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I just don't understand - Poor Clares!


Totally Franciscan

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Totally Franciscan

Well, I have sent letters to two Poor Clare communities asking to be considered for entrance into their communities.  I would love to share with you their responses, but I have had NO RESPONSES - AT ALL!  I even sent a donation in honor of the Feast of St. Francis to one of them, and the check was never cashed.  I just don't get it.  Don't they realize that a real live flesh and blood human being is at the other end of that letter?  Waiting for the mail man to come every day?  If the answer is NO, then just say so.  This lack of charity and un-Christian way of handling the situation has left me completely demoralized.  Has anyone else had this experience?  Does anyone know why they just decide not to answer?  Frankly, I don't think this is the way St. Francis or St. Clare would have handled a soul reaching out to offer their life to God through these communities. 

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How long has it been?  If the check hasnt even been cashed perhaps the letters never even made it to them.  Why not give them a call? :mobile:

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If you actually wrote in your letter "I'd like to be considered for entrance into your community", then that's why you haven't gotten a response. It doesn't work like that.

Also, your hasty judgment of them is a bad sign. There could be all kinds of reasons they haven't responded.

I understand you're hurt, but an initial letter to a community should simply introduce yourself and tell them that you're interested in learning more about them. Ask them if they'd send a brochure or a letter telling you more about their life. That kind of thing. If you did more than that, they probably thought you were a nutcase. They get lots of those.

Sending a donation after writing a letter asking for entrance probably confirmed the nutcase diagnosis to them, because it makes it seem like you were trying to buy your way in.

So: What'd you write?

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MarysLittleFlower

You could perhaps phone or write a follow up letter saying you'd like more info on their community?  I dont know if thats a good idea or not maybe someone more experienced can say...

Sometimes there are a whole bunch of reasons a community might not respond... Sometimes they respond later due to time constraints...

Edited by MarysLittleFlower
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Sr Mary Catharine OP

TF, I don't know why they didn't answer but I know for us that when someone sends a donation it goes to a particular sister who answers all the mail and if there is mailing that went out and people are responding to she has a lot of mail to answer and there are piles of letter waiting for her response. So, if it has only been a few weeks give them time but after 2 months you should call because they might not have gotten it or something really simple like the letter going in the wrong box or falling on the floor between a file cabinet could do it!

Nuns are very busy people! Basically we put in a full day's work in half the time that most people do because of the hours of prayer.

If someone were to write here and send a donation and make that request the letter would go first to the sister who answers the mail and then to me.

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I've had experiences contacting communities and not hearing back.  The best antidote was calling them directly.  For the most part, they are more than willing to help and are simply overwhelmed with other work.  I would second the person who said not to make rash judgments.  Have you visited the communities before? If not, asking for entrance without speaking to their vocations director or having some kind of contact with them might just seem illogical to them and maybe they disregarded the letter.

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Totally Franciscan

TF, I don't know why they didn't answer but I know for us that when someone sends a donation it goes to a particular sister who answers all the mail and if there is mailing that went out and people are responding to she has a lot of mail to answer and there are piles of letter waiting for her response. So, if it has only been a few weeks give them time but after 2 months you should call because they might not have gotten it or something really simple like the letter going in the wrong box or falling on the floor between a file cabinet could do it!

Nuns are very busy people! Basically we put in a full day's work in half the time that most people do because of the hours of prayer.

If someone were to write here and send a donation and make that request the letter would go first to the sister who answers the mail and then to me.

Thank you, Sr. Mary Catharine.  It was about this time last year that I sent the first letter to the one community asking if I would be CONSIDERED for entrance to their community, not asking for entrance, as I was above their age limit for entrance.  I had written a three-page letter giving my history and background.  After not hearing anything for three months, I wrote again.  It was about this time that the Feast of St. Francis was close, so I sent a separate mailing of my heartfelt donation in his honor for the nuns.  I received a thank you note from the nuns, so it was received, but the check was never cashed, nor did I receive an answer to my letter.  Admittedly, not accepting the gift felt like a slap in the face.  It certainly was not an attempt to "buy my way in" to the community, as Gabriela suggests.  If the nuns or anyone else took it that way, then that is very sad.  Regarding the second community, it has been a month since I sent a letter by email, also asking to be considered for entrance due to my age; no response. 

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I understand why you might feel a bit messed around by all of that. I would be discouraged by it too. If you are really set on these communities, is there a way you can make a 'fresh start', for example by phone? Could you give them a quick call and either leave a message, or ask to arrange another phonecall when a sister has time for a longer chat with you, and specify that it's about vocation? Not say that you want to be considered for entrance, since that approach hasn't borne you any fruit yet - for whatever reason, and I'm not blaming you here, as I thought that would have been a perfectly fine way to phrase it. It'd be up to you whether you wanted to identify yourself initially... I might wait until you'd started getting into a good conversation to bring up the fact that you'd written previously, and to show them that you really are a genuine candidate and not a fruit loop.

That's what I would think to do. Try a new approach! Maybe try contacting another community as well, just 'for fun' (asking for some literature or something), to get your confidence back up! It'll work itself out :buddies:

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@Totally Franciscan: As Sr. Mary Catharine said, we can't possibly know why they didn't respond. But if you're over their age limit, and they're already aging communities or flooded with 20-somethings, that might be why. It's uncomfortable for a community to write and say, "I'm sorry, but you're too old for us." So they may simply not respond to such inquiries.

But again, we don't know for sure. If you're willing to share the names and websites of the communities you wrote letters to, maybe someone else will be able to provide some insights.

Also, don't be too upset just because two communities didn't respond. There are thousands of Franciscan communities out there, and plenty accept "late vocations". Sharing what you're looking for could also help us to help you.

Finally, remember that communities also discern you. If they have decided you're not a good fit for them, that's actually good for you, because it narrows your search and prevents you from entering a community where you don't fit! So try to see the bright side of this (hard as that is when they leave you hanging like that for so long!). :like2:

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Having lived with a Poor Clare Community, I can say that for the most part, when we want to be a part of a community, we enter into a relationship. It is a two way street. In some ways it is no different from marriage. One slowly gets to know the other and see what develops. If there are specific Poor Clares you wish to get to know, then it is about asking how that might come about according to their protocols. Each community will have a way of doing this. In my situation, I prayed with them for a few years, Mass and Office when possible. They got to know me and I them. I highly recommend you find a good Spiritual Director as well, if you do not already have one. Best of luck to you and read whatever you can about the lives of Francis and Clare. 

 

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veritasluxmea

I just had a random idea, could you contact Poor Clare convents that aren't your "top choices" or you decided not to contact due to distance, size, or something, and ask them to recommend a few communities? You could say something along the lines of, I have contacted X and Z in the past but haven't heard from them. I'm interested in discerning a vocation if possible with my (age, whatever)- Are their any communities you could recommend? 

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I don't know the reasons, and I won't allude to them. It can be a long list of anything or nothing! Blips happen too. However, I would just say to be careful how you write letters, ask questions and attempt to get to know a community. If possible, ask someone else to read a letter before you send it. I would suggest a very short and open letter to begin with, email if possible, to open dialogue with a novice mistress or guest mistress etc.

At the first stage I would stay focused on what attracts you to their charism, locality, the community etc. Is it possible you could first go on a visit? They maybe more willing to make exceptions on entry reqs if they've met you first and like you rather than if you simply ask them in a random way.

I also wouldn't jump in too deep at the start as it can seem needy or desperate. Sometimes this may not be the intention but the tone maybe too strong at the offset.  They are always wondering if you'd be a good fit and if they could live with you, so think about what they may seek in a person. Some communities have experience that people over a certain age are stubborn and find it hard to change or adapt. So I would try and do everything to not affirm that view at the start if that's untrue for you.

Once the communication is flowing they will ask things about you and then that's the time to bring up matters of entry, age and requirements etc. You are more likely to then get a response, even if it's a rejection, at that point as they've built up a relationship of sorts with you.

When I approached communities/orders I would:1. research as much as possible on them, 2. pay them a visit (if not to stay then to visit a work or parish they are at), 3. Try and speak to a member of the community informally about their life and work, 4. Send a very brief 'fish hook' of an email to their vocation director, 5. Speak on the phone or arrange to meet them, 6. Talk about all your experiences and efforts getting to know them and what you like, 7. Lastly, talk about yourself and any concerns you have. By this point they will have a sense if they'll make exceptions or admire your efforts or not. If they don't then be gracious and move on.

It may seem a lot of energy and time in the start, especially if it's a rejection,  but it is generally better than cold calling and long first letters in my experience. The insight you get from the efforts will also help inform your vocation journey too, so it's not wasted time really. :)

 

Edited by Benedictus
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TF- None the less...for what it's worth...dont hold you're breath and over analyze it. 

Check back with them in another month...in the mean time...try a few others that might be ones you have interest in. Couldnt hurt!

Edited by nikita92
added a word
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