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polskieserce

Finding Other Catholic Virgins?

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polskieserce    23
polskieserce

According to the Bible and Catholic teaching, people are supposed to wait until marriage to have sex.  God valued sexual purity so much that he dedicated the 6th commandment to this teaching.  However, when it comes to the topic of virginity, it's a pretty sad picture for the Catholic church, as well as other churches.  Most people who are affiliated with the Catholic church have sex with multiple partners before marriage.  Practicing catholics who actually play by the rules and wait until marriage are a minority.

 

Let me say a bit about myself.  I am 22 years old, soon to be 23.  I graduated from college last year and I’m basically just starting to build my future life.  I had some opportunities to loose my virginity before, but I did not act on them.  When I was in college (major party school btw), a lot of girls there seemed to be sleeping around, having casual sex, and have liberal views on abortion.  I’m not really down with that stuff.  To me, if I’m going to be with a girl and invest a lot of time in a relationship, I want her to be have the decency to wait for me like I did for her.  I don’t want to be male specimen #4, #14, or #24 for that matter.  Biologically, a man usually has a higher sex drive than a women due to higher levels of testosterome in his system.  If I was able to do it, with my strong hormone-driven sex drive, then it shouldn't be unreasonable to ask the same of a girl.  Virginity is something that is important to me on a personal level and I have no intention of compromising on this issue.

 

This being said, where could I go to find girls (18 and over obviously) who share my values and haven’t had sex yet?  In my local catholic church, most of the people who go there for mass are pretty old.  The only thing that comes to mind would be to possibly see if a neighboring parish has a larger, more active youth group.  Are there any other places that I’m possibly missing?

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arfink    4,951
arfink

Yes, try young adult groups. Try online. Whatever you feel like. However, unless you want to be alone for a very long time, you might want to consider finding the right woman ahead of finding someone who hasn't had sex. Being a virgin isn't the first thing you should be looking for in a girlfriend or wife. It just tends to work out better in my experience.

 

 

That said: Commence flame war in 3...

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dairygirl4u2c    62
dairygirl4u2c

requiring that you find a young catholic female virgin is your prerogative. and i'm not a catholic. but as former catholic, and someone who was once where you are, i'd focus on finding a good catholic and hope she is a virgin, but not necessarily hold that against her. maybe hang around larger orthodox parishes to increase your odds.

but no one asks someone up front, 'are you a virgin', though you could if you insisted. it would reduce your statistics too, though, and foreclose some great people. if you got to know the person and considered it all as a totality, it'd force you to consider them as a person, warts and all. that is better for you and them. that's what God does with us, no one is perfect. 

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dairygirl4u2c    62
dairygirl4u2c

Yes, try young adult groups. Try online. Whatever you feel like. However, unless you want to be alone for a very long time, you might want to consider finding the right woman ahead of finding someone who hasn't had sex. Being a virgin isn't the first thing you should be looking for in a girlfriend or wife. It just tends to work out better in my experience.

 

 

That said: Commence flame war in 3...

 

^^^ what he said. 

 

 

no wait, FLAME WAR COMMENCED

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arfink    4,951
arfink

I will launch volley number one: with so many women (what's the stats these days? 1 in 3? or is it higher?) who have been abused or raped, you're gonna have a hard time finding someone who hasn't had sex, and what's more, many of them will have had no say in the matter.

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polskieserce    23
polskieserce

Yes, try young adult groups. Try online. Whatever you feel like. However, unless you want to be alone for a very long time, you might want to consider finding the right woman ahead of finding someone who hasn't had sex. Being a virgin isn't the first thing you should be looking for in a girlfriend or wife. It just tends to work out better in my experience.

 

 

That said: Commence flame war in 3...

 

The young adult groups seem to be the best bet, so I will see what I can get there.  I'm also open to online, I have nothing against it.  For me, the right woman is the one who hasn't given herself away yet.  It's not the only thing I'm looking for, but it is one of the things at the top of my list.

