Jump to content
An Old School Catholic Message Board

Marriage Vocation


Not A Real Name

Recommended Posts

Not A Real Name

Just waned to start a thread regarding marriage. Maybe hear some thoughts from those who are discerning marriage or who are married.  Maybe hear some discernment stories?  Like did you always feel that marriage was your calling or did you find your marriage vocation while pursuing a religious one? 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not A Real Name
17 minutes ago, DominicanHeart said:

I have no idea what my Vocation is anymore. I'm so lost its not even :idontknow:funny 

I can relate. I feel like I'm stuck in a place of perpetual discernment.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Originally I figured I'd just be alone.  Then after dating someone for three years I felt marriage was my calling.  Spent the next two or so after the breakup discerning that and still feel that it is, God willing.  Despite the efforts of Franciscan and Salesian friends, I've never been convinced God is calling me to do otherwise.

Sorry you both feel so stuck. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

DominicanHeart
5 hours ago, Not A Real Name said:

I can relate. I feel like I'm stuck in a place of perpetual discernment.  

But I feel so blessed as a woman to have two incredibly beautiful options in life. And that's what makes it so much harder 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

6 hours ago, DominicanHeart said:

I have no idea what my Vocation is anymore. I'm so lost its not even :idontknow:funny 

 

5 hours ago, Not A Real Name said:

I can relate. I feel like I'm stuck in a place of perpetual discernment.  

yep

Link to comment
Share on other sites

MarysLittleFlower

I'm not discerning marriage anymore but from what I understand its a natural vocation so we all have a desire for it. I guess if there's no disposition or desire or call to consecrated life then its probably marriage the person is called to. Its confusing when people feel drawn to the two options at once... 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

veritasluxmea

^I agree it can be confusing, but ultimately I asked myself which one I wanted more and which one made me happier, more fully myself. I knew myself and had enough experience with both to discern clearly. Eh... in the process it was tough, and still is in different ways, but I guess hindsight is 20/20. Ultimately I made a choice, even though I wasn't 100% certain at the time. I was confident enough I was moving in the right direction and I knew wouldn't regret it exploring it this far. And I don't. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

MarysLittleFlower

I know what you mean! I had to make a choice too just to give some commitment to God.... We can't be perpetually too afraid to do anything. Part of discerning God's Will is through action and responding to Him :) He can use that. I haven't regretted it either and I think it helped and any attachment to our own self will could be purified through acts of abandonment to God. More guessing here but that's just my understanding. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

How I knew my vocation was to marriage: I visited the convent and on the first night, I cried myself to sleep. I somehow knew, after all the dithering, that I didn't have a religious vocation and I was so upset!

I had never really dated and had no idea how to make a guy interested in me, let alone how to find one that didn't want premarital sex etc. 

I went home and tried to fool myself that I was still discerning but it was no use. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I thought I was headed for a religious vocation, but life seemed to get in the way. When I was 40, I went to a retreat for people considering missionary work. I was having quiet time by a statue of the Holy Family and felt the call to marriage. One of the scariest moments of my life. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

MarysLittleFlower
22 minutes ago, CatherineM said:

I thought I was headed for a religious vocation, but life seemed to get in the way. When I was 40, I went to a retreat for people considering missionary work. I was having quiet time by a statue of the Holy Family and felt the call to marriage. One of the scariest moments of my life. 

Was it scary because it was so unexpected? Your story kind of reminds me of Louis and Zelie Martin.. I wonder sometimes how people feel a call to marriage because I learned its a vocation that's in our nature. However maybe if a person is trying to discern God's Will and considering religious life, if His Will is marriage for them, He might just reveal that. Do you have any thoughts on that? One time I felt like God really wanted me to be open to marriage so that I'm open to His Will. I prayed for this grace to Our Lady and something happened where suddenly I was open. I thought it was marriage because this happened and expected it to be that, but as I turned to God with that - I received a very deep conviction that its religious life... This experience gave me more trust that my discernment isn't just my will. However I could be wrong. So I'm just waiting to know for sure in the future :) I think maybe that's what it might be like to realize God's Will for a person is marriage..... Sort of a deep interior certainty?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Basilisa Marie

I've always known I am called to marriage, though I've tried to give religious life a fair hearing. It just never worked. Plus there are a couple of reasons. 

