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I'm having a very big hole dug for me, not by me.  It is because my brother and I have the same surname and first initial.  My brother, very sadly, is a drug addict and alchoholic and I have had no contact for over 10 years (cutting a long story short).  He has cut himself off from our family.

What is happening is that I am being confused with my brother because our first name initial and last name are the same.  I changed via deed poll my surname to my maiden name.  The only way I can dig myself out of this growing hole dug for me is to make it known that I suffer bipolar disorder and that I am not my brother.  Since shifting to this new suburb and parish, my psychiatrist advised me not to make it known I suffered a mental illness because of the stigma and incorrect stereotype that can be applied, especially with serious mental illness and bipolar is serious and the second most serious MI in the book (schizophrenia is the first).  I had a dreadful time in my previous parish because it was generally known I suffered bipolar.  Dioceses do tend to be very small places and talk will travel from parish to parish very easily - well, at least in my diocese anyway.

While concerned about my situation, it is also a laughing point because I very well could be "d****d if I do and d****d if I don't".  I am in a sort of Catch 22.  If I make it known I suffer bipolar, I am at real risk of being stereotyped and excluded.  If I don't make it known I am at risk of being thought of as a closet sufferer of mental illness, drug addiction and alchoholism.

I do not see my psychiatrist until next month on the 13th for her input.  She knows that I do not necessarily take her advice but then I do not negate it for any old reason.

Help me, please, make the right decision in the circumstances by saying a quick prayer to the Holy Spirit that I do not fall into a very old fault of being quite spontaneous and honest and then justly regretting it...........and that I don't let the situation get me down and that I keep on seeing the funny side of it all.  I literally loathe not being a totally open book with absolutely all - it wont sit right with me and one for my psychiatrist and perhaps SD too (wont be seeing my SD until mid June also).  My situations can rather remind me of St Teresa of Avila "Is this the way You treat Your friends?"............."then don't complain if you have so few".  And please add into my intentions a prayer for my brother.  All you need do really is a quick word to the Holy Spirit for all of Barbara's Phatmass intentions.  He will know what that means.

I have a sneaking feeling there is something very obvious that I am missing.  That may or may not be so...........probably after I post this it will become clear to me or at least at some point in the not too distant future.  I hope it will and that it will be constructive.  

Thank you very much fellow Phatmassers :) 

Over to You, Lord...........

...............Fiat Voluntas Tua

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