Restoring joy

[MarysLittleFlower]

I know its natural for discernment to be difficult. When I first began I was afraid because of the sacrifice involved. Yet over time I began feeling joy about this and it seemed to me like God was helping me to detach from the world in ways. I read discernment stories about nuns who completed this journey and it gave such joy to think of being in a convent. Other times I was afraid or struggled with attachments but God often helped in prayer. Even in the uncertainty i was happy because i believed its a possibility. Responding to this in little ways brought so much joy and the response deepened this past year.

Yet this summer, through various interior and exterior trials, facing disagreement of people close to me with discernment  related choices, and finally not knowing if I could ever be a nun due to my family's financial situation, - I just have nothing of that left. I can't find God in prayer like before and I feel almost like I'm grieving. Reading about real Sisters - while it brought joy before, now makes me feel very sad because I remember the attraction I had to that way of life.

Now, because of everything that happened I'm fearful to open my heart to the idea and let myself be drawn to it again. I seem to just have no joy left and can't connect to Jesus, because I'm so used my relationship with Him being in this way of hoping to give all to Him and be vowed to Him. I know I can still be a consecrated person in the world but I felt so drawn in my heart to the cloister, and for so long. I thought someone here who has experienced things like this could maybe suggest how to 'find' Jesus and trust in Him again... I know He didn't fail me, I just lack trust, but it was easier to trust when I was closer to Him. Thank you  

I guess the title is misleading because what I'm trying to find first is hope. 

Edited August 15, 2015 by MarysLittleFlower

[sr.christinaosf]

God bless you!!!!

 You know the saints had times of interior trial as well.  Think of St. Therese, the Little Flower. Even in our own day, Mother Teresa.  

[Feankie]

MLF,

Please don't be discouraged. First off, you can't please everyone, but you can please the One who has called to you RL.  As far as family finances go, as my late mother would say, what has that got to do with the tea in China?  Do you have student loans?  Many orgs. can assist you in paying them off.  I'm not sure if any orders require a dowry these days.  Again, that can most likely be worked out.  Are you feeling that you will be responsible for your family's finances in the future? If so, how realistic is that?  I don't believe we should dwell on the "what if's" in life.  If we did, we all would be stuck and unable to move forward.

As a S.D. I sense much pain in your note and much you are unable or unwilling to say.  In a public forum such as this, it's better that you leave it unsaid.   Remember this, you are only in the early stages of discernment.  Don't jump from point A to point M.  There are many steps and much time in between.  Focus on the short term and the things you need to do now.  Of course you have to have an idea of what you think God desires of you in the long term, but much can happen between now and them.  Try to live in the moment.  You can drive yourself crazy if you don't.  

Just why do you have the mindset that you can't enter a convent/abbey/cloister?  Make a list of what YOU believe the impediments are (whether imagined or not).  Next to that, make a column and list things you can do about a specific issue and what is out of your control.  Then, and this is the hard part, let go of those things you have  no control over.  It does you no good to obsess over things you can't change.  Give those things to the Blessed Mother and let her take them to her Son.  Then move forward.

Do you have a S.D.?  A trusted older person whom you trust and can speak with?  A Sister or Nun?  You need a sounding board that is face-to-face.  It's much harder to skirt around what is bothering you when there's another human sitting in front of you !  And you need a different perspective from someone who, perhaps, has gone through much the same things as you are.  Someone with maturity and insight who is nonjudgemental.

Don't write off R.L. so soon.  Don't be fearful.  Cast your net out into the deep and Jesus will come to your aide.  I'll be praying for you.

[Swami Mommy]

MLF, it seems to me that you are well on your way to living a consecrated life already!  Your inner life seems to be flowering to suit your own particular needs, you have a deep devotion to Christ, you have a rich prayer life, and you have an already built-in avenue for surrendering your own personal desires by assisting your parents as a way to practice surrender, acceptance, faith and trust.  If you are an active participant in parish life, too, you probably already also have a faith-based cadre of relationships to support your spirituality here in the world as well.  So where is the lack?  Write yourself some vows, present them to your spiritual director or parish priest for review, create your own specially tailored commitment ceremony complete with chosen bible passages, spiritual readings, meaningful music, etc., figure out what kind of 'habit' you would like to wear to signify your commitment to living a simple life of dedicated focus, create your own daily schedule of prayer, lectio divina, adoration of the Eucharist if it is available in your church, create your own private prayer room in a small area of your home, do your daily activities with an open heart and as an offering of love to the Divine, keep a spiritual journal, etc.  The only things that are really missing are the official recognition by the Church of your personal vows, a cloistered outer environment which while nice, is not essential to living out a religious vocation in the world, and the approval of your choices by family and friends who should not be a strong influencing factor if you just do a these things without expecting validation, approval or support.  Do as much as you can interiorly without flaunting your vocation.  No one is stopping you from thinking of Christ as your betrothed Beloved.  Don't let any OCD tendencies keep you from offering your life to God just because your path may have a slightly different appearance from mainstream religion.  Love is love.

