Depression, School, and Work

[tinytherese]

My depression is acting up. I lack the motivation to do my homework, struggle with concentrating, and have suicidal desires. The class I'm taking is hard. I also want to leave my current job for one that doesn't make me feel suicidal. I haven't found one yet. The one I'm at is part-time, so I wouldn't qualify for unemployment checks.

I have no intention of actually killing myself. My mind just easily goes to briefly wanting death because of how stressed out I am. Then the thought quickly disappears.

Spiritually, a question haunts me. If no one could ever love me as much as God, then why did He not protect me from the sexual abuse from a family member that I went through years ago? I know that His ways aren't our ways, but if it were me and I had the ability to prevent that from happening to someone, especially to someone I love, I would act on it. On top of that, I've had my depression because of the abuse that I was going through and the hard time I was having at a new school. 

Edited October 6, 2017 by tinytherese