How To Not Freak Out The Vocation Director (at Least Not Right Away)?

[SilentJoy]

How do I go about trying to explain what I might be able to bring to a religious community? I'm very sincere and compassionate, and I have a strong work ethic, but I don't have much in the way of special talents, and I have Asperger's (not severely) which means that communication can be awkward and occasionally confusing. Once a Prioress said "As long as you can ask for help when you need it, you are not too introverted," but at the time neither of us knew I was on the spectrum, and I suspect that I'm just going to scare away potential communities if I don't adequately express why they shouldn't be so scared. :hehe2:

[Benedictus]

I wouldn't be overly worried. It isn't necessarily a bad thing to not be able to pinpoint any major special talents. I'm sure you do have good qualities, and talents, that can be teased out or seen over time by a community. Some people know exactly what their special talents and qualities apparently are, and this can bring its own challenges :hehe2: So being a bit

unsure isn't necessarily a bad thing. In terms of the Asperger's, this could be a key to seeing some of your positive qualities and talents. It may well show positive aspects of your attitude and personality if you have dealt with life experience and situations, despite any challenges. Problems with communication and misunderstandings wil always happen, but can be ironed out with good processes and openness. I don't think you'll scare them all off at all, and if you're called to a community then there is one out there for you

:)

[Luigi]

Tell 'em it's not contagious.

[Antigonos]

Don't sell yourself short.  I often think one of the problems of the modern age is The Diagnosis -- any diagnosis.  "There you are; we'll put you into this little box", etc.  Does knowing you are on the Asperger's spectrum mean you function better or worse now?  No, you are still "you".  In fact, I think there is an awful lot of over-diagnosis: I like being alone, don't make friends easily, need a lot of space.  Instead of calling it "individuality", there must be a diagnosis out there somewhere putting me on a "spectrum" of something. Phooey.

 

Anyone who watches children grow up sees them develop in all sorts of unpredictable ways.  You very well might have hidden talents you don't suspect at all -- my older daughter has become passionate about professional cooking, my younger just took a sewing class as a diversion from being cooped up with a baby constantly, and found she really liked it.  They are both in their thirties.

 

And even if you are simply an all-round, middling sort, who does everything averagely well, that's a talent of sorts.

[ChristinaTherese]

Don't sell yourself short.  I often think one of the problems of the modern age is The Diagnosis -- any diagnosis.  "There you are; we'll put you into this little box", etc.  Does knowing you are on the Asperger's spectrum mean you function better or worse now?  No, you are still "you".  In fact, I think there is an awful lot of over-diagnosis: I like being alone, don't make friends easily, need a lot of space.  Instead of calling it "individuality", there must be a diagnosis out there somewhere putting me on a "spectrum" of something. Phooey.

Sometimes it isn't over diagnosis. Like this week, I've been able to look at things and say, "Well, I'm getting angry because my Asperger's makes me function better with predictability and this was entirely unpredictable." or "I'm overwhelmed in this situation because I just close up with too many strangers around, and I've been having more Aspie problems lately, so this makes sense." I mean, it doesn't excuse my anger, but it does help me understand it. (Yeah, I'm an Aspie too. And it's pretty mild for me as well. It's been flaring up more this week, but that might just be coming back to school for a new quarter....) But sometimes it does seem like there are too many diagnoses, I guess. And sticking people in pickle jars based on their diagnoses is just wrong.

[AugustineA]

Hmm.. If they're worth their salt they'll snatch you up faster. My brain is dying right now, and I can't put it in words.. but people who suffer from a condition should be the most welcome. Everybody is poor in some way. It's a confession, in a way.. I feel like Jesus held the poor and suffering a bit tighter because of it. 

 

so.. if I were a vocation director I'd choose you.  :console: Don't worry you'll be fine. Just be honest. 

Edited April 6, 2014 by AugustineA

[marigold]

How do I go about trying to explain what I might be able to bring to a religious community? I'm very sincere and compassionate, and I have a strong work ethic, but I don't have much in the way of special talents, and I have Asperger's (not severely) which means that communication can be awkward and occasionally confusing. Once a Prioress said "As long as you can ask for help when you need it, you are not too introverted," but at the time neither of us knew I was on the spectrum, and I suspect that I'm just going to scare away potential communities if I don't adequately express why they shouldn't be so scared. :hehe2:

 

Well, what you just wrote is a good start :) I would be very interested to meet you based on that. As others have said, just be honest - and don't second-guess what 'they' are going to think before they've thought it!

