Bridal spirituality

[MarysLittleFlower]

I know some are really attracted to this and others are not. For me its been something that lead to my discernment in a way, years ago now. I've kind of understood it more over time as it can relate to religious life and also interior life based on Catholic books. Anyway I hope this thread won't be a debate... I'm not here to discuss whether there is a difference in how it relates to CVs and nuns, - I remember there were huge discussions about that. 

I'm just wondering if anyone can relate in being drawn to this but having a bit of fear about it because of how it would be totally misunderstood (really opposed) by some other people (like perhaps general society where it might be seen as something odd). Some women love the imagery but of course it has a theological meaning that is quite deep and relates even to things like mental prayer and interior life (for more info look up the brilliant exposition of the Song of Songs by Fr Juan Arintero OP, in the book "Song of Songs: a Mystical Exposition). Women who are discerning may be drawn to seeing Jesus as their only Beloved. 

I find that there's often a fear in me in having something so personal just being ripped apart by others. Like people in the world who may think that you have this approach because you want a boyfriend (which is so not true but that's what I mean, its misunderstood). I recently got a ring just to help me have more commitment to my decision, and I wear it on the right hand but it looks just like a wedding band (actually it is). I had it lightly engraved with 'ego Dilecto meo' - I am my Beloved's, but in Latin so no one understands it. (Except if you happen to speak Latin ;)). And sometimes I wonder - if co workers, people on the bus, etc, knew what this was about, what would they say? For example if you tell someone you don't want to marry, you might not shock people (strangers) too much, but if you mention brides of Christ you would get all kinds of responses especially from people who don't believe in Him at all. I guess to many it might just seem like a make believe thing. Some might not realize this is spiritual and pure as well. It made me sad at some point to realize that the most dearest and personal relationship to me might be something made up and weird to people. Then there are Christians who disagree with it theologically but I'm not going to debate something so personal. 

Can anyone relate? Or any thoughts? I finally realized after 6 years or so that I have some fear of this spirituality but at the same time its how I relate to Our Lord. That fear sometimes makes me wonder - is this truly ok? Is Jesus pleased by it? Is it too bold, too emotional, too intense, though chaste? Maybe peoples criticisms of it, or potential criticisms, have made me afraid. I just realized what my problem is :D How do you see it? 

Edited June 28, 2015 by MarysLittleFlower

[beatitude]

I love the Song of Songs, but despite reading and meditating on it often, bridal imagery does not really speak to me. I've always found it intriguing that a refrain in the Song of Songs is "my sister, my bride" - and this is how I relate most strongly to Christ, as his sister. This makes sense, as my secular institute is founded in the spirituality of Bl. Charles de Foucauld, who referred to himself always as "a little brother of Jesus".

All human relationships are inadequate for describing the soul's intimacy with God. We use human relationships as metaphors because they're all we have, and different imagery may speak to us at different times in our lives - one day I might find that bridal imagery helpful, for example. If it is meaningful to you, why worry about what others would think?

You have written quite a lot about fear lately. I think you need to be gentle with yourself and remember that the one thing that matters is to love Jesus and to allow his own love into our lives. We make this so much harder for ourselves than it needs to be.

An example: when I was about nine years old I sometimes used to surprise my parents with coffee when they woke up on Saturday morning. I would get up extra early and creep downstairs and make the coffee. They used to be so touched and grateful. It was only when I was fourteen that I discovered they had never actually drunk any of that coffee, but had discreetly poured it away when I wasn't looking, because I'd made it so strong that it was like solidified mud. But that didn't matter to them. What mattered to them was my kindness in making it. It is the same with Jesus. He is never peering over our shoulder tutting sternly to himself as we make the coffee, thinking, "She's put too much milk again, I don't like milk!" and being displeased with us. He knows the love in our efforts.

[MarysLittleFlower]

Thanks Beatitude! its true fear is my main problem in general. That's such a sweet story about your parents and coffee I believe too Jesus looks at the intent. I don't fully understand why this has become such a major part of how I personally relate to Him, and for years now. Its become more understood and I hope deeper over time. I seem to relate to Saints as well who had a similar view of Our Lord. I don't know why some souls are so drawn to this and some are drawn primarily to another image - but souls are very unique. I see Him in other ways too like my Creator, and King, and I see me as His child. Maybe the bridal imagery was used by Saints like St John of the Cross to describe the spiritual life because it shows something about our relationship with Him and they wanted to express some sort of spiritual closeness to Christ and self giving to Him. Also if I understand correctly, marriage is like an earthly image of the union of Christ and the Church, and in Heaven we wouldn't have marriage but only union with God. So if you don't marry on earth for Christ its like starting to live that sort of life here - of course without being in union with God yet or the Beatific vision. Then we see it also in mystical theology and the 7th Mansion of St Teresa and Jesus used that imagery too with some Saints who had a mystical 'espousal'. Based on all this I am not worried about the doctrine because there's such support of it in tradition. But for myself, yes some fear. 

