I'm so depresses

[Guest sally]

I am so depressed to the point that on the weekends I can't get out of bed. I can't sleep. I work with mean folks who do terrible things to me and my husband left for another woman. I tried to get an annulment three times and was denied. So I feel doomed and so lonely.  I lost my disciple to work super hard bc I am depressed.

I pray a lot. Wear the scapula, and say a lot of Rosaries although my mind wonders.  I say the Divine Chaplet. I don't want to be alone, but not being able to get an annulment doesn't help my depression. I do take meds.  

Sam I sinning by not going to Mass?  I know I am but the depression and my loneliness hurts. And the Catholics don't mingle. They rush out of Masss ASAP. 

Im so confused?  I don't date.  But wld Christ really hold it against me if I someday meet someone and get married?   I tried to save my marriage. I did everything.  But he wldnt comply. I tried for an annulment and dienes three times. Christ knows how much I tried. After 8 years, I must be stupid to still pray for my husband to come back.  Need your comments about all these things. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[puellapaschalis]

If you are at all able, get to a doctor or other healthcare professional and get help with your depression. No-one can diagnose you on the internet, but not being able (let alone willing) to get out of bed is often a sign of the illness. No matter what else is going on, you should take care of the body and mind God has created.

Even more than the body and mind, you should also look after your soul. Here the internet can help even less than with depression. Make an appointment with your parish priest (or another you trust, or someone unknown to you if that's what you feel most comfortable with) and let him know you're struggling. Ask him to pray for you and to encourage you to get to Mass each Sunday. What you've outlined as your prayer life sounds great! Don't worry about the distractions; just keep going. Sometimes just showing up is all you can manage and all that's expected.

Matters surrounding any future relationship you might come across are really hypothetical right now. Try (I know it's very hard) to concentrate on getting through one day at a time instead of the possibilities of the future. Christ loves you now and today. Now and today is what you have to deal with - and Christ and people around you are there to help you.

Pray for me as I pray for you too.

 

Edited August 11, 2015 by puellapaschalis

[MarysLittleFlower]

Sally, I agree with the above, please don't try to bear this on your own but see someone to help you. There's no shame in that at all and many people need this at some point! I'd also speak with a priest too.

It is very painful what happened to you and now you have this other burden of the annulment not coming through. It sounds like you are aware of the Church teaching on this but you feel afraid and wonder if you can be happy without being able to marry. I would agree its good to live one day at a time. This is a cross for you to carry. We can't carry crosses on our own... We all have different ones.

Jesus said, He is the vine and we are the branches, and 'without Me you can do nothing'. We need Jesus to help us and His grace and strength in the Sacraments. Have you ever tried going to Adoration and just being with Him? There is a book that has comforted me much called 'He and I' and its actually about a woman who didn't marry, but had a very beautiful relationship with Our Lord and did works if service to the Church.

But I understand you are hurting so much - and who wouldn't be after their husband left?? That is normal and natural to be in pain. We can't just turn it off, only find healing bit by bit. 

I would recommend having someone help you to find more healing because its hard on our own, and you don't have to struggle on your own.

Just something I wanted to say to you though, you are very precious to God. When we suffer He holds us closer to His Heart, though we don't feel it. He doesnt watch distantly from above. Think of the Cross.. He understands... Suffers with us. He was left too by those He loves. Suffering is not meaningless, it is a sharing in His Cross that God can use if we offer it to Him.

At this moment, try not to worry about the future but think of His love. He is still your Father just as He was yesterday and will be tomorrow.. You are a precious and unrepeatable person to Him and He has a mission for you in the Church. You don't have to be isolated even without a husband there, but grow closer to God and He can use you to help others. He takes us where we are and works in our situation, which He understands perfectly.

Yet since we are not only spirits but also have a physical nature, sometimes we need help from someone like a counsellor, doctor, etc. At the same time, God can heal too, and also work through others. Maybe as things get better emotionally God would bring you to some apostolate or work for Him, and you don't have to feel isolated in the Church. There are also many ways the Church gives to grow in prayer and faith, and as we come closer to God, He makes us stronger. He has a plan for your life filled with meaning. Start simply where you are and please dont bear it on your own! God bless you and I am praying for you!

Edited August 11, 2015 by MarysLittleFlower

[MarysLittleFlower]

I would also recommend trying to find people who are in a similar situation. Maybe ask God to help you find them. Having a support network like that can help. I think some parishes have a program to help people heal after separation or divorce. Maybe it could help asking a priest if there's anything in the parish or the diocese, or some way for people to meet who are going through a similar thing.

