Maggyie Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 so like, do I have to explain why I'm not going to the wedding, but I can go to the reception? That seems almost ruder. I'm not sure she'd change her plans from a letter (not really a letter more like a longer than usual facebook message) but idk at least she'd know where I stand. Gar why do I smell of elderberries so bad at life?! I was great at the board game. She's probably not going to notice you aren't at the ceremony. Unless it's a VERY small wedding and it doesn't sound like it. She will be pretty wrapped up, I couldn't tell you for sure if even my grandparents were at my wedding ceremony because I had total tunnel vision during it. I don't feel any explanation is necessary to her. To be honest a lot of people do this for many reasons (attend reception only). This is not the right occasion to "instruct the ignorant" it's entirely possible she is being instructed by someone else and interference will set the cause back. Ultimately what is the goal, for the person to be evangelized or for the practicing Catholic to scratch their irrelevant preachy/scolding itch? (Not talking about you ice but others) it's irrelevant because the bride is not going to change her plans based on being informed about the canon law that governs a religion she no longer belongs to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IgnatiusofLoyola Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 (edited) Beatitude, I think your answer was excellent, except for the suggestion of giving your friend a nice wedding rosary (unless you know for sure that your friend still says the rosary). I'm not sure your friend would see the gift of a rosary as subtle, and it very likely be seen as judgemental (even if that is not how you are feeling). If she is a good enough friend, she already knows what you think about her non-Catholic marriage, and the fact that she has abandoned Catholicism. To me, a wedding is a time not to focus on religious differences, but a time to show your friend love and to wish your friend every happiness. Even if it is not a Catholic wedding, I'm sure you still hope that your friend's marriage is a good one and lasts for the couple's lifetimes. If by some chance you haven't talked with your friend about how you feel about her current religious beliefs, her wedding is not the time to do it. I doubt that anything you say to your friend is going to change anything at this point, so I'd wish her the best (and keep the channels of communication open between you), and then find a more comfortable time in the future to talk about your beliefs. If you feel uncomfortable going to the wedding, I see no problem in going only to the reception. It happens all the time. And, there is no need to explain yourself--in fact, making a big deal about your reason for not coming to the wedding could come across as being judgemental, and could result in closing communication in the future. It sounds like the friend is a pretty close friend if you are flying to the wedding. Otherwise, I think that the distance would be an understandable reason why you didn't attend the wedding/reception at all. Notice that I am not saying AT ALL that you shouldn't talk to your friend (assuming you haven't already) about your concerns about her religious beliefs and a non-Catholic wedding--just that the wedding itself is not the best time to do that. I'm also not suggesting that you do anything that goes against your conscience--it's just that the wedding itself is not the best time to talk about it with your friend. At least your friend is actually getting married--love and vows of lifetime commitment are good things. If you focus on your caring and affection for your friend, and the fact that you wish the best for her no matter how concerned you are about her religious beliefs, makes it more likely that in the future she will listen to you if you talk with her in a loving way. Note: I apologize for the messed up formatting. I tried several times, but I couldn't get the quote function to work correctly. :idontknow: Edited April 23, 2015 by IgnatiusofLoyola Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ice_nine Posted April 25, 2015 Author Share Posted April 25, 2015 (edited) Thanks y'alls. I feel kind of stupid asking for life advice on the interwebs but I'm a little socially retarded. I don't use that term as a knock on those with lesser intellectual capacities, but because my social skills are not as evolved or as refined as they should be for someone my age. Meh, one of my many hang-ups ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. I am a terrible judge of how close I am to a given person, other than family/extended family or at least I think I am. I'm never sure. Anyhow I appreciate the advice. Especially the atheist telling me to talk to a priest. I got a chuckle from that one anomaly. But thanks again people of phatmass. You have much wisdom. Edited April 25, 2015 by Ice_nine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ice_nine Posted April 25, 2015 Author Share Posted April 25, 2015 (edited) oops double post Edited April 25, 2015 by Ice_nine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Thanks y'alls. I feel kind of stupid asking for life advice on the interwebs but I'm a little socially retarded. I don't use that term as a knock on those with lesser intellectual capacities, but because my social skills are not as evolved or as refined as they should be for someone my age. Meh, one of my many hang-ups ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. I am a terrible judge of how close I am to a given person, other than family/extended family or at least I think I am. I'm never sure. Anyhow I appreciate the advice. Especially the atheist telling me to talk to a priest. I got a chuckle from that one anomaly. But thanks again people of phatmass. You have much wisdom. Ultimately I would have to agree - ask a priest and do what he says. As long as you trust him, and if you do not, do not ask him and find a better one. I think, if one finds a trusted spiritual advisor, it would be hard to truly go wrong by following his advice. That is my philosophy when I ask questions of my priests. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ice_nine Posted April 25, 2015 Author Share Posted April 25, 2015 I'm not close with any priests. When is a good opportunity to hit an only slightly familiar clergyman with a random question? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 I'm not close with any priests. When is a good opportunity to hit an only slightly familiar clergyman with a random question? Literally right after Mass just as he starts making a beeline to the coffee machine. Better yet, just before he sits down in the confessional. I find it most convenient to ask simple questions during the after Mass social. If it were very private I would ask him for a short appointment on a different day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norseman82 Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Well, unless I missed it, I do not know the details of why you feel it would be wrong to attend the wedding. I get from your opening post that she is a lapsed Catholic. But is she getting married in a civil ceremony? To a non-Catholic in a protestant/non-Catholic ceremony (without a proper dispensation)? To someone who is divorced but with no annulment? To a non-Christian? Just as an FYI, I read in the old Baltimore Catechism (typical edition that I could not find online) that Catholics were not only forbidden from attending the weddings of Catholics who were married by protestant ministers, but they were not supposed to even send gifts, as we are not supposed to do anything that could be construed as congratulating or endorsing it. So, there is ample precedent and support for not attending invalid weddings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 If she is Catholic, lapsed or not, and does not observe canonical form, the wedding is presumably invalid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ark Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 As long as it's not an SSPX wedding it's totally cool. :-P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catlick Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 As long as it's not an SSPX wedding it's totally cool. :-P Just curious, are SSPX weddings valid? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gabriela Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Wow. That is some mighty fine emoticon art right there! Impressive! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amppax Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 Just curious, are SSPX weddings valid? http://canonlawmadeeasy.com/2013/08/15/are-sspx-sacraments-valid-part-ii/ Short answer, no. For the sacrament to be valid, it has to be celebrated by the pastor of the parish, or someone he delegates. SSPX can't fall under that, therefore, invalid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 http://canonlawmadeeasy.com/2013/08/15/are-sspx-sacraments-valid-part-ii/ Short answer, no. For the sacrament to be valid, it has to be celebrated by the pastor of the parish, or someone he delegates. SSPX can't fall under that, therefore, invalid. Not to derail or anything, but I have spent a decent amount of time familiarizing myself with arguments both from SSPX and non-SSPX sources, and I have not seen the core SSPX arguments addressed in a particularly thorough or complete manner, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amppax Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 Not to derail or anything, but I have spent a decent amount of time familiarizing myself with arguments both from SSPX and non-SSPX sources, and I have not seen the core SSPX arguments addressed in a particularly thorough or complete manner, Yeah, I haven't had a chance to go through all their arguments on this matter. Be that as it may, their validity is at least questionable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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