[Spem in alium]

 

MLF,

Please don't be discouraged. First off, you can't please everyone, but you can please the One who has called to you RL.  As far as family finances go, as my late mother would say, what has that got to do with the tea in China?  Do you have student loans?  Many orgs. can assist you in paying them off.  I'm not sure if any orders require a dowry these days.  Again, that can most likely be worked out.  Are you feeling that you will be responsible for your family's finances in the future? If so, how realistic is that?  I don't believe we should dwell on the "what if's" in life.  If we did, we all would be stuck and unable to move forward.

As a S.D. I sense much pain in your note and much you are unable or unwilling to say.  In a public forum such as this, it's better that you leave it unsaid.   Remember this, you are only in the early stages of discernment.  Don't jump from point A to point M.  There are many steps and much time in between.  Focus on the short term and the things you need to do now.  Of course you have to have an idea of what you think God desires of you in the long term, but much can happen between now and them.  Try to live in the moment.  You can drive yourself crazy if you don't.  

Just why do you have the mindset that you can't enter a convent/abbey/cloister?  Make a list of what YOU believe the impediments are (whether imagined or not).  Next to that, make a column and list things you can do about a specific issue and what is out of your control.  Then, and this is the hard part, let go of those things you have  no control over.  It does you no good to obsess over things you can't change.  Give those things to the Blessed Mother and let her take them to her Son.  Then move forward.

Do you have a S.D.?  A trusted older person whom you trust and can speak with?  A Sister or Nun?  You need a sounding board that is face-to-face.  It's much harder to skirt around what is bothering you when there's another human sitting in front of you !  And you need a different perspective from someone who, perhaps, has gone through much the same things as you are.  Someone with maturity and insight who is nonjudgemental.

Don't write off R.L. so soon.  Don't be fearful.  Cast your net out into the deep and Jesus will come to your aide.  I'll be praying for you.

I agree with this. You have my prayers, MLF. 

[Comingback]

I don't have any advice except what has been given, but I will be praying for you 

 

[marigold]

It can be difficult. It can be very, very difficult. In the past couple of years I had to grieve the possibility of never living monastic life. It is a real bereavement. So do what you can and not what you can't. Don't read about sisters if it torments you. Focus on Christ in your life here and now; be faithful by strength of will and remember why you got yourself that ring.

[MarysLittleFlower]

Thank you for the replies everyone! just to clarify, with my family situation its that soon they might be financially dependent on me in old age. In that case i would have to move in with them and find a job around here - i cant pay rent and support them at once. They are not asking me to give them money but they might be destitute.

Maybe I could save up some money and give it to them. I don't know. That would take help from God because i barely make enough for myself after rent/bills so id have to find additional sources of income. I also have a lot of student loans. And I'm almost 30 so getting all this done by around 35 would take some miracles - or maybe some community would still consider me after.

This summer has been a lot of trials with discernment and they just made me afraid that I made a mistake, and that God isnt calling me. And since this is a part of my relationship with Him, I now have difficulty opening up in prayer. I want to do God's Will but at certain moments I no longer knew who I am or what my relationship with God is. I just want to get back to that but I get doubts if He wanted it. I would just live a life in the world with private vows or something but I want to discern if God's Will is this or religious life after all.

Before I was really encouraged reading about St Gemma because she was in fact being called to be a Passionist nun, but this depended on the choices of other people as it involved starting a new community. These people didn't really cooperate until after her death. So she lived as a person with private vows. And then there is St Catherine who was distinctly called to the Third Order right from the start and not to be a nun. I don't know though what God is asking of me.

I guess my heart was really set on being a nun and at times in this I even felt like He doesn't want me as close to Him, which I know is distrustful and now my relationship with Jesus is not like it was. I guess I'll just keep praying. If i cant be a nun but i can still be unmarried and make some sort of vow to God, i would be glad. I do have an attraction to religious life though. Thanks everyone who responded, God bless you  

Edited August 16, 2015 by MarysLittleFlower

[BarbTherese]

Keeping you in prayer

[Swami Mommy]

MLF, I found this book to be a useful and interesting read:

THE LAY CONTEMPLATIVE edited by Virginia Manss and Mary Frohlich.