 

I wish you all the best.

[SilentJoy]

Thanks, all. They're going to let me come for a live-in anyway 'cause they don't see the Asperger's as an obstacle (unless it actually turns out to be one through experience).

[SilentJoy]

Hmm.. If they're worth their salt they'll snatch you up faster. My brain is dying right now, and I can't put it in words.. but people who suffer from a condition should be the most welcome. Everybody is poor in some way. It's a confession, in a way.. I feel like Jesus held the poor and suffering a bit tighter because of it. 

 

so.. if I were a vocation director I'd choose you.  :console: Don't worry you'll be fine. Just be honest. 

 

Awww, sweet.

 

I guess it would depend on the community, and the condition. A condition that could cause a person to end up being isolated and misunderstood within their community because of poor communication skills could be dangerous for that person's well-being; there's no radio, TV, Taco Bell or even a Wal-Mart to help distract them from the existential loneliness. And a condition that wasn't suited for communal life in other ways could be dangerous for the other Sisters (or at least unnecessarily difficult). The last community that I visited had had a bad experience with a Postulant who turned out to have repressed anger issues, and I gathered that something about me reminded them of her and they were hesitant about taking the chance again.

[SilentJoy]

The last community that I visited had had a bad experience with a Postulant who turned out to have repressed anger issues, and I gathered that something about me reminded them of her and they were hesitant about taking the chance again.

 

(I don't THINK I have repressed anger issues...although, if they're repressed, I wouldn't know, would I? :hehe2:)

[MithLuin]

I think that being honest without being harsh is the general idea.  

 

You don't introduce yourself to someone with, "Hi!  Here's a laundry list of everything that's wrong with me."  That would be...weird.  But as you talk about yourself, you can describe certain things (both positive and negative) that make you uniquely...you.  So, yes, if handling social situations is difficult for you, you could mention that you are awkward when you meet a bunch of new people for the first time, but that you warm up eventually (or...whatever the case may be for you).  Specifics like that are more useful than the label sometimes, as autism is a spectrum and doesn't mean the same thing for everyone.  

 

You don't want to be hyperly critical of yourself, though.  You're allowed to mention what subject was your favorite in school and why you liked it, what sports or activities or clubs you have participated in or enjoyed.  I mean, if you play the piano, that might not seem like anything particularly special to you, but they might like to hear about that.  'No special talents' is unlikely to be true...and also not how you should word it.  Don't focus on a negative or lack when saying who you are.  You mentioned your good work ethic - talk about what you've done with that instead of saying "I'm not talented."  

 

At the end of the day, they'll draw their own conclusions once they meet you.  So that's why it's sometimes better to stick to examples and specifics rather than sweeping generalizations.  The generalizations are a short cut, but you don't want to use too many of them.  You can say "I'm introverted" and that immediately gives an impression of what type of person you are.  But...fill in the details as appropriate.  

[petitpèlerin]

We all have strengths and weaknesses. We're all both brilliant and wounded. I don't think you're going to surprise any vocation director by being honest that you're a flawed human being. I think the most important thing is self-awareness: if you're aware of what you're like and you're open to doing what you need to do, you're the best kind of candidate they could ask for.

[SilentJoy]

Thanks Petitpelerin. Gonna see how it goes.

[SilentJoy]

I'd prefer to stay for at least a month if they let me...a week might be enough time for me to see if I like THEM, but unfortunately it might take a lot longer for me to be able to adjust and express myself. I wish I could warm up faster but it doesn't work that way. It is very hard to expose my "inner world" to someone unless the environment is emotionally safe, and there's nothing very safe about a live-in. Its kind of sad but funny -- I can't be myself unless I'm accepted, and they (obviously) can't accept me if they can't see what I'm like and whether it might fit in with their community or not. :rolleyes:

[Luigi]

It is very hard to expose my "inner world" to someone unless the environment is emotionally safe, and there's nothing very safe about a live-in. Its kind of sad but funny -- I can't be myself unless I'm accepted, and they (obviously) can't accept me if they can't see what I'm like and whether it might fit in with their community or not. :rolleyes:

 

That part about acceptance is the same for all of us - it's part of the human condition. Any time we open ourselves up to other people, we're taking a risk. We might be accepted, but we might be ridiculed, rejected, shunned, thought to be odd, etc.

 

You may be more aware of the dangers, or more sensitive to them, but we all face the same situation.

 

Find a textbook for a Communications 101 class and read the part about self-disclosure.