In need for advice

[Julie de Sales]

I will be finishing college this summer and the question of my vocation is very present in my life right now. I'm 100% sure I want to become a nun, I have desired it since childhood and I can't wait to see it happen. However, lately it hit me that my way of looking for a community might not be right. I used to make a list (at first it was only in my mind, now I have it on paper too ) of everything I wanted from a religious community. From the charism to the habit, to the apostolate, to the country where I wanted to live out this way of life. I had a whole pallete of criteria and if a particular community, let's say, was into nursing when I wanted to work with children, the message for me was: Keep looking! The problem is that I can never find a place where the sisters would have everything I ever wanted in religious life and I don't know what to give up and what to hold on to. 

Talking to a priest that helps me in my discernment, he strongly encouraged me not to wait any longer and make the step to enter. I wish I could continue my studies for another 2 years, but mostly because I'm scared of what might happend if it doesn't work out and I would come back home in need to complete my formation in order to get a job . He then presented to me two religious communities in my region and one of them is really great. But I have mainly two concerns: first of all, they are franciscan and I never felt very connected with St Francis. What I wanted was a spirituality based on the Sacred Heart devotion, but he told me that every sister has her own devotions and her path to God and that nothing would prevent me from practicing the devotions I feel atracted to. The way I see things is that if I were to join this congregation I would choose to live out the evangelical counsels and everything else would be added on top. And what I do like about the franciscan spirituality is that it's freeing me from myself in order to love God and I think that would made me very happy. (if it makes sense to anyone)

The second aspect is that the apostolate of the sisters consists mostly in caring for the sick and the dying, in hospitals and nursing homes. And I don't know if I could be a nurse, I don't feel called to that. My formation is to be a teacher. They have other apostolates as well, but this is their primary focus.

So I'm really confused right now. A part of me wants to at least make a visit to the sisters, because if God is calling me there I feel ready to commit despite my fears, but another part of me thinks: Could we just wait a little longer and see what the Lord will show me? 

Please pray for me and if you have some advice I would be very thankful!

[MarysLittleFlower]

I will be finishing college this summer and the question of my vocation is very present in my life right now. I'm 100% sure I want to become a nun, I have desired it since childhood and I can't wait to see it happen. However, lately it hit me that my way of looking for a community might not be right. I used to make a list (at first it was only in my mind, now I have it on paper too ) of everything I wanted from a religious community. From the charism to the habit, to the apostolate, to the country where I wanted to live out this way of life. I had a whole pallete of criteria and if a particular community, let's say, was into nursing when I wanted to work with children, the message for me was: Keep looking! The problem is that I can never find a place where the sisters would have everything I ever wanted in religious life and I don't know what to give up and what to hold on to. 

Talking to a priest that helps me in my discernment, he strongly encouraged me not to wait any longer and make the step to enter. I wish I could continue my studies for another 2 years, but mostly because I'm scared of what might happend if it doesn't work out and I would come back home in need to complete my formation in order to get a job . He then presented to me two religious communities in my region and one of them is really great. But I have mainly two concerns: first of all, they are franciscan and I never felt very connected with St Francis. What I wanted was a spirituality based on the Sacred Heart devotion, but he told me that every sister has her own devotions and her path to God and that nothing would prevent me from practicing the devotions I feel atracted to. The way I see things is that if I were to join this congregation I would choose to live out the evangelical counsels and everything else would be added on top. And what I do like about the franciscan spirituality is that it's freeing me from myself in order to love God and I think that would made me very happy. (if it makes sense to anyone)

The second aspect is that the apostolate of the sisters consists mostly in caring for the sick and the dying, in hospitals and nursing homes. And I don't know if I could be a nurse, I don't feel called to that. My formation is to be a teacher. They have other apostolates as well, but this is their primary focus.

So I'm really confused right now. A part of me wants to at least make a visit to the sisters, because if God is calling me there I feel ready to commit despite my fears, but another part of me thinks: Could we just wait a little longer and see what the Lord will show me? 

Please pray for me and if you have some advice I would be very thankful!

Hi Julie, personally I think it would be good to visit you don't have to know for sure about a community to visit, because the point of visiting is to figure that out! my SD has encouraged me to visit different communities not because I'll necessarily enter there but to explore and to find out where to enter. Most people find that out through visiting. Also, I'd encourage you to try and give your will to God and ask for all this to be done only according to His Will about the right community for you. Our growth in holiness is found in God's Will God bless you!

