New Order of Women Religious

[Luigi]

The Sisters of the Holy Oath have a monastery in St. Paul. Their ministry is editing and publishing books, redacting the curse words and substituting exclamations of a more acceptably Christian nature. They also offer workshops in the convent for Catholic authors on acceptable alternatives to cursing.

 

There are currently 30 sisters. They take a rather informal approach to their names, often shortening them and never using “Sister” as a term of address. The current sisters are:

 

1.      Sr. Jesus, Mary, & Joseph, and All the Saints in Heaven – superior

2.      Sr. Glory Be – retired superior

3.      Sr. Merciful Days – assistant superior

4.      Sr. Sweet Heavenly Days – second assistant superior (she and Merciful Days joined the same year)

5.      Sr. Sacre Bleu – immigrated from France

6.      Sr. Ma Foi – immigrated from France

7.      Sr. Faith and Begorra – immigrated from Ireland – housekeeper

8.      Sr. Mein Gott in Himmel – immigrated from Germany

9.      Sr. For the Sake of St. Peter (For Pete's Sake) – portress

10.  Sr. Heavens to St. Elizabeth (Heavens to Betsy)

11.  Sr. Heaven Help Us All – exterior maintenance

12.  Sr. Sweet Baby Jesus – cook

13.  Sr. Saints Preserve Us – interior maintenance

14.  Sr. God Only Knows – temporalities

15.  Sr. God Bless You – receptionist

16.  Sr. Bless Your Heart – floral arrangements

17.  Sr. Bless My Soul – receptionist

18.  Sr. Will Miracles Never Cease – vocations directress

 

In temporary vows:

19.  Sr. God’s Wounds (called Zounds) – third year

20.  Sr. God’s Hooks (called Gadzooks) – third year

21.  Sr. Ye Gods (called Egads) – third year

 

22.  Sr. Dear Mother of God – second year

23.  Sr. Dear Lord Above – second year

24.  Sr. Saints Above – second year

 

25.  Sr. Holy Mother of Justice – first year

26.  Sr. Holy Mother of Mercy – first year

 

Novices:

27.  Sr. For the Love of St. Michael (For the Love of Mike)

28.  Sr. For the Love of All That’s Holy

 

Postulants

29.  Sr. Holy Moses

30.  Sr. Holy Seminoley

 

Visitors to the monastery are apt to hear either of the receptionists answer the phone by saying, “God Bless You, how can I help you?” or “Bless My Soul, how can I help you?” If the sisters receptionist have any question, they run straight to the superior and ask, “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph and All the Saints in Heaven, what are we to do?!”

 

Mother superior – JMJ & All the Saints in Heaven – has been heard, in the process of managing the day to day affairs of the convent, to say such things as:

-         “Heaven Help Us All, it’s snowing again! You’ll have to get the driveway cleared before the bishop arrives!”

-         “Saints Preserve Us, the washing machine is overflowing in the basement! Can you take care of that right away, please?”

-         “God Only Knows, do we have enough cash on hand to pay our bills this month?”

-         “Glory Be, I need your advice on this delicate situation.”  

-         “Well, Bless Your Heart, you did the best you could with these flowers, such as they are. I guess they’ll have to do.”

-         “Faith and Begorra, the parlor is immaculate!”

-         “Someone is at the front door! For Pete’s Sake, let her in!”

-      "Mein Gott in Himmel, these pfeffernusse are delicious!"

-         “For the Love of All That’s Holy, go help sister bring the groceries in from the car!”

-         “Sweet Baby Jesus, this chili is spicy!”

      -      "Will Miracles Never Cease, we've had two more inquiries from women interested in joining the convent!"

 

The sisters are in the initial stages of planning a second convent in St. Augustine, Florida.

[IgnatiusofLoyola]

I hear the Sisters also have an aspirant, Sr. Rosary Bede, who is expected to enter soon, under the condition that she will transfer to the new convent in St. Augustine, because the weather in St. Paul would try a saint. Obviously, she has never experienced a Florida summer, which can be as hot as Hades.

[Gabriela]

That's some serious dedication, Luigi.

[AccountDeleted]

Very clever Luigi - and a lot of work went into that!  

[NadaTeTurbe]

You forgot to speak about the sister of Sr Sacre bleu, Sr Bonne Mère*, from Marseille. When she's praying, she say "Oh, bonne mère !", and when she's in anger, she also say "Oh, bonne mère !"

*Bonne mère = Good Mother, it's about the virgin mary and in Marseille and they use it as a little cute cursing word  

[Luigi]

Nada - 

Thanks for the update. I studied French in high school- I was actually quite good (for American foreign language learning), but I had never heard that Bonne Mere was used as substitute for cursing. Bit I do know that in Italian, they often use "Madonna!" to express disbelief or shock or pity. Marseilles isn't very far from Italy,and both exclamations refer to the Virgin Mary!