1. Practically, I'm pretty convinced St. Paul would take one look at me and laugh and say go find a husband. I jokingly say I like boys too much to be a religious, but it's true. :) My personality is naturally flirtatious (when I was younger, without me realizing it), I've had to work to reign it in. I'm not a fornicating lust monster like St. Mary of Egypt, but I'm more at peace and can focus on good things if I'm in a relationship with a dude. 

2. The idea of marriage gives me a deep sense of peace, and the thought of being a religious makes me personally feel lonely and sad. One of the happiest and holiest young women I know (hey anyone remember TheresaBenedicta?), best friend from high school and goddaughter is a religious sister. I'd love to have what she has but I don't see it happening to me in religious life. 

3. The idea of meeting a holy guy who loves Christ and me and pushes me to up my spirituality game is terrifying. In a good way. Religious life is terrifying in a despair-y way. I'm not baby crazy in the slightest (I think this may be where a lot of women feel the natural pull toward marriage, because of motherhood) but I'm very pro "having a spouse." Procreating has always felt secondary to that. 

 

And this has been your "More than anyone ever hoped to learn about Basilisa Marie" moment. :)

But I hope that outlining my brain might help provide some anecdotal insight into feeling called to marriage. And I'm not married yet so for all I know God is laughing at me and I'll end up in a convent. 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not A Real Name
15 hours ago, DominicanHeart said:

But I feel so blessed as a woman to have two incredibly beautiful options in life. And that's what makes it so much harder 

I agree.  I see the beauty in multiple vocations. For me it's the priesthood and marriage.  I think I struggle greatly though with knowing my past sins and feeling unworthy for either vocation.  I know that's not from God and that I need to pray for for trust in His mercy and greatness. Ultimately in my heart I want to do God's will, whatever that may be. I need to pray more to resign my expectations of how I think my life and discernment should go. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not A Real Name
13 minutes ago, Basilisa Marie said:

I've always known I am called to marriage, though I've tried to give religious life a fair hearing. It just never worked. Plus there are a couple of reasons. 

1. Practically, I'm pretty convinced St. Paul would take one look at me and laugh and say go find a husband. I jokingly say I like boys too much to be a religious, but it's true. :) My personality is naturally flirtatious (when I was younger, without me realizing it), I've had to work to reign it in. I'm not a fornicating lust monster like St. Mary of Egypt, but I'm more at peace and can focus on good things if I'm in a relationship with a dude. 

2. The idea of marriage gives me a deep sense of peace, and the thought of being a religious makes me personally feel lonely and sad. One of the happiest and holiest young women I know (hey anyone remember TheresaBenedicta?), best friend from high school and goddaughter is a religious sister. I'd love to have what she has but I don't see it happening to me in religious life. 

3. The idea of meeting a holy guy who loves Christ and me and pushes me to up my spirituality game is terrifying. In a good way. Religious life is terrifying in a despair-y way. I'm not baby crazy in the slightest (I think this may be where a lot of women feel the natural pull toward marriage, because of motherhood) but I'm very pro "having a spouse." Procreating has always felt secondary to that. 

 

And this has been your "More than anyone ever hoped to learn about Basilisa Marie" moment. :)

But I hope that outlining my brain might help provide some anecdotal insight into feeling called to marriage. And I'm not married yet so for all I know God is laughing at me and I'll end up in a convent. 

 

I love your insights, especially number 3. One of the beauties of the married life, to me, is the idea of having a spouse who is like your partner in crime, but in a holy way, lol.  Someone who challenges you but also someone who will be your support during tough times.  Also the challenge of dying to yourself so that you can, with God's grace, perfect the oneness of your relationship with each other.

As for having children, I'm all about that if I'm going to be married, but it isn't the primary attraction to the married life.  I have felt bad about that in the past but I've grown to feel less bad about it simply because I know I use the words primary and secondary because I lack other words to convey what I'm thinking.  In a way I don't see the two as a primary and secondary, but rather that children are the natural fulfilment of two spouses who love God and each other. In this way if my wife is not able to have kids or if I'm not able to provide her with kids, then that won't change that we're still partners in holiness.  That she is still beautiful to me and that nothing will change that.  If God does give us kids then right on, we now get to face a new challenge together. 

 

@Maggyie and @CatherineM thank you very much for sharing your stories with me. Both of them give me hope that if I pursue Christ with an open heart and a desire to do His will, that he will guide me in the right direction.  Pray for me that I keep an open heart. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...