[BarbTherese]

Like people in the world who may think that you have this approach because you want a boyfriend

 

It's not only some people (not all) in the world who have problems with religious life and bridal imagery.  Even some priests and religious (not all) can have problems with it.

For me the spiritual life is all about striving for intimacy with and to be united to God.  Marriage is about two becoming one, hence Unity with God, the summit of the spiritual and mystical life, can have bridal imagery which, to me is not inappropriate..............while I sometimes wonder about those who identify with bridal imagery and what it means to them and it seems to be sometimes more about the romantic and identifying with the Sacrament of Marriage and bride and bridegroom or wife and husband.  Personally, I do not identify with bridal imagery but I can understand and insight why it can be appropriate for those that might if they insight why marriage is an image of the summit of the spiritual and mystical or Unity with God.  I do think that bridal imagery is more allegorical than literal.

[puellapaschalis]

A few years ago I was left cold by the idea of nuns (or rather, the possibility of myself as a nun) being 'Brides of Christ'. It took a while, but I came round - but it's not the frilly, pink, flowy and (if you'll excuse the expression) namby-pamby way in which it so often gets presented.

One aspect I came to accept was that this imagery, whilst helpful for the fishbowl-gazers, is in the first instance intended for the individual to help her understand how she and Christ relate to one another. Many more religious have lived their lives than have written about it.

Or in other words: stuff what anyone else might think. Keep praying, keep growing, keep trusting, and trust your director and Confessor. It will all come good if you stay faithful.

[MarysLittleFlower]

Thanks for the replies both of you commented on the concern here - making it romantic, frilly etc. That concern makes sense... I can't speak for others but for myself I wouldn't say its a desire for a husband because I wouldn't want anyone except Christ. But more than that, there seems to be a quality to this that is very unique. It would not apply to an earthly fiancee or husband with romantic ideas. I think Jesus' love is very tender and expressive but there is a seriousness and gravity about it where too much romanticism in the description or images would water it down. If we look at the Saints... He is unspeakably loving but at the same time there's an element of - suffering, giving yourself to the point of being consumed, abandonment, sharing in the Passion, - all very serious but in some passages while being tender His love has some sort of vehemence about it. There is imagery of fire that the Saints use that is not emotional but spiritual and incredibly more intense. For some reason a lot in this relates to me to bridal spirituality because of a unitive aspect. There is nothing emotional or "frilly" or romantic. Its deeper in the core of the person. Even in passages in the Saints where Christ embraces them or other sort of more "physical" expressions of love that are still spiritual and pure, - it seems to have a different quality than earthly love. More intense, spiritual, deep, serious.. And connected to suffering and sacrifice and reparation, consoling the Sacred Heart for sin. A bride must suffer with her Bridegroom and never refuse Him anything. That if I understand is "bridal spirituality" - not just the wedding dresses at professions,  etc. There were times I got it wrong though, very sadly. A lot needs purification over time. It can easily become emotional or selfish instead of all about consoling Him, and with that seriousnessseriousness/gravity that is there even if its very loving and He's the tender Spouse. This is what I'm getting from the Saints. Sorry for writing so much.. This is so personal that I don't talk about it in this way to people who know me and I'd only mention it to my SD. If this was a conversation in person and if you knew who I am I would not be able to say much. Its the anonymity of VS that made it possible to ask this question at because this is the most personal thing to me. I'm trying to stick to describing the Saints though and not my own relationship with Christ - because for one they are Saints and some things in our relationship with Him should always be secret - for each soul. But basically... In earthly love, "falling in love" means nice emotions, dates, flowers, excitement and a wedding party - and of course marriage is more serious than that. It would be a mistake to turn bridal imagery into the earthly form of falling in love. It just waters it down. Falling in love with Christ leads to union with Him - on the Cross. The Saints describe consolations, and Jesus shows His love in beautiful ways. But His love is also shown by giving Himself and dying, and so we give ourselves completely and die so only He lives, not us. What a novel I apologise.  

Edited June 28, 2015 by MarysLittleFlower

[MarysLittleFlower]

I still have a fear though of relating to Jesus in this way..  And I have a fear that this way of relating to Him, together with the way you might feel love for Him more intensely once you give Him your heart (like He becomes everything), - might affect expressions of love for Jesus that are in themselves pure and valid - by affecting their intensity. For example I once asked if its ok to embrace Jesus (like in Heaven) - and the person seemed puzzled why I'd be afraid. Don't people embrace their brothers, etc - all very pure. But if you think of this while feeling a strong love for Jesus, and you see Him as your Beloved, - there's a fear of whether its still different enough than human spousal love. Even though the intent is good and the feelings are not like what people feel in marriage (like not sexual.. Even using the word here is horrifying) - its still kind of intensely loving... And the way you talk to Jesus or look at Him also has a very expressive, "spousal" way to it though again pure, virginal. Its just different. Not like human marriage love.  And not like your love for your brother either. Its like a whole new thing. Regardless of how good the intent is (reparation for His suffering for example), I always have the fear of it sliding into earthly marriage type of thing.