 

requiring that you find a young catholic female virgin is your prerogative. and i'm not a catholic. but as former catholic, and someone who was once where you are, i'd focus on finding a good catholic and hope she is a virgin, but not necessarily hold that against her. maybe hang around larger orthodox parishes to increase your odds.

but no one asks someone up front, 'are you a virgin', though you could if you insisted. it would reduce your statistics too, though, and foreclose some great people. if you got to know the person and considered it all as a totality, it'd force you to consider them as a person, warts and all. that is better for you and them. that's what God does with us, no one is perfect. 

 

Perhaps this is just my personal experience, but with people around my age, I've noticed that sex talk comes up pretty quickly.  Sometimes when I was talking with girls, I would ask early on what their sexual history is.  Other times, I have had girls ask me early on how many girls I've slept with (which would be none).  I never dodged the question when I was asked and I always answered honestly.  I don't mind dating a non-virgin, but marrying a non-virgin is a pretty firm no.  When it comes to decision making, I'm more to the thinking side as opposed to the emotional side.  My friends have told me that I'm more rigid when it comes to following through with things I say I'm dead set on.

 

I will launch volley number one: with so many women (what's the stats these days? 1 in 3? or is it higher?) who have been abused or raped, you're gonna have a hard time finding someone who hasn't had sex, and what's more, many of them will have had no say in the matter.

 

I have heard similar stats, but you have to look at it another angle.  A lot of other things are lumped into the sexual abuse/assault category that aren't vaginal rape.  A woman could be molested and that would still count in the category.  I refuse to believe that 1/3 girls were raped.  Maybe in some dangerous ghettos you will see something like this, but I'm a white suburban dude, so that stuff is foreign to me.  Girls that I have encountered lost their virginity by choice.

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Era Might    1,537
Era Might

Just some advice: your "no compromise" approach might lead to problems when you get married. Marriage is one compromise after another.

Edited by Era Might

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Vincent Vega    3,170
Vincent Vega

I don't mind dating a non-virgin, but marrying a non-virgin is a pretty firm no.

 (A loaded question not intended as an attack:) 

What good does it do to date someone you wouldn't consider marrying?

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Ice_nine    2,270
Ice_nine
  Biologically, a man usually has a higher sex drive than a women due to higher levels of testosterome in his system.  If I was able to do it, with my strong hormone-driven sex drive, then it shouldn't be unreasonable to ask the same of a girl. 

 

 

 

You will be interested to know that a lot of newer research is challenging this line of thinking. Why women in present culture tend to be less promiscuous than men is likely because of societal norms rather than biology, we can see that as these norms are being lifted women are increasing their number of sexual partners.

 

 

But if it makes men feel good to stick to the idea that their biology predisposes them to be raging whores and women must have an easier time (biologically speaking) to resist getting laid all the time . . . that's their prerogative, but it's out of touch with reality in most cases.

 

 

Good luck in your search :)

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Ice_nine    2,270
Ice_nine

 (A loaded question not intended as an attack:) 

What good does it do to date someone you wouldn't consider marrying?

 

I had a really snarky answer for this, but I don't really know enough about the OP to be fair. I'm interested for an answer from him.

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HisChildForever    1,230
HisChildForever

 (A loaded question not intended as an attack:) 

What good does it do to date someone you wouldn't consider marrying?

 

Especially since Catholics aren't to date casually, but with marriage in mind...

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Annie12    582
Annie12

First of all, welcome to Phatmass! :welcome:   And secondly, I understand where you are something from. I'm glad there is another young person on this planet who thinks the same way I do. I think you have listed most of the places to find such a person. But, remember, God works in miraculous ways. You may find your spouse in a setting you never had imagined at a time you didn't expect.

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havok579257    259
havok579257

The young adult groups seem to be the best bet, so I will see what I can get there.  I'm also open to online, I have nothing against it.  For me, the right woman is the one who hasn't given herself away yet.  It's not the only thing I'm looking for, but it is one of the things at the top of my list.

 

 

Perhaps this is just my personal experience, but with people around my age, I've noticed that sex talk comes up pretty quickly.  Sometimes when I was talking with girls, I would ask early on what their sexual history is.  Other times, I have had girls ask me early on how many girls I've slept with (which would be none).  I never dodged the question when I was asked and I always answered honestly.  I don't mind dating a non-virgin, but marrying a non-virgin is a pretty firm no.  When it comes to decision making, I'm more to the thinking side as opposed to the emotional side.  My friends have told me that I'm more rigid when it comes to following through with things I say I'm dead set on.

