Vatican rules against ashes being scattered

[Ice_nine]

close enough

[Gabriela]

I'll tell ya, the first time I saw a Jewish funeral—just a body lying on a marble slab draped by a prayer shawl that showed every bump and dip of the dead body in outline—I sobbed like a baby. It is a COMPLETELY different experience. After that, Western funerals seem completely fake, like they're trying to hide the fact that the person is dead underneath a bunch of expensive decorations. There's no hiding it at a Jewish funeral. It's totally in your face.

[IgnatiusofLoyola]

13 hours ago, Gabriela said:

I'll tell ya, the first time I saw a Jewish funeral—just a body lying on a marble slab draped by a prayer shawl that showed every bump and dip of the dead body in outline—I sobbed like a baby. It is a COMPLETELY different experience. After that, Western funerals seem completely fake, like they're trying to hide the fact that the person is dead underneath a bunch of expensive decorations. There's no hiding it at a Jewish funeral. It's totally in your face.

Not only that, but Jewish funerals take place as soon after the death as possible--often the next day or the day after. In Jewish tradition, rather than a gathering over the coffin, a family "sits shiva" and guests visit them for the next seven days. So, if the death was of someone you genuinely mourn, the funeral and burial takes place when the grief is still very new.

Western funerals take place several days after, to give time for family to gather (and for the body to be embalmed). The first time I attended a Polish-Catholic funeral, complete with visitation at the funeral home for two afternoons and evenings, with an open casket (one of my ex-husband's parents), I decided I wanted to be cremated, with no open casket beforehand. I realize that it helps some people to actually see the dead body, and all the customs were very normal for the people who came to the funeral. I decided, however that I don't want other people to see me dead--death is very personal and there aren't many people I know that well.

Note: I am NOT dissing Catholic or Polish-Catholic burial customs. I simply had never experienced some those customs firsthand before. My parents made the decision (for better or worse) that I not attend funerals as a child, and as a teenager, I was not expected to look at an open casket. My ex on the other hand was told to kiss his grandparent's (embalmed) corpse, which he found traumatic as a child--but it might be a natural thing for an adult to do (if they wanted to)--it was the forcing that was the problem.

One very good custom in the Polish-Catholic parish was that the ladies of the parish prepared a funeral meal in the church hall (and cleaned up afterwards) for a very modest sum, so at least part of the funeral was not expensive.

In this case, there was no burial after the funeral Mass because of the time of year. In the Midwest, the ground is frozen for several months a year so it isn't possible to dig the 6-foot hole required by law. As I understand it, the bodies are refrigerated, and then buried in the Spring. (I have no idea what Orthodox Jews do with their "immediate burial" laws/customs in places where the ground freezes in Winter. Sorry.)

[Gabriela]

I remember the first time I went to a Catholic funeral, too. It was actually the first Christian funeral I ever saw that wasn't on tv. (So, my first ever real-life funeral was the Jewish one in Israel.) I walked up to the casket and was absolutely horrified. He was covered in so much make-up he looked like someone else. He never looked like that in real life. From that moment on I swore off open caskets. I think they're sick.

[truthfinder]

2 hours ago, Gabriela said:

I remember the first time I went to a Catholic funeral, too. It was actually the first Christian funeral I ever saw that wasn't on tv. (So, my first ever real-life funeral was the Jewish one in Israel.) I walked up to the casket and was absolutely horrified. He was covered in so much make-up he looked like someone else. He never looked like that in real life. From that moment on I swore off open caskets. I think they're sick.

I'm sorry you had this experience.  I know others have said this as well.  When we had the funeral for a very close family member, we had a private viewing for family, and this person was not embalmed (which I personally detest but also because they were later cremated) and then the casket was then taken to the church and never open there. The person's funeral was several days after death, and still embalming was not necessary, just proper storage. 

Goodness, this makes me sound particularly morbid.

[Ice_nine]

I don't think it's morbid. We have this weird taboo in Western culture talking about death. Maybe because we've been able to beat it in so many ways.

I also think embalming is grotesque. I sort of want to tell my family I don't want that if I die before them but they are really skiddish to talk about that kind of stuff. And since I've struggled with depression I don't want them to get the wrong idea. (I'm actually pretty happy now). But I don't want anything fancy. A plot of land would be expensive enough. Just wrap me up and throw me in some ghetto-ass box in the ground. Keep it simple.

[LittleWaySoul]

Ditto to all the embalming stories. They never look like themselves. It just feels wrong. But I've never been to a funeral/visitation where there wasn't embalming that I can remember-- how does that work? Does it seem more normal?

(The non-embalmed body, that is).

[truthfinder]

On 11/1/2016 at 10:31 PM, Ice_nine said:

 

Sorry Ice_nine - I keep trying to quote LWS, and it keeps quoting you.

@LittleWaySoul 

They're just kept refrigerated.  The funeral home's got to do a little work so that people are comfortable - make sure the eyes and lips stay closed. They can also add a little makeup because all the blood will drain from the face, but others I guess wouldn't - you'd just get really pale. And of course, if you are touching the body, it's cold - but it didn't bother me. 

[Archaeology cat]

On 10/28/2016 at 9:15 AM, CatherineM said:

I had cousins who owned a mortuary business. If you knew what embalming entailed, you'd want to be cremated. 

I studied Egyptology. I  can imagine it. And yes, I wish to be cremated. Failing that, to just have the simplest of burials, with no embalming.

[Anomaly]

I don't have strong feelings about the disposal of my carcass.  I prefer it's inexpensive and somewhat respectful.  Whatever happens, you aren't going to know so whatever makes the still living comfortable is okay.

[cappie]

Release of the new document has prompted many Catholics to ask whether it changes any regulations about cremation. Catholic News Service provided some of those questions to the staff of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops’ Secretariat of Divine Worship to have them answered.

https://cruxnow.com/church-in-the-usa/2016/11/07/q-handling-ashes-following-cremation/