It might also be encouraging to get to know others in the Church who aren't planning to marry either through a situation or choice. (I'm someone who chose not to marry as my vocation, theyre out there). It might just help you to feel less isolated to be with others who either don't have a spouse or aren't living with one. And its great that you are praying, keep praying!  God bless

I would also recommend trying to find people who are in a similar situation. Maybe ask God to help you find them. Having a support network like that can help. I think some parishes have a program to help people heal after separation or divorce. Maybe it could help asking a priest if there's anything in the parish or the diocese, or some way for people to meet who are going through a similar thing.

It might also be encouraging to get to know others in the Church who aren't planning to marry either through a situation or choice. (I'm someone who chose not to marry as my vocation, theyre out there). It might just help you to feel less isolated to be with others who either don't have a spouse or aren't living with one. And its great that you are praying, keep praying!  

I would encourage you to go to Adoration if you have it or just go and pray in the church. Id encourage you to go to Mass to receive graces. When i first became Catholic it was sometimes lonely going to Mass on my own and i saw the families arouPeople. However God used it to increase my prayer life and i began going just for Him. Just to spend time with Him, talk to Him.

People do rush out... Its sad. Jesus is lonely too , as they rush out, and He is there day and night alone. He's God but He has a human nature too, and many Saints have written about how He longs for love. I thought "Jesus is alone and so am i, but if i stay, neither will be alone". Lol!

So i began staying after Mass to keep Him company. It helped me to come closer to Him and also be healed by His love more. Its great to know others in the parish and i'd encourage you to find others, but i know when i couldnt, Jesus made up for it Himself. He becomes who we need Him to be. If its just you praying in the church, you are not alone, but with Him, and His eyes are on you alone. God bless 

(Sorry about the double part at the beginning).

[MarysLittleFlower]

And for typos!

[CatherineM]

I worked in the tribunal and never met anyone who'd tried for an annulment 3 times and didn't succeed. That would mean an appeal to Rome and is quite expensive. Or did you mean you'd filed three times at the diocesan level. Perhaps you need to engage a canon lawyer to help. 

[AccountDeleted]

Your feelings are overwhelming you right now and this makes it seem as if everything is just too hard and not worth doing. Yes, you need to seek out medical help first because there is a chemical component to depression that can be alleviated by the right medication. 

A couple of other things come to mind as well. One is to break your problems into smaller bite size pieces and deal with them one at a time instead of all at once. Prioritizing is a help here.For example, is the annulment something that needs to take place immediately? Are you planning on getting married right away? It doesn't sound like it. So put that one on the back burner until it is needed. As Catherine said, there may be a way to do it with the help of a canon lawyer, but since it is a stressful process emotionally, leave that for when you need it.

Next, to help avoid the loneliness, get involved with something that will take you outside yourself. Since I started doing volunteer work, my confidence and self-esteem have improved, and I have felt an increase in purpose by helping others. It's also good to focus on the needs of others because then one's own needs take a back seat.

After 8 years, I doubt that your husband is going to come back and although it is certainly something worth praying for, you are going to have to accept that it is a very remote possibility now. It sounds to me like you are still grieving for the relationship and haven't reached the acceptance stage of grief yet. But since the relationship is no longer a reality, you are really grieving for the dream you had of your relationship. It is the loss of your dreams that hurts so much, and why you can't let go. Grieving takes a long time for some people, and you probably find yourself going though all the stages over and over again - you need to break the cycle and finally reach the stage of acceptance for your loss. It will always hurt but it can stop being debilitating.

If you can't get yourself to Mass, are you able to phone your parish priest and ask him to come to visit you at home? If you could discuss your feelings with someone else, maybe it would help you to put things in perspective, and he might have some practical suggestions about how to deal with the loneliness and also with getting to Mass. It might be possible for someone else to be a kind of 'buddy' or 'sponsor' who phones you and encourages you to attend - or even goes with you? I don't know what services your parish offers. If going to Mass makes you feel worse, because you feel like a failure or feel lonely, then addressing these issues might help.

In the end, you sound like you are in a very deep hole, and you need help to get out - all kinds of help, medical, spiritual, physical (exercise helps fight depression), social (seeking help from the priest and the parish and volunteering). There is a lot of help available - but you need to be open to it. 

Don't give up. You are in all our prayers.

 

[dUSt]

Moved to Open Mic because this is not a precise question.

[Era Might]

Your post seems very outward focused...not being able to live without being married to someone else, wearing lots of devotional stuff, saying lots of devotional prayers, being more lonely because Catholics don't "mingle" after Mass, working "super hard." Where are you in all of this? Do you exist apart from other people, from things and activities? If your happiness in life depends on another person or things or activities, you're bound to be unhappy...things change, people leave, stuff happens. Sounds like you need to step back and ask who you are and what you are doing in this world.