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Thoughts On Taking A Break?


4LoveofJMJ

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So with everything going on in my life right now, I've been thinking of taking a semester off from school. With school starting, it makes me realize even more how I still have no idea on what I want to do with my life. I have a feeling that once I know my vocation, I will be better prepared with the future ahead. Unfortunately, with school starting, I won't have time to visit convents or anything. By having a job, I will be able to have money to visit some convents, raise money for WYD, and, with the situation with my dad's job right now, an extra job might be help make ends meet if things come to it.

 

The problem is that my parents might not agree with it. I tried broaching the subject with my mom but she would not hear anything about it. I didn't even talk about the vocational thing. I'm not sure what I should do.

 

In the course of your discernment, did you ever take a semester off to more deeply discern?

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Spem in alium

I didn't, no. And to be honest, I recommend you don't. School is your vocation right now - and actually, staying at university and pursuing my studies is what helped me to discern better :)

 

I have learnt, quite well, that you really can't rush a relationship with God. When I was beginning to actively discern, I really wanted to know right there and then where God was calling me, but I eventually realised I had to be patient. He reveals Himself to us in His own time, and sometimes in very unusual and unexpected ways. 

 

Try to focus on living one day at a time and in paying attention to the present moment. That is where you will find God. :) Surrender everything to Him - all your fears and anxieties. He will show you when the time is right.

 

I will pray for you, and for your family. 

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I have nothing to offer in terms of your discernment, but in terms of continuing college (or not(, I would say....

 

1. College will always be there. You don't have to complete it in the stereotypical "uninterrupted four years."

 

2. Your father's job should be an important consideration. If he's unemployed, underemployed, or in danger of losing his job, your income might be necessary. I have friends who were the sole support of their families while their fathers were on strike or in similar situations.

 

3. Your mother's reluctance to talk about your leaving college - does it have anything to do with your father's job? People in tough economic situations sometimes try to convince themselves that "Everything's okay. You can keep going to school. We'll get through this. You shouldn't have to suffer." and so forth. Talk to your father, too. He - or both of you - may need to discuss the hard realities with your mother, if in fact the realities are hard.

 

4. Before you make a decision about stopping out, swing by the academic advising department and ask a lot of questions. If you stop out, how long will they honor your existing credits? In some classes, they're probably good forever - Comp I, Comp II, math - but one never knows until one asks, do one? How long do you have to complete a degree? Some schools require that you finish in six years; in other situations, you might have as long as you need to finish, but you still have to be careful about the college changing a program - if they add required classes, or eliminate (from a degree program) classes you've already completed, it might cost you a little bit down the line.

 

5. If you don't have a declared major and are taking only general education requirements, there probably won't be any serious ramifications from stopping out for a while. But if you're in a declared major, the classes may be offered 'in rotation' - certain classes only in fall semesters, certain classes only in spring semesters. If that's the case, figure out the earliest possible date of return - do you have to wait only a semester to pick up where you left off, or would it be a full year, or what?

 

6. Lastly, if you don't have a declared major, or you don't have a major you're committed to, I'd say stopping out is pretty reasonable. You might get through your classes successfully based solely on your good study habits and natural intelligence, and that would be fine. Education is never wasted - you'll still benefit from whatever you learn. But students always do better when they're interested in the topic and committed to a major. Students who go to college 'because you're supposed to' often don't get full benefit from their educational opportunity.

 

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Education is never wasted - you'll still benefit from whatever you learn. But students always do better when they're interested in the topic and committed to a major. Students who go to college 'because you're supposed to' often don't get full benefit from their educational opportunity.

 

^ This. I was one of those students who went to college "becuase you're supposed to". I majored in something that I am skilled in, but have no liking or passion for. I often wish that I had allowed myself to take time off of school to breathe and take on new learning experiences rather than continue to drag myself through a degree program I had no interest in. I still had a well-rounded educational experience, but (as luigi proposed) I did not get the full benefit of higher education because I was utterly miserable in my degree field.

 

If you have interest and passion in your degree area, I wouldn't jump to say take a semester off. It may be that you just haven't found your niche within your field of study, and in that case you might not find you niche until you are out in the workforce. There is always the option of going school part-time, instead of full-time as a medium between the two options. You could still be taking classes, but would have more time to work/save (especially if you have the option of taking a class or two online).

 

Ultimately I think you need to have some serious conversation with those in your life - your parents, your advisor, and those who know you best. While here on phatmass you will get a wonderful variety of opinions that may help you decide, we only know a small portion of who you are as a person (a side-effect of the internet). You are the biggest factor in a decision like this, and I think those who know you irl might be better at pointing in a direction that is best for you.
 

I know it's a hard place to be, and I'll be praying for you JMJ!

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If I may be permitted to make an observation:  as I read through the various threads this morning, I noticed that quite a few seemed concerned with problems with discernment, parental objections, feelings of depression, dissatisfaction with school, etc

.

While all these are valid concerns, may I suggest that we are also feeling, at this time of the year, with the cold weather and the short days, as well as an inevitable feeling, to some degree at least, of anticlimax after the Christmas festivities, a bit of "the glums"?

 

I think this is perfectly normal, and keep in mind that spring is coming, however much it may seem to be ever so far away.  Hang in there, pholks!

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I second the idea of going part time. I actually finished about half my degree as a part time student. I worked the rest of the time to pay for it so I came out with very little debt and some savings. I also recommend you talk with those who know you best, parents close friends, and also an academic adviser before making any final decisions.

