use even an old computer when it comes time to make a donation. And who knows, your convent may even want it later. I donated two laptops over the past five years to different Carmels when I entered - and I didn't take them back when I left. The only thing I did give away this time (and let's hope I made the right decision) was to donate my old Carmelite 3-volume UK Divine Office breviaries to the last Carmel I was in. They cost around $200+ and since I am in a Benedictine monastery now that uses the Latin Office (and they are heavy volumes to carry around), it only seemed to make sense. The Carmel was pleased to get them, and I knew they would have a good home (after carrying them around the world for five years). It was the hardest thing I ever had to give away though.

Anyway, just be careful and don't get rid of anything special - yet.

Edited April 24, 2012 by nunsense

[marigold]

It is so reassuring to read all the sensible advice on here sometimes Like Lisa, I am doing this for the first time too (nunsense and IamMyBeloveds are vets!). So the only thing I can really say from experience is wait until you literally have an entrance date and travel arranged before you get rid of the essential 'worldly things', like clothing and basic comforts. I made the mistake of thinking I had to be ready to leave at any time. Feel like an idiot now, I could have made things a lot easier for myself but it's all a learning curve

[AnneLine]

Yes to all the stuff in the posts above.

When I went in I felt very strongly that I was suposed to do the whole Francis of Assisi give it all away. And while it wasn't practical (and I don't think I'd do it again), there was something super-freeing about it, too. Now grant you, this was in the very early 1980's (yeah, I know)... and the world was very different and in many ways much simpler. We didn't have computers or phones, and I didn't own a credit card even though I was very much 'in the world' before my entrance, working in a major law firm as a legal secretary/word processor. But for me there was something that needed to make that radical step of truly walking out of that world of glamor (think L.A. Law, those of you who are older....) into a pretty traditional community. I had an apartment, clothes, books, stuff! By the time I entered I had a couple of suitcases with convent clothes, four boxes of books and a guitar. I remember standing on the street corner waiting for my dad to pick me up after I had given the last of it away and feeling like Maria from the Sound of Music in reverse!

I transferred my checking account (with enough money to cover my expenses of the novitiate and a little beyond) to a joint account with my mother, figuring I'd just write the bank to remove me from the signatures when I made my vows. I also kept my shoes because I have very oddly sized and shaped feet, and it is hard to find shoes to fit me... again, she would have donated those to charity had I stayed in. Other than that... I gave it all away.

When I came out... it was a nightmare. I had just the clothes I had walked into the convent with, and my convent nighgown and robe, underthings and shoes. Not exactly what I would need to go out and go back to work! If I had it to do again, I would have kept a basic wardrobe along with my shoes. I totally understood why Maria started eyeing those curtains (in the Sound of Music) as a source of fabric! Some of my cousins found things to fit me, and I shopped at some super-discount places to get enough of a wardrobe to do temp work in, but not ideal....

I probably would do with credit cards what I had done with the checking account, because it would preserve your credit and give you immediate access if you ever need it.... you just need to find someone you can trust (a parent, a sibling, a close friend); a durable power of attorney would work as well and might give you some legal protection, but it would help to have the ability to immediately use that card.

We had to bring ID info and things like that with us, and you DEFINITELY want to have those things in case you need to re-establish identity, apply for jobs and housing, etc. Keep some hard copies old resumes, etc. because you might need the dates at some point and it will be hard to remember. Yes, keep those on electronic media as well... but things can change a lot in a few years, and you may have to re-type it all in.... which you can do if you have a hard copy, but not if it is stored on a system or software that no longer is available.

Lisa, I totally understand what you are saying about the computer. Do you think you could 'leave' the computer with the campus ministry, explaining that you want them to 'store' it for you, and that they are welcome to use it, but in the unlikely event you leave, you may have to ask for it back? I would think that it would make sense... and you really are 'leaving' it to them..... but you have to ask your heart on that one... Your concerns about the technology changing a lot are valid... but your resumes, etc. will be in that format, so you really don't want to burn that bridge....

Bottom line - don't keep stuff that is easy to replace, but DO keep stuff that would be hard to replace if you can find a place to keep it. You are holding it in trust against God wanting you to use it again. It doesn't violate giving it all to God at all....

Edited April 24, 2012 by AnneLine

[mantellata]

I agree. Walking out into the world with no credit history, the clothes on your back and nothing else is very difficult.

Thankfully God rewarded my good faith (and youthful exuberance of divesting myself of everything) when I came out with a house in walking distance of work and a job in pretty short order. How I wish I had preserved some credit history though!!

I can't wait until the day (God willing) that I enter a new community. Living with stuff after living so many years without stuff is like walking around with a mountain on your back.

Poverty really is a freedom in the day to day!