Other books that I've read on the subject and like are:

MONASTERY WITHOUT WALLS by Bruce Davis,PhD

HOW TO BE A MONASTIC AND NOT LEAVE YOUR DAY JOB: AN INVITATIONTO OBLATE LIFE by Brother Benet Tvedten

IN THE SPIRIT OF HAPPINESS by the Monks of New Skete

Perhaps others on this site can suggest their favorite books on living as a monastic in the world, also.

[marigold]

I'm not sure it's a good idea to encourage thoughts of living as a monastic in the world - interesting though your suggestions are, Swami Mommy!   Monastic life is monastic life; it's always going to be there and it has its particular ways for a reason. I have several friends who, for reasons they can't help, have attempted or are attempting to live as monastics in the world, and I think they would agree with me in advising against it. That doesn't mean that one can't live a life of deep prayer, non-possession, remaining unmarried, etc., in the world - and maybe that that's what is being suggested here under the umbrella term 'monastic'! But it always gets my hackles up when people start talking about inventing new little 'ways' for themselves and saying it's monasticism in the world; I'd rather have monastics in monasteries and faithful laypeople in the world and see both be more fruitful because of it.

Edited August 17, 2015 by marigold

[Swami Mommy]

Yes, Marigold, I WAS suggesting that a deep spiritual life can be lived anywhere and sometimes our lives in the world can be adapted to better fit our spiritual needs if we can utilize some of the practices found in the cloister.  If MLF is unable to join a cloister, then if it is important to her to maintain her inner connection with the Divine in a more structured way that a daily schedule among like-minded people in a cloister would provide, perhaps that is the way her path will unfold and avenues will open up to satisfy some of her deepest longings.  What I've learned to do in my life, though, is the importance of creating opportunities for grace to manifest by making my heart, mind and actions attuned and firmly directed towards my aspirations.  If MLF wants to live as a cloistered nun, then creating an environment that might foster it coming to fruition can only serve to further its possibilty.   I can imagine how difficult it is to say goodbye to a dream of moving through life in a certain way as a cloistered nun, and that one grieves for that lost dream as much as one might grieve for a failed relationship or partnership.  Still, we must trust and have full faith that our life lessons are best served by the way our life unfolds. 

[MarysLittleFlower]

I read about some ways to live a more prayerful life in the world, for example being in a third order, joining a secular institute, I see one of the examples Swami Mommy suggested involves being an oblate. I see what you mean these ways are more prayerful but also don't confuse the lay state with the religious state as I think Marigold was advising against. I'm going to keep praying about where Jesus wants me... He has been very kind and helping me with this God bless!

[BarbTherese]

To be where one is called to be and all else will fall into place.  It doesn't mean a life free of pain and difficulty for no Christ without His Cross - but eventually I think and no matter what the suffering or difficulty one might endure, one knows deep down that one is in the 'right place'.

The vocation to single life in the world or the lay celibate state is a totally different vocation to either monastic or active religious life.  Religious could be said to be called out of the world for the sake of the world, while single life is a call to be involved in the world for the world.

It is not necessary to join a third order, secular institute nor become an oblate to live a prayerful and contributing life in the world "for the sake of The Kingdom".  Some might discern that they are not called to any of the latter, or there might be some reason why they cannot join as for (one only) example where illness or even distance prevails. 

My comment: We used to have in The Church a vocation known as The Apostolate of The Sick (illness or suffering) and it was regarded as a very important and fruitful vocation in The Church.  Theologically, this vocation still exists and not one iota whatsoever has changed.  Sadly, however, it seems to have passed in the main out of general Catholic cultural consciousness, no longer spoken about nor as well  'advertised' (pointed out) in The Church.  This is very sad and a loss since so many do suffer illness or difficulties and The Apostolate of The Sick was very much about the importance and fruitful value of The Cross experienced as a potential vocation and call in life for those who do suffer some form of illness or suffering.  Today, it would seem, those who do suffer in some way are looked upon more as an object for charity, moreso than as having a subjective call and vocation and great dignity in their own right and a very fruitful vocation in the life of The Church. 

See:   The Apostolate of Suffering (and St Therese)

 

Edited August 25, 2015 by BarbaraTherese

[MarysLittleFlower]

I agree Barbara! God bless you!