 

 

I have heard similar stats, but you have to look at it another angle.  A lot of other things are lumped into the sexual abuse/assault category that aren't vaginal rape.  A woman could be molested and that would still count in the category.  I refuse to believe that 1/3 girls were raped.  Maybe in some dangerous ghettos you will see something like this, but I'm a white suburban dude, so that stuff is foreign to me.  Girls that I have encountered lost their virginity by choice.

 

 

Your views are why rape is looked at as no big deal to suburban America.  Cause it doesn't happen here to us white folk in these good rich neighborhoods.  Your attitude is the reason girls in your neighbor type get raped and don't report it.  Cause of people with your mindset that it doesn't happen, so if it does happen it must be the girls fault and she just needs to get over it an move on.  This is why girls in upper class neighborhoods get raped and don't say anything.  Attitudes just like yours. 

 

I am sorry to sound harsh but your statement is absolutely ignorant and insulting to how many women who have been raped in good neighborhoods.  Sorry to throw your world for a loop but rape spans all age groups, socio-economic status, race, gender and so on. 

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HisChildForever    1,230
HisChildForever

I have heard similar stats, but you have to look at it another angle.  A lot of other things are lumped into the sexual abuse/assault category that aren't vaginal rape.  A woman could be molested and that would still count in the category.  I refuse to believe that 1/3 girls were raped.  Maybe in some dangerous ghettos you will see something like this, but I'm a white suburban dude, so that stuff is foreign to me.  Girls that I have encountered lost their virginity by choice.

 

People get molested and raped in suburbia, too.

 

Anyway, this paragraph has me extremely disturbed. I hope I read this wrong or you [s]poor[/s]poorly communicated your thoughts...but is the gist of this "oh it's okay if she was molested, but if raped I gotta cross her off the list"? Again I apologize if I've misunderstood, but if I haven't, that's really sick.

Edited by HisChildForever

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BG45    3,139
BG45

I wish you luck in your search, though others have already listed the places I would try looking. 

 

I'm with many people here though; when I was your age (...I feel old now...) I felt a similar way.  If I had saved myself, I would hope that my future wife would as well...though I never blamed anyone for losing their virginity via rape; I would've just felt awful for my future spouse had they been the victim of such a crime and tried to be supportive.  But as a 27 year old virgin, I've realized people make mistakes sometimes, or people are raped, or any number of things happen.  If/when I find someone and fall in love and get married, it should be for who she is and for how we can help one another to reach Heaven (and to help our future children as well), not necessarily because she still has a hymen (or not, given not all virgins have them).  If my future wife is a virgin, then I'll be happy we both waited until our wedding day.  If not, I think I have to understand that such things may happen.  None of us is perfect, myself most definitely included.

 

And I'll echo what others have said.  Rape happens everywhere, not just "bad parts of town".  For example of a "good neighborhood" rape:  the news media was bemoaning how "good kids" like the Steubenville rapists' lives had been ruined, barely paying attention to the fact they raped an unconscious girl repeatedly.  It was horrifying, especially how so many people made an effort to make sure it wasn't brought to trial or public attention.

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ardillacid    1,970
ardillacid

 

 

And I'll echo what others have said.  Rape happens everywhere, not just "bad parts of town".  For example of a "good neighborhood" rape:  the news media was bemoaning how "good kids" like the Steubenville rapists' lives had been ruined, barely paying attention to the fact they raped an unconscious girl repeatedly.  It was horrifying, especially how so many people made an effort to make sure it wasn't brought to trial or public attention.

Have you been to Steubenville? It is a shit hole. 

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dairygirl4u2c    62
dairygirl4u2c

yknow this is a catholic forum with young catholics on it. and you said you wouldnt be opposed to meeting girls online. maybe you should ask around, there are surely lots of good single virgin catholics on here.....  :D

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dairygirl4u2c    62
dairygirl4u2c

it is curious why u posted this on the debate board and not the open mic etc tho

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BG45    3,139
BG45

Have you been to Steubenville? It is a pothole. 

 

Yeah I've been there, I've also been to far worse places.  Plus the university and some of the communities are pretty nice. 

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