5 Ways to Help People Struggling with Gender Dysphoria

[veritasluxmea]

http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/03/supporting-trans-person-with-dysphoria/

I've edited it, but the whole article is worth a read. I don't agree with everything in the article, including the beliefs of the author and website in general, but it's a good start. I can agree with putting most of this into practice. I can't get rid of the bold font, sorry. 

 

(Trigger Warning: This piece deals with the overconsumption of alcohol and describes an experience dysphoria in detail.)

My partner is pounding on the door, begging me to unlock it.

I’m sitting in front of a tall mirror, tears falling quietly down my face, as I clutch my shirt in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other.

The amount of panic my chest has caused me in the last three months has reached a breaking point. I stare, helplessly, at a body that both confuses and terrifies me.

As I look at myself, my body trembling, I’m reminded of the times as a child when I would take the heads off of my Lego characters and place them on different bodies – only this time, the stakes are real, and the stakes are high.

I can recognize my face, but everything else feels so, so wrong.

My partner manages to pick the lock, and they push through the door. Their eyes widen with horror as they realize I’ve been drinking to cope with my dysphoria. They take the bottle from me, and I listen as they hurry down the hall, pouring the vodka into the bathroom sink.

They return and, helping me stand up, wrap a blanket around me, help me into bed, kiss my forehead and say, “I’m not angry. I’m just concerned.” As I mutter a drunken apology, they sigh, propping me up with another pillow. They squeeze me gently.

“We’re going to watch Netflix, we’re going to relax, and everything is going to be okay.”
...
Most who know I experience dysphoria never anticipate the extent to which it impacts my life – at my worst, I can spend days holed up in my apartment, suffer panic attacks in the shower, and before I got help, I could even turn to alcohol to cope.
...
1. Engage Compassionately and Validate Their Experience
...
“Is it really that bad?” is never an okay response. “Why can’t you leave your apartment?” is not an okay response either. And “Get over it, we all have insecurities” is absolutely, 100% an awful response.

All of these responses trivialize this person’s pain and suggest that what they are feeling isn’t worth caring about.
...
2. Ask How You Can Help
Every trans person is different, and sometimes what helps us through our dysphoria can vary.
...

It’s best to ask folks what they need when they’re experiencing dysphoria. It’s as simple as saying, “How can I help right now?”
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3. Suggest Distractions or Fun Activities
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4. Send (Or Bring!) Them a Self-Care Package
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Sometimes trans folks don’t want visitors when they’re feeling dysphoric. That’s important to respect – and a great reason to opt for a self-care package if they’re not looking to hang out.
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5. If Needed, Encourage Them to Seek Help
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If your loved one is engaging in harmful or unhealthy coping behaviors, or is grappling with suicidal ideation, it’s time to seek outside help.
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In the case of dysphoria accompanied by suicidality, contacting the Trans Lifeline Hotline,National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (call 1.800.273.8255 in the US), or if there is a plan and intent to act, calling 911 may be a necessary step.

...

You may not be able to take away the pain and discomfort that comes with body dysphoria, but with compassion and respect, you can help make the burden just a little bit easier for us to carry.

Most of this is common sense and decency. I have a friend who suffers heavily from mental illness (not related to dysphoria): social anxiety, agoraphobia, depression, anorexia (among others) which cause panic attacks and the like. Most of this I already practice because it's simply the loving way to help people. The care package is a great idea though- I'm going to try that soon.

I don't want to get into the whole "Is gender dysphoria a mental illness/Are they really the opposite gender if they say they are" debate, so I posted this in open mic. Yep, obviously we should be doing our best to help others meet Christ in their deepest wounds, including dysphoria, but this is just to get started on practical ways to help people in the throes of a mental illness. Don't take this as saying we should neglect to preach the gospel- this is to help us get started. (or me at least!) Mediators of Meh feel free to move it as necessary.

Mental illness debate aside, obviously gender dysphoria can act like a mental illness (panic attacks, anxiety, agoraphobic behaviors, possibly self-harm) on some people's life, so this is just practical information to put into practice to actually help people in concrete ways. I found the good information in the article helpful, should I ever have the opportunity to know and care for someone with gender dysphoria. 

[Credo in Deum]

[franciscanheart]

I think this applies to anyone struggling with severe anxiety and/or depression about anything.

[CrossCuT]

I enjoy reading the articles from Everydayfeminism.com. Im super surprised someone referenced it in a Catholic context. Although I think the OP's point of view might interpret this as a "Lets save people from their dysphoria and convince them they are ok as their biological gender" vs the websites tone is basically support them in whichever way they choose whether it is for or against their biological gender. I assume this based on the fact you cut out everything in the article that supports helping them plan for surgery. 

[CrossCuT]

I enjoy reading the articles from Everydayfeminism.com. Im super surprised someone referenced it in a Catholic context. Although I think the OP's point of view might interpret this as a "Lets save people from their dysphoria and convince them they are ok as their biological gender" vs the websites tone is basically support them in whichever way they choose whether it is for or against their biological gender. I assume this based on the fact you cut out everything in the article that supports helping them plan for surgery. 

