Social media and narcissism

[MarysLittleFlower]

"Whoa. Why is EVERYONE doing this? There must be something wrong..."

Haha... Not a collectivist? :D (neither am I)

Gabriella those responses made me laugh... 

"Facebook: Not really a face. Not really a book. Not really a friend?"

basically yes.

[Era Might]

 

Bowling Alone talks about this.

Also Refrigerator Rights.

Thanks, the first one looks interesting. The second one...I'd be curious to explore that idea of "refrigerator rights" because I think it assumes a certain lifestyle that maybe is part of the problem. Already, when we speak of going to a refrigerator, we are assuming an atomistic life where food is bought and stored like commodities, as opposed to a traditional culture where food is something that is prepared or offered to someone. Another way to think about this is not whether someone can go into your fridge, but whether you insist on them eating and getting them something to eat/drink. I guess this is the old-fashioned/Old Testament idea of hospitality. We also have an obligation to accept community/hospitality, not just offer it.

Edited August 7, 2015 by Era Might

[MarysLittleFlower]

Yeah, I think it's because of alienation...not because the crowd makes someone lonely, but because you are not a part of it. Try changing your thinking and see how it changes your perspective. The essence of community seems to be recognizing that one person's present is tied to another's. Even in a crowd of strangers, you may see a bunch of people doing random things...eating, reading, walking...but where are they going? Why are they eating what they are eating? Or reading what they are reading? The first step to community, maybe, is just interest in the present...the lonely crowd is a crowd that lacks interest in each other. Nobody cares about your present, and you don't care (or don't know how to enter) into theirs.

I think that makes sense... Maybe my issue is more with how people connect in a crowd. For example in a room full of people, they try to connect but how? Mostly through small talk. I am bad at small talk. It makes me feel even more isolated cause its all artificial, fake, like you put on a face and say meaningless stuff like "ooh hi how are you!!!???wow that's amesome!!!!... I'm great!! Oh wowwww love your shoes!!!!" ......sigh.  That's why at this time I'm either silent in a corner or just smiling at people silently, or i say something absolutely not small talk and feel out of place. Maybe crowds and a hundred acquiantances are just not for me:) 

 

= why I hate NYC.

If you think about it, it makes perfect sense. When we have a lot of something, we devalue it. When something is rare, we value it highly. It's kind of like supply-and-demand pricing applied to people (God forgive me). If we see there are a bajillion people dying in Africa, we think, "Oh well, one more dead African. Big deal." But if we see one member of an endangered species dying, we flip out.

that can be too yes... I'm trying to see crowds as individuals. But when I try to talk to them in the context of a crowdy room I find their individuality gets eclipsed by small talk. If I try to go any deeper its like an intrusion of privacy. Its so easy to just put on a face. You know how people ask each other how they are doing but they don't really want to know.  I'm thinking maybe in our society we just don't want to open up but neither do we want to be alone so we settle for hours of meaningless conversations about nothing, just to feel connected. Just how I feel I don't know! Sometimes I think I'd rather just be alone. It feels less lonely because solitude doesn't pretend to be something else. Plus we can talk to God  

Edited August 7, 2015 by MarysLittleFlower

[Tab'le De'Bah-Rye]

I know first hand that social media promotes narcissism. For the longest time I used to 'like' my own statuses.   It was bad.

I was going to start a thread about people on phatmass that have been doing that and how it is un christian and deceptive, let alone egotistical. Not funny at all. Glad you have admitted you fault and repented, you where sorry right? Thats what made you change your wicked ways i assume, whether unknowingly wicked or knowingly evil.

Edited August 7, 2015 by Tab'le De'Bah-Rye

[Era Might]

I think that makes sense... Maybe my issue is more with how people connect in a crowd. For example in a room full of people, they try to connect but how? Mostly through small talk. I am bad at small talk. It makes me feel even more isolated cause its all artificial, fake, like you put on a face and say meaningless stuff like "ooh hi how are you!!!???wow that's amesome!!!!... I'm great!! Oh wowwww love your shoes!!!!" ......sigh.  That's why at this time I'm either silent in a corner or just smiling at people silently, or i say something absolutely not small talk and feel out of place. Maybe crowds and a hundred acquiantances are just not for me:) 

 

lol. I don't like that either. But also I think learning to live community means doing what is uncomfortable in order to create that community (easier said than done). I was at Barnes & Noble yesterday and happened to browse through "The Road to Character" by NYT columnist David Brooks. I ended up sitting down for an hour reading a nice chapter in there on Dorothy Day and how she discovered community with the poor. It wasn't pleasant for her to be constantly around the poor and constantly living in community...she had no space to think or be alone, but she knew that's what community is...not creating an ideal environment, but entering into the environment that actually exists and being in the moment. But part of community also has to be that people can be themselves...everybody shouldn't have to be making small talk...when it's a real community, people understand your way of being and there is a space for you to be part of the community in your own way. But that also requires you to be willing to be part of how other people are (hard work, I know, it's easier just to retreat into yourself).

One way to deal with that kind of small talk crowd is to ask questions...be interested in other people, they'll usually tell you anything you want to know lol.

Edited August 7, 2015 by Era Might

[Credo in Deum]

I was going to start a thread about people on phatmass that have been doing that and how it is un christian and deceptive, let alone egotistical. Not funny at all.

On Phatmass you are incapable of liking your own posts.  The like option does not appear on your own content.  

[HopefulHeart]

I got Facebook only a couple of months ago, because I wanted to keep in touch with community college friends after graduation. I have under 50 friends, and I feel I could easily do without Facebook if I so chose. Overall, I don't regret my decision to join; I just see the need for caution in how I use it. I am glad that I didn't jump on the Facebook bandwagon earlier. I don't think it would have been a healthy influence during my high school years, for instance, when I struggled with loneliness and insecurity.

