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I'm Not Gay Are You?


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Never been attracted to guys. Used to think people weren't born that way. Mind has changed. I now realize it's the same way for a gay person as it is when I have thoughts to lust after women. It's not something you just "choose". If you're gay when did you realize your same sex attractions? Who was the first person you told?

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Four of my five close gay friends realized it in childhood/adolescence. (I don't know about the fifth. Never asked him.) One knew it as a child, and the other three realized it in adolescence. They all experimented with "the lifestyle" (if you know what I mean) before telling people close to them, so I guess the first person they "told" was some random guy online. Or the whole website, depending on how you want to look at it.

My cousin is gay, and I don't know if he knew that early in childhood, but the rest of us sure as hell did. It was obvious. Not sure who the first person he told was, but I've found men tend to tell other potential partners before they tell people close to them. They want to "make sure" before dropping the bomb on family, you know.

My (other) cousin is living as a lesbian, but she didn't start that till very late in life. She had been badly abused by a series of men, so I'm not sure it was so much a "realization" for her as a deliberate choice.

That being so, I do think there are some people who choose that lifestyle. And there are others who have "always" (since they can remember) had the SSA inclination. It varies.

Edited by Gabriela
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12 minutes ago, Gabriela said:

My cousin is gay, and I don't know if he knew that early in childhood, but the rest of us sure as hell did. 

 

How so? I remember my old friends boss used to say I was gay but just didn't realize it yet lol (I was 16)  I will be the first to admit I can get emotional and do "gay" things. Not gay as in be attracted to another male. Just being sensitive or things like that.

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MarysLittleFlower

I think its sort of complex. When I was a pre teen I thought I was homosexual. Because it wasnt accepted socially I felt ashamed and then it completely went away later on. If people around me had encouraged it I might have encouraged those tendencies too. I'm not saying everyone who is homosexual came to it that way, but based on what happened to me I'd say it can happen that way. If the culture wasn't so saturated with information on this I don't think I would have even considered it probably. So that's me. Now I don't believe I am homosexual at all, I see myself as straight. Again there are probably different ways being homosexual happens. But I think the view that its a born trait like eye colour is a bit simplistic. Even if its there from an early age, the reasons can be complex and unknown. Relationships with others can affect it too I think.

Edited by MarysLittleFlower
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MarysLittleFlower

It was a temptation in imagination not about actual women I knew. I wasnt a Christian and didnt fight the thoughts for a while, but after i felt so ashamed and impure. I was so ashamed i rejected it even if more through fear of being discovered.  I dont remember how much repentance i had. For my adult life though whenever I had a 'crush' on a guy it was always a guy. 

Edited by MarysLittleFlower
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I've been attracted to women since 12 or so. I'm 34 now. It's never stopped. I'm guessing it won't stop until death. As I understand it for gay people it works the same way. Although I'm not an expert.

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MarysLittleFlower

I just shared my experience, that's all I can do lol.:) I think its just more complicated with homosexuality than what we usually hear from media etc. I don't think everyone who is gay finds out at puberty either they can start feeling that way later. Some start feeling that way after "experimenting'. Some feel that attraction from a younger age and it wasn't so willed by them.  I think the causes are more complicated and unknown to me.. so personally im skeptical about the genetic argument. Its not necessarily the same like what happened with me, but I think the genetic argument is too simplistic. It also feeds the whole "be true to who you are" sentiment that's so popular today, but mostly we don't even know ourselves. God knows us. There's much about me I'll never figure out though its good to have self knowledge. All I need to do is be faithful to God in my will and choices and to love Him. 

Edited by MarysLittleFlower
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Spem in alium

My cousin is a lesbian and has been living with her partner for several years. This year they announced they were engaged. It's very hard -- while I love her, I can't support her in the way she would want me to.

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1 hour ago, Josh said:

How so? I remember my old friends boss used to say I was gay but just didn't realize it yet lol (I was 16)  I will be the first to admit I can get emotional and do "gay" things. Not gay as in be attracted to another male. Just being sensitive or things like that.

He was always really into pink and dance and cheerleading and girly music. He used to prance around his mom's house singing Taylor Swift and whatnot. He loved performing for people. Kid was a flamer.

Now he runs his own cheerleading gym and is wildly successful. I actually have enormous admiration for him, because he's an outstandingly good-hearted person and has, amazingly, found his life's calling at age 22. He loves his work and throws himself into it. It gives him real joy. At 35, I don't have that. He's a really impressive guy. He just followed his heart all the way, never afraid... 

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1 minute ago, Josh said:

Does he believe in God?

I haven't asked him. His mom (the lesbian) said she'd go to Mass with me last time I was there, but then she didn't want to get up that early, so she missed it. I have little contact with them. I'd like to hang out with my (gay) cousin more, since he's such a fun guy. They know I'm Catholic and don't care. I know they're gay and don't care. I love them. If it came up, of course I'd tell them how I feel, but how I feel is this: I love them as people. I disapprove of their behavior in bed. Which is more important?

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