Faith Like A Child

[Selah]

So I was looking through my first (hundred!) posts on this forum. I've posted here going on eight years. I joined shortly before being confirmed into the Catholic Church. 

I was so excited, back then. Bursting with pride and energy and convertitis (which actually may not have been such a good thing). I remember debating every Protestant I came into contact with. I was so zealous. 

But maybe I did do something right, because I had faith like a child. I trusted God and the Church, even in the hard times. There are days, like today, when I wish I could have that spark back. That excitement. Where my Patron was my friend with whom I spoke with all the time, and I prayed the rosary each and every day. I even wanted to be a nun at one point, though perhaps it was just a phase. 

Hard times have seperated me from that, and I just...I know I allowed it. But I want it back so badly. You know? If I could go back to when I was 18 and naive, but full of the love and spirit of Christ, I would.

Maybe I'm selfish and wrong for wanting that. But all I want is that closeness with God again.

[MarysLittleFlower]

I think I see what you mean... I think what happened to me at one point is I got lost in theological debates/difficulties in the Church/controversies and I missed when it was just about loving Jesus. (It can be other things: hard times, too much active work *without* growing in interior life, etc).

My priest recommended I just stop reading all that stuff that was upsetting me. I turned to the spiritual books I always loved that helped me, just about loving God, went to Adoration, and started doing more mental prayer. Particularly the mental prayer helped.

This really changed things and my faith just began to be about God again - though I still struggle in many ways. I guess what I'm saying is sometimes we just lose focus? Like St Peter who looked at the water instead of Our Lord, and began to drown. Maybe as a new convert all your attention was on Jesus. Then difficulties came up - as they often do sometime after a conversion - and became more prominent.

I find what helps me is just spending time forgetting all else and just trying to open my heart to Jesus. Making acts of trust. That allows Him to come in and heal us.

It can take focus off other things to also just spend time thinking about Jesus Himself - like doing reparation, thinking of loving things to tell Him, etc. Sometimes I try to think of Him being very near and just talk to Him as to a friend. Telling Him who He is to me. It can help to grow in love through simple things that would be a consolation to Him - just looking at Him with love, saying things to bring Him joy. This is very simple and child-like. 

I don't know if everyone would like this approach but I've come to see that since Jesus has a human nature, His Heart is very tender and it opens up our hearts to seek to give Him love and consolation. Through this, I began opening my soul more to Him and He began acting more than before, because before I wasn't letting Him have a chance, or I had distrust.

We can ask Our Lady for trust and any graces she knows we need these graces in turn strengthen our relationship with Him. I don't know does any of this make sense? This is just my own approach but just sharing some thoughts God bless!

Edited September 6, 2015 by MarysLittleFlower

[Ice_nine]

first of all, good to see you selah. Haven't seen you around in a while.

I don't think you're wrong to feeling how you do. I can relate on some level (had a reversion around 20). I think part of it is just getting older because you're emotions become a lot less intense so you don't *feel* things as much.

You can certainly become close with God again. Even if you feel like you've taken a few steps backward, there's always that possibility. I would recommend making use of the sacraments more frequently, pray the rosary whenever you can. Even if it feels like you're going through the motions I think the persistence will pay off. Fake it until you make it is pretty much my life's philosophy.

 

[AccountDeleted]

Maybe it's a little like old married couples. At first is the white hot passionate love and the intense infatuation stage. Over time this kind of mellows out into the comfortable 'old slipper' type of love. I see it with my married siblings. They are still in love but it manifests itself differently. They feel safe and comfortable together and they can communicate silently, almost like reading each other's thoughts. That doesn't mean there can't be passion any more, but perhaps you need a 'date night' with Jesus from time to time to keep the romance alive? That could be some time in Adoration or whatever it is that helps you remember how it was in the beginning?

I actually enjoy not feeling the intensity that I used to feel.Now it feels deeper and more constant. It's a good feeling for me. But if I needed some extra romance or intensity, I might make some extra effort to reignite that. Or I might just ask Jesus to do it for me, and let Him work out the details!