Edited May 25, 2015 by MarysLittleFlower

[Luigi]

I think you're right to question your "checklist" approach to finding an order. On the other hand, the spirituality/charism and the ministry of the order seem like really important elements to me.

Lord knows there are plenty of teaching orders out there - I'd look at those first. While teaching and nursing are both 'caring professions,' they require a completely different skill set and mind set - if you don't have the stomach for nursing,  you'll be miserable!

Among the congregations/orders that teach, look for one that tends toward the Sacred Heart charism. I know of two: the Religious of the Sacred Heart of Jesus (rscj) and the Apostles of the Sacred Heart. But there's more latitude here - I know of Benedictine monasteries named Sacred Heart, or Dominican sisters who teach in Sacred Heart schools. I think your advisor is correct that, once you're in an order, you can pursue your own devotions - at least in private prayer.

The habit, the daily schedule, the cities they serve in, specific provisions of their constitutions - all of that is less important. For one thing, they could change at any time. For another, if you're too detailed in your expectations, you'll be a lifetime finding the one congregation that has everything you want - and by the time you find it, you'll be too old to enter!

My friend developed a theory about shopping for clothes, and I think if fits here: If you go shopping knowing exactly and precisely what you want to buy (a lightweight white turtleneck sweater to wear to job interviews), you'll never find it. But if you go shopping with a general idea of what you want (a rather formal light-colored, lightweight shirt/sweater/top), you can find something that suits you just fine.

Edited May 25, 2015 by Luigi

[Feankie]

Julie

As a SD I obviously don't know you, but on a purely generic note I would most likely suggest a discerner in my care in your general situation go visit several communities.  See what their life is ACTUALLY like, the joy (or lack thereof) of the Sisters, visit their apostolates.  What can it hurt?  You might be surprised that things look quite different in personal than on a website or brochure.  The "must haves" often turn into "not really nceessary, but icing on the cake." I would try to let go of the list of "must haves" and let God have His way with you.  Pray, ask God to show you the right path to take.  Sometimes it's the cerebral "stuff" that trips us up   Open your heart to the promptings of the Holy Spirit - He's never wrong.

God bless.

Edited May 25, 2015 by Francis Clare
spelling

[sr.christinaosf]

When I was discerning, my pastor encouraged me to visit different communities - how do you know unless you actually visit.  See how it feels to you when you're there.  

You may just have a sense that it is or is not the right place for you.  

May I ask where you're located?  If in the U.S., I'd highly recommend checking out the CMSWR website for their member communities.  I found that to be an invaluable resource in my vocation journey.  

God bless you,- I'll pray for you

Sr. Christina M. Neumann

https://ourfranciscanfiat.wordpress.com

[Luigi]

Julie De Sales - I don't know why it didn't occur to me while I was writing previously, but it has occurred to me now.

The Sisters of the Visitation of Holy Mary teach, and they have a strong devotion to the Sacred Heart, being as Jesus revealed his Sacred Heart to a Visitation nun (St. Margaret Mary Alacoque).

You might want to check 'em out!

[Julie de Sales]

Thank you all for your thougths so far, I must say that I live in eastern Europe.

Edited May 25, 2015 by Julie de Sales

[Spem in alium]

I will be finishing college this summer and the question of my vocation is very present in my life right now. I'm 100% sure I want to become a nun, I have desired it since childhood and I can't wait to see it happen. However, lately it hit me that my way of looking for a community might not be right. I used to make a list (at first it was only in my mind, now I have it on paper too ) of everything I wanted from a religious community. From the charism to the habit, to the apostolate, to the country where I wanted to live out this way of life. I had a whole pallete of criteria and if a particular community, let's say, was into nursing when I wanted to work with children, the message for me was: Keep looking! The problem is that I can never find a place where the sisters would have everything I ever wanted in religious life and I don't know what to give up and what to hold on to. 