​

[Nihil Obstat]

I enjoy reading the articles from Everydayfeminism.com. Im super surprised someone referenced it in a Catholic context. Although I think the OP's point of view might interpret this as a "Lets save people from their dysphoria and convince them they are ok as their biological gender" vs the websites tone is basically support them in whichever way they choose whether it is for or against their biological gender. I assume this based on the fact you cut out everything in the article that supports helping them plan for surgery. 

​

I've edited it, but the whole article is worth a read. I don't agree with everything in the article, including the beliefs of the author and website in general, but it's a good start. I can agree with putting most of this into practice. I can't get rid of the bold font, sorry. 

 

​​Well... Yeah. This should not be surprising.

[CrossCuT]

Is there an equivalent sort of article we can post from a Catholic site?

[Nihil Obstat]

Is there an equivalent sort of article we can post from a Catholic site?

​I dunno. Tell us if you find one.

[CrossCuT]

Been trying to, but the only things that pop up are just discussion about church teaching. I guess the only place trans people can really find help (or cis people looking to be supportive) are to look in secular places. I guess it makes sense. I doubt many catholic sources would want to appear to seemingly support the sin by supporting the people. Im sure its a hard line to tread for Catholics if our discussions on homosexuality are any indication. 

[CrossCuT]

I found the site https://www.dignityusa.org/ pretty easily. Although Im not sure how kosher it is with catholic teaching. Their slogan is "Celebrating the wholeness and holiness of LGTBQ Catholics."

[Nihil Obstat]

I found the site https://www.dignityusa.org/ pretty easily. Although Im not sure how kosher it is with catholic teaching. Their slogan is "Celebrating the wholeness and holiness of LGTBQ Catholics."

Dignity is not particularly in line with Church teaching. Courage is more orthodox last I heard. 

[CrossCuT]

I have no idea what that means. Are you making a joke about the site name?

[veritasluxmea]

Although I think the OP's point of view might interpret this as a "Lets save people from their dysphoria and convince them they are ok as their biological gender" vs the websites tone is basically support them in whichever way they choose whether it is for or against their biological gender. I assume this based on the fact you cut out everything in the article that supports helping them plan for surgery. 

Unfortunately, mental illness isn't something you can exactly "save" someone from (cool as it would be if I could do that). I don't know where/if dysphoria falls on the mental illness scale, but if someone is experiencing it to this degree it's a huge problem, and as nice as it would be to cure it, problems like this just doesn't work that easily. Trust me, I understand that. I'm looking for ways to support and help people going through this, and I think this article provides a good start. I cut the surgery out of the article because a) I don't believe in mutilation without good reason and b) I don't want to give the impression that I think gender is a social construct and you can switch your biological gender. 

I would argue that it's possible living as the opposite sex may be necessary for some people living with dysphoria. While they would still technically be their birth gender, it may be possible taking some more feminine roles, dress, or way of life as a form of treatment. I would leave that to professionals/ experts (I'm just a kind on the internet who read a clickbait article) to decide whether or not that would be beneficial for someone, and if so, I would support them, and like the article says, ask how I can help! 

Ha ha, maybe I need to move this to the debate table already. 

​

I think this applies to anyone struggling with severe anxiety and/or depression about anything.

​Agreed! People suffering from mental illness is a personal issue for me and I like to raise awareness where I can. I've experienced it up close and personal, and still do. No one suffering from a mental illness wants to suffer from it, and I can't imagine how experiencing dysphoria to this level would affect you. The last thing they want is to be healthy and mobile in all physical ways, but basically an invalid and feel cut off from humanity due to invisible disabilities. It's just... something you have to go through with someone to understand. If I could save people from it, that would be like curing people from chronic diseases. If only.

[Nihil Obstat]

I have no idea what that means. Are you making a joke about the site name?

​What? No, there are two groups: Dignity, and Courage. Dignity is not in line with Church teaching. Courage is.

[beatitude]

I don't want to give the impression that I think gender is a social construct and you can switch your biological gender. 

I would argue that it's possible living as the opposite sex may be necessary for some people living with dysphoria. While they would still technically be their birth gender, it may be possible taking some more feminine roles, dress, or way of life as a form of treatment. I would leave that to professionals/ experts (I'm just a kind on the internet who read a clickbait article) to decide whether or not that would be beneficial for someone, and if so, I would support them, and like the article says, ask how I can help!

Sex is biological. Gender is about social expectations such as "blue is for boys, pink is for girls" that change from time to time and culture to culture. I don't think there is anything heterodox about recognising that. I also think that if more people did recognise it, fewer people would conflate sex with gender to the point where they feel that a little boy who likes to play with dolls must really be trans, as opposed to just being a little boy who likes to play with dolls.