Edited April 24, 2012 by mantellata

[Autumn Dusk]

I second the power of atourney thing. Make sure you have enough clothes to get you to job interviews, and enough basic things to furnish an apartment....even if you have to pay for storage. It might be healthy to detach from nick-nacks but otherwise you're entering in an engagement. What happens (God forbid) if your mother or father gets cancer and you need to go home to take care of them?

As far as the computer...can you find someone who's saving up for their own and can use yours in the internm? That way if you need it again, you can have it and if you don't then atleast it's been used.

Also, after final vows, your parents/friend could either donate it or hold a yard sale and then give the money to the convent as an addition to your dowery.

[cmaD2006]

I agree with much that has been said.

I've done the leaving and coming back to the world twice.

Here is my personal list of what I would keep:
a) tax records, important papers, etc. Find a place where someone can keep these for you. You should have the really important stuff (birth certificate, passport, drivers license, etc) with you. Note -- some communities (probably overseas) keep your Baptismal and confirmation records, so you may want to consider getting an additional copy of this. I had this happen, and now have the additional challenge of getting a hold of my Baptismal record from Puerto Rico.
b) save some clothes.
c) save some books. (I gave a lot away, and I wished I had saved a few).
d) arrange for someone else to help handle your financial accounts. I added someone to my bank account. And I kept the credit cards open ... which was a blessing when I had to arrange to go home.
e) if you have somewhere to store furniture items that would be great too -- I ended up having to start from scratch twice, and it is quite expensive.
f) financially, plan on having sufficient money to return home and for buying a set of clothes if need be. When I entered postulancy, all of my clothes were taken from me and were given to charity by the community, so when it was time for me to leave I had absolutely nothing to leave with. Since I was travelling internationally I also decided that I needed to look somewhat presentable vs. looking like a hobo, so I went shopping for one set of clothing.
g) I kept my computer. The 1st time I took it to the convent with me, and gave it to them (it was a desktop version -- it is STILL in use!). The 2nd time I left it with my sister, and it worked like a charm when I returned a year later.
h) keep the musical instruments. You could take them with you if you can, but at a minimum have someone store it for you. I am soooo thankful that I did not sell my expensive guitar ... and even having had it stored and unused by my sister for a year, it was in great shape.

[Lisa]

Thanks, all, for providing this information!

[marigold]

That is pretty comprehensive Cmariadiaz! Comparing it to what I've done, I'm relieved to see that I got the most important things covered. Passport, license and tax forms are taken care of (I actually found a tax form for leaving the UK the other day that nobody told me about! I was very pleased with myself!) though I should get my birth certificate from my parents. I only have 1 bank account which I'm retaining control of. Pious books I can take with me and the rest are gone, so are clothes and furniture, so it's too late to do anything about them. A music teacher friend is getting my guitar and my sister the bike. And that's about it.

The one thing that hasn't been brought up yet is forwarding post. I'd assume that for most people, the situation would be that everyone who is likely to write or email (friends... or government stuff) already knows you're going, and if you're lucky there'll be someone there to pick your post up and forward it if it looks absolutely vital. It's good to double-check with the Post Office. Also local government offices for things like the electoral roll, if you're going abroad.

But none of these things are the end of the world if they aren't completely sorted when we enter.

[cmaD2006]

actually about the forwarding post:

Forward your mail to family (or someone you can trust). If it is really important they can get it to you.

1st time I entered I forwarded mail to the convent. Guess what? It was a "business PO Box" which meant I couldn't unforward the mail! They kept getting my mail for YEARS.

2nd time I entered -- I had no forwarding address (I never was given an address to give to anyone, not even people so that I could be sent mail). So -- my forwarding address in the US was my sister's house. That worked out well.

BTW -- with the power of attorney I do think that this person can file taxes for you (if it applies). I had permission to use the internet for that purpose so I got the information I needed from my sister and filed electronically. It is nicer however if someone else could do it.

[SoonerCatholic]

Thanks for all the replies. They are all good tips to keep in mind. I think my car and my computer will probably go to one of my siblings. The rest of my stuff is in storage at my parents house so I think they will be free to supply my siblings from that stash as they move out (Im the oldest). The monastery has already advised putting my money matters in the charge of my dad during my formation years. Really I think I am good though even if I had to leave the monastery after a year all my clothes would be out of style as I dislike shopping. Oh well I will save a few of the nicest pieces anyways. I do need to decide who among my family and friends would like my Nook. It will be good for a few years but five years from now it could be obsolete...

Funny story: when I told my siblings that I had decided on entering the monastery, they all started making bids on my stuff. "who gets your car?" "can I have your computer" " Do you have to make a will?" me: "gee, I feel loved. Guess the cat is the only one who is going to miss me."

[marigold]

Hee hee!