Talking to a priest that helps me in my discernment, he strongly encouraged me not to wait any longer and make the step to enter. I wish I could continue my studies for another 2 years, but mostly because I'm scared of what might happend if it doesn't work out and I would come back home in need to complete my formation in order to get a job . He then presented to me two religious communities in my region and one of them is really great. But I have mainly two concerns: first of all, they are franciscan and I never felt very connected with St Francis. What I wanted was a spirituality based on the Sacred Heart devotion, but he told me that every sister has her own devotions and her path to God and that nothing would prevent me from practicing the devotions I feel atracted to. The way I see things is that if I were to join this congregation I would choose to live out the evangelical counsels and everything else would be added on top. And what I do like about the franciscan spirituality is that it's freeing me from myself in order to love God and I think that would made me very happy. (if it makes sense to anyone)

The second aspect is that the apostolate of the sisters consists mostly in caring for the sick and the dying, in hospitals and nursing homes. And I don't know if I could be a nurse, I don't feel called to that. My formation is to be a teacher. They have other apostolates as well, but this is their primary focus.

So I'm really confused right now. A part of me wants to at least make a visit to the sisters, because if God is calling me there I feel ready to commit despite my fears, but another part of me thinks: Could we just wait a little longer and see what the Lord will show me? 

Please pray for me and if you have some advice I would be very thankful!

​Julie, while I think it is important to consider what you would like from a particular religious community, getting too specific means you run the risk of closing yourself off to the promptings of the Spirit and to opportunity. As Luigi mentioned, things like the habit and location are not set in stone, but are open to change.

In terms of your study, is the main reason you want to continue that you'd have something to fall back on if you left a congregation? I think it is important to consider your options, but it's also very important to be aware of your motivations. If you really would like to continue your study, I would definitely be open about this with any congregation you visit. I am studying and am also in the early stages of religious life, so the two are not incompatible. You just need to be honest about what you would like to do, but also prepared to accept the view of the congregation you may choose to enter.

Visiting different orders helps us not only to see what they are truly like - something we can't get simply through online research - but also to see where we fit. When I was still discerning religious congregations, I visited the Little Sisters of the Poor - I'd been communicating with their VD, and they seemed interesting. But while I was visiting, and although I valued their apostolate, I realised their life was not for me. This is something I only got while visiting. So it's important to be open to spending time with different orders, even if you don't feel instantly drawn to them. These things do take time, and we can't rush them, but we can endeavour to keep a broad mind and an open heart.  

[Luigi]

One Dominican friar's perspective on "Should I continue my education before joining an order?"

The short answer is - "No. If God is calling you to religious life, drop your fishing nets and follow Christ."

http://opcentral.org/amcalpinop/

[IgnatiusofLoyola]

I agree with the others that you should keep your mind open, but I'd also advise listening to your heart. I also agree with others about trying to avoid a "checklist" approach, but your heart may also be telling you something about where God wants you. However, don't be surprised if you end up somewhere different than where you first expect. Just off the top of my head, I can think of two Phatmass members who started formation with a teaching order, expecting to be teachers, then, during formation realized that God was calling them elsewhere. (Both examples I'm thinking of are still in religious life, but neither is a classroom teacher.)

If you feel called to teaching, rather than nursing, and not immediately attracted to the Franciscan life, then be sure you investigate teaching orders and read about other spiritualities in addition to Franciscan. Look into the Communities suggested by your priest, but look into other Communities, as well. In my life experience, I have learned to pay attention to my heart, but I also constantly pray that God will make his will MY will, and move my heart to what He wants.

As for spending another two years in school, are you finishing a 4-year Bachelor's degree or a 2-year A.A. degree? If, in the end, you find yourself called to a teaching order, then the Community might prefer that you have a Bachelor's degree. However, normally, if a teaching Community wants you to have additional education beyond what you will already have when you finish this summer, the Community will arrange it for you. The Community probably would have preferences about where you attend. Vocation Station has had members join teaching orders right after high school, and other members join after completing all or part of their Bachelor's degree.

Often, a break from school for a period of time can be good, especially if you are completing your Bachelor's. I think the suggestion that this may be good timing for serious discernment is a good one. 

We'll be here to support you and pray for you whatever you decide to do!

[Julie de Sales]

Your suggestions have helped me so much! I have been thinking a lot about this and praying, of course, and now I see that, while some aspects of a religious order could be nonessentials, it's important to feel attracted to the charism and the ministry of the community that I might join. I will talk about this with the priest that helps me and maybe he can suggest other congregations that would suit me better. I really don't see myself working as a nurse, possibly with terminally ill patients, I could not bear to witness so much suffering every single day. I remember when I was little I dreamed about caring for the poor, children who don't have a family or old people who are abandoned. I think these desires that I had as a child say a lot about a possible ministry.