I guess what I mean is with this type of approach to Jesus, which is itself not romantic or shallow, - how do you know for sure you're keeping it spiritual when you think of *expressing* your love for Jesus? Because we humans express love in human ways. You see it in the Saints and how they did tell Jesus very loving things with this spousal language, embraced or kissed Him, - all very pure and humble but I'm not a Saint..how do I know i wouldnt be prideful, selfish and impure? (Obviously i dont have any visions. I mean thoughts/intent). Very fearful to me yet its hard to ignore this question when you know you do see Jesus as your Beloved, though spiritually, chastely, and with the Catholic understanding of what this actually means. Its too complicated. I cant talk about this to anyone in person of course except a confessor. Its even hard to write anonymously. Please be truthful but gently  thing is in the world I think I know just how this would be seen. 

Edited June 28, 2015 by MarysLittleFlower

[vee]

I dont have time right now to fully even begin to explain this however I believe that Christ is the bridegroom of each of our souls.  In my case I relate, or it resonates, in a manner more like Bl Elizabeth of the Trinity expressed it because in this life we are more united with a suffering Christ "a Carmelite is one who has beheld the Crucified, who has seen him offering himself to the Father as a victim for souls and, meditating in the light of this great vision of Christ's charity, has understood the passion of love that filled his soul and has willed to give herself as he did." 

[Feankie]

I believe we had a thread on this awhile ago if you want to search for it.

[MarysLittleFlower]

I believe we had a thread on this awhile ago if you want to search for it.

I think I remember... My view of this has really grown though over time and i think I was trying to ask a similar question before, but I didn't really know what I was asking. 

[MarysLittleFlower]

I dont have time right now to fully even begin to explain this however I believe that Christ is the bridegroom of each of our souls.  In my case I relate, or it resonates, in a manner more like Bl Elizabeth of the Trinity expressed it because in this life we are more united with a suffering Christ "a Carmelite is one who has beheld the Crucified, who has seen him offering himself to the Father as a victim for souls and, meditating in the light of this great vision of Christ's charity, has understood the passion of love that filled his soul and has willed to give herself as he did." 

I love Blessed Elizabeth's spirituality too and it resonates with me as well  

[St Joes Kid]

If I can offer a view on this from the other side of the marriage boundary (feel free to remove or let me know if this isn't appropriate for VS:)

Before I was married I thought Bridal imagery in the writings of the saints was a little over the top, sentimental, sublimatedly sexual, etc.  On the other hand, I was attracted to it in a way.

Now I think it is lovely, as long as one has a realistic view of what the spousal union is. (So that he or she can apply a true image instead of a false one.)

Parts of the spousal union that I think are totally applicable to the spiritual life of a CV or religious:

1) When a bride marries a groom, she enters real poverty because all her savings, her finances, her time, even her diet and her sleep schedule are out of her control.  Like it or not, she no longer has total control over the tiniest aspect of her life.  Instead, if he has to get up at 5am, she gets up at 5am.  If he really wants to stay at a party until 1am and she has no vital reason to demand to go home, she stays until 1am, out of love. 

2) On the same subject, if he experiences suffering, she experiences it in a very real way.  Not just emotionally, either.  If the groom were to be arrested and executed for a crime he didn't commit, she would have to stay true to him through all that and continue to love and honor him.  (Much like the reationship to the Crucified Jesus as one's spouse...?)

3) A bride does not leave her groom when the going gets rough.

4) A bride does not live each day of her marriage because it is fun or romantic or fulfilling for her. She lives it because she made vows to God, and she will be faithful to those vows no matter what, because being faithful to those vows each day ensures to her that she is doing the work God put her on earth today to do.

5) A bride experiences 2 kinds of great joy: both the overarching joy of doing God's work no matter what, even suffering in order to do God's work, and then also the daily joy of seeing that when she does God's work, she gets repaid a hundredfold even in this life with all sorts of earthly happiness.  (I imagine a religious or CV experiences these same 2 joys.)

Maybe this is relevant? If not, sorry! God bless you and give you lots of peace today!

[Antigonos]

 

1) When a bride marries a groom, she enters real poverty because all her savings, her finances, her time, even her diet and her sleep schedule are out of her control.  Like it or not, she no longer has total control over the tiniest aspect of her life.  Instead, if he has to get up at 5am, she gets up at 5am.  If he really wants to stay at a party until 1am and she has no vital reason to demand to go home, she stays until 1am, out of love. 

My marriage hasn't been like that at all, as far as my relationship with my husband is concerned.

You lose total control over your life when you have kids, though.

[Yaatee]

My marriage hasn't been like that at all, as far as my relationship with my husband is concerned.

You lose total control over your life when you have kids, though.

Boy do you. the kids, I mean.  Although I do cave to hubby, he caves to me a lot, too.  (Married 42 Big Ones).  You don't give 50-50% in Marriage; each partner gives 90%. 

[vee]

i remember hearing a priest on ewtn once saying something like "when you get married you get three rings; the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering."  Id guess that applies to both actual and spiritual marriage.