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Kayte Postle

Kayte Discerns (An Ongoing Journey)

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GraceUk

I hope your visit goes well but don't rush into things.  But on the other hand I've read stories from nuns where they knew immediately they walked through the door it was the right community for them. 

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Kayte Postle

Hello my pham. 

Update: I am completely medication free! We were actually able to take me off a little faster than anticipated, so it has been three weeks medication free. I am doing very well. The normal stresses of life come up as usual, but I am dealing with them in normal healthy ways. It's honestly a miracle from the Lord. I am so happy right now. 

Discernment wise, things are very much at peace. I have my visit with a certain community on April 6th, which I am looking forward to very much. I also signed up for a general Lenten retreat given by my favorite community on March 30th. I am so excited to go to their monastery for a general retreat, and just be among them. (Ironically the theme of the retreat is "Finding your personal vocation"). This is a community I have loved since the very early days of my discernment (way back in 2011). Like I said in my last post, this is another community I never let myself dream that I might ever be healthy enough to discern with. There have been times where I would literally be heartsick at the sight of this community on my FB feed. I vividly remember crying a lot the day I found out I couldn't even visit while on meds. It will still be some time before I can visit this community as the last time I contacted them (many years ago) they said they would like me to be off medication for a considerable amount of time before visiting. I'm perfectly happy and at peace with this. I'm in no rush. I'm just on the verge of tears out of joy that I might have the ability to discern with them eventually. 

I just wanted to share my good news, and rejoice. I love y'all and constantly pray for you. =) 
 

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BarbaraTherese

You are blest indeed, Kayte.   And even more blessings on your Lenten retreat and discernment journey.  Thank you for the update too.

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Antigonos

Keeping my fingers crossed for you!  No matter how discernment goes, being off meds and coping well is excellent news!

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Kayte Postle

Blessed Easter to you all my dear pham! 

I have some less than great news to share, I'm back on medication. I had a rather severe mental breakdown that has prompted this, and I ended up losing my job because of the amount of time I missed in order to deal with my health (it's a crappy situation, but unfortunately perfectly legal to do in my state). I've also had some things come up in my personal life that very well may prevent me from ever entering an order. I'd like to pick the brain of someone very well versed in Church teachings about something, so if you consider yourself someone who is please PM me. Health wise I'm doing really well now that I'm back on medication, and I already have several job interviews lined up. I'm okay overall, just in a bit of a tiff with the Lord. I know it will all be okay in the end. Pray for me. 

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Dymphna

Blessed Easter for you too, Kayte!

Too bad about the breakdown - and about the laws of your state. But considering all this you sound really well, I hope you're lucky with your job interviews! And don't worry about being in a tiff with God - I have quite some experience with this, he can take it.

Praying for you.

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BarbaraTherese
1 hour ago, Dymphna said:

And don't worry about being in a tiff with God - I have quite some experience with this, he can take it.

:like2:

 

Prayer for you, Kayte.

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gloriana35

Speaking as one who has had bipolar for many years - I am RELIEVED to hear you are back on your medications, and not surprised at the bad effects of being 'off' them. I loathe the idea that there is weakness in taking medication. It is a godsend for many. I'm sorry some communities admit candidates contingent on their not taking their medication. 

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Antigonos
4 hours ago, gloriana35 said:

Speaking as one who has had bipolar for many years - I am RELIEVED to hear you are back on your medications, and not surprised at the bad effects of being 'off' them. I loathe the idea that there is weakness in taking medication. It is a godsend for many. I'm sorry some communities admit candidates contingent on their not taking their medication. 

I completely agree with you.  No one would ever suggest that a diabetic foreswear oral medication or insulin; many who have mental illness can be completely stable when properly  medicated.

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Kayte Postle

Happy June everyone! 

I'm doing well back on medication and have a new job that has me working from home, which has been really good in terms of my health. I'm still in a bit of a tiff with the Lord (I know He can handle my rants though), mostly because I received a rejection from the community I was discerning with. I'm honestly a little heartbroken over it, and I am increasingly frustrated with each closing door as I discern. I have a lot to think about and pray about. Please continue to pray for me, and I always pray for you all! Pax. 

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Dymphna

Hello Kayte,

I'm just wondering - have you ever tried psychotherapy for your mental health problems? I don't know your diagnosis, so I don't know if your illness is one which can be treated by psychotherapy. But if it can help, and your circumstances allow it, you could give it a try - and may be able to come off your medication again, once you have developed enough coping skills or whatever you need in psychotherapy. Therapy is hard work, yes, but if it works it might make it possible for you to live without long-term medication. Which is a good thing in itself, independent of possibly making it easier for you to join a religious order.

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Kayte Postle

@Dymphna I have been in psychotherapy for several years now. I see two doctors, one for talk therapy and the other for medication management. Both times I have tried to come off medication it has been under the supervision and with the permission of both of these professionals. Therapy is indeed hard work as you say, and I've made an incredible amount of progress over the years. However, especially with this recent situation, my medical team believes that staying on medication long term is the best option for me. I trust their judgement deeply.

In other news friends, work is going well. I have a meeting with my SD this week, and I have a lot to discuss with him. Still praying about my vocation and my medical status. I have written a community that is within the same spiritual family as the others one I have discerned with in the past. I'm just inquiring to learn more about them, and I'm going into this process (for what seems like the millionth time) with zero expectations. I want to follow God and get to heaven, no matter the vocation. Pray for me as I really need to focus more on striving for holiness in the everyday. 

Love you pham, and I'll be praying for you! 

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