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  • 7 months later...

Reading this old topic makes me laugh now. It seems that God has had other plans for me ever since I last posted this. Due to some unexpected financial difficulties, I've had to skip going to school this semester, giving up the idea going to World Youth Day, and start working full time at Panera. Even though it sounds like I got what I wanted, I'm afraid I still won't be able to visit any communities like I had hoped. My dad is working in St. Louis throughout the week and comes home on the weekends. We've had to borrow a friend's car while my dad's gone and our friend doesn't want us to make any long trips while we are using it. My dad's job isn't paying as much as he was promised so money has been too tight for us to do much besides buying groceries and going to Church. Some prayers for physical and emotional strength for my family would be appreciated. Things have been really tough here.

I've also been struggling with feeling torn between the vocation of marriage and religious life. It seems to be a never ending tug of war going on in my heart.

 

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julianneoflongbeach

Oh how I wish I could go on a retreat and take some time away from the noise of the world.

Do a search for retreat centers in your area and ask if you could possibly attend a weekend retreat for free. I know a few places around where I live that only ask for donations so people who can't afford can still go. If so maybe they can also get you in contact with a fellow retreatant near where you live who could drive you.

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My prayers for you in all of this.  Who knows maybe God will bring communities to you. My finances are a bit tight at the moment and God has brought communities to me. Two communities my spiritual director wants me to take a look at happened to be in my area for a little while so we were able to meet and talk.  It's not a substitute for visiting a community and seeing them in context but it was nice to have face to face initial contact before trying to find the money to make a visit.  Maybe the Lord will provide you with  a similar opportunity.

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Spem in alium

Reading this old topic makes me laugh now. It seems that God has had other plans for me ever since I last posted this. Due to some unexpected financial difficulties, I've had to skip going to school this semester, giving up the idea going to World Youth Day, and start working full time at Panera. Even though it sounds like I got what I wanted, I'm afraid I still won't be able to visit any communities like I had hoped. My dad is working in St. Louis throughout the week and comes home on the weekends. We've had to borrow a friend's car while my dad's gone and our friend doesn't want us to make any long trips while we are using it. My dad's job isn't paying as much as he was promised so money has been too tight for us to do much besides buying groceries and going to Church. Some prayers for physical and emotional strength for my family would be appreciated. Things have been really tough here.

I've also been struggling with feeling torn between the vocation of marriage and religious life. It seems to be a never ending tug of war going on in my heart.

 

Prayers for you and your family in all you're experiencing.

I am wondering - would it be necessary that you drive to visit convents - are you located far away from them? Or could you use public transport?

Also, re. retreats: ideally I would suggest you search for a general discernment-focused one, incorporating consideration of married life and different forms of consecrated life. I attended one several years ago and it helped me to review what my feelings were to the different vocations, what I noticed in myself and my emotions, and where I felt God was in all of it. But as you have mentioned money is tight, I would do what julianne suggested - check if there are free retreats in your area. Communities sometimes offer free retreats also.

 

Oh how I wish I could go on a retreat and take some time away from the noise of the world.

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Prayers for you and your family in all you're experiencing.

I am wondering - would it be necessary that you drive to visit convents - are you located far away from them? Or could you use public transport?

Also, re. retreats: ideally I would suggest you search for a general discernment-focused one, incorporating consideration of married life and different forms of consecrated life. I attended one several years ago and it helped me to review what my feelings were to the different vocations, what I noticed in myself and my emotions, and where I felt God was in all of it. But as you have mentioned money is tight, I would do what julianne suggested - check if there are free retreats in your area. Communities sometimes offer free retreats also.

 

The orders that I'm interested in are at least an hour and a half away so yes, I would have to drive if I couldn't hitch a ride with someone. I'm interested in the Daughters of St. Paul, the Franciscan Sisters of the Martyr of St. George, and the Nashies. I'll look into the retreats that you mentioned Spem.

I would like to know more about the Daughters of St. Paul so I may start a topic about it...

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HopefulHeart

The orders that I'm interested in are at least an hour and a half away so yes, I would have to drive if I couldn't hitch a ride with someone. I'm interested in the Daughters of St. Paul, the Franciscan Sisters of the Martyr of St. George, and the Nashies. I'll look into the retreats that you mentioned Spem.

I would like to know more about the Daughters of St. Paul so I may start a topic about it...

I've had a good deal of experience with the Daughters, so I can try to answer any questions you have. :)

I definitely sympathize with the issue of physical distance from orders that interest you. I hope you find an opportunity to visit one or go on a retreat. 

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Spem in alium

The orders that I'm interested in are at least an hour and a half away so yes, I would have to drive if I couldn't hitch a ride with someone. I'm interested in the Daughters of St. Paul, the Franciscan Sisters of the Martyr of St. George, and the Nashies. I'll look into the retreats that you mentioned Spem.

I would like to know more about the Daughters of St. Paul so I may start a topic about it...

I hope you are able to find a retreat that suits you. Will be praying. :) 

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In the meantime, could you make a mini-retreat at home? Switch off your phone and computer, tell everyone you're taking some time by yourself, and just squirrel away in your room for a day? Or is there a nearby park/conservation area where you could take a picnic and spend the day walking and reading Scripture? I used to do this from time to time - unfortunately I'd usually leave it until I was at breaking point and spend the day just recovering from work and city life, rather than actively being there with God. But they were valuable little injections of sanity :)

Edited by marigold
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