I also need to feel connected to the founder and the charism of the order. Of course, I could practice my favourite devotions privately, but it's much better to do so in a community. The vast majority of the congregations that were founded by the Saints I feel the closest to and that I would want to imitate (like St Francis of Sales and St Margaret Mary Alacoque) are cloistered. I considered this way of life, but I want to explore the apostolic life because I stil feel a call to serve in the world.

About my studies, I'm not familiar with the American system, but it would be the equivalent of a 3 year Bachelor's degree (I guess...) I would like to continue my formation because I love what I do and I would also get the opportunity to travel. However, if I will feel a strong call to a particular community, I would have no problem in giving it up. Maybe it's because I waited for so long to become a nun - since my childhood - and it was not easy to say to myself that I have to wait another 10 years before I enter, that now makes me think I could prolong this period for another year or two. But it's true that it gets harder as time goes by to stay strong in your vocation when the world tries to get you somewhere else. And I'm sure that being a sister would bring me the greatest joy, so why not choosing that for myself as soon as possible? 

[John Paul]

The Apostolic Visitation sisters are out there you  know!

[IgnatiusofLoyola]

Yes, the 3-year European Bachelor's is basically equivalent to the U.S. 4-year Bachelor's degree. (There are differences, but that is not the issue here.)

I wish we could help you more with Communities in Eastern Europe. Sorry about that. We do have a few Europeans on Vocation Station, but most are in Western Europe, and even then, there are not very many.

We will be praying that you can find a Community that "fits" your spirituality and where you feel called to the Community's apostolate.

[Sister Leticia]

Hello Julie

I'm glad to see you've realised the "shopping list" is never going to help you find the place God desires for you. And I'm also glad that you've decided to focus instead on essentials, especially spirituality.

But I'm wondering if the priest who is helping you with your discernment is a religious, who understands religious life from within, or a diocesan priest. Some diocesan priests don't really understand religious life beyond the externals: they might confuse charism with apostolate, or not realise just how fundamental and central spirituality is. Yes, a sister can have a private devotion to whichever saint she wants, but her primary focus will be the spirituality and spirit of her congregation, and the spirit of the founder. So, for example, I'm sure you admire St Francis of Assisi and would love to love God as much as he did and be as non-possessive as he was, but if you're not stirred to your depths by his life and example, especially his radical poverty, you would find it much harder to be a Franciscan.

I'm sure this priest is helping you immensely, but I also hope that when you do start visiting communities you will be able to have conversations about things like spirituality in general with the vocations directors, and that these will help you to understand more what you are feeling drawn to.

You haven't said which eastern European country you're in and it's therefore hard to know how big your country is, what distances (and time and expense) might be involved in visiting communities, what resources there are to help discerners and so on, let alone which communities might be based there. But if you're in either Poland or Hungary, why not contact my congregation, the Society of the Sacred Heart? I think in both those countries we're known by our French name, Sacre Coeur. We were founded primarily for education, though we interpret that widely, to mean not just teaching, but other ministries which also help people grow and develop, such as work with young people and students, spiritual direction, parish ministry, counselling, work with refugees, prison chaplaincy, adult education and so on.

Assuring you of my prayers in the time ahead!

 

[Julie de Sales]

Sister Leticia- I don't live in Poland nor in Hungary, but in Romania, so unfortunately I can't contact your congregation. However, I have read a book about the life of your foundress and I enjoyed it very much

The priest I go to is a franciscan friar, who understands religious life from within, and he strongly suggested that particular community not because they share his spirituality, but because the sisters are very devout and have a beautiful mission. He always says to me that I'm free to choose my community, but it's a hard thing to do when you don't know where to go. You're right, I admire St Francis of Assisi, but I don't feel any call whatsoever to follow his footsteps, nor a particular attraction to embrace his radical poverty. So I guess I got that settled.

From my experience, priests tend to encourage discerners to look into orders that they are familiar to, and I understand that. But more often then not, the orders they suggest don't match my desires, and it's also hard to know from a distance without visiting. But I can't visit 50 congregations, I have to limit myself to a few.