I've also found that being friends with religious sisters keeps me accountable for what I'm posting. "Would I be okay with Sister reading this post or watching this video...?"

[Tab'le De'Bah-Rye]

Watching the computer screen is more intense than driving a car, a 10 minute break with snack and beverage outside once every hour is advisable, or if theres no outside than somewhere not looking at a screen, another room. And say a prayer for all the people your talking to each time as well if you want bonus cred.

On Phatmass you are incapable of liking your own posts.  The like option does not appear on your own content.  

I didn't know that. That is now not previously than. Everyone please understand many likes does not show the persons real credentials, people used to be able to like themself.  true story. And the new set up has only been running for a few months. I'm aghast credo that you wouldnt mention that.  Now that the net is narc central and its a big open confession session.

Edited August 7, 2015 by Tab'le De'Bah-Rye

[MarysLittleFlower]

lol. I don't like that either. But also I think learning to live community means doing what is uncomfortable in order to create that community (easier said than done). I was at Barnes & Noble yesterday and happened to browse through "The Road to Character" by NYT columnist David Brooks. I ended up sitting down for an hour reading a nice chapter in there on Dorothy Day and how she discovered community with the poor. It wasn't pleasant for her to be constantly around the poor and constantly living in community...she had no space to think or be alone, but she knew that's what community is...not creating an ideal environment, but entering into the environment that actually exists and being in the moment. But part of community also has to be that people can be themselves...everybody shouldn't have to be making small talk...when it's a real community, people understand your way of being and there is a space for you to be part of the community in your own way. But that also requires you to be willing to be part of how other people are (hard work, I know, it's easier just to retreat into yourself).

One way to deal with that kind of small talk crowd is to ask questions...be interested in other people, they'll usually tell you anything you want to know lol.

i do see what you mean I'm naturally a quiet person and most social interactions involve some discomfort... Yet I have to do that all the time at work. I believe in being friendly. Sometimes I failed in that by being too quiet. I'm trying to learn how to build community with people without so much smalltalk. It seems like trying to see them with Christ is helpful :), I'm trying to also picture how He walked through the crowds and saw each person as an individual.... I'm so glad there wouldn't be small talk in Heaven at least! God sees each person individually, He doesn't love us as a 'group'. Realising that has helped quite a bit with loneliness. 

[Tab'le De'Bah-Rye]

To be a community of individuals or an individual community

[MarysLittleFlower]

I got Facebook only a couple of months ago, because I wanted to keep in touch with community college friends after graduation. I have under 50 friends, and I feel I could easily do without Facebook if I so chose. Overall, I don't regret my decision to join; I just see the need for caution in how I use it. I am glad that I didn't jump on the Facebook bandwagon earlier. I don't think it would have been a healthy influence during my high school years, for instance, when I struggled with loneliness and insecurity.

I've also found that being friends with religious sisters keeps me accountable for what I'm posting. "Would I be okay with Sister reading this post or watching this video...?"

That's better than how I used it I mean I trued using it for Catholic things and met some great Catholics, that part I don't regret, but I did notice it began affecting me when I began wondering how I'm perceived. 

[marigold]

I think that makes sense... Maybe my issue is more with how people connect in a crowd. For example in a room full of people, they try to connect but how? Mostly through small talk. I am bad at small talk. It makes me feel even more isolated cause its all artificial, fake, like you put on a face and say meaningless stuff like "ooh hi how are you!!!???wow that's amesome!!!!... I'm great!! Oh wowwww love your shoes!!!!" ......sigh.  That's why at this time I'm either silent in a corner or just smiling at people silently, or i say something absolutely not small talk and feel out of place. Maybe crowds and a hundred acquiantances are just not for me:) 

 

Yeah... I think sometimes I don't make a good first impression because of that. Once I know you, I'll never shut up. But in the beginning I'd rather not bother, if I know it's only a passing meeting, or if I don't see an obvious 'foothold' to get into conversation. I'd rather be remembered as the shy one (or not remembered at all).

[MarysLittleFlower]

Watching the computer screen is more intense than driving a car, a 10 minute break with snack and beverage outside once every hour is advisable, or if theres no outside than somewhere not looking at a screen, another room. And say a prayer for all the people your talking to each time as well if you want bonus cred.

I didn't know that. That is now not previously than. Everyone please understand many likes does not show the persons real credentials, people used to be able to like themself.  true story. And the new set up has only been running for a few months.

haha its ok I have less likes than many and that's good for humility I don't want it to also turn to the Facebook mentality of wanting likes. That's always the problem with likes I find - anywhere. 

[Tab'le De'Bah-Rye]

It would be good if phatmass live chat also had a mic function on it one day like the old yahoo. Blog is good but live chat is like a whole other level.

haha its ok I have less likes than many and that's good for humility I don't want it to also turn to the Facebook mentality of wanting likes. That's always the problem with likes I find - anywhere. 

lol, you have the same amount of likes as me and i have 3 times as many posts.  well just shy of the same amount of likes anyways.

Edited August 7, 2015 by Tab'le De'Bah-Rye

[MarysLittleFlower]

Yeah... I think sometimes I don't make a good first impression because of that. Once I know you, I'll never shut up. But in the beginning I'd rather not bother, if I know it's only a passing meeting, or if I don't see an obvious 'foothold' to get into conversation. I'd rather be remembered as the shy one (or not remembered at all).

i actually think that's more cultured than wanting everyone to notice and remember you. Its a modern idea that people didn't have before. For example a hundred years ago, according to the autobiography of Blessed Dina Belanger, the girls at the school were taught that a well brought up lady goes through life unnoticed. Today its all "look at me!!!!!!" - but I.wonder why.