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Lilllabettt

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Lilllabettt

Oh Pham. My husband is working 4 to one a.m. and I'm alone in my house with no one to speak to. I'm crying my eyes out and dont know what I'm going to do. 

I moved to Chicago to get married. And gave up a job I really loved. For 6 months I was looking for work; I ended up taking a temp role which they made me permanent in this past October. 

It's in a field I have no background in, but pretty much just administrative type stuff. A lot of carpal tunnel inducing, highly detailed stuff. I dont enjoy it but I'm very well paid and my boss was super nice. Most of the time I had little understanding what was going on, but everyone told me, the learning curve is a year or two, it's fine, you'll get it, if only thru osmosis.

I am having breakthroughs in understanding every now and then. But my formerly nice boss has lost patience.  I dread going to work every day. I close my office door so I can cry without being disturbed.  I'm the last to leave my office just trying to make sense of what I'm doing ... and it's not helping. It's so complicated, and a lexicon that I can barely understand.  I dont know what to do or what is to become of me. Mostly I feel so ASHAMED. people much younger and with less education seem to "get" this ... there seems to be something wrong with me.  I really don't know what to do anymore. 

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chrysostom

For Lillabett:  Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death, amen.

Don't have anything to offer besides my prayers...but I wish you well, and I'm sorry you're going through this.

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Lilllabettt
26 minutes ago, chrysostom said:

For Lillabett:  Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death, amen.

Don't have anything to offer besides my prayers...but I wish you well, and I'm sorry you're going through this.

Thank you:cry3:

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cruciatacara

Maybe look for another job? I've been in positions where I had to 'fake it' and it is very uncomfortable. But you need to take some kind of control back to stop feeling like a victim. Either start looking for another job or tell your boss you need more training to do the job to the level he wants. A face to face with him might not get the result you want, but it will release some of the negative feelings that are overwhelming you - just because it will give you some semblance of control over the situation. I wish you all the best - a very difficult position to be in. Try not to get into bad feelings about yourself - we are all different and even if someone else finds the work easy - the fact that you don't is what matters. Be kind to yourself.

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deusluxmea

I am so sorry you are having a bad time, and goodness, I have so been there. You are evidently a very clever and resilient person. Taking a while to  get the ins and outs of the job is by no means any indication of your competence, it may however indicate that it is not just the right fit for your gifts. And boy, does the shame hurt! I feel for you and hope you are able to get through the next chapter either in this role or in a better situation.  As Albert Einstein said: “If You Judge a Fish by Its Ability to Climb a Tree, It Will Live Its Whole Life Believing that It is Stupid.” Be exceedingly kind to yourself. 

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Lilllabettt
53 minutes ago, cruciatacara said:

Maybe look for another job? I've been in positions where I had to 'fake it' and it is very uncomfortable. But you need to take some kind of control back to stop feeling like a victim. Either start looking for another job or tell your boss you need more training to do the job to the level he wants. A face to face with him might not get the result you want, but it will release some of the negative feelings that are overwhelming you - just because it will give you some semblance of control over the situation. I wish you all the best - a very difficult position to be in. Try not to get into bad feelings about yourself - we are all different and even if someone else finds the work easy - the fact that you don't is what matters. Be kind to yourself.

Thank you. Pray for me. I guess I will have to talk to my boss forthrightly.  I just dont see how it will help .. I know I've got to. It took me 6 months to find this job ... I dont relish searching and being new all over again from scratch... but, if I have to , better get started. Right now I'm so tired when I come home. And on the weekends I have a 2nd job. I have to gather strength to apply for things. Ugh its horrible.  Pray for me.

41 minutes ago, deusluxmea said:

I am so sorry you are having a bad time, and goodness, I have so been there. You are evidently a very clever and resilient person. Taking a while to  get the ins and outs of the job is by no means any indication of your competence, it may however indicate that it is not just the right fit for your gifts. And boy, does the shame hurt! I feel for you and hope you are able to get through the next chapter either in this role or in a better situation.  As Albert Einstein said: “If You Judge a Fish by Its Ability to Climb a Tree, It Will Live Its Whole Life Believing that It is Stupid.” Be exceedingly kind to yourself. 

I love that fish quote. A favorite among teachers. Thank you. Please pray for me.

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Lilllabettt
On 2/13/2019 at 1:01 AM, deusluxmea said:

just seeing how you are today...

Yesterday was a bit better ... my boss came to work happy and said "I'm over it". I said, what? And she said "the bad weather, feeling down." So maybe she was having a bad few days and took it out on me. It was clear she wanted me to be "over it" as well ... but I'm not. Nothing has changed but her mood, for the moment. I'm sitting on my train with that awful dread. At least I'm not a kid going to a school I hate ... I'm a grown up! I can get up and leave if i want!

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Ice_nine

This might not be helpful, but if you can put in for some vacation time or something, or just take a few days off, but don't travel, just chill. Staycation they call it.

 

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Lilllabettt
3 hours ago, Ice_nine said:

This might not be helpful, but if you can put in for some vacation time or something, or just take a few days off, but don't travel, just chill. Staycation they call it.

 

Staycations all I ever wanted...

Sad to day i dont have pto built up. What little I have is spent going to court to deal with this time a homeless man grabbed me and tried to make me kiss him... long story... I spend my time off looking at line ups basically.  What a life. 

I'm thinking about going back to school.  My husband might be able to transfer